The Circumstances of Curiosity
by Ninjela
Summary: Penny is introduced to a new friend, Cera: an eccentric with secrets. As Cera's secrets are uncovered, everyone will have to adjust. When the group discovers she isn't a stranger, how will this change the group? Who changes the most? Goes off cannon in season 4. I do not own The Big Bang Theory or any of its characters. Epilogue now up. *Complete*
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Some cannon events will flow along with my story, but the plot departs from the world created by Lorre/Prady sometime in the middle of season 4.

I have to confess, I have not watched the show in two seasons, so no spoilers from me ;).

I don't own The Big Bang Theory

Chapter 1

Cera couldn't believe she was actually booking train tickets. Cross country train tickets. One way. She started braiding a few of the front strands of her waist length, dark blond hair, as she usually did when she was nervous. When had things to come to this?

Three weeks ago she had a career that she had been working towards since she was 15, she was dating a nice guy who was getting serious, and she imagined a future. Now her career had suffered a great blow-at the hands of her now ex-boyfriend and she had no one to lean on. Her brother had moved out of state almost 5 years ago, her mom's brothers and sisters were local, but they all had their own kids, grandkids and lives. While she did own her own home and car, those things just seemed hollow and empty.

If she left now she could be settled in for the holiday and not be so alone. Even if her parents were out of the country, her brothers were there. She hoped moving home was the answer, it had worked out for her brothers when they had moved home. Of course moving to California was just a good career move for both of them. For her, it could very well be a big headache or heart ache. Probably both, but she needed to be away from here and she had to finally deal with that. But her biggest concern was, how was Merritt going to take this?

* * *

Penny was just wrapping up on another grueling day on that Cheesecake Factory when she noticed a certain former child actor at bar. "Whatsup Wheaton?" she said with a biting tone, still irritated at him for his hand in the break up with Leonard back in April.

"Now, now Penny, can't a guy stop into his favorite cheesecake restaurant and have a drink? Look, I know you have no reason to trust me, and you totally shouldn't. I was trying to throw off your game. And I succeeded." He grinned, "I just didn't think it would go down quiet like that…But I do think you are better off. I'm actually here to offer you an olive branch and…help a friend.

"I have a friend who's sort of new in town, she knows music and performance art and could give you a few pointers that could really help you out with timing and delivery at auditions and open up some different, more musical roles for you. She's not a musician by trade, but she's brilliant." Wil handed Penny a phone number.

"Huh? I don't think I really need-." Penny started.

"Look, she hasn't been back in California long, so I'm sure she'd like some company. Just remember her name is Cera with a 'K', not Sera with a 'S' otherwise you'll learn more about Welsh mythology than you want." said Wil pointing to the slip where the spelling and the sound didn't quite match.

"Oh goody, another know it all." huffed Penny

"She's not like that-she's just...particular...about her name, just like most people-Penelope." smirked Wil Wheaton.

"O-k, Cera with a 'k'. I guess it can't hurt."

* * *

Surprisingly the move had gone well. Of course Cera had insured that during the trip Merritt was constantly surrounded by the familiar and in situations that were as favorable as possible. The effort seemed to have been superfluous because Merritt proved, not only was she a trooper, but that she had the resilience to turn change and chaos into an adventure. If only Cera could follow suit and find something to do to settle into this new phase of life. The holidays had even been enjoyable and she was now settling into a New Year.

Cera hung up the phone wondering what she had agreed to, and why Wil thought it was a good idea. She wasn't sure what she had to offer the out of work actress. Sure she knew music, both classic and contemporary, but she wasn't a teacher and she wanted nothing to do with Hollywood or the music industry.

She had never used her musical ability professionally before, but since she was given a gift she should share it with others. At least that is what Wil had said when he suggested this. He knew her mother always insisted her children were gifted and gifts were meant to be shared. "You were given such wonderful and unique enhancements, Ceridwen, such bequest were meant to help and inspire others." her momma would say. Damn Wil for using that against her. The other motivating factor in agreeing was she felt lonely and detached since moving and getting settled in Santa Monica. Her days had been a string of resumes, interviews, and relearning her way around. Each day did come with a highlight though, lots of time with Merritt.

Four days later Cera and met with Penny in a Starbucks in Pasadena. She arrived early so that she wouldn't be late. Seems she wasn't capable of being on time, she was either early, or late. Seven minutes late to be exact, almost always. She knew because at one point in her past someone timed and informed her of that fact. What kinda of person times another's lateness?

As the time to meet Penny approached and then passed Cera begin to feel self-conscious. Should she have dressed up? Was the cut off denim skirt with the rough stitch organza flair too hippie? Surely there was nothing objectionable about a lavender V neck t-shirt (even if it did say 'Truly Outrageous' and have a Jem star across the front.) The ankle boots were a must, if she had to wear shoes, there need to be a benefit and at 5'3", extra height was a big plus.

Cera felt herself get agitated so she reached for and applied a small amount of the lime hand sanitizer. With that simple grounding action she relaxed and remembered it didn't matter was others thought, she was Ceridwin the Enchantress, and unapologetically so. Gone are the days of being something she is not.

Cera felt Penny give her the once over as she was approached by Penny after spotting her guitar. She seemed to have met with approval since Penny smiled and sat at the table making herself comfortable.

"Hey, I'm Penny, we spoke on the phone. I wasn't sure what to expect." Penny said as she shook Cera's hand.

"I'm Cera, having no expectations of such things may be to your benefit-you can only be surprised. I've never shared my gift professionally before. I do hope it's helpful." she said trying to subtly apply more hand sanitizer before sipping her cinnamon tea.

"Germaphobe?" Penny questioned pointing at her sanitizer before starting again, "I'm sure it can't hurt. We'll just figure it out together. So how do you know Wil?"

Cera smiled at the question, glad to talk about something she did know and was comfortable with-her friend. "Oh, this?" Cera gestured to her sanitizer. "Uh, no, it's to protect others. Wil and I have known each other for quiet sometime. He's been good friends with my older brothers since childhood." She said airily with a thoughtful grin.

As the seconds turned into a minute without anything else said, Cera realized Penny expected her to elaborate more. She wouldn't though, she felt like her personal information was precious pieces of herself and didn't hand it out to just anyone. Only close personal friend got details, even then there were things she held back. Perhaps if and when Penny was a trusted friend would Cera offer her details.

"So, Wil said you were a local. You don't sound local." Penny stated after two minutes of silence.

Cera knew Penny had picked up on the bit southern drawl she carried, not that she tried to hide it anymore. She considered how to answer this. It wasn't a hard question, it just had, many answers. The best answer was the simplest.

"My parents aren't locals... I was born elsewhere and spent a bit of time with relatives everywhere else. My childhood home is not far though." Cera said evasively. She was good at giving ambiguous answers. She spent a lot of time protecting herself from others.

"Well, I like it, it sounds homey." Said Penny smiling, after a time trying to curb the awkward meeting with kindness. After that the two fell into a cautious dialogue, developing a sense of each other's strengths and weaknesses for this endeavor.

* * *

Penny and Cera had been working together fairly well for the last six weeks. They met twice a week to study pitch, tone, voice projection and timing. Penny often invited Cera out for drinks or to meet her friends, but she always declined stating she didn't drink and that she had a busy evening ahead. Cera knew Penny had noticed her strange aloofness, but the behavior couldn't be helped. She always felt nervous with new people so she was especially reserved and gave simple answers, answers so simple they bordered on confusing…and odd. Cera wanted to break the awkwardness so she decided to bring Penny into a setting that was more a comfortable and natural for her.

Recently she invited Penny to see her 'jam with the band.' A group that consisted of Cera, her brother Braden, his wife Bet, her foster brother Elliott and his wife Tara. They covered a lot of classic rock music Heart, Fleetwood Mac, Jefferson Airplane, Jimmy Buffett, and Toll Bridge. They even included a few pieces of original work. This display of comfort and confidence helped Cera open up to Penny some and began some non-music-mentor conversations. Cera confesses that even though she was barefooted most of the time, she loved shoes as much as Penny, especially heels.

"I want you to meet my neighbors. I want them to see that I have just as much drive for my career as they do for theirs, ya know. They are under the impression that you are a hack and just 'Using your limited knowledge of the musical arts to increase your financial portfolio through my naivety .'" Penney said as they left the third shoe store that afternoon. "It's so funny that you've bought two pairs of shoes and once we get back in the car you will take your shoes off and go barefooted for the rest of the day."

"Occasionally, others prefer I wear shoes, so when I must, my feet are a medium of expression…Hmmm, their doubt and negativity bother you. Why are you concerned with the view of those who share a hallway with you?" Cera asked spacily as they exited the mall pulling off her shoes as she walked.

"Oh, they are good friends, well I did used to date one of them, Leonard. He was a pretty nice guy. And the other one is just…well…crazy. But they are both sooo smart, like, they really are geniuses, literally…or is that figuratively…anyway –Leonard's into music too-he plays the…cello, sometimes." Penny said getting into the car.

"Hmmm, They sound…interesting." Cera said dreamily "I like meeting new people, but only if they're interesting." After a beat Cera added "Honey, you can only thrive if you are being true to yourself-perhaps you are blooming in artificial sunlight." Penny shook her head at the cryptic statement and then remained silent for the rest of the ride to apartment.

As the duo climbed the stairs, Penny invited Cera over to the guys' apartment to meet the guys and have a drink, since her apartment was devoid of anything but tap water and even that would require a clean glass that she didn't have.

Penny opened the door as Cera took in the surroundings "The guys should be in any minute." As she noticed all of the comics and sci-fi paraphernalia her eyes zoomed in on the whiteboard across the room.

"Wow." breathed Cera. "Is that Leonard's work?" asked Cera warily accepting a bottle of water from Penny and approaching the board. She didn't like drinking out of plastic because of the chemical leeching, but she didn't want to be rude.

"No that belongs to his wack-a-doodle roommate. He's one of those beautiful mind genius guys." Penny explained as she turned to see Leonard coming in the door.

"Mmmm, intriguing, I wouldn't mind taking it out and playing with it. Utterly elegant." Cera admired.

"Hi, I'm Leonard. You know string theory?" Leonard introduced himself as he pointed to an equation curiously.

"Not string theory exactly, but I am…acquainted with physics."

"You are correct in your observation," came a voice from behind them, "both math and string theory are often referred to as elegant. In fact it was Bertrand Russell who said 'Mathematics, rightly viewed, possesses not only truth, but supreme beauty.'" Sheldon explained coming behind Leonard.

"This is Sheldon, Leonard's roommate." Penny said gesturing to Sheldon, who was now standing a safe, germ free distance behind Cera, who was still staring at the board.

"Dr. Sheldon Cooper more precisely, I have a two doctorates and a master's degree." stated Sheldon smugly.

At this statement Cera whirled around to face him looking up at him for the first time. "Shel-Sheldon Cooper?" she whispered, her face going pale. She dropped her water bottle and fled the apartment.

The trio stared at the open door for a moment before Sheldon asked, "Penny, who was that woman and why did you let her in my apartment without proper footwear?"

Cera didn't stop running until she was in her car.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you nertooold54 for the review. Thank you, to those that are following. And thank you to anyone who was brave enough to take a chance and just read (I know a lot people back away when an OC is mentioned.)**

**This story has a complete outline and is already written through chapter 10. It is my hope to stay several chapters ahead of readers. Weekly posting won't always be possible, but I hope to never leave the story for long ;).**

**Don't own or make any money off of The Big Bang Theory.**

Chapter 2

Cera rushed down Los Robles towards the highway, her knuckles white on the steering wheel. She felt faint and nauseated. She had too much going to have to deal with this right now. She'd be angry at Wil, feeling he'd intentionally set her up, but he didn't _know_-nobody _knew_.

She was still shaking as she tried her best to keep her voice steady as she entered the house.

"Merritt, I'm home." She called as she walked through the garage door. She imagined no one could hear her anyway, this house was just too big. As soon as she found work she would be able to move out of her childhood home. Perhaps a nice apartment, something cozy, just for her and Merritt.

As she walked from the rec room through the main kitchen to the dining hall, she called again, "Hey darlin', have you been good for Connie?"

"Yes, momma, we're up here." She heard from the stairwell.

"Are you watching Despicable Me, again? I hope this means your homework is done." She asked as she entered the theater room, gazing at her dark haired daughter, but not wanting to look her in the eye. She turned to the housekeeper cum babysitter for confirmation.

"Oh, she was just precious, and she finished her homework in record time-I dare say she is as smart as you and your brothers' were." beamed a proud Connie. Cera was happy to share Merritt with Connie, who had been an integral part of Cera's life since her parents had hired her when she was only nine.

"Momma, I need some minions. Anyone that wants to accomplish anything needs laborers to handle the grunt work while they do the important stuff. My homework could been done faster and my room would be clean and they could even take my piano lessons for me..." Merritt babbled on over top of Connie's description of the afternoon events.

"Merritt Lise, it's rude to talk over others, be aware of people and situations around you. So, what would you be doing with your time if all your tasks were done for you?" Cera asked looking her daughter in her baby blues for the first since entering the room.

Merritt cocked an eyebrow and replied with a smirk, "Thinking...planning...you just never know."

Cera found there was no other way to respond than just to laugh. She laughed until she had tears in her eyes and was sure anyone watching would think she was crazy. A crazy that no amount of testing would disprove.

* * *

Sheldon laid awake well into the night. He had felt unsettled all evening. He had a headache. And his stomach was rolling. And he was experiencing a tightness in his chest. He was coming down with something, he just knew it. If his symptoms persisted he would call a physician first thing in the morning. If they increased he was going make Leonard take him to the emergency room. Of course Leonard would be forced to comply according to the roommate agreement, even if it was 12:57 AM.

He had tried to carry on with his normal routine and pretend he wasn't agitated. Holding a conversation with Amy over Skype even proved to be difficult. She, being the brilliant woman she was, noticed his preoccupation and questioned his inability to keep up with a simple game of counterfactuals. He began to bring up the odd woman in his apartment and he had a full rant about her lack of proper footwear that _someone_ needed to hear, but he found himself reluctant to disclose that event to her or how it deeply and personally disturbed he now felt.

This whole ludicrous situation was to be contributed to Penny, of course, for bringing in the barefoot, long haired hippie. There was no telling how many pathogens and contaminates she had brought into his apartment. Penny was getting a strike for this. They both were getting a strike for this. Not that he thought the blonde hippie, whose name he now knew to be Cera with a 'K', would return.

Points were given for bearing the name of Supergirl, however the misspelling was unforgivable. Only a hippie could come with a farcical name such as Kara spelled with a 'C'. Great, now he was experiencing heart palpitations. She must have carried in something fatal. Probably on her bare feet or in all of that long blond hair. Probably both. But it was definitely not due to the fact that her shocked, hurt gaze reminded him of…_that_. Even now it shouldn't enter his mind because he had already allowed it to cause too much disruption and wasted too much of his time.

He finally fell asleep thinking of bare feet and a reminder of a conversation long ago.

"_You're going out like that? You don't have on sufficient footwear." Sheldon questioned._

_ "I'm just going to the mail box." she replied_

"_But you are barefooted." Pointed out Sheldon as she opened the door._

_ "Yes, because I don't like being constricted. It has been documented that shoes can cause foot misalignment." She smirked stepping out. "Besides, I have cute feet and like showing them off."_

_ Sheldon grimaced at this obviously poor and unsanitary decision. She did have a point though, her feet were dainty and attractively adorned with whimsical pastel polish and a ring that contradicted the rest of her button up, professional appearance._

* * *

Cera settled into bed in tears after hours of holding herself together. She wasn't completely surprised because she knew that he was in the LA area. She had been keeping track for years, knowing she needed to confront him at some point. Sheldon had actually been part of the reason she had moved here. She_ had_ to deal with this. Her conscience insisted, as did her family, who were upset by her secrets.

Sheldon had made keeping up with him easy by being so notable in his field. It also helped that since he hated change, he hadn't moved once, since he left Texas. She had even called the university about 18 months ago, again, in the hopes of a resolution, but he was away on field work and didn't call back upon his return. A lot had changed in the sixteen years since she had first met Sheldon, but to see him in what was apparently his natural setting, it appeared as though nothing had.

It had been several lonely days for Cera immediately following the incident. In that time Cera had a successful interview and accepted a new position. She was thankful the unfounded allegations from Jeff, the ex-boyfriend who worked in the collaborating department at her previous position, hadn't had an impact. It had been over a week since Cera had spoken to Penny. She played an intentional game of phone and text tag with Penny, and she also rescheduled lessons and cancelled friendly outings. She didn't want to shut Penny out, but she knew Penny would have questions she wasn't ready to answer. She also knew she needed to get her emotions together and have a plan before talking to Sheldon.

She was finally able to calm down and apply some logic to the situation a week later. She called on the reasoning and peace she had found in the last decade and remembered that he was right and she too held some of the blame even if he wasn't aware of it. Perhaps if she just eased her way around him through Penny it would not feel like he was being hit over the head. With a sledgehammer. A big one. Maybe he would even remember that he liked her once, not that she had given him a concrete reason to before.

* * *

Sheldon had spent several day trying to get a hold of his thoughts concerning the events of that afternoon. This led to Sheldon not achieving adequate REM sleep, not having regularly scheduled bowel movements, and being horribly distracted during both work and play. Even his friends and treasured acquaintance begin to notice.

"Dude, what's up with Sheldon? He seems kind of out of it. He sent me out on two breaks today. I never get breaks. Usually I have to beg to pee." Said Raj as he sat down for lunch.

"He's been off for days. Maybe he's upset because Priya's back. You know how Sheldon gets when Leonard's getting some." guessed Howard.

"Hey!" whined Leonard as an indignant Raj yelled "Dude, That's my sister."

"Where is Sheldon anyway?" asked Howard.

"He said 'the time wasted on such a distraction was intolerable and _I_ must rectify the situation.' You don't think he's going to do something to my sister do you?" Replied Raj, suddenly alarmed.

"Come on this Sheldon, if he was plotting something like that, he'd get Leonard, too." Howard shot back.

"Ha, Ha guys. I don't know what it is, but he's definitely stepped up the crazy," replied Leonard, finishing off his diet Cola.

Sheldon finally had some time alone in his office and he was going to figure this out. Scrawling several encrypted equations across his board he began his analysis of what he knew. The equations were comparisons between two women. On the left was one he had thought he knew well-a smart, brunette in glasses; she wore her hair short in what she called a pixie cut and dressed in sophisticated business suits. On the right was the blond hippie- with no shoes.

He had very little data on Cera, so there wasn't much to record. Just a few hard facts-first name, knowledge of physics, appearance, look on her face before she fled. It was the look on her face that had him perplexed. On the left, on the side that Americans start writing, on the side he wrote _first,_ was _her_ and he could hardly bear to think of _her_, let alone write much. Name, he knew what it was, no need to write it; appearance, once again no need to write it. There really weren't any similarities. The only connection his mind needing to replay the scared, hurt look on her face. That's what had him so concerned.

Typically, Sheldon didn't understand or care for the expressions of others, though the look on her face, was haunting and called forward a memory long suppressed, yet etched on his eidetic memory.

* * *

"Hey Wil, what's up?" answered Cera breathing hard from running for the phone.

"Not much, just calling to see how things are going. Can't I call on the little sister I never had? How are your lessons with Penny?"

"Wil, you _have_ a younger sister…things with Penny are…fine. Why do you ask?" answered a suspicious Cera.

"Yea, I have sister, but it's _not_ you so, you are the sister I _never_ had." Explained Wil laughing. "Sooo, if things are just _fine_ I take it you've met them." he said through a chuckle.

"Who?" Cera was pretty sure she knew the answer before she asked.

"Penny's…friends?" Cera could tell Wil was holding in laughter as he spoke.

"And, why do you care if I meet her…friends?"

"Oh, they're crazy...and brilliant...they just seemed like your type of people."

"Crazy and brilliant-that seems like my type of people? I really wouldn't call myself brilliant and the crazy, well, that's just to keep me from going insane."

"Well_, I do_ think you're brilliant. 'Cuz you're killer on guitar and I know when you graduated high school. And I really don't think you're crazy just…an individualist."

Cera laughed at him, "What a diplomatic answer! Individualist." She giggled more. "And I didn't graduate high school, I just…finished learning…at that level."

"See, its stuff like that that makes me think you'd have something in common with them. The guys anyway, I don't know that many of her friends."

"Well, I met _the guys_ briefly a few days ago. All I know of Leonard is what Penny tells me. I don't know if she loves him, hates him, or is suffering from delusions of loneliness. And Sheldon…well…" she couldn't say any more than that.

"Yea well Leonard's…alright. And Sheldon thinks I'm evil incarnate. I'm even on his enemies list." He laughed.

"Oh honey, what did you do?" Cera laughed as Wil explained his interactions with Sheldon, Penny, Leonard and the remaindered of the group that Wil had led her to.

* * *

Ten days after Cera's run in with Sheldon, Cera finally answered a call from Penny.

"Hey ya, this is Penny. I haven't talked to you in a while. Are you ok?"

"No, no- I mean yea, I'm ok. Just busy." Cera answer quickly trying to get past the uncomfortable part of the conversation.

"You just seemed kind of, I don't know, shaken up when you ran out the other day. Sheldon usually has that effect on others, but most of the time he has gotten in a few more sentences. Do you know him?" Penny asked trying figure out Cera's absence and odd behavior.

Cera was dismayed hearing a friend of Sheldon speak of him that way. She knew he was intense and brusque, and had always admired that about him, but he wasn't malicious. The only truly mean things he had ever said was what unraveled it all. So she didn't really think he deserved such a jab at his person. Then again, she didn't really know him, not now.

"Dr. Cooper is known by many….." "Something…had just occurred to me and I had to handle it, it…it was urgent." Cera stammered out a vague answer, hoping that was answer enough.

"Oh, uh, ok." Penny said sounding as though she was unsure how to interpret the answer she was given. "So I was hoping you would come by sometime in the next few days. I have an audition! It's just a commercial, but I get to do some humming. You could help with humming, you know help me get the right key, that's musical, right?"

"Uhhh, _humming,_ yea, I could help. If you needed it. But you don't. You just need assurance to know others are hearing what you hear inside, when displaying yourself. Honey, if _you_ aren't certain of _you_, no one is." Cera, hoped that reassured Penny. She felt bad for her. She second guessed herself at things she _should_ be confident in and strode boldly into scenarios she should show _less_ audacity. She did her best to inspire in a warm manner. That was the way momma would have taught her_. 'Ceridwen, if you possess sureness and serenity you should share it.'_ Momma sounded so flaky sometimes, but it never hurt to follow her advice and be kind.

"Thanks, you really think that? So can you come by anyway, I haven't seen you in a while. There is a funky little boutique pretty close, they carry those cute little barefoot sandals you like." Penny begged, excited by the genuine encouragement she had received.

After a heavy sigh and a moment to steel herself Cera agreed to go over to Penny's "Sure, just tell me when."

After Cera hung up with Penny she decided she need a plan. A plan that worked on gaining the favor of Sheldon. It would need to be subtle, but it needed to get his attention. So her decisions and actions needed to be clever. She really didn't want him angry or indifferent. She wouldn't treat him like a stranger, because that would be a lie, but she didn't want to overwhelm him with familiarity. She also couldn't be who she _had_ been with him, because _that_ would be a lie now, too.

She need to be natural, do nothing special, and go with the flow. When the opportunity presented itself she would reintroduce herself and ask for some of his time. This did not seem like much of a plan to Cera, how like her to spend all of her time thinking and planning and come up with a plan that felt like winging it. This either worked or, or she needed to call her lawyer. She really didn't want this to become that sort of issue. Because really, Merritt is _not_ an issue at all. She is a person, not paperwork.

She didn't think Sheldon had recognized her. Not that he should have. She was a far cry from what she was. She wasn't the same person any more. That was possibly for the best. Sheldon could meet Cera, as her true self, not the stripped down hollow version she presented the world for years.

Cera reflected on the first time she had met Sheldon Cooper. He was between college and grad school giving lectures in Germany. He had just received his first doctorate. She would never have met him if hadn't been for Braden. The time leading up to that had been so hard on her older brother that she gave in when he came up with the 'educational field trip.'

_Cera was dressed in black, her strait hair dyed black, black nail polish, and round blue sunglasses she rarely took off. She lived somewhere between grief and grunge these days. It had been the strangest four and half month of Cera's sixteen years. Strange in a way where nothing was normal, she wasn't sure anything ever could be again. For now the family was pretending hopping from city to city all over Europe was normal. Usually when their parents were out of the country the kids stayed with relatives in either North Carolina or Alabama. They had travelled internationally before, but it was different this time. This time an emptiness traveled where ever they did._

_Cera and Braden had lost a semester of school over this, this loss. But losing school wasn't the real loss. They had lost a sibling, a brother. But that was just the tip of it for Braden. Braden had lost his Galen, his twin. They were identical. And in so many ways they were the same, but at the same time being so different. They joked around and called each other their copy while play arguing who was the original. Now the gigantic force that was her big brothers was a solo guy who was floundering._

_It had been a relatively minor accident, they were in town so the speed of both vehicles were traveling fairly slow. All of the kids were in the car; Galen, Braden and Cera-even Elliott was with them. Elliott was Galen's best friend and not really blood, but they always joked he'd been in the family longer than Cera. _

_The car was T-boned, right where Galen was sitting in the driver's seat. There were no broken bones, just many abrasions and minor head trauma for each. Each spent the night in the hospital, Galen had to stay two nights since he bore the brunt on the impact. Unfortunately, the combination of drugs given to Galen reacted badly in his body. The side effects came on to quickly and he was not able to be spared. _

_As bad as Cera hurt she knew the pain must be multiplied for her mother who lost the child she had carried, for her father who lost his son, and for her brother that lost his other half. So she steeled herself and did what she could to help her family. Even it meant giving to any trivial activity that gave peace, joy or just plain old distracted them. _

_So Cera had spent the last few months traveling Europe, because their parents couldn't bear to part from them. She was also catering to Braden's whims, even if that was making their European tour a big educational field trip. It couldn't hurt to go with him and advance herself right along with him. Though they needed the semester off to heal, advancements toward knowledge and graduating did not take a break._

"_Since mom and dad are going to be in Frankfurt for almost a week, I think I want to ride down to Heidelberg for a day." Braden said as the strolled down the hall away from their hotel room._

"_Why would you want to do that? You really think Momma's gonna let us go-Ohhh, I don't know how far away, after, after everything?" asked Cera._

"_Cera, I've got it handled. Heidelberg is an hour from here. I talked to momma and daddy several weeks ago, they said it was ok. There is a physics symposium I want to attend, mom and I have conferenced with my advisor at Duke, I can audit the lecture and they will give me a science credit if I present a full report to Dr. Bass when I go back. If you call and confirm I'm sure that you can get some credit for this too, it's very cutting edge stuff. There are five speakers so it probably going to be several hours" Braden explained smugly, he really was on top of something for the first time in months._

"_I told you its Liv now, I'm tired of Cera, Ceridwen, no one can say or spell it right. Besides…I'm not the same anymore." Cera mumbled the last sentence more to herself feeling uncomfortable with the direction this conversation was taking. "So this Heidelberg trip, this was just you telling me you were going, huh? Can I go too? I don't want to stay here by myself with Connie." She said quickly changing the subject._

"_OK, O'LIV'ia you actually think changing your name is going to make you feel better?" After a beat Braden added "You can always stay and study so you aren't so far behind from missing this semester. But really, Mom and Dad already said you could go if I watched out for you. Arrangements have been made for you as well. School is being very accommodating right now, after the holidays though, we're back into it with both feet."_

"_Wow you are on it. So, what's it about? Is it in English or do I need to recall what little I remember from Opa's German?"_

_Cera, was glad to learn the lectures were in English. She didn't think she could deal with hours of monotonous German, even if she could understand. She wasn't as excited about the ride to get there. Braden and Cera's mother certainly was not letting them drive or ride with an unauthorized stranger so the trip was going to be by train. Much to her surprise Cera ended up enjoying the hour long train trip, even if they did have to change trains in Mannheim. _

_The small lecture hall was surprising to Cera. There probably wasn't even forty people here. This definitely wasn't the Festhall back in Frankfurt. She felt self-conscious for both her and Braden. They were the only teenagers in the room and many of the others looked like they could be their grandparents._

_Cera was even more surprised when one of the speakers came to the podium to speak. He couldn't be any older than her! He looked nervous, and uncomfortable in his suit and tie. And when he open his mouth to speak she immediately picked up a district twang informing her that he was an American. A southern American. _

_Afterwards Braden wanted to approach the keynote speaker. He was hoping for a few pointers on breaking into physics at a young age. This is how Cera came to be standing in front of this skinny Texan who was only a little taller than her. He was gangly, awkward and already taking off his tie, but he did have pretty eyes, Cera noticed._

"_Hello, I'm Braden Tollman and this is my sister-" Braden introduced himself and stuck his hand out for a shake. "LIV, Liv Tollman." Cera called out before Braden introduced her by a name she did not want to be called. She noticed Sheldon never offered to shake his hand, but stared at it in affronted manner. _

"_Any relation to Richard Tolman the physicist who was a leader in statistical mechanics. The dean of California Institute of Technology from 1935-1946?"_

"_As interesting as that would be, no, we're not, different spelling." replied Braden._

_They fell into an easy conversation about Sheldon's groundbreaking work and how inspiring it had been to Braden. Cera hadn't seen Braden look this at ease in months so she remained quiet interjecting questions or comments on occasion, just to remind them she was there. They agreed to walk a few blocks from campus to a nearby café to extend their conversation._

_It was good for Braden to speak to someone who didn't know of their tragedy. Neither would ever admit it but the constant looks of sympathy, the 'how are you holding up's, and the pats on the shoulders were making them feel worse, not better. So to have a conversation that didn't revolve around pity, felt good._

_Sheldon had been a little surprised by the presence of this guy's sister. She seemed oddly out of place-all black and flannel, not like someone that would care to hang out with a sibling or at a physics lecture. His own sister, Missy, would never have attended such a thing with him, she wouldn't have the understanding of the topic as well as this girl, or the patience to sit through it. Missy certainly would not want to 'hang out' with him. Though he didn't think the girl was a genius, definitely not like him, she did occasionally offer on point questions that he was sure exceeded her age, even if her frequent checking of her watch indicated boredom._

_ "Do the mysteries of the universe bore you?" Sheldon was accustom to his peers being disinterested in his life's passion so he really wasn't surprised. "I supposed you would be better suited to discussing the guitar riffs of Pearl Jam."_

"_Why would I want to do that?" asked Cera looking bewildered._

_ "Typically when one purchases an article of clothing emblazoned with the effigies of an element or person it is an indication of fanaticism. Perhaps that's a level of conversation you are more comfortable with." Sheldon asked, not in a rude manner but merely curious what would interest someone who held some understanding, but chose not to tap into his fount of information._

_ "And sometimes a shirt is just a shirt- the band, they're alright, you're a fan?" Cera wondered why he was concerned for her interest…and her shirt._

_ "No, no my older brother, George Jr., I recall him listening to them. Your actions indicate your disinterest even if your line of questions indicate advance knowledge for a typical girl of our age." _

_ "Oh, um…" She murmured standing as if to leave. She didn't want to discuss not being typical, Pearl Jam, or physics any longer._

_In Cera's 'display of disinterest' she had actually been wondering about the teenage Physicist. It must have been lonely to be in another country alone, to have a mind beyond those that surround you. She wondered about his family, he had at least an older brother. Does he miss them? Do they miss him? Was this all his life consisted of?_

_"This can't be all you do-what's fun to you?" Cera suddenly blurted out._

_"Do you not find the cutting edge discoveries of the universe entertaining?" Sheldon asked incredulously._

_ "I most certainly do, however, some days need to be more outstanding. And to stand out-you need to do something out of the ordinary." Said Cera hopping up enthusiastically._

_ "Well there is a comic book store I frequent, not far from the University. I typically go on Thursday, when they receive their new shipment."_

_ "Well great! Let's go do that." Cera said pulling on her brother trying to sway him to the trip as well._

_ "I was just there on Thursday, today is Monday. Except for any comic swaps, I doubt they have any new comic books, especially in English."_

"_Well you'll be with us this time so it will seem new."_

_ "I can't see how the presence of others will change my reaction to things I've already seen." replied Sheldon quizzically._

_ "The offer was more about company that comics. Something to break through all this foreign-ness. Just a couple of kids hanging out in comic book store, that sounds-homey." Cera pushed._

"_Oh, like comrades? Well why you didn't just say that. It does sound reminiscent of home, though I never did have comrades accompany me then either." replied Sheldon_

"_Well then, Whada ya say?" Cera trying to get something out of him._

"_I suppose. What's life without a little whimsy?" replied Sheldon, giving in to this odd girl, but it was only because of the promise of comic books._

_ The trio were light hearted three hours later as the exited the comic book store. They had discussed many things, both light hearted and serious. The guys both had a love for comics with many of their interest overlapping. Sheldon was surprised by Cera's knowledge on comics. Even if most of it was learned from her brother, and predominantly revolved around Marvel. She genuinely liked X-Men in her own right, as well as the cartoon they had begun airing a few years earlier, despite its obvious deviation from cannon. Sheldon spoke on his quest for the Nobel Prize. Sheldon encouraged Braden's pursuit of physics. Cera asked about Sheldon's family and he had little to say on the matter other than, he missed MeeMaw. _

_ "As this has been an impromptu meeting and I have other things to do, I think it is time we part ways." Sheldon said._

"_We need to catch the train back soon anyhow. It was good to meet you." Braden stated._

_ "It was surprisingly fun, so I suppose it was good to meet the two of you as well." stated Sheldon as he turned to leave._

"_Sheldon wait," called Cera. "Would you, could you take a picture with us." She asked shyly._

_ "For what purpose?" Sheldon asked wondering why this girl could possibly want to have a picture taken with him._

"_You know, to remember this." Cera mutter self-consciously._

_ "As I have an eidetic memory, I'm sure I will recall this meeting." Sheldon replied secretly flattered that a girl would want to commemorate meeting him, even if her older brother did push her to meeting him._

_ "Liv takes pictures of everything. She feels the need to capture moments into something concrete and tangible because you never know…" Braden trailed off trying to help his sister out with her query, even if he wasn't certain of her motives._

_ "Yea well, my memory isn't quiet that good so maybe I need it. Besides maybe I want proof that I met a Nobel Prize winner." Cera said with a smirk._

"_Oh well then, of course." Sheldon acquiesced to her request having had his ego stroked._

_ After a few shots had been taken. The group split to go in difference directions yet again and again Cera called out, "Hey Sheldon, do you think I could write you? I could send_ _you one these pictures you don't really need." Cera met many people but due to the constant movement of her family she rarely was able to keep friends very long._

_ "You want to correspond with me through mail?" Sheldon asked curiously. He couldn't fathom why this girl wanted extended contact with him or why part of him thought that was a good idea. "I think that is acceptable."_

_ After exchanging addresses Cera grabbed Sheldon around the waist hugging his stiff, flailing frame tight. "I know you don't like touchy stuff, but you need some affection all the way over here by yourself." She then darted off after Braden, not waiting for Sheldon's rebuke._

_ All Sheldon could do was give a stunned "Huh," as he blushed and wondered if the ambient temperature had risen._

_ "Good Bye Sheldon!" Cera called over her shoulder from half a block away. All Sheldon could do was wave absently and say "Goodbye Liv Tollman."_

Cera tucked the photo back into the small lock box.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews. They are food for a writer's soul.**

**I do not own or make money from The big Bang Theory.**

Chapter 3

Cera and Penny had just returned to Penny's apartment when Leonard and Sheldon exited their apartment, discussing the comics they hoped to find once they arrive at Stuart's store. The guy's eyes immediately landed on the woman twirling in circles, long dark blond hair flying with denim and string flapping all around her

"Oh, hey Penny I…uh…I really need to talk with you. Do you have a minute?" Leonard asked squinting uncertainly through his new contacts.

"I guess." replied Penny stepping into her apartment. Leonard quickly stumbled after leaving Cera and Sheldon alone in the hallway.

"Sooo..." started Cera pulling at the hand sanitizer attached to her purse and holding up her hands in a surrender position towards Sheldon. She surprised herself by performing this once familiar act; that her instincts were still to care for him and make him comfortable.

"I don't care for banal chit chat, so please don't feel the need to fill the air with useless prattle." stated Sheldon very matter of factly.

Cera smiled "I will try not prattle then. I do owe you an apology for…for other day. Perhaps we can start over. Cera." she said gesturing towards herself and sounding more confident than she actually felt. Knowing he wouldn't shake, despite the sanitizer she dipped into a curtsy.

"While it is beneficial that you recognized your rude behavior, what you should be apologizing for is traipsing through my home in your bare feet." exclaimed Sheldon, clearly becoming agitated. He had been in this woman presence for only a minute and she was already throwing him off balance. She actually had the nerve to curtsey at him. Only _she_ ever did such a thing. 'A polite greeting without contact and germ exchange,' _she_ would say.

Knock, knock, knock

"Penny and Leonard,"

Knock, knock, knock,

"Penny and Leonard,"

Knock, knock, knock

"Penny and Leonard,"

"Leonard, we are now 6 minutes behind schedule and the hippie is talking to me." Sheldon shouted eyeing Cera warily.

"Just a minute." Came a muffled yet clearly upset shout from Leonard.

"We're late already. You would think the man couldn't keep up with a schedule." huffed Sheldon.

"Leonard, now is not the time to engage in coitus with Penny as you _are_ in a regretful relationship with Raj's sister Priya, but most importantly we are 7 minutes behind schedule." complained a frustrated Sheldon.

"I could... I could take you, give you a ride." Cera heard herself say. She may feel on edge around Sheldon, but she was always going to try to be nice.

Sheldon gave her the once over feeling apprehensive. She was wearing rugged denim and graphic t-shirt of some kind covered by what appeared to be a large colorful doily. He didn't usually ride with strangers and definitely didn't think he could ride with this one. "Honestly woman, do you think I would get into a motor vehicle with you. I imagine you find it acceptable to drive bare footed, goodness knows what sort of disregard you would give an automobile. If I had not witnessed the fact that you know how to operate sanitizer I would think the inside of your vehicle would be in the same state of disrepair as your clothing." Cera knew he would be particular about accepting a ride from someone, but she wasn't quiet expecting…this. Sure he had always been a bit pompous, and blunt, but never quiet this…condescending that bordered of just flat out mean.

"I'm wearing shoes right now," she said gesturing towards her plaid Converse wedges. Sheldon hadn't noticed her shoes for staring at the rest of her ensemble, including her elfin ear cuffs. "My car is clean, it's new, in fact, as is my driving record. I follow all traffic laws and speed limits. My skirt has frayed edges, by the way, because I like the feel of upcycling where old clothing is reimagined into new clothing. Now, do ya want a ride, or don't you?" Cera had no idea why she was actually offering a ride for the second time. Originally she had thought giving Sheldon a ride would be a great time to have a serious discussion with Sheldon, but now she wasn't sure. Her strength was being lost between nerves and irritation.

Sheldon wondered why she offered such a service. He also pondered why the idea of a ride with her intrigued him. He thought he might accept, despite his rule about riding in strange vehicles with strangers, especially since this woman was, well, strange. Before Sheldon could decide between following his hard and fast rule, or his natural curiosity, Penny's door flew open and an angry Leonard stomped through to his apartment, an equally angry Penny at her own door shouting "YOU can assure _Priya_ that YOU will be staying away from ME!"

Sheldon said as he turned to face Cera, looking for an escape from the impending argument, "Cera, I believe I will take you up on that ride. Do you know the location of the Comic Center, I can program the address into your GPS."

Cera just gaped at the sudden acceptance and then scrambled to catch up to him. They walked down the stairs and settled into Cera's Jeep in silence. By the time Cera had pulled out onto Los Robles she was ready to break the silence, so she turned on the radio. Cera was a ball of nerves, she wasn't sure how to start this conversation. She also was unsure of the silence from Sheldon side of the Jeep, he used to have something interesting to say. The instrumental jazz were the only sounds between them.

"Must we listen to this noise? It's chaotic and lacks the intellectual structure that is classical music." complained Sheldon, turning off the radio. The melodic sounds of piano, bass, and drums were just too familiar and too much for him right now. He needed them to stop. He needed _this_ to stop. Why had he accepted this ride? Why did this woman bother him so?

Cera whipped head towards Sheldon, wide eyed with surprised at the grievance. For a time jazz was all she had listened to in the car or at home and he had never objected to it before. He had been amused that her love of jazz had come from a Peanuts cartoon. While Sheldon had confessed it wasn't his favorite, he had acknowledged it represented creativity and talent. He had always seemed to find it at least tolerable and at times enjoyable. "But it's uhh, its heart and, and imagination…" she stammered out a moment later.

Sheldon gave a snort of derision, but before he could speak Cera interjected, "Has jazz always bothered you or has it done something to offend you recently?"

"I wouldn't say it bothers me, per se, I've never wasted my time giving any thought to it, and it is definitely an improvement over that drivel Penny forces upon me, but I am really in no mood to have such an assault on my ears at this moment." replied Sheldon not wanting the reminder of a hundred other car rides.

Cera was thankful the Comic Center was so close and the ride was little more than five minutes.

* * *

Every eye turned toward Sheldon and Cera as they stepped into The Comic Center. Both newcomers dismissed this and Sheldon stepped away quickly- Cera's presence was becoming increasingly...familiar and uncomfortable.

"Hi, can I help you?" Cera was greeted by Stuart.

"Oh sure. I need twenty-three please." Cera replied in a chirpy voice.

"Uh, twenty-three. Sure, sure. Twenty-three of what?" replied Stuart eager to help, but confused by the statement.

"Hmmm, comic books, silly." answered Cera with a goofy grin taking in all the store had to offer.

She was feeling out of her depth here and the less comfortable she felt in a situation the quieter and stranger she became. Her brother called it the quirky blond defense. She knew she sounded like an eccentric twit most of time, lately. But it couldn't be helped, she was terrified of being herself and being rejected by anybody, for any reason.

"Anything in particular or do you just want the first ones I can grab?" asked Stuart staring at his store's sudden feminine anomaly.

"Yes!? I, I'm looking for the latest of some particular comics for kids under 12. I'd like three Marvel Runaways, three Marvel Adventures: Super Heroes, and Marvel Adventures: Spider Man, three Justice League and two Spider-man Loves Mary Jane. The other eight just give me the latest of anything acceptable to kids under 15." Cera said trying to come up with a list.

"Great, OK, but that's, um, only twenty-two." stumbled out Stuart.

"Oh, and one Amelia Rules!" finished off Cera. While the other twenty-two were for work, this one was for Merritt. Amelia Rules was her favorite.

Howard and Raj strolled in as Cera was completing her order. The duo took in the rare sight of a woman in the Comic Center.

"Leonard called looking for you. He thought we had picked you up." Howard said as he walked towards Sheldon.

"I procured a ride from one of Penny's…acquaintances." Sheldon answered cutting his eyes towards Cera.

"Would that be the lovely flower child that Stuart is chatting up?" Howard questioned eyeballing Cera appreciatively.

"Dude, it must be working because she's buying more than he's probably sold all-eep." Raj became silent as he noticed the woman approach.

Cera turned and saw the group that was now with Sheldon. She was glad to see Sheldon with friends, she wasn't sure he had ever had any besides her, not that he ever gave her that specific title. While she was beginning to feel weary of the strain she felt because of current company she put on her most genuine smile and approached them. She was going to stay positive and happy and spread it as best she could. Otherwise she was going to drown in the darkness this situation was causing her to feel.

"Hello again Sheldon. Thank you for inviting me, I found lots of nice stuff...Are you pleased with your findings? I see you have people to spend your fun time with. Are these your friends?" Cera spoke softly hoping to share her tranquility, thin though it was, and not offend anyone.

"Hmmph, while I am amazed that a person such as yourself is able to enjoy all that the Comic Center has to offer, I didn't invite you. I simply allowed you to drive me here. I have not found anything terribly interesting yet. As for my 'friends' they do have some positive attributes, but frequently I find them dull minded and taxing." mumbled Sheldon.

"You choose to view your friends through a negative lens?" Cera questioned. Though Sheldon was frequently awkward socially and had little experience with friends, she was shocked he would be so unpleasant. "You should choose a happy lens to see your friends. Always choose happy." While Cera agreed with the sentiment of what she said, she can't believe the words that are falling out her mouth. Thinking perhaps changing tactics would sound better she decided to ask for an introduction. "May I meet dull minded and taxing?"

"Cera, this Howard Wolowitz, who has a girlfriend." Sheldon said indicating the brightly dressed guy who was grinning at her lasciviously.

"What it be groovy fox?!" Howard said attempting hippie slang in his most smarmy voice.

"Hello Howard, who has a girlfriend. It be, a groovy day!" replied Cera smiling brightly, mimicking him.

"Tell me about your lovely." requested Cera hoping to shift Howards focus to something more pleasant.

"Oh! Uh, Bernie?! Oh she's great. Beautiful, blonde, brilliant." Howard said with a besotted grin.

"Aww, you're blushing and using alliteration, it's love isn't it?" said Cera noting the sincerity and affection in Howard's eyes as he described his beloved.

"Uh, Yeah." Howard sighed with a shy grin startled by the question.

"Then you would be?" Asked Cera, turning her attention to the Indian in the sweater vest.

"Cera, this is Rajesh Koothrapali. He suffers from the anxiety disorder known as selective mutism when he is confronted with females so he _won't_ be answering any of your questions." stated Sheldon in a superior tone.

"Hi Rajesh." Cera waved and grinned brightly at the other newcomer. Raj merely grinned and nodded.

"Your eyes are quiet expressive. Besides, I bet you hear a lot more." Replied Cera with a soft smile.

Raj just smiled happily at her and nodded sheepishly.

"People don't always need words from knowledge, sometimes they need the wisdom of an ear that listens." Cera said dreamily.

Raj leaned in and whispered to Howard. "Raj says he likes your poncho."

"Thank you, it's made from old t-shirts. I cut them into strips and then knotted into a big web. Like macramé." Cera replied, stretching her wrap out so that the knotting was more obvious.

Howard relayed Raj's reply "He said the colors are becoming on you and that-No, I am not saying that to her. She's friends with Penny and may know how to go Junior Rodeo on our asses too." Howard said turning to speak to Raj instead being a translator. Raj whispered a counter in Howard's ear to which Howard replied "I agree she looks more like lover than a fighter, but do you really want to find out if it's the latter? I'd ask if you were drunk, but if you were, you would be offensive to her in person."

Cera stared at the duo wide eyed for several long beats before she smiled brightly and let out a light, happy laugh. "Ohhh, I needed a good laugh." She said trying to catch her breath. "I bet you say that to all the girls in the comic book store. How can you call that dull?" Cera asked turning towards Sheldon still chuckling. Raj and Howard just shrugged at each other. She choose to treat their awkward coarseness with laughter rather than annoyance, she knew they didn't mean it, and they _were_ funny.

"It's quiet easy when they carry on in this crude manner, ad nauseam. That's also what makes them taxing. However, it's typically Howard who chooses to be lewd." replied Sheldon glaring at Howard and Raj.

"Hmmm. I see what you mean, I suppose…it _could_ be tedious to be flattered like that _too_ often." Cera said softly with a smile stepping closer to Sheldon. "Do you need me to return you?"

"No, I'll ride back home with Leonard, he should be here in short order." Sheldon stammered, backing away from her since she seemed dead set on invading his personal space. Cera noticed Sheldon's retreat, so she stopped and looked him in the eye and gave the odd statement, "Then we will talk soon, make the most of your day and please be happy." Then she turned and disappeared through the front door with her purchases.

"Where did Penny find Luna Lovegood?" Howard asked after Cera left the store.

Sheldon just shrugged noncommittally, too stunned to speak. Leaving a warm tightness in his chest. Wherever Penny found her, he hoped she'd take her back, and soon. She was causing him physical and mental distress.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you for reading. I love the feedback. _Italics_ are flashbacks. Flashbacks are not in chronological order, just as the characters recall them. **

Chapter 4

Saturday evening Cera found herself getting ready for a girls' night in with Penny. She wore her long sleeve T that said **'Vulcan on the streets Klingon in the sheets**' because she liked how the blue of the shirt made her eyes look. The shirt was long, past her bum, so she wrapped a belt around it and paired it with a flared, black and white stripped skirt that ended a few inches above her knees. Since the temperature was still under 65 degrees, Cera decide shoes would be a good idea and went with a pair of strappy denim wedges to give her an extra four inches. She tied her long hair up in a low bun behind her left ear, she just needed a little lip gloss and mascara and she would be good to go.

Cera had hoped, while she was at Penny's, she could catch Sheldon and plan a time to talk. She went over and over what to say in her head. After one last look in the mirror she realized she may have subconsciously dressed for him. Not that he had ever really noticed her appearance; except of course, for the one time he did.

_As the hostess led Sheldon and Cera to their table at Sheldon's preferred steakhouse, Cera could tell something was bothering him. As Sheldon sat down quietly, he stared at her with a ponderous look on his face. After a minute of silence she began to grow anxious._

_ "Sheldon, are you ok? Did something happen in the bathroom?" Cera asked her voice full of concern._

_ "The bathroom?" Sheldon repeated sounding confused. "Oh, the bathroom, no nothing unexpected occurred. It was cleaner than I expected. I only used half my Purell bottle to bring it up to a usable standard this time. I do hate using public restrooms. I shouldn't have indulged in that extra Mountain Dew earlier. Though it hit the spot, as they say, it did come at a price." He finished off his tirade about the bathroom, his eyes never leaving her face._

_ "Then what's the matter? Do I have something on my face?" Cera asked patting her face in concern._

_ "Your, your face, no. There is nothing on your face. Nothing at all." Sheldon said nervously._

_ "Are you sure? Your twitch is going off." Cera asked while checking herself in the back of a spoon, smirking at Sheldon._

_ "No, no. It's just I noticed that, well, when I returned from the restroom I noticed you conversing with a strange gentleman who was…leering at you."_

_ "That's whats wrong with my face? A guy was talking to me? He was just returning my badge. I had dropped it." answered Cera, feeling confused._

"_But he called you 'Olivia.'" Noted Sheldon._

_ "Because my name is on my badge." Explained Cera in a soft tone that belayed her frustration._

_ "Yes, but how was he certain that you were indeed 'Olivia Tollman?'" Sheldon said trying to keep the exasperation out of his voice. He wasn't he even sure why the sight had bothered him so, or the reason why Olivia suddenly looked different._

_ "Have you never seen my badge Sheldon? It, like _most_ badges, has my name _and_ picture on it." Cera explained handing Sheldon the seemingly offensive object for further inspection._

_ "Yes well, I hope you washed it and your hands after it has been on both the floor and in that man's hands. As well as whatever he handed you before we were seated." Sheldon said irritably after returning her badge and applying more hand sanitizer._

_ "Oh, is that was this about, that guy giving me his phone number?" Cera said softly._

_ "Is that what occurred…Hmph, it seems as though lately whenever we go out men are leering at you or making excuses to talk to you. This happens frequently when I'm out with Missy, but I expect better of our outings. Why do you think this is occurring? Is there nothing you can do? I mean Missy is-Oh dear," Sheldon explained in full rant mode until suddenly everything became clear. "You're attractive." Sheldon stated in an unsure tone._

_ "I, uh, I guess, I've, I've been told I was." Cera said suddenly feeling awkward and shy. Why was he saying that? In the four years since she had met Sheldon and the three months since they had started hanging out regularly the only physical attribute of hers that he had ever seem to notice was she was her 'below average stature.' and even then it was for a joke. And she was ok with that. She didn't care if guys looked at her, it wasn't like she _wanted_ them to look at her. And now Sheldon was suddenly noticing her, this was just…weird._

_ "Yes, you are. You hold to western standard of beauty, even if your height is below average, though some men seem not to mind that." Sheldon stated as though he was explaining pi, something simple he was fully knowledgeable of, but bored with._

"_Wha…?" Cera squeaked out not sure how to respond to Sheldon's statement._

_ Mistaking Cera's response for confusion, Sheldon continued to elaborate on her appearance. "The glasses you wear, though they have a heavy frame that give you a distinct 'cat eye' look, it doesn't detract from your eyes."_

_ "My glasses?" Cera questioned touching them as though she thought they might have gone. At this moment a waitress showed to take their order. Cera gracefully ordered a very specific and exact meal, to be prepared with gloves to a particular temperature. After the waitress agreed to the conditions of a meal that was frequently ordered, Cera turned and sweetly asked Sheldon "Would you like the same?" hoping that it would expedite Sheldon's process and keep the waitress in their good graces for the evening._

_ "That sounds acceptable Olivia, I think I will have an identical meal. Prepared the same of course." Sheldon agreed, pleased that his…peer saw the excellence of his preferred meal and its specific preparation._

_ "Though blue eyes are a mutation, they are widely regarded as the more attractive of hues." Sheldon continued, "Mathematically speaking you are fairly proportionate, though your bottom end does seem a bit on the full side. Once again, some men don't mind that, some even prefer it." Sheldon explained and then added, "Or so I hear." with a small twitch. Sheldon didn't know why he was explaining this to her, but like any knowledge he obtained, he felt compelled to share. Even if he did feel uncomfortable admitting he had noticed such things in his…acquaintance._

"_You think my…" Cera started to complain. Was he calling her butt big? While she felt odd about the possibility of Sheldon ogling her, she didn't want him having unflattering thought about her person either. _

_ Sheldon kept on as though he didn't hear her. "I am no expert on clothing, nor do I wish to be, but you seem to pick clothing that is practical and a nice display of your new found expertise while simultaneously being feminine, stylish and quiet colorful. I suppose you always dress in that manner in case you are called in?" Cera looked down quizzically at her purple satin blouse and grey skirt that was accented with silver pinstripes and stopped just above the knee. Her shoes, of course were purple as well, though the heels were not as tall as she would like. _

_ Sheldon continued on, "Your hair, even though, it is nearly as short as mine it still has a feminine look about it. I suppose it is stylish as I've seen other gals with similar cuts. Short dark hair says careful, thoughtful and dedicated to precision. Though you could be more fun, but you might not know it." He finished with a breathy laugh._

_ "What's so funny? What do you mean I could be more fun?" Cera exclaimed getting agitated with Sheldon's dissection of her physical appearance._

_ "Blondes. Blondes have more fun and they are dumb, at least that's the exaggerated common cultural view. That trait is also suspected to be a gene mutation." Sheldon finally concluded his diatribe about Cera's physicalities._

_ After a few moments of silence Cera was finally able to gather her thoughts and speak. "So according to your observation I am a short woman with a big butt who is passably attractive?"_

_ "That is what I said, is it not? Though you have exaggerated some of the facts." Sheldon replied huffily, he did hate repeating himself. And he certainly didn't want to repeat any of this conversation._

_ "So _'you'_ think I'm attractive? How long have you thought so?" Cera questioned slowly and cautiously._

_ Dear Lord, thought Sheldon, this seemed like some of the inane conversations he had with Missy and his momma alike. These questions never seem to have correct answers and ridiculous as they were, were more difficult than physics. "No, well, I mean, yes. I mean- beauty is based on symmetry. Symmetry is a provable mathematical fact and as a man with eyes I can't help but observe said fact, in yourself. As for how long, I just now have come to that conclusion. It seemed prudent to understand the reason for the reaction of men around you at any given time. I first noticed when you coerced me into going to that bar and grill to play billiards a few weeks ago. I have since studied your features and compared them to what I know to be aesthetically pleasing."_

_ "O-K, thank you for…um, noticing, I guess. You are, uh, attractive as well." Cera stammered out. This was odd-he was her buddy. Her boyishly cute buddy, but her buddy none the less. "And you know as well as I do you weren't coerced into anything"_

_ "Oh, is this like gift giving, do we need reciprocate statements that could be perceived as compliments as well? Is the recognition of my attributes just a social nicety in exchange for the recognition of your own?" Sheldon queried confused as to why she would make such a statement. He certainly knew her claim was an exaggeration. He spent his childhood being awkward, clumsy, skinny and having each of those attributes pointed out in varying colorful expressions. Not that he cared one way or another. Girl's attraction to him (a laughable occurrence) or his attraction to them (unnecessary and avoided) were at the bottom of list of things he concerned himself with._

_ "Well, reciprocity is not necessary in giving out compliments, I was just trying to balance out the awkward." Cera said laughing. "I thought you were kinda cute when we first met in Germany. You have amazing blue eyes. The eight inches you've grown in the interim hasn't hurt either." Cera finished, certain she was blushing furiously and able to seem the bloom of Sheldon's embarrassment as well._

_ Both companions were thankful when their meals were delivered and they were delivered from their odd conversation. _

Sheldon never mentioned her appearance again. The memory of that conversation made Cera feel self-conscious, so that she had adorned herself in something she knew he would find eye catching. Assuming of course, he still liked Star Trek.

_Knock, knock, knock, knock_

Cera kicked three pairs of shoes out of the way, trying to dismiss thought of a redundant knock before answering the door. "Braden, Thanks for, uh, picking up Merritt and watching her for the night."

"Bet and I don't mind, really. You know I've always been nuts about her. And Erin loves having her big cousin around." Braden look around as he stepped over the shoes. "It was busy week, huh?"

"That's the perks of being the new hire. I get all the long hours. How did you know?" asked a confused Cera stepping aside quickly so as to not be run over by her seven year old niece, Erin, as she ran to Merritt's bedroom.

"I can tell by the six shoes in front of the door, the three coffee mugs and huge pile of papers on your counter and the basket of folded laundry that didn't get put away by your couch. Oh, and Barbies, lots of Barbies. You only get this way when you have long shifts at work. You know Connie would come help if you asked."

"Maybe I don't want someone cleaning up behind me. I _can_ do it and Merritt's…learning to…pick up. And you know I don't like wearing shoes in the house so the door is where I leave them. I'll put a pair on when I leave and so will Merritt and then there won't be so many shoes."

"God, you are just like mom." Braden said as he laughed, "I sure missed you."

"I know it's great being closer again, isn't it." Cera giggled as she grinned.

"Yea, it is...but you still haven't done what you promised you would when you moved."

"Like what? I don't know what you're talking about." Cera said suddenly looking serious and too innocent.

"Just stop. Playing dumb has never suited you. You know what I'm talking about." His voice lowering to keep their conversation confidential. "Ceridwen, dad and Elliott and I can't continue to be the only men in Merritt's life. It's not fair to us, it's not fair to her."

"Bra-"

"No, I'm not finished. I know you were hurt, you came home a mess and haven't wanted to talk about it since. And I get that, but for God's sake stop punishing Merritt for it."

"I'm n-"

"You are. I know you're not doing it on purpose, but it affects her. You said and I quote "He's out there somewhere." So now that you are here-handle it. It's been four months, you are settled in. No more excuses."

"You don't under-" Cera started.

"I don't know if you are more afraid this guy is gonna reject her or accept her, but you gotta do something while she's still young. Whatever this dude chooses is on him. You can't change it, but you gotta give him a chance, give Merritt a chance. You've got to tell him. "

"I will." Cera said softly and after a beat softly added "I've seen him."

"You have? He's here?" Braden replied incredulously. "As in, around L.A.?"

"Yea."

"I didn't realize you meant 'out there' was _here_. Did you meet him here? I thought you were in Texas then."

"Humph, I met him a looong way from here." She muttered turning to walk to Merritt's room. Now was definitely _not_ the time to get into this. "Merritt, Erin come on, UB is ready to go."

"Yea?!" Replied a bright eyed Merritt as she bounced out of her room.

"Yes ma'am." Stated a stern Cera.

"Yes ma'am…I'm gonna miss you." Merritt gave a corrected reply as she wrapped her arms around her mother's waist.

"I'm gonna miss you too li'l one. Don't let UB talk you into setting fire to anything or playing defibrillator tag." Cera answers back with a chuckle.

"Defribulater Tag?!" questioned Merritt in an excited tone mispronouncing the name of the electrical heart stimulator. Her mom and UB always had the best stories.

"Yea, your Uncle Braden and Uncle Galen thought it would be fun to make Laser tag 'more interactive' so they rewired the sensors to give a shock instead of just vibrating. They just didn't count on me being smaller than them and getting a stronger shock because of it."

"Hey now. That was more than twenty years ago. And I was following Galen's instructions, so it was his fault…But I'm glad you found it so _stimulating_." Braden laughed.

"You are so cheesy! And nice, blaming someone who isn't hear to blame it on you in return." Cera said as she rolled her eyes and laughed.

"Bye, be goooood." replied Braden walking out the door.

"Bye, I love you baby. And Erin. Oh and you're ok too, Braden." said a more relaxed Cera before she shut the door to finish getting ready before dashing out.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thanks for the great response! Things will start clearing up soon.**

**I don't own or make money from The Big Bang Theory**

Chapter 5

Sheldon had just begun his climb on the stairs when she entered the apartment building "Hey, Sheldon!" Cera called, hoping to get his attention.

Sheldon turned slightly and gave her a dismissive "Oh, it's just you."

"Yeah, it's just me. Can you wait up?" Cera said rushing up to catch him before he reached the second flight.

"I'm certain I can, as to whether or not I want to, is another matter entirely." replied Sheldon without slowing down.

"Ok, well, will you please do me the honor of proceeding at a slower pace so I may catch and hold a discussion with you?" Cera said pretentiously, all traces of her drawl disappearing.

Upon hearing Cera speak, Sheldon came to a standstill. He felt prickles across his scalp. Something in that request felt familiar. There was a tone in that simple statement that rubbed up against his memory and he was furiously trying to place it. Sheldon had turned to face Cera as he considered her familiarity, but his thoughts were brought up short. The words **Vulcan on the Streets; Klingon in the Sheets** jolted his thoughts.

"What are you wearing?" Sheldon exclaimed as his thoughts on Cera's voice scattered. "That shirt is both ridiculous and inaccurate."

"Oh, this?" Cera asked, holding the words printed on her shirt out slightly and looking down. Ridiculous and inaccurate wasn't the reaction she was expecting exactly. "Well it is supposed to be whimsical, so I suppose it could be considered ridiculous. But the inaccuracy would only be every seven years during a Vulcan's Pon-Farr, right?"

"Judging by the shirt you are currently wearing and that informed statement you just made am I correct in assuming that you are a fan of Gene Roddenberry's masterpiece, which is Star Trek?" Sheldon queried suddenly interested in this odd female that had surprising 'Trekkie' knowledge. Most of the women he knew were not interested in such a stellar show. But it was possible she wore the shirt as a fashion statement because it made the hue of her eyes all the more blue.

"Well, I wouldn't call myself a super fan or anything, but I have spent time on board the USS Enterprise…through my TV. Sci-fi can be quiet stimulating when done right." Cera said softly, smiling. She felt pleased they connected over this, if for but a moment. She hadn't shared that much with him before. She decide she should take advantage of this positive moment for the purpose she had for catching him-a meeting.

"Sh... Sheldon, can we meet, for 'bout an hour or so, maybe?" Cera stammered out, her nerves getting the better of her.

"Uhh, I suppose. For what purpose?" Replied Sheldon looking suspicious. Did she want to meet to discuss Star Trek he wondered?

"Thanks, I, uh, there's really no way to tell you about it, it's uh, best just to save it for um, later, for uh, then." Cera said with her heart in her throat while wringing her hands.

"Ok, very well, I suppose I could acquiesce to meeting with you." Sheldon stated blithely, unaware of Cera's distress.

"Oh, a…Ok, great. When can we meet, when's…when's a good time." Cera stammered relieved with the easy agreement.

"Well, I suppose I have a few minutes tomorrow." Sheldon said.

"No, no tomorrow's no good." Cera didn't want to squeeze this into a few minute space so it was just as well she might have to work the following day.

"Perhaps Tuesday evening, I have dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. They make a passable barbecue bacon burger. You could join." Offered Sheldon as a suggestion.

"No, not the Cheesecake Factory, I'm busy for the evenings through Thursday anyhow." Cera said, knowing this was not a social conversation to have with friends around.

"Very well," huffed Sheldon. For someone who needed time from him, she wasn't being very accommodating. "Friday is vintage video game night. Perhaps I could squeeze you in between Chinese food and game time. Otherwise it will need to be next Saturday before I do laundry. The time for which is approaching at this very moment and you are beginning to interfere with."

"I guess Saturday will hafta do." Cera conceded softly and slowly.

"Very well, next Saturday at 7 pm before I start the presort of my laundry." Sheldon stiffly agreed and rotated to return to his apartment.

"Next Saturday then." Cera said softly from several steps behind him. She then offered up a "Goodbye Sheldon." That received no reply.

* * *

Cera knocked on Penny's door after a few deep calming breaths. Next week everything would change, but tonight she was just going to hang out and have a good time.

"Oh, Hey! Come on in." Said Penny opening up her door for Cera to enter.

"Hey yourself." Cera replied, trying not to sound flustered.

"So, can I get you a drink? Are you ready to order some food?" Penny asked.

"Yes and yes. I could definitely use a glass of wine right now. Cera replied.

Penny gave Cera a once over as she walked across to get her a glass of wine. "So, you're not another one of those Star Wars geeks are you?" Penny asked with a laugh.

"Huh?" replied a confused Cera until she realized that Penny was referring to her shirt. "Trek. It's Star Trek. And no, I don't think I'm a geek. If others do that's on them. Oh, and kudos for sorta recognizing Vulcans and Klingons." said Cera with a small smile.

"Yeah, I guess I picked up on some stuff from the guys. So, what's the drink for? You usually don't want any and when you do you say 'Just one.'" asked a curious Penny, who wondered about the odd behavior in her friend. She poured two glasses, but kept her attention on Cera.

"I'm trying to ease my mind and my usual methods aren't working. As for limiting myself well, unluckily both of my parent have had affairs with various addictive substances. I don't want to suffer the same fate." Stated Cera calmly, her voice not showing distress over Sheldon or her rarely mentioned parents.

"Oh, I'm…I'm sorry. I didn't know." Said a floundering Penny. She just didn't know how to reply to that revelation so she changed subject, but hoped to veer back to what was troubling friend soon.

"Do you like music? Well, I know you do. I guess, I mean do you like Black Eyed Peas specifically?" asked Penny putting her iPod into the speaker dock.

"I find them...invigorating in small doses. They're good for an occasional pick me up, but I prefer more lyrical and or instrumentally driven music." Replied Cera.

"Ok, uh...I can't imagine you'd like country." Penny said, slowing her search on a George Strait song.

"Oh, I do. I haven't listened to it much in quite a while, but there always room for George Strait." Cera answered bopping her foot to 'Ocean Front Property as Penny flipped by the song.

"Hmm, Country it is then. Most of my friends can't get into a good country song. I think Sheldon might, or did. I've seen a Garth Brooks CD in his room, but he complains about me listening to it." said a grinning Penny as flipped to Garth Brooks-Shameless.

Cera imagined he didn't listen to it much-it reminded him of his unpleasant childhood, specifically his father, or so he had said.

"So, ah, Thanks for hanging with me for the evening. My other friends are caught up in work and well, it's just awkward since Leonard is dating Priya now. She even had the nerve to tell him to tell me to stay away. Isn't that crappy!?" Penny's voice went up in irritation as she took a large gulp from her wine glass.

"But, you don't want to stay away?" asked Cera softly hoping to soothe Penny's frustration.

"Well they are my friends, all of them. And, and I have all this free time now since I'm not seeing Zack anymore. And with Leonard I always felt so…." explained Penny. She knew Cera would understand. She was always understanding, even if she was a little…flaky.

"So you wanted the presence of another to offset...?" questioned Cera. She knew the only person who could really make Penny feel better, was Penny. Penny just needed to admit it first, to herself.

"I'm not lonely, I'm too busy to be lonely." Stated Penny defensively.

"I never said you were." said a calm Cera, "There's nothing wrong with lonely though. Sometimes I'm most lonely when there are people around. It's because I don't connect with…I just, I want someone to get me. Did Zack not get you?" Cera asked, being more honest than she liked. She hoped her shared honesty would encourage some honesty and insight from Penny. She often wondered what drove others to join as they did. Was it logic, emotion, common hobbies, a combination of all, perhaps even none of those. Whatever _it_ was, she wasn't getting it. Pairing with another always ended in disaster for her.

"I think he did...sometimes...I just needed...he was just kinda...He's dumb ok. He's dumb." explained Penny seemingly embarrassed by the admission.

Cera gave a surprised gasp, "He doesn't speak?" Cera knew he could, but certainly Penny wasn't putting her value on high intelligence in a paramour.

"No, no. He just, isn't very smart. He doesn't know stuff. He's not interesting." replied Penny.

"We are talking about the same man you brought to the pub where my family and I played?" Cera question vaguely remembering the man in question.

"Yeah that was him. He was sooo hot and sooo good." Penny groaned.

"But you said he was important, the VP of, something, I don't recall you telling me what." Cera said taking another sip of wine.

"Oh, that? It was a company that designed menus and it was just because his dad was the owner, his sister shared the title. He hadn't achieved anything. Not like Leonard. " Complained Penny.

"So you connected with Leonard better? Because of what he did?" questioned Cera.

"Well, no. I mean we were friends and he was friendly. And he was interesting and just did so much stuff. I didn't get most of it and some of it I kinda wasn't into, but I don't think I was bored with Leonard. Sometimes I think he was bored with me. I didn't hafta worry about that with Zack." Penny said, finishing off her first glass of wine. "My friends keep reminding me how happy we were and how good Leonard and I were together. It's made me…kinda…miss him."

"Hun, why are others convincing you of your feelings on a relationship you got out of?" Cera said slowly and thoughtfully. "So, Leonard wasn't superior to Zack, just different set of concerns? Did you ever think to invite Zack to do something interesting? Maybe, create a hobby…together. Take a cooking class or something. Maybe his mind isn't being stimulated in the right way, surely he's not a lackwit in every way. He seemed really into the music." Cera said spacily.

"What?! I…ah…Oh, if you're so interested in Zack you date him." Penny replied poring another drink. "Maybe I should talk to Leonard again…" she said absently.

"Huh? Oh…I don't date" Cera said dismissively before starting again. "What would you talk to Leonard about? I thought you said he was dating, you were happy about that when you were dating too."

At that moment there was a knock on Penny's door. "That must be the pizza. But we are definitely talking about this." said Penny walking to the door.

"I've got it. You go pour more wine." Cera said retrieving her purse from Penny's semi-clean couch. "Hello, How much?" Cera asked fingering the cash in her wallet.

"For a large cheese and a large organic pacific veggie that is thirty-two dollars and forty-eight cents." replied the delivery guy.

Cera pulled a bill from her wallet and took pizza. As she began to shut the door the delivery man stopped her. "Don't you need change?" he questioned.

"No we're good. Have a delightful evening." Replied Cera smiling at the stunned delivery guy as she shut the door.

"Did you just give him fifty bucks for a thirty-two dollar order?" Asked Penny incredulously.

"Sure, is that ok?" Cera replied softly her eyes wide in uncertainty.

"But that's…that's a lot more." Replied Penny concerned her friend was overpaying out of naivety.

"Only seventeen dollars and fifty-two cents." Replied Cera.

"Holy crap, that's more than a…fifty percent tip!" cried Penny struggling to mathematically find the difference. She rarely saw tippers like this and wonder about Cera cause for doing so now.

"Fifty-three percent; almost fifty-four. He graciously brought us our food and I have the money so I choose to brighten his day." Cera stated firmly hoping this conversation was over. She knew she threw a lot of money around, but she didn't like it to be a big deal.

"But-," Penny started.

"Did you freshen our wine?" Cera asked hoping to shift topics. She knew Penny was uncomfortable with that display with money because of her own lack of funds, but she didn't want that to be an issue, not this evening.

"Well you didn't really need any, but I did pour me another glass." Penny stated, knowing when she was being shut down. "So, you don't date huh? I thought you had mentioned a guy back-where were you from again?"

"I did." Cera said shortly not sure if she wanted to get into a life story scenario tonight or not. She'd been taken advantage of so many times for so many reasons, it was hard to offer anything that could be used by anyone else.

"You…did?" Penny repeated uncertain what that was an answer to. She often wondered about Cera, but she never got any straight information from her. She wondered what this odd woman was hiding from. Certainly something interesting went on with her. She was brilliant with music, apparently had a bit of money and she knew Wil Wheaton. And physics. She knew something about physics. Penny vowed to figure it out.

"I did mention a guy. I never mentioned where I was from though." stated Cera, after a second thought she offered up, "North Carolina. I was in North Carolina before moving here, also where I was born. But I grew up locally. In Santa Monica." Cera took a big gulp of wine, unused to offering up so much information.

"Oh, wow. So that's how you have family here. That's about what, forty-five minutes from here?" Said Penny, very interested in what she was learning about Cera.

"Give or take. It took me a little more than fifty minutes to get over here, but I moved to Alhambra several weeks ago. So it's a little less than fifteen minutes." Explained Cera and then jumping topics in her head said "Jeff."

"Jeff? Jeff who?" asked Penny confused by the named suddenly dropped in the middle of Cera's explanation.

"The last guy I dated. Doctor Jeff Warner." Explained Cera taking another gulp of wine.

"Ohhhhh, so was he a doctor, doctor or a sciencey doctor? Ya know, I never thought I'd have to ask the difference until I met the guys." questioned Penny.

"A physician. A pediatric orthopedist." After a heavy sigh Cera added. "Furthering his career was more important than, I don't know, morals, I guess. We dated for eight months." her voice getting softer as she finished her explanation of her ex.

"So was he hot? How was he in bed?" Penny asked wiggling her eyebrows. "Why did it end? Eight months doesn't sound like you don't date." said Penny continued, getting freer with her speech as she sipped more wine.

"Yes, he was handsome. His…lack of…consideration to me and his lack of professionalism was upsetting. I was never intimate with him. I'm very cautious with…that…with myself. I'm not opposed to dating, but…I don't know maybe I'm too sensitive…I just find relationships too…damaging. I mean, it had been…gosh…more than two years when I began dating Jeff. And I only did _that_ because he was insistent and convinced me I was lonely which I'm not sure I actually was. I agreed, against my better judgement. Shoulda just kept to myself." confessed Cera. "In a proper match I don't think convincing should be necessary. On either side."

"Hmm, so…what, you've had bad luck so you've decided you're a loner? And shouldn't a guy have to…to prove themselves a bit. I mean come on, even Sheldon has a girlfriend and he's does…I don't know something to keep her coming around, and he's…weird. I mean so is she, but it works…or something." Said Penny, waving her wine glass around.

Cera nearly choked on her wine at that statement. Sheldon had a girlfriend. Even she wasn't ever his girlfriend. She got to be a collection of large words that he strung together that sounded complimentary, but ultimately meant-nothing. She didn't think it would feel like this after a decade. She didn't expect him to be a monk, she certainly had a few boyfriends in that time. So why did her heart feel like it was being squeezed. She blamed the wine…and the…coitus.

Penny, misinterpreting Cera's distress went on, "It not all that bad, I mean he says that she's not his girlfriend, she his girl 'slash' friend. I mean they don't even hold hands. 'Cuz that would totally freak whack-a-doodle out. I can't imagine him doin' more. Or that anyone would want to do…stuff with his…stuff." She giggled as she finished that ridiculous thought.

Cera relaxed marginally, she had heard the "not his girlfriend" bit before, but if he was still cringing from her that was good. Oh, she felt awful for thinking that. She was also bothered by Penny's thoughts on Sheldon. If Penny found him so odd what must she think of anyone who had ever 'wanted to do more' with the 'whack-a-doodle' and his 'stuff'. Maybe Penny couldn't see him for what he really is-just a man.

"Huh!?"cried out Penny bewildered by Cera's statement. Of course he was a man, but she couldn't possibly be thinking he was a MAN with those…what did he call them…'baser urges.'

"What?" queried Cera. Apparently she let that last little bit slip out loud. Even though she hadn't even finished her first glass of wine, clearly she was starting to slip.

"You said Sheldon was a man. I can promise you, he is not _that_ kinda man. He's had cute grad students throw themselves at him, the guys dates have been into him, but he never pays any attention to any of them. Amy is the first girl he has ever dated and tolerated around. He is not a 'baser urges' guy. He is currently in a relationship of the _mind_." explained Penny drawing out the mind for emphasis.

"O-Ok. I'm not even sure what means, but if it makes him happy." Cera closed her eyes tight and finished off her wine. This was all just too surreal. A relationship of the mind? That she hadn't heard before.

"Hell if I know what it means, or if it makes him happy. She's…interesting, calls me bestie. I don't think she's ever had any friends before, but then again neither has he." Penny said topping off Cera's wine.

"Having a best friend is nice. Getting to pick out that special person that gets you and you get is wonderful. I met mine when I was eleven. She been with me through so much, she's my solid. Is Amy good to you?" Cera said wistfully. Maybe this Amy was a good person, good for Sheldon.

"Uh, well, she's seems to be really…into me. She…tries hard. Very dependable." Penny trailed off not quiet knowing how to explain Amy.

The music filled the room as both women were lost in thought. Cera tried to take in and sort through all she had learned about Sheldon. She began to sing along softly to the George Strait song playing on Penny's iPod.

"It ain't cool to be crazy about you, / It ain't suave or debonair/ To let you know I care, like I do.

It ain't smart, to be so reckless with my heart. / I should have known right from the start

I'd end up like a fool; / Believe me, it ain't cool."

According to Penny's statement it was clear that Sheldon had never mentioned her; in any capacity and that fact stung despite the fact that she wasn't surprised by it. Hell, he could hardly admit to being with her as a friend and definitely not as more when she was with him.

"Yeah, well, relationships are a…predicament I don't need." Cera finally spoke again as the song concluded.

"But what about love, passion, companionship, sex, kids. You can't be alone forever." Penny said starting think maybe Cera was a little crazy too.

"Oh, I already have one." Cera said pulling out her phone to show Penny a picture.

"You have one what…a kid?" Penny asked surprised by Cera statement. "Holy crap on a cracker, since when?"

"Yes, I have a child. A daughter. She turned nine back in December, though she thinks she's fourteen. This was her last week." Cera pointed to a picture in her phone of a thin girl with dark, straight, hair past her shoulders; standing in front of a fountain. The girl was trendy in a denim skirt, pastel plaid shirt over a pink tee, with brown ankle boots. She had a natural smile, bright blue eyes and her hand on her right hip.

"Wow, you have a pretty daughter. How come you never said anything? Wait, is this why you don't hang out much and want to leave so early?" Penny asked, full of questions about this huge revelation from her new friend.

"She's my heartbeat. It's my job to protect her, so I am very careful with people I introduce her to. I wanna know what kind of people my friends and coworkers are before I introduce her to them. I even run background checks on boyfriends, babysitters, housekeepers… I want to make sure she's safe. I'm all she has." Cera explained, getting a little misty at the thought of her daughter. "She was at the grill. When we played. She was at that table with the kids a few tables over from you."

"Oh, I kinda remember those kids." Penny said with her head turned to the side thinking. "Where's her dad? If, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I, uh, he…can I get a bit more wine?" Cera waited for Penny to open a new bottle and pour before starting. "He's…not…around. He…doesn't know _of_ her." She said very slowly. She needed to tread lightly until she could speak to Sheldon, this was their business and no one else's.

"Did something happen to him?" Penny asked, her voice laced with concern.

"No…sometimes, things just fade away and sometimes things end abruptly." There was no need to vilify Sheldon, so Cera kept it as simple and vague. "We broke away from each other before I knew."

"And you didn't think to tell him?" Penny asked kind of disturbed that somewhere there was a man that didn't know he had a daughter. And a girl that didn't know her daddy. She didn't always get along with her dad, but she couldn't imagine _not_ having one.

"I tried…to reach him, he wouldn't answer or return my calls. I admit, I didn't try as hard as I should, but after we dissolved….I just….couldn't." Cera admitted with tears in her eyes.

"He musta hurt you bad." Penny watched sympathetically as Cera turned her head and wiped her eyes. "Are you ever gonna tell him? Where is he, back in North Carolina?"

"Yea…hurt" Cera croaked. "Soon….Very soon. I…don't think he's ever been to North Carolina. He's…around."

"You let me know if you need any help. I'm here for you. Even if I have to go Junior Rodeo on his ass." Penny proclaimed hugging her friend tight.

"That would be a tough position for me to put you in, but thank you, all the same." Cera said smiling up at her through tears. "Did you know that DSW is having a BOGO sale on boots this weekend?" she asked changing the subject for the evening.

As the evening wore down Penny and Cera covered much simpler topics; shoes, clothes and why Cera thought American Idol ruined music. Though they disagreed about the merits of a struggling musical artist working through parties, bars, and carnivals trying to find their voice versus the benefits of being promoted on TV to national fan base that could cast their own votes, they enjoyed themselves.

Before Cera departed Penny brought up what seemed like a brilliant idea in her wine clouded mind. "You know, you really should give Zack a try."

"Huh?! Give him a try for what?" asked a stunned Cera. Surely Penny wasn't suggesting she date again. Didn't she remembered the conversation about not dating and having a daughter?

"He's a…a good guy. Even if he is a little…simple. Even…even Amy thought he was a hottie. You should…you should go out with him….at least once. Maybe you'd feel better if you got led. Lead? LAID!" Slurred a slightly inebriated Penny.

"I suppose I would. Feel better. For a few minutes…But I don't feel bad, so I don't need to feel better. And I really don't want to go on a date, hottie or no." grunted Cera. She really was getting frustrated with Penny now. And the woman definitely need to switch to water.

"But I need someone to dist…distance….distract him. He's just always…'round and…callin'. I just feel suff...I can't breathe. And we aren't even dating anymore!" Penny complained getting louder and louder.

"Here, have some water." Cera carefully ensured that both of Penny's hand went around the glass she was giving her. Cera let out a heavy sigh "I will agree-."

Penny cut Cera off, "Yeah, you won't regret it!"

"You didn't let me finish! I will agree to 'meet a new friend.' And only once if he's not the friendly sort. But make sure he knows-this is just a friendly meeting." acquiesced Cera. She really didn't mind as long as he knew they were only ever going to be friends.

"Ok, ok…jus' friends." agreed Penny.

"All I need is friends. They're like family you can pick and quiet helpful. In fact, call me tomorrow, I've got a favor to ask you. Oh and drink all that water, you need to stay hydrated. Do you have ibuprofen? You should take that instead of acetaminophen in the morning." Cera just could not help but ensure Penny was tended to before she left.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and follows! **_**Italics**_** are the past. **

**I don't own The Big Bang Theory or make any money from playing with it.**

**Let me know what you think.**

Chapter 6

Sheldon slumped against his door and heaved a sigh. Why did that, that bohemian have this effect on him? Sure she was increasingly…fascinating every time he ran into her, but she was so…disruptive. He had been curious about her depths into Star Trek fandom, but now he ran the risk of being late for presorting his laundry.

Cera weighed heavily on his mind as he made his way to his room. He couldn't imagine what they could have to discuss, and then she had the _audacity _to expect _him_ to make time for _her_. Although aside from dismissing times that obviously were inconvenient for her she was amendable to the times that he set. So really it wasn't _so_ bad.

What _was_ so bad was that he was finding her attractive. Oh yes, Sheldon noticed when a woman was aesthetically pleasing. He _was_ a man and he was _not_ blind. To him it was more than just aesthetics that made a woman attractive, intelligence and vitality were necessary. Sheldon had met many beautiful women. He knew what looked pleasing, especially what was pleasing to him. However those who were merely pretty held his attentions for no more than a few seconds, their beauty faded quickly, never to be noticed again. He enjoyed intellectual discourse with intelligent females, but they often lacked appreciation for his hobbies and whimsy. Those with laid-back, confident personalities seemed to be easy to be around, but lacked motivation. It seemed without all of those traits together, women just fell short, and very quickly. With the lack of desire to even have such company, Sheldon never bothered to search for a woman that had all these attributes.

Cera seemed to possess each of these things in some manner. Her beauty was unquestionable even if she did display it in the most uninhibited way possible. He didn't know the extent of her knowledge, but she hadn't yet proven herself ignorant and her reference to elegant equations certainly had him intrigued. She had spirit in droves, never seemed malicious, and though she seemed to be an insubstantial beatnik, there was a wisdom to her statements.

He had not taken this much notice of anyone since Olivia and it was hard not to compare the two. Cera obviously wasn't as sharp and tailored as Olivia, but she carried herself with a similar natural beauty that used few artificial enhancements. Olivia seemed more refined and elegant while Cera was a free, relaxed beauty. As he had observed Cera interacting with Howard and Raj she had even resembled Olivia. Not in style or coloring, but in habits. Like when she bit her bottom lip and gave a half smile. However those familiar habits disappeared when she spoke to him almost like she intentionally kept a passive face. He many not pay attention to many facial expression and understood even less, but it didn't take much to read a blank slate.

The music from Penny's was loud as Sheldon stepped out into the hall with his laundry basket. He shook his head in aversion. Why Penny thought the entire building wanted to be entertained by her music he would never understand. He stomped down the stairs trying to avert his mind to who else was also behind that door.

Loading the washers in the laundry room Sheldon's thought wandered back to Cera. He had already spent time trying to contrast Cera and Olivia. Now he began to consider the ways they were similar. At first glance they seemed so different, but on the most basic level there were likenesses. Cera and Olivia both had bright blue eyes. They both the same height when barefooted. Both had clear peaches and cream complexions. Cera looked as though she might spend more time in the sun, but she was not what he would call tan. Olivia didn't dress whimsically, but she did seem to like bright colors and being barefooted, nearly as much as Cera. Actually the more he thought about it he began to think that Cera was the Bizarro version of Olivia. And like the Bizzaro Superman, she was not to be trusted.

Arriving back on the fourth floor with his basket, Sheldon could still hear Penny's music. Recognizing the tune he lingered in the hall.

'Embers to ashes/that's how it should be.

You'd think by now my heart would know/ that it could set you free.

The things I've tried, the tears I've cried/ I guess there's no doubt'

George Strait, he should have known. He stomped to his apartment and straight to his room tossing his basket aside and shutting the door, thankful Leonard wasn't home. He slumped on his bed without putting his clothes away as his eidetic memory provided him with remainder of the chorus. Because of his compulsive need for closure he was unable to help himself against finish out the tune.

'You'll always be a fire I can't put out.'

_Getting Sheldon into this restaurant that he hadn't "thoroughly investigated" had been easier than she thought. She had to provide him with every bit of information she had on the places sanitation grade, wait staff conduct, fork type. Cera had to 'take full responsibility for any adverse repercussions' and promise full medical treatment if he became ill from eating in this questionable establishment. She would have preferred to sit out on the patio, but knew that asking Sheldon to sit in the sun would be a step to far. This behavior might bug her if she hadn't grown up with a mother who was actually _more_ eccentric them him._

_ "Olivia, how you talked me into eating in this establishment I will never know." Sheldon murmured as he held the door open for Cera. He walked into a bright room with two pool tables to his left, a massive wood bar on the right that could easily sit sixteen patrons. There were two more pool tables running parallel to the left of the bar. Cera walked beyond the pool tables and bar were several tables sat. Eight tall bar tables against the wall and sixteen more standard tables in the center of the floor._

_ "Well I didn't exactly talk you into it. I said I was going and would like your company. When you declined, I said I was going anyway, and you could can stay home if you'd like. Of course after I told you I had several long shifts this week and that you probably won't see or hear from me for a while you seemed eager. You'll be lost without me." Cera winked at him as they wandered over to a tall bar table along the wall._

_ "Are you insinuating I would miss you? Because that is not at all what I had intended in my agreement. I merely meant that as the only person that can provide me with intelligent conversation and appreciate the things I enjoy, your lack of presence may be noticed." Sheldon stated with a huff. The thought of missing her was just ridiculous on the face of it. She made it sound as if he had formed an emotional attachment to her. _

_ "Oh is that all?" Cera said playfully "Well as the only person I know here. Your absence will be noticed too."_

_ "While I had assumed that the lack of my presence _would_ leave a vacancy for you, your statement is not entirely true. You do, in fact know my family."_

_ Cera giggled at his need for accuracy before ordering her food. They settled into a companionable silence after they ordered and as they ate, only occasionally offering small comments. During this time Sheldon looked around and began to notice that she had been right. The patrons of this place did look like business people on their lunch. He had been concerned about eating in an establishment with pool tables, but she had assured him this place was safe, especially for lunch on a weekday._

_ The soft sound of humming reached his ears. It took Sheldon a moment to realize that it was Cera humming along to the country music over the speakers. Humming was not a practice he had ever heard her indulge in before. The fact that she was spot on with the song told him she was familiar with the song and that she could hold a tune-at least while humming. The only music he'd ever heard her listen to was jazz, and even that was seldom and only in the car._

_ "I would not have thought you a fan of George Strait."_

_ "Huh, oh…uh" Cera said blushing, having been caught with an interest and ability she had been suppressing for quiet sometime. "Why is that?"_

_ "George Strait just seems incongruent with the Pearl Jam t-shirt."_

_ "Oh well, that was…four years ago. That was the stylings of an angsty teenager so, you really shouldn't make much of that. What about you? You seem to have some knowledge of George Strait."_

_ "Country music isn't exactly a rare occurrence in Texas." After taking a sip of lemonade he added, "My father played quite a bit of country when I was a child. If the radio was on it was either news or George Strait, Garth Brooks, Clint Black. If he was of a certain mood he put on an album of Merle Haggard or George Jones. " _

_ "Oh, that sounds…neat." Cera replied softly noticing the tightness of his jaw as he explained his father. He hadn't really spoken of him before she was curious about the situation, but knew better than to ask. _

_ "It wasn't. My childhood was not neat…Daddy drank, he was angry, he was loud. It was not neat when I was at home and my family worked under the assumption that "That boy ain't right." And it was not neat when I finally left for college and despite finally being near intellectual peers for the first time I was cosseted and unable to break into things based on my age. No, not _neat_."_

_ "I'm sorry… for your home life. I understand aversions to thing because it reminds you of family. I'm much the same way. I'm doing everything I can, not to mimic them…Nothing can make you as crazy as your family."_

"_I'm not crazy-." Sheldon started._

_ "I know you aren't, but you do possess some dysfunctional coping habits because of them. Everybody does, especially myself. And I too have hit the age ceiling as though not as hard as you I'm sure. And I know both of us are still trying to crack through it. But I hope…things are neater now."_

_ "You have no need to apologize. You did not cause any of those hardships….I suppose….yes things are _neater,_ now."_

_ Cera giggled. It seem the somber tone had finally gotten to her. "This is why I always just want to live in the present, dredging up the past has cast a bit of shadow on my burger." she took a long sip of her water with lime._

_ Sheldon's response was a bewildered look, followed by a shrug and returning to his own food, silence falling over them again. He spent time considering what they had spoken about. He had not heard the term age ceiling before, but really that is what it was. He was hoping that when he went for his next doctorate in the coming fall such a thing would no longer exist. He had finally decided which school he would attend. Many schools had extended invitations to tour their campuses and perks should he chose them. He had been able to do a great deal of research while he was abroad. Since he was listed as a visiting professor and not just a student he was able to bring it with him and many schools found that to be a great reason to court him. He was going over the different possible schools feeling satisfied with his choice when his attention was called away by Cera._

_ "Have you even been listening to me?"_

_ "Uhh, listening and understanding are two different things…perhaps you should phase that more clearly." Sheldon stated, not wanting to admit his distraction. _

_ "What was difficult about 'Do you play billiards?'" She was both amused and curious about his preoccupation, but wrote it off as just another Sheldon thing._

_ "I have. Billiard balls and their movement have been frequently used to illustrate principles of physics." Sheldon explained proudly._

"_Would you care to play?" Cera asked_

_ "Oh, I don't know. Do you know how many individuals have handled those cues or what their state of health may have been?"_

_ "I…don't know about the germs, but I have some Flu-Armour medical grade sanitizing wipes in my purse that should take care of any bacteria or virus on them."_

_ After a heavy sigh Sheldon said "Very well Olivia, if I must."_

_ "Sheldon, it's a game, not a death sentence. If you don't want to play, we won't. It has _never_ been my intent to force you into things. To me, part of being friends is respecting each other and I respect your wish to decline playing pool."_

_ "You think we are friends?...And you did push me to go to the comic book store in Germany." Sheldon pointed out wondering if indeed this was a friendship, what made it a friendship, and when she began to think so._

_ "I strongly suggested. I did not manipulate, coerce, or use brute force. You were uptight and needed to relax. And once again-that was years ago."_

_ "So I could play if I chose, but it's not a requirement?"_

_ "Correct."_

_ "Ok."_

"_Ok? Ok what?" Cera asked as Sheldon got up from his seat._

"_OK I will play. If you still so desire."_

_ "Of course." She said with a grin as she followed Sheldon to the tables. Sheldon spent the next few hours proving his proficiency at pool, darts and listening to Cera hum along to the country music coming from the speakers._

Sheldon tossed and turned again that night trying to make sense of all of his thoughts and…feelings. He detested feelings taking up his mental capacity. They caused one to act illogical and rashly. At one point he had used logic and science to explain Olivia. For a time he was successful in that endeavor. She was logical and they had a neatly organized…affiliation. There was a rationale to all of their interactions. At some point the intellect in their exchanges began to be overridden by feelings and instinct-_hers_. She had begun to express her emotions like a hippie and she tried make him yield to them as well, and _that_ was something he just couldn't abide.

The Bizzaro Olivia had seemed like an emotional hurricane since she stormed out of his apartment that first day. Sheldon had since had to address that the sharpness of the feelings coming off of this woman cut him deep and exposed all that he counted as weakness. If he was going to be continually plagued with these sleep disrupting thoughts, it was going to be a long week.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you for reading! And the feed back is wonderful. **

**I don't own The Big Bang Theory**

Chapter 7

Fortunately for Cera her week had been too busy to concern herself with her upcoming meeting with Sheldon. Merritt had been sick Sunday and Monday, so Cera spent her time tending to her, Soft Kitty and all. Eventually she had to call Connie to watch Merritt on Monday afternoon while she worked. Tuesday and Wednesday were both 12 hour shifts at work. Today she had spent an hour and a half at Merritt's school discussing her 'educational options,' which was a half an hour more than she had planned for.

Due to the time spent at The Waverly School, where Merritt attended, she was now late to drop off shoes for Penny.

"Hey! I thought you'd forgotten me. Whoa, what are you wearing?" Penny asked eyeing Cera's outfit. She was unprepared for the professional appearance of her typically eclectic friend. Cera was adorned with a navy, knee length pencil skirt with large teal polka dots. She had topped it with a teal scoop-neck, button up blouse with elbow length sleeves. She was wearing simple teal flats and her long hair was pulled into neat chignon at the nape of her neck. "Did you have to go to court?"

"No, of course not. I've just been to work and The Waverly School. But mostly it seems the world has been using me as an experiment proving the second law of thermodynamics." Cera explained as she walked over to Penny's counter and perched on a chair containing two sweaters. She sat a box and a paper bag on Penny's counter.

"You were doing experiments on a what?" Despite Penny's surprise at Cera's clothing, her speech and demeanor had been shifting for a few weeks now. It was if Cera had become more comfortable and settled into herself around Penny, so Penny wasn't _too_ surprised with this terminology coming from her.

"The second law of thermodynamics. In a normal thermodynamic process, there is an increase in the amount of the entropies of the participating systems."

"Oh…ah…entropy" Penny tried to remember when Sheldon had called her apartment entropy, "mess, the mess gets bigger…when you…do something."

"Yep, pretty much. In anything done the chance for things to go wrong is unlimited. It's been a DAY, but it's done now _and_ I have the shoes." Cera slid a white shoe box with black print across the top across the counter. "They should match that new cobalt blue dress of yours."

"Oh, Wow! Is that the Manolo's? I can't believe you are letting me borrow these!" Penny squealed pulling out the heeled blue swirly strapped sandals. "You are just soo nice. _Too_ nice."

"Oh, hun, I don't think anyone can be too nice. I just do what feels right to me. I am setting an example for a young lady you know." Cera stated.

"And she is awesome. I was so surprised to see you last night. And really you did not have to leave _that_ much tip. I appreciate it, but you don't have to."

"Well, Merritt thought you were awesome, too. I got used to leaving big tips when she was small and made big messes. Big mess should get big tips. I was surprised she agreed to The Cheesecake Factory last night. Her initial desire was Mexican food and usually when she wants something there is no diverting her, but she was agreeable." Cera said smiling at the thought of her daughter.

"So, what's in the bag?" Penny gestured to the bag.

"Oh, yeah. Do you like limes? The citrus trees behind my parents' house are ripe. I'm the only one who eats and uses the limes so we've got a bit of a surplus. I've already got nearly a dozen at home…and I've made a ton of vanilla lime body scrub, so I don't need these…they're organic. There is also some vanilla lime scrub in there. I made it."

"Uh, sure." Penny said taking the bag. "I use them in drinks sometimes. Sheldon likes them in his diet coke and a girl can always use some skincare." Cera nodded, she remember he liked limes in his Diet Coke because prior to her, he used lemons.

"Oh I have your dry cleaning and your vitamins from Granny's Health Food. The receipt for your water is in the bag." Penny said gesturing to a dry cleaning bag hanging from the back of her door. There was a paper bag whose handle was laced over the hanger for the clothes. "So you said you were at Waverly School. Isn't that like a private school or something?" she asked.

"Yes, the school I have Merritt enrolled in. She's bored in her class, talking too much, basically being disruptive. She didn't have this problem in her last school because I had her moved up a grade. Waverly doesn't want to do that, unless I allow her to undergo an IQ test." Cera stated as she looked over her clothes. Nodding in approval she pulled her shimmery navy handbag that was edged in a gunmetal chain from her shoulder.

"But wouldn't that be a good thing?" Penny asked not understanding the problem.

"I know she's advanced, any teachers that work with her can see the same. I don't need a number. She would be stuck with whatever number the test comes up with. And it really doesn't mean anything. Those test are two dimensional and really don't give you the whole picture." Cera explained opening up her wallet to pull out three bills.

"That would only a problem if she didn't do well though, right? You do think she would do well, don'tcha?"Penny said as Cera put the money in her hand. "Wait, what is this for?"

"It's because you saved me a couple of hours and used your gas, for me. Thanks. So anyway, I mean she might not test well. What if she finds it stressful or she is tired that day." Cera asked concernedly paying no attention to Penny's shocked look.

"I really can't accept this." Penny said as she put the fifty dollars in her pocket. When Cera made no further move or mention regarding the money Penny finally asked, "Does she test bad?"

Cera ignored the money and lifelong grammar lessons from her father, resisting the urge to correct her, "Not usually no. But-" Cera was cut short by a knock at the door.

Knock, knock, knock

"Penny?"

Knock, knock, knock

"Penny?"

Knock, knock, knock

"Penny?"

"Oh, dear Lord." muttered Cera standing up from the bar chair.

"Whadup MoonPie?" Penny said flinging the door open. Cera whipped her head around stunned at Penny's greeting. That was MeeMaws endearment for him. Nobody can call him MoonPie, but MeeMaw.

"Penny, you know, no one can call me MoonPie but MeeMaw." At that moment Sheldon caught sight of the well-dressed Cera. Without removing his eyes from her he stammered, "I…ahem…I apologize Penny. I didn't realize you were entertaining a guest."

"Oh, I'm not. She was just dropping of these shoes. See." Penny held up the blue suede sandals. There was no need to mention the exchange of errands and money. He'd just have to wonder when she didn't record anything on his DVR this month, since her bill would be paid.

"Penny, I'm hardly interested in your footwear. I merely wanted to know if you will be joining us for pizza." During his response to Penny he glanced back toward Cera, stunned at the change in her appearance.

"Sweetie, I know you want me to come over, but with Leonard and Priya, I just don't think it's a good idea. Besides, I was gonna go out tonight and I was gonna wear these _shoooesss." _Penny finished in a sing song tone. "But hey, maybe you can help Cera."

"What!?" was the first thing Cera said since Sheldon had arrived. She snapped her head around and glared at Penny. What could Penny possibly think she needed his help for?

"Her daughter's school will only let her skip a grade if she has her IQ tested." Penny explained.

"You have progeny?...Fascinating. Did you need help setting her up to have her IQ tested? You really shouldn't let just anyone administer that test." explained Sheldon. He was slightly thrown off by this new information. Their group typically didn't socialize with peers that were parents. Cera hardly looked like anyone's mother, well not typically. At this moment she did. At this moment she looked as though she could have a degree and work a normal nine to five job instead of playing her guitar on the corner. She almost looked like…

"Uh, no, no I don't. I really would prefer for her not to take one. At least not right now. Maybe later, when she's in middle school." Cera was hoping this would dissuade Sheldon from this discussion-at least for now.

"Now why would you want to keep her from reaching her full potential? Do you perhaps feel she is not truly advanced?" Sheldon asked confused as to why anyone who suspected their child of higher intelligence would not want to document that fact and help their knowledge flourish. He found that despite her appearance, she still sounded a bit like a hippie. Looks can be deceiving after all.

"She _is_ advanced, but no, she's not genius. And I don't want her defined by some…number that really doesn't mean anything."

"Doesn't mean anything? Clearly you are unaware about the importance of a higher intelligence and the ability to prove it. If you find that you daughter is advanced it is your duty as a parent to discover her level of intellect and strive to provide her with stimulation that will help her to reach her full potential."

"My duty as a-are you questioning my parenting?" Cera said incredulously giving Sheldon a stern glare though it was lost of him.

"I have questioned nothing of the sort. As I am not well acquainted with you, I don't know your daughter, nor I have I ever seen the two of you interact; so I lack the data to make such a pronouncement. I'm merely pointing out that if she _is_ indeed exceptional she is going to need more training than an average elementary class can provide. Certainly you aren't making this decision based on your feelings alone. How does your husband feel about her IQ?" Why was this woman being so difficult, Sheldon wondered? He was merely trying to get an accurate count for dinner and now he was pulled into an outlandish conversation with someone who was barely an acquaintance about her offspring that wasn't even exceptional.

"I'm a single mother." Cera stated glaring at Sheldon. "You don't _marry_ someone you don't even _want_ _around_ you, do you?" slipped out, with venom, before she could stop it. She didn't realize she still felt that angry about it. This was really not the time or place. Damn Penny and her helpfulness. Cera wanted to do this on Saturday, where he was comfortable. Alone.

"I...uh, no I suppose one doesn't." Sheldon spluttered confused and a bit intimidated by what felt like a personal attack. Clearly she had some residual psychological issues from a previous paramour and was transferring her issues on to him. No matter. This was a simple problem with an easy solution and then she could be out of his way again. "Uh, ah, no matter about that. Is the fact that you need the test score to have your daughter properly educated not cause enough for her to take them? Where do you have her enrolled?"

"I have her enrolled at The Waverly School. IQ testing wasn't necessary at her last school. Her grades were enough to move her up a grade. Waverly promised me they were a dynamic school and could keep up with advanced students, but it still isn't enough for her. But the test just seems like I am giving into someone else's curiosity, not that it is necessarily pertinent."

"That is not a valid reason. All test are to satisfy someone else's curiosity. They are designed to inform a group or individuals how much is known and potential on any given subject."

Penny was sure an IQ test couldn't be that bad, everyone she knew that had taken them, scored highly and become very successful. If Merritt was really smart surely Sheldon could help Cera do what was necessary to move her up. "She said those test were two dimensional and don't present a whole picture." Penny said reminding them she was there.

"Well she isn't incorrect in that. IQ test are limited and I suppose in that way can also be limiting. That is why I have stated that my IQ cannot be measured, but it does at least provide a base line from which to work."

"Yes, but what if you are being held back by a faulty number. What if you could be working at a 220 level, but because you and everyone you have encountered believes you to be 187, you are operating at a lower capacity. It is just a label for others to put on you. It makes you work within _their_ parameters. Are you any different because of the number?"

"Yes! It's the difference between "Are you crazy?" and being the most intelligent person in the building. It is the difference between staring at a wall in kindergarten out of stupidity and staring at a wall in boredom, because you have surpassed everyone else in class, including the teacher. The _number_ as you so basely put it, is the difference. It is the evidence, to everyone, what that difference is. Clearly you've not suffered any ill effect due to _your_ intelligence so I wouldn't expect you to comprehend the need for such documentation….You _should_ have her tested." Sheldon stated irritably. Obviously this woman had no regard for those with higher intelligence.

"You don't know what I have or have not suffered because of my intelligence. I _have_ taken an IQ test and I do know my score, but I _do_ _not_ tell others and I _do_ _not_ want to be treated different because of it. It shouldn't matter if my IQ is 85 or 160. There are plenty of high scoring individuals that have done nothing and even more average people who have achieved greatness." Cera raised her voice because really, she knew he was right. She just was afraid of Merritt being labeled. But she did want to ensure that nobody ever gave her a negative label either. The thought that Sheldon had to grow up with jibes like 'That boy ain't right' broke her heart and she would never subject Merritt to such a thing.

"No, I don't have any knowledge of your intelligence, nor is that the point. The issue is whether or not your child is in an academic setting that that helps her to thrive. You owe it to your daughter to have her tested and placed where she can flourish."

"But…it'll make her different. I don't want her to change…Or, for others treat her differently. An IQ number is not something to build an ego _or_ an insecurity around." Cera said feeling tears rise.

"If she _is_ advanced, I imagine she has already noticed that she stands out among her peers. Have her take the test, tell her the general range so she won't as you say 'define herself by her number' and when she becomes mature enough to process the information give her the official number…_I_ would have _my_ progeny tested." Sheldon stated smugly.

Cera felt her heart squeeze. Sheldon came to such an easy conclusion while making it seem like an imperative to have Merritt tested. It would be his desire as a parent, as a father-if he knew this choice were his. God, why did he have to sound like a reasonable parent? She felt as if she could not deny him this. Cera knew she would be seeking to have Merritt tested the next morning.

Cera's thoughts were broken through by Sheldon. "What advancements has she displayed that has caused you to consider her above her classmates?"

"Oh, uh, well, when she was in the first grade she came home in tears with a yellow light-the traffic light system was how they indicated the behavior and progress for the day." Cera explained "The note written on her light sheet said she had misbehaved and been 'mouthy.' It didn't sound like her so when I asked she explained that it was because of her spelling test and that all of her words were wrong even though they were right. It sounded odd to me so, naturally I called the teacher the next day and asked about this. The teacher explained to me that she premade spelling test slips and handed them out to the students so they couldn't cheat. She told me that after calling the first word Merritt finished her spelling test before the second word was called. When the teacher asked Merritt about it, Merritt told the teacher she knew her words and 'the words were going too slow.' That upset the teacher so Merritt was put in to timeout, and except for the first word, all the words were marked as wrong for not being in the right order even though they were all spelled correctly."

"That event alone does not mark a gifted child." Sheldon pointed out even though it certainly didn't sound average; not that he would tell Cera that.

"She is frequently reminded to show her work in math to prove how she found the answer. The answers are easy to her. She is able to determine correct answer without even putting pen to paper. All the extra work to prove what she already knows is nearly confusing to her. Granted its middle school math, not calculus, but it's still beyond her age. There are many instances since she started speaking, in full sentences I might add, that I can come up with. I'm not saying she is a super genius, she isn't going to be, but she is _not_ just the average kid."

"Well, teachers in a typical class are rarely equipped with time or resources to handle children that fall above or below the average. That is why it is imperative that a parent ensure the adequate tutelage of their children. The earlier, the better. Any decent parent would do what was necessary for the future of their progeny. Especially one that was suspected remarkable, you, however, seem to be preventing her from advancement for reasons that are only relevant to you."

"Hey that's not fair. Cera is a good mom. Merritt is happy and fun. You should meet her." Penny broke in before Sheldon could offend Cera any further.

Cera felt overwhelmed. Sheldon was questioning her as a parent and Penny is inviting Sheldon to meet Merritt. She needed to clear her head. And then get out of here. Cera leaned her head over onto Penny's bar. Cera's head immediately shot back up. 'Uhhh, it sticky!' was the thought that cleared her head of the frustration of a moment ago.

"That was probably not a wise move considering Penny's unsanitary habits. I imagine your forehead is now crawling with viral and bacterial contaminants."

"Hey! I cleaned, last…sometime. I'm busy!" Penny exclaimed.

Leaning in for a closer to look, as if to verify the germy assault "You even have what I assume are crumbs and two grains of rice on your sinciput. I hope you have a sanitizing wipe."

Ten inches from Cera's face Sheldon was able to take in the details of her face that, to this point, he had ignored. Her nose was small, smaller than Oliva's, slightly, and she had a small thin scar down the left side. He also noticed she had a thin two inch scar across her labiomental crease parallel to her lips. Sheldon was curious how she had sustained those injuries, but before he could ask Cera cocked her head sideways drawing his sight from her chin up to her eyes. The blue of her eyes, so familiar. Something turned in his stomach. He gasped because suddenly his lungs weren't getting enough oxygen.

"Here you go sorry about that." Penny said waving a wash cloth in front of their faces. The image Sheldon was seeing had faded just as quickly as it appeared. Cera reached for the wash cloth, thankful for the reprieve from being studied so intently. She wiped her forehead quickly laying the washcloth on the counter. "Thank You, Penny." She said gathering her purse, walking to the door.

With her hand resting on the door knob, without turning around she stated "I'll…I'll see you Saturday…Sheldon." And promptly left. She couldn't bear to stay there being scrutinized by Sheldon. He had seem so wide eyed and curious. Last time he had held her gaze it was with anger and loathing.

Both Penny and Sheldon stared at the closed door Cera had just walked through. "Oh, do you think she was mad about the counter?" Penny asked concerned about her friend's quick departure.

"I can't imagine anyone coming into contact with that counter not being angry. Not to mention potentially harmed by the pathogens upon it. I, myself feel the need to return home and disinfect." With that Sheldon retreated as well, trying to shake the illusion he had just seen.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thanks for reading. I love feedback.**

**In Case You Didn't Catch It:** Cera has changed dramatically in the ten years since they last saw each other, both in appearance and behavior. Instead of being the polished professional with closely cropped dark hair and glasses, she is now an eclectic flower-child who is now blonde (she never was before, even as a teen.)

Sheldon has only seen her three separate times prior to the IQ argument: when she ran from his apartment (that meeting was only about a minute) the trip to the comic book store (he was more interested in comics) and the stairwell (the longest yet and he did recognize...something) now it looks as though she has had work done on her face. He is aware that she _could_ be, but is in a bit of denial.

Chapter 8

Cera was startled awake by the bed dipping down on the left side.

"What is it, darlin'? Are you ok?" Cera asked looking blearily into the dark.

"Uh-huh, but can I sleep with you?" Merritt snuggled down into the covers on Cera's left laying her head on her mother's arm.

"Sure honey. Are you sure you're alright?" Cera asked concerned by this unusual nighttime visit.

"Momma, are...are you mad at me?" Merritt whispered in a small, scared voice.

"No honey, where would you get that idea?" Cera suddenly felt very awake.

"You've just seemed kinda mad and a little mean for the last few days. You yelled at me when I forgot to put my plate up. You don't ever yell. So I thought you were mad." Merritt said with tears in her voice.

"I'm sorry, hun. I shouldn't have yelled. I'm just... frustrated, right now. I have…too much on my plate right now, and it's apparently running over where it doesn't belong. I shouldn't take it out on you." Cera said, feeling awful for Merritt's hurt feelings. This mess with Sheldon was taking more of a toll on her than expected. Time and distance had given her the illusion that she had conquered her feelings about him.

"Then why don't you clear your plate off?" Merritt said innocently, thinking it was just that easy.

"Humph, that's easier said than done dumplin'. Sometimes in life there are things you just have to deal with. And occasionally it's more than one thing at a time."

"Is this because of my school? Because we don't have to change anything, I can just try harder to be good." Cera asked, wiggling around to get comfortable.

"Darlin', no, it's not you. I love you more than anything, and I couldn't be more proud of you. And you aren't bad in school, you're bored. In fact, I've already called Waverly so that you may test and move up. Ok? Would you like that?"

"Mmhm, Ok." Merritt said through a yawn.

"Now, don't worry anymore. I'm not angry with you and I will do my best not to let my troubles affect you. I love you and no matter what, you are the best thing to ever happen. Now get some sleep, just because it's Saturday doesn't mean we're gonna sleep all day."

"Mmkay, momma, g-night" Merritt slurred sleepily. Cera brushed Merritt's hair off of her face, slid her arm out from under her and then settled back down to sleep as well.

* * *

"Sheldon, there is a matter I've been meaning to discuss with you." Amy stated matter of factly from the other side of the screen.

"Amy, we have been discussing various matters for twenty three minutes now. Is something troubling you? Unfortunately, I cannot provide you with a hot beverage as the technology to transports food goods to a remote location has yet to come to fruition. However, I would be willing to wait as you prepared one for yourself."

"Thank You, but that is not necessary Sheldon. It has come to my attention, through Penny, that you have _possibly_, on several occasions been in the presence of her new friend, Cera. I was merely wondering are these factual incidents or merely useless fodder from the rumor mill of our social group." Amy asked curiously.

"I suppose they are true. Though, my interactions with Cera seemed to be of little import and nothing noteworthy. Running into someone in the hall and getting a ride to the Comic Center did not seem like anything you would have wanted to be notified of." Sheldon heaved a heavy sigh. His so called friends and their penchant for gossip was wearisome. And now they have Amy behaving in a similar manner.

"So these were genuine occurrences? Hmm, while I do not have the need to know all of the minute details of your day, I find it curious that you have not previously mentioned her. Also, I am surprised that you rode in an automobile, with this stranger. And you say she accompanied you to the comic book store?" Amy asked uncertain of this new addition to her social group.

She knew Cera was not directly _in_ the social group, but she feared her addition my cause it to weaken more than it already had. She had already come to the understanding that the presence of Zack and Priya, while expanding the group size, had meant that the group no longer came together as a full unit as it seemed like it should.

"That is what I just said, is it not? She had a clean car and followed all traffic laws cautiously. It didn't seem to be an imposition because she even made purchases of her own."

"So you share interests _and_ have a friendly acquaintance with this woman." Amy wished she could further understand the interactions her friends had with this woman. Was she to be threatened by her like Penny was of Priya? Or should she accept her as a flighty, friendly face that drops in occasionally like Zack. Capuchin social interactions were so much easier.

"Amy, I don't know that I would consider Cera and myself friendly. The exchanges we have had thus far haven't seemed _hostile_ though." Sheldon answered unsure of the cause for this inquisition. Was Amy aware of the confusion Cera was causing him?

"Penny mentioned to me that you would be meeting with this Cera tomorrow evening. Is this an outing that you would consider a date?"

"I'm not certain what business it is of Penny's or yours, but it is not an outing to anywhere, it is simply a meeting in my apartment, not a date." Sheldon was beginning to feel defensive of his actions and quite disappointed that these ladies were involving themselves with in what he thought, might be personal matters.

"Are you certain, perhaps she has romantic designs on you and has not informed you? Perhaps this meeting is to get you to succumb to her feminine wiles. Or does this meeting already have a set topic?" Amy had been informed by Penny that Sheldon had paid considerable attention to Cera yesterday and that they had quiet the exchange, though she didn't elaborate on what.

"Of course I'm certain this not a date. To go on a date _both_ parties must agree _beforehand_ to engage in a romantic outing. The only date I have _ever_ been on, was the date Penny coerced you and me to go on...No wait, I did in fact accompany Raj on a date in exchange for his signed Incredible Hulk hands. That evening ended very pleasantly." Sheldon trailed off with a slight smile as Amy gasped. "I had admired those hands for years. That Stan Lee really is quite remarkable in his craft." Amy let out a sigh of relief at learning he was only speaking about an incident surrounding one of his toys. "Anyhow, Cera failed to mention what this meeting was regarding." Sheldon was stunned by the direction of his conversation with Amy. As of late their interactions had gotten increasingly frustrating as Amy shifted her focus to that of their social group and her interactions there in. Only the influence of Penny could cause such a sensible woman to behave so absurdly.

"Sheldon, I'm shocked. While I understand that the date mentioned hitherto was to acquire a much desired item, I was under the impression that you had not dated prior to our outing. Penny stated that our date was your first."

"I assure you the company on that date was nowhere near as engaging as I find our interactions. That woman had the audacity to sleep in my bed…I had to sleep in Leonard's room. As for the faulty information you received from Penny, you can't expect her to know of my every move. She is hardly the keeper of Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper."

"Oh…very well then, I apologize for my inquisitiveness. Would you mind company tomorrow evening, albeit briefly. I am quiet keen on meeting Penny's new friend, though I am expected at besties by eight."

"Hmmm, I see no harm in that. Sure why not." Surely whatever was concerning Amy could be laid to rest if she too was able to meet Cera. Perhaps Amy could also be of assistance to her. Sheldon only knew the quicker he got Cera squared away the quicker she could move on and everything could go back to normal.

Cera removed her jacket in the lobby. She had forgotten how warm it was here in late March. Her nerves were not helping her to cool either and she hadn't even made it to Sheldon's door yet.

"Thank you for being punctual." Sheldon stated as he invited Cera through the door. Cera's shirt once again caught his eye. "That shirt is much more amusing than your ludicrous top about Vulcans and Klingons." He stated taking her in as she walked passed.

The grey t shirt was adorned with the phrase **'Middle Earth Annual MORDOR FUN RUN' **the O in Mordor was a silhouette of the great eye in the Dark Tower. The smaller print under the images stated **'One Does Not Simply Walk'**. She had her wavy blond hair down, hanging in long curtains to her waist. As she walked by, Sheldon noticed through her hair that the back of her shirt had been dismantled and reworked to be a series of strings and knots that vaguely resembled webbing. Her image held no resemblance to polished composure she had displayed just two days before. The familiar impression he'd had gotten from her Thursday really was an illusion. This woman did not resemble Olivia, not really. She was far too casual in dress and demeanor. Nor did he think Olivia could have tolerated all of that hair.

Sheldon then pointed toward Amy who had stood to greet Cera. "Cera this is Amy Farrah Fowler. Amy this is…Cera." Sheldon paused realizing he didn't know her last name.

"Hello Cera, my bestie speaks very highly of you. I have been quiet curious about the woman whose praises she has been singing so highly." Amy stuck out her hand to shake Cera's. Cera shook it lightly out of politeness, then slathered her hand with the lime sanitizer hanging from her purse. Cera knew her audience would think she was protecting herself from germs, but really she needed the comfortable gesture, and to remove the tactile sensation of 'Amy' from her hand. Amy sat on the middle cushion of the couch and waited for the other two to follow suit.

"Oh...uh...hello, Amy…Uh, Sheldon, I thought we were meeting. I thought we'd been um...a-alone." Cera stammered out nervously, still rubbing her hands. She didn't sit down. She was far too nervous to settle down. The presence of another just added fuel to the fire that was starting to burn in her gut.

"Well you didn't specify." Sheldon stated.

"No...I suppose I didn't. I forget to do that sometimes, specify, that is." Cera said fiddling with her hair.

"You may still proceed with your matter. I'm certain Amy wouldn't mind. Are you in need of some sort of assistance?"

"No Sheldon, I don't…I don't think you want to have this discussion in front of your girlfriend." Cera said meeting Sheldon's eye.

"Nonsense. Amy's not my girlfriend. She is my friend who happens to be a girl. She could perhaps assist you as well." Sheldon said watching Cera running her hands through her hair, her face still turned to him. The feeling of familiarity rising again.

"Sheldon, I Don't. Need. Help. I need to discuss a _personal_ matter with you." She was nearly in tears. This was not going at all how she had expected. "I'll just…come back…some other time. We _need_ to talk." Cera stepped towards the door to leave.

Sheldon felt exasperated with this woman. He had spent the better part of week trying calculate what reason this woman may need him. For the most part her reasoning seem to evade him, but another hypothesis had made its way to the front of his mind. A few moments ago he would have dismissed this hypothesis yet again, however watching Cera's agitation, it seemed to have solidified itself into a theory. A theory that must be proven. The experiment needed to be subtle in event that he was incorrect. He rarely was, but unfortunately the area he most frequently miscalculated were situations that relied heavily on the human element. And this circumstance was definitely heavy with the human element.

"If you are wanting to _discuss_ 'Liv', there _is_ nothing to discuss." he said sharply.

When Cera didn't immediately respond Sheldon feared he had made a mistake until she made subtle nod of her head and asked softly "So your powers of observation and your eidetic memory didn't fail you? You've just been ignoring me like a jerk?" her voice cracked as she looked down to her feet. No, this was not going at all how she wanted.

There was no way the results were falsifiable. Cera's response was confirmation that she knew him. This fact gave him the only conclusion possible. The woman who favored Oliva, reminded him Oliva and possessed knowledge of him, had to be Olivia.

No, he was not ignoring her, but he had been unable to process her sudden appearance sixteen hundred miles away, without any of the formality and polish he had come to expect from her. Sheldon was unable to voice these thoughts as he was overcome with an onslaught of questions and even…emotions. What he _could_ do was get answers. What he _should_ do is banish her. What he wanted to do was avoid all that Olivia/Cera was and had ever been. Finally a thought solidified itself in his mind enough to take action.

"Oh, dear Lord!" Overwhelmed and needing to regroup Sheldon fled to his room and slammed the door. Avoidance was the winner.

An awkward silence descended on the two women in the room, both staring down the hall where Sheldon had disappeared.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thank you for reading and reviewing.**

**I Do Not Own Big Bang Theory**

Chapter 9

"It is my understanding that leaving your house guest alone, as you run to your room is considered rude, however knowing him as I do, I feel certain he won't return." Amy informed Cera after they watched Sheldon storm off to his room.

"Hmmm." Cera might've gone to his room and tried to further talk to Sheldon if Amy wasn't here, but she wasn't about to do this in front of his…non-girlfriend.

"If you don't mind me asking, who or what is a 'liv' and why is that cause for him to be a jerk?"

"If Sheldon hasn't chosen to share that with you, then I will not break his trust." answered Cera obliquely.

"Hmm, that is very noble of you, though I must admit I am burning with curiosity. You must be a very good friend to shroud such information for him."

Cera wasn't certain if this woman fishing for information or genuinely thought she and Sheldon were friends, either way Cera wasn't giving up anything. "Uh, thank you, but I really…couldn't even begin to…presume Sheldon's thoughts concerning myself," she said with a touch of sadness.

"Oh…well. Seeing as how your previously scheduled meeting with Sheldon has concluded prematurely would you care to accompany me to bestie's apartment?"

"I'm not...uh...not sure that...this is not a good time." Cera spluttered. All she wanted to do now was go home and cry.

"Nonsense, Saturdays are perfectly suitable time for wine and girl talk."

"No, I really...need to go." Cera said edging toward the door.

"Penny is expecting me, but I'm certain she won't mind an extra female. Especially since said company is you. Apparently your training has boosted her confidence, theatrically speaking of course. Thought why a flaxen hair darling such as Penny would need to be reassured is beyond me."

"A livelihood rooted in art needs to be learned and practiced just as anything else. The knowledge gained still needs to be critiqued and encouraged. It's far more than having flaxen hair and being nice to look at." Cera responded with a half-smile.

Amy gave Cera a hard look and shook her head before heading towards Penny's, attempting to usher Cera along.

* * *

"Greetings Penny. May I say you look stunning this evening?"

"Uh, yeah. Thanks. You're early. And...You...have Cera with you." Penny said ushering her guests in.

"Yes, well spotted. Seems her meeting with Sheldon has been cut short by one of his fits of pique. Apparently, there was nothing to discuss regarding 'liv'." Cera glared at Amy's oversharing.

"What is 'liv'?" Asked Penny looking towards Cera.

"I can't say." Replied Cera softly. "I should…I should go." Cera was stunned by how quickly 'Liv' had spread around. She hadn't heard her nick name this much in the past year. Were there not secrets among these people? They were as bad a teenage girls.

"No, no. Stay! You haven't met Bernadette yet." Penny protested.

"We've been eager to meet you ever since you started working with Penny." Said Bernadette from the sofa, trying to encourage Cera to stay.

"I'll...linger…for a few minutes." Cera mumbled.

"You remaining here would be beneficial for our girls' night. As they say, the more the merrier." Amy urged taking the colorful chair next to Bernadette.

Cera managed to squeak out "Uh...ok," about the time a glass of wine was shoved into her hand.

"Typically in times of female bonding we swap intimate details about ourselves. For instance I have an extroverted uterus and have been pleasured to orgasm on 121 occasions by having the pleasure center of my brain electronically stimulated." Amy offered up to get the girl talk going.

"Ah, ok. Thank you for, uh...sharing...uh...Amy, right?" Cera was bewildered by the bluntness of Amy.

"Yes that's Amy. She's still...acclimating to 'girl's night'...procedures. I'm Bernadette by the way."

"Oh! Howard's love right?" Cera said brightly, finally settling down gingerly beside Bernadette.

"Yeah, so, he talked about me?" Bernadette said in a happy, perky tone. Things with Howie had been...unsettled, but hearing that he spoke of her, instead of how creepy he behaved was encouraging.

"I don't know him well, I just met him once, but I believe he is a man smitten." Cera replied.

Amy jumped in eager to learn about her new friend. "So, whom was your first date, when did you lose you virginity, did he break your heart? Were you popular in school?"

"Uh, those are quiet personal questions. For me those are…either very tender, special memories or moments of grief and I don't share myself with just anyone. May I get to know you better and consider what I wouldn't mind sharing with you?" Cera answered feeling overwhelmed.

"Oh...I assure you as friends of Penny's, just as yourself, you can consider us trustworthy. Or do you have something hide?" Amy asked defensively.

"I'm certain that you are lovely women. I'm just...selective with whom I bring into my confidence. And I _am_ hiding things. Everyone hides something. But for the record I was homeschooled so there was no one to be popular with." Cera answered coolly.

"That sounds interesting, but you missed homecoming _and_ prom." Penny noted.

"Ehh." Cera said with a shrug. The idea of prom hadn't impressed her when she was a teenager, she certainly wasn't interested now that she was in her thirties.

"Don't mind them. Amy…has a unique way of getting to know new people. She really is fun though. Uh, so Penny, you were telling me about Leonard." Bernadette said trying to change the subject as she detected the discomfort of the new arrival.

"Yeah he's stumbling around in contacts, all dressed up for _Priya_. He's miserable. He has to be. I hate to see him this way. He should be…be true to himself. I should talk to him. " Penny complained.

"And you want to save him from being altered for an imaginary happiness?" Cera asked.

"Well, kinda. I mean he _should_ be himself. And he shouldn't hafta do everything that…that bitch Priya says." Penny said getting angrier as she thought about it.

"Not all decisions a man can make are good, but they should always be his own. Is your dislike of Priya because of her attachment to a lover that was once yours?" Cera asked innocently. She was bewildered they were having this conversation _again_. She thought Penny had worked through this.

"Penny is experiencing frustration from being the unsuccessful contender in the intersexual competition between herself and Priya. Thus she feels the need to reassert herself to prove herself a viable mate. Or possibly fling her poo at her." Amy explained

"Oh…just because the chemicals in your brain are having a reaction, doesn't mean suddenly you can create a happy unit when you couldn't before. And I'm pretty sure flinging poo is the behavior of a lower primate." Cera offered.

"But what if we could." Said Penny wistfully.

"Yeah, what if Penny and Leonard could make it work at this time?" repeated Amy.

"Relationships, I think, are better when they are allowed to flow and expand at a natural, mutual pace. If you were to interfere with his current love, it would be by force. And that force could only work if your love, commitment, and affection are big enough to match the force it took to ruin what he has now. If…that is what you are speaking of" Cera said thoughtfully.

"That _would be_ a bold move Penny." Bernadette said.

"Well, I wasn't going to do anything. I was just...thinking...about Leonard."

"Because of his attributes and how you feel about him, or because he's comfortable and you are lonely?" Cera questioned.

"Do you not want my bestie to be happy?" Amy asks accusingly, wondering why the new comer was presenting so many confusing questions to her bestie.

"I want her to know her own heart and mind before making a decision. She never mentioned Leonard when she was dating others. Did you think they had a good relationship?" Cera asked curiously. She had no knowledge of the relationship between the Penny and Leonard, but she assumed Penny's friends did.

"Actually, I was not acquainted with Penny while she was dating Leonard so I could not give you an accurate opinion on their union." Amy admitted.

"What did you think Bernadette?" Cera turned the question.

"Well Penny seemed more...umm, stable while they were dating, she didn't party as much. But at the same time she pulled away from her friends. Some more than others. I imagine if I hadn't started dating Howie we wouldn't hang out at all." Bernadette stated and then added "Sorry Penny." with a sympathetic look.

"You're right, you're right. I did stop hanging out. Leonard was weird around my friends and they were _dull_ compared to him and so I just quit trying to make 'em meet in the middle. But he _was_ a good boyfriend." Said Penny.

"A woman such as Penny deserves to have a smart, successful, good looking boyfriend. Isn't that what we all want?" noted Amy as Penny asked about wine refills. Both Bernadette and Amy nodded yes carrying on their conversation. Cera mumbled "I shouldn't."

"That's not _all_ we want Amy. Is that what _you_ want?" Bernadette asked surprised at this new facet Amy had begun to show. Aside from her pseudo-boyfriend, Sheldon, who was only meant to distract her mother, Amy hadn't really mentioned interest in relationships. And only once had she expressed a physical interest in a man.

"Of course, it is an innate biological imperative that we pick the best mate possible and reproduce." Amy explained.

"Only Cera thinks it's fun to be alone. Even _Sheldon_ has a girlfriend now." laughed Penny.

Amy cleared her throat in response.

"I don't think that at _all_. I merely think it's safer and less complicated to be alone. It's a…_dysfunction_ I have from watching my parents…and my own past relationships. I…I know it's unhealthy and I don't judge others for doing what I'm too frightened to do. But it's _not_ fun." Why people thought she enjoyed being lonely because she had no desire to serial date she would never understand. And why was Sheldon dating such a big deal?

"Oh, I didn't mean-" Penny started.

"It's fine. I'm going to lunch with Zack this week anyhow. _As_ _friends._" Said Cera firmly holding up her had. "New topic. So, Penny, have you had any auditions lately. We haven't worked together in a while." Cera said shifting to something more comfortable.

"Zack!?" Penny chirped happily at Cera' still upturned hand. "Oh, uh, I've been to two. Both for commercials. Both turned me down." She gestured toward Cera, "Are you sure you don't want more wine?"

"I'm so sorry, Penny. I'm sure you'll get the next one." said Bernadette softly.

"They are fools for not capitalizing on your lustrous blonde locks and delightful smile. I would purchase anything you advertised." Amy said encouragingly.

"I'll take more wine, though I shouldn't. Three stints in Betty Ford between two parents says it's a bad idea. Life in the lime light is a grievous thing."

"I'm sorry I forgot." Said Penny sympathetically.

"Both of your parents suffer from addictions? Do you know to what substances? Did they relapse with a formerly used substance or did they find a new drug to replace the first? Did any of your grandparents have addictions as well?" Amy asked.

Bernadette reached over and nudged Amy and shook her head whispering a harsh "Amy."

Amy mumbled "Sorry." then asked "Do you think Penny would not enjoy her chosen profession?"

"I don't know if she will or not, but I know it is tedious and the invasion that is fame, is far reaching." Cera answered.

"Whadya mean?" asked Penny.

"When you become famous, you'll always wonder if your friends are truthful or if they have become your yes men. Any new people you meet you will wonder if they _really_ like you. The media will be unnaturally interested in boyfriends, husbands and even your children. Yes they will follow your kids, too." Said Cera sourly.

"That's quiet discouraging, and a bit exaggerated as well. Are you trying to frighten Penny away from her dream?" asked Amy. She was beginning to think Penny's new friend was a real 'downer' as they say.

"I don't know, those tabloids do seem pretty invasive. Cera may be on to something." Bernadette said.

"Why do you think all that?" Asked Penny suspiciously.

Cera suddenly became very interested in her wine glass and mumbled "My parents."

Amy scratched her head and asked "Your parents gave you that information?"

"Who are you parents?" Penny asked.

"Patrick and Cynthia Tollman" Cera answer quietly shrinking back into her seat as if to disappear. She was suddenly feeling very vulnerable and very crowded. Why was this sofa so small?

"They sound familiar, what do they do?" asked Bernadette.

"They are in a band. Toll Bridge." Cera could not figure out why she was telling them this. Oh yeah, the wine.

"Wait weren't they like big in the eighties? I remember my parents were into them." asked Bernadette.

"According to Wikipedia they joined British brothers Julian and Roger Hembrow and Roger's wife Becky in 1974. They formed a folk band that was heavy on piano and guitar. They had three top ten hits and two top twenty hits in the seventies. In the early eighties they had four more songs that were top forty. Since then they have done reunion tours. Three members broke away and launched moderate solo careers in the late eighties. In the mid ninety's the reunited and tour with other bands from the seventies." Amy informed them as she thumbed through the information on her phone.

"Why haven't you mentioned this before?" asked Penny the same time Bernadette said "That's why you are so talented."

"While it is interesting to be friends with the offspring of celebrities and it is fascinating that you carry their talents, it's not as if those are _your_ accomplishments." Amy stated.

"Amy!" Both Penny and Bernadette cried together.

"No, it's ok. I agree with her. I have always wanted my own life apart from the organism that is their talent, fame and the…emotional…cataclysm it caused. I even went without speaking to them for a time because of it. Well, not _just_ that, but that was a big contributor." explained Cera.

"No wonder you're so private." said Bernadette.

"So you just inherited all their talent. And you're so helpful with it." Penny cooed.

"Don't. Do that. Don't make me something I'm not because of them. Yes, I inherited some of their talent, but I still have to practice. Genetics is not just a gimme you still have to do the work. And what I inherited is sharp hearing that allows me to take in all the nuances of sound, break them down and reproduce them at will. And a voice I can manipulate."

"Are you suggesting that their contribution to your genome was merely an enhancement in your primary motor cortex, supplementary motor area, ventral thalamus and posterior cerebellum? Has this also given you superior speech and language skills? Those enhancement also supposedly correlate to mathematical abilities." asked Amy clinically.

"Essentially yes. I have had the ability to play most instruments since I was old enough to have the motor skills to do so. Of course some I had to grow into; like the guitar. I do speak five different languages, but English is native, the German is because of my grandparents, the Spanish is because thirteen percent of the US speaks it and the percentage is even larger in this area, French and Italian I learned, just because I wanted to. My math skills _are_ above average, and I would never refer to myself as superior-though _my_ _mom_ totally would. She _pushed_ us to be superior." Cera answered.

"Wow, so what's it like-having famous parents?" Penny asked.

"I can't really say, since I have nothing to make a comparison to. Sometimes it was chaotic, we traveled a lot for tours, when we weren't left with different family in different states. I wasn't terribly old when I became…aware of the parties and, what I now know was, hedonistic bedlam. But they loved us and gave us great advantages; that's how we came to have a private tutor at home. I also know at times we were over indulged, that's actually how we came to meet Wil."

"Your parents indulged you in letting you meet Wil Wheaton?" Bernadette asked.

"No my parents indulged my older brothers in getting them on the set of Star Trek: The Next Generation back in the eighties. And somehow that led to us having a few seconds of screen time in an episode that revolved around a group of children. I think it was season two"

"You've been on a TV show!?" exclaimed Penny hopping off her barstool in excitement.

"Oh the guys would go nuts if they knew that." Bernadette said.

"Ugh," Cera grunted inelegantly. "Hmm, more false associations because of who and what I know. And not because of any direct interest in me." Cera was beginning to feel the depressants in her wine taking its toll and now she had blurted out information that was likely to make her feel even more dejected.

"Oh, they wouldn't use you like that. I mean everybody gets used by somebody for something, and I imagine you had it worse, but we're not like that. The guys might go fanboy for a bit and then move on. Is that why you wouldn't talk to me much for so long? Why you don't date?" Penny wondered.

"Essentially. Also what I desire in an inamorato are not within reach. I've learned my hopes are…a bit outlandish." Cera confessed.

"What in the world could you possibly want?" Bernadette asked at the same time Penny asked "What's a in-amerado?"

"Male lover, in Italian. I have a whole list of expectations, I started it at 13, and of course now the list is more than tall, cute, and fun. Doesn't everybody have one?" Cera answered them both.

"Nah, that would take all the fun out of going out." Penny replied.

"I don't have a list per say, but I do have certain standards." Bernadette answered, getting a laugh from Penny and Amy.

"That sounds like a logical way of picking a mate. It certainly would eliminate guess work and provide quite a bit of structure to dating. Is this submitted in questionnaire form? When do you present it to them? Is this the same methods employed by the better online dating sites?" Amy asked.

"Oh, I would never tell a date what I expect. I just know what I want and need and as the guys don't live up to them we part ways. It's dangerous to the heart to keep someone close after figuring out we're incompatible. People do have the tendency to fall in love with those they spend lots of time with, especially if you are intimate with them.

Besides, people can always misrepresent themselves to sway an outcome. That would be the problem with dating sites. It may match up people with some similarities but odds are its matching two people that are both pretending to be someone else. Anyone can say and be anything until they achieve their goal of a hot meal or sex or marriage. It's a ruse that preys on the gullible and the lonely." Cera explained.

"Hmm, amusing, Sheldon referred to the clients of online dating as gullible, lonely prey, as well, when I first met him." Amy responded.

"How did you meet Sheldon, if you don't mind my asking?" Cera was pretty sure she actually didn't want to know, but she couldn't stop the question from slipping out. Damn wine.

"Sheldon and I were deemed an exemplary match on an online dating site." Amy answered.

Cera didn't think that seemed like Sheldon at all, but could she actually claim to know him after a decade away. She shifted on the chair as she was feeling unsettled, but it wasn't from the state of her seat. She just couldn't believe Sheldon had put his information onto a dating site profile. And it produced a good match…in…Amy. This very dry, very mechanical woman was…suited…for Sheldon. Cera could seeing them being similar but not exactly complementary. She supposed it really didn't matter if Amy was the right one for him or not; she knew it wasn't _her_. He told her so. Twice.

"I've since learned that it was not Sheldon but actually Howard and Rajesh who created the dating profile. So I suppose you do have point." Amy followed up.

"Hmm," That did make her feel slightly better. Though, she really would rather have no feelings on the matter at all.

"They are going to have a baby though!" exclaimed an excited Penny.

Cera spluttered her drink. She was dumbfounded by this new development. She took several calming breaths that failed to do their job. Cera badly wanted to _not_ be having this conversation or even be _here_ for that matter. She pulled out her phone and started thumbing through menus.

"They're making them in a test tube. Isn't that…interesting?" Penny added.

Cera felt weak. She shouldn't feel anything, she told herself, and she had prepared herself for any scenario with Sheldon. Married, kids, girlfriend she thought she could handle anything. Test tube siblings from a non-relationship was not something she was expecting for Merritt. "Why?" She didn't mean to ask that, but it was a viable question.

"Our genetic material has the potential to produce intellectually superior beings." Amy answered happily. Both Penny and Bernadette snickered at this.

"Your genetic material…has potential?" Cera asked stupefied by such a detached reason for having a baby. Though perhaps some of this sensation was actually the wine.

"Oh yes, as we are both supremely intelligent. The genes with those markers will combine when the spermatozoa fertilizes the ovum producing an embryo carrying those superior genes." Amy answered slowly ensuring that Cera could understand the concept.

Cera sighed heavy, knowing the woman assumed she was an idiot. She finished her second glass then without a trace of her typical southern drawl and with perfect elocution Cera responded, "While I do understand the process of reproduction, I'm pretty sure genetics isn't that…easy. If I'm not mistaken, genius is considered a genetic anomaly, much like birth defects, and does _not_ have a high heritability rate. Even in the case of two geniuses reproducing, regression towards the mean seems to be the standard."

"Wha'?" asked Penny.

Bernadette looked at Cera curiously before answering. "She means that _anyone_ has a one in oh, ten-thousand chance of creating a genius. It's a crap shoot of which genes line up to give a child super intelligence. And then even when two highly intelligent people come together odds are there kids IQs are going to slide back closer to average than the parents instead of improving to be higher than their parents. And, she's not wrong."

"Really, So no little Homo Novussesses for the Shamy? You still wanna settle for that test tube Amy?" Penny asked gesturing with her wine, a smirk on her face.

"I'm sure with the superiority of Sheldon and myself we could overcome such insubstantial obstacles. Though, I will look into that just to be certain. One can't believe everything one reads on Wikipedia." Amy answer with a tight voice and an irritated look at Cera.

Cera was feeling weary of this entire evening. Sheldon wouldn't speak to her. She was pretty certain she had angered his _not_ girlfriend. And she had been more personal with these women, two of which she didn't know, than she had been with anyone outside of family for years. It was definitely time to go home.

Cera stood with a slight sway, "An, I wish you all the luck with that. Amy, Bernadette it was niissse to meet you both. Penny gimme a call. I will…I will see ya'll later."

"Cera, you don't have to go. It's still early." Bernadette said sweetly.

"Yeah, I don't think you should be going anyway. I've never seen you drink this much. Can you even drive?"

Cera giggled, "No, proply not." she slurred, brightly with a heavy drawl as she waved her phone "But I hailed a cab. Hail Cab! Should be downstairsss."

"Uh, ok. See ya." Penny said.

"Good bye Cera. Nice to meet you." Bernadette called out as Cera walked out the door. Amy remained silent, mulling over the events brought by this new acquaintance.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I don't own Big Bang Theory**

Chapter 10

Slamming the door to his room Sheldon leaned heavily against it as though he could keep the truth from following him into his sanctuary. Though he had observed the evidence and calculated the probability he was still surprised. He curled in on himself on his bed feeling as though he had taken a blow to the stomach. His head was fuzzy with information and emotion, both new and old. Perhaps this was what she was experiencing when she made her swift exit from his apartment. That would mean that she was surprised by his presence. If she was unaware of his location, why did it seem as though she had pursued him purposefully? Why was she even _here_? Why the disguise and deception? Would she expose that at one time, he too gave into urges, to their social group? She had always been circumspect with personal information, even from him. So he decided that she would, in all likelihood, keep their former...alliance to herself.

No longer speaking endlessly on her work anymore, she seemed softer than she had before, but perhaps, there were hints of this the entire time. She had offered him a ride, but she had always been generous; she had proven their interactions were sanitary, but she endeavored to him at kept ease before. Perhaps it was her state of dress or perhaps it was the hair, but she seemed more playful.

Sheldon wondered if she had abandoned her profession to become a hippie, though the sophisticated appearance she had presented earlier in the week told him that was unlikely. He had never disliked her work, she was passionate about it and had a great work ethic. She never behaved with the assumption that her work was superior, she acknowledged that she used physics daily. Not that she ever let him claim that his field was better. Olivia claimed as long as one is happy and making a difference competition was unnecessary.

All of his memories of Olivia were muddled with 'Cera'. All bright colors and blonde hair. Was it possible she was…more beautiful? Long, soft blonde hair, where it once was short and dark. Her clear blue eye no longer covered by spectacles. She seemed curvier than she had been previously, the rest of her shape catching up with her…well rounded posterior. Thinking about her attractive features his body forgot about being a Homo Novus and began to experience, what was once, nearly a Pavlovian response. It had taken him a few years and a lot of _alone_ _time_ to overcome the response to _anything_ that triggered memories of her. Leonard, of course, noticed that behavior and teased him relentlessly for it, even going so far as to refer to him as a semi-pro.

Sheldon got up to distract his mind and body and found himself putting on music. He pulled out an old CD emblazoned with George Strait. He had purchased it on a whim after an afternoon playing billiards with Olivia in a bar and grill they frequented. The fond memories of those outings caused such stirrings of…weakness. Olivia had seemed more relaxed, expressive and encouraging there. She was able to detach herself from her career that seemed to becoming more overwhelming and grievous by the day. They still discussed serious yet very engaging matters such as the Tau Neutrino, that was finally detected in July of that year, or the 'draft' of the human genome. While in that place she was constantly bouncing around jovially to the music while playing pool or darts and pulling him right along with her. That alone was the problem, she caused him to behave impulsively and without regard to logic and his beloved physics.

Half way through the first song he realized he was behaving like Leonard. An emotional Leonard, after a break up no less. And he had not even experienced a breakup. Not really, they had never been together. Not officially. At the time he had distracted himself throwing himself into his upcoming move and the new and exciting work he would be able to do once he arrived. He certainly had no interest in dealing with his reactions like his siblings suggested. Junior would have found another female to copulate with. Missy wanted to feed the issue.

"Shelly, the best way get over a woman, is to get under another one." Junior told him with a wink at a time when he hadn't exited his room for three days. Sheldon wasn't certain how his position in relation to someone else had to do with his current...social adjustment. He also didn't want to discuss the matter, or anything really, with Junior so his response was "Mind your own beeswax, Junior!" and a slammed door. Junior didn't know specifically what Sheldon's…association with Olivia was, but he was fairly certain it was suspected on the occasions Junior would pick him up from her apartment.

Missy just offered ice cream and said she could sneak him alcohol. He honestly could not figure why they insisted he had some sort of issue. He was glad to be done with the woman. She was time consuming and distracting. He did take the ice cream though. It was chocolate.

Olivia had confessed her...feelings, like a hippie, which he abhorred. By the time he decided her...absence was...inconvenient, she was...spending time with someone else and then gone.

_ "Hey Shelly, guess who I ran in to today!" Missy asked running into the living room where Sheldon had stacks of paperwork._

_ "I'm not interested in playing your inane guessing games, Missy."_

_ "Ok, ok. Me and Bucky, you know Bucky right, were out in Huston yesterday, and went to that little bar and grill, you know the one with the pool tables? Anyway, we were there and I ran into to your friend Liv. Well I didn't actually, run into her 'cause we didn't talk and I don't think she saw me, but I saw her."_

_ "She's not my friend, as would be indicated by the fact that we have not spoken or met in eleven weeks." Sheldon answered huffily. He was weary of hearing about Olivia, or talking about Olivia, and especially thinking about Olivia._

_ "Of course not. A Homo New-ves like you don't need friends. Anyway, the female colleague who you used to exchange ideas with, and shared common interests with," Missy said pitching her voice to mimic Sheldon, "she's got a new boyfriend." The sound of Sheldon's papers rustling ceased. "They looked pretty cozy to me." Hearing a _swoosh_ followed by a _thunk_ behind her, Missy turned to see an agitated Sheldon with papers scatters at his feet. "Or is that the reason for your 'difference of opinion.'?"_

_ "I assure you I have no concern for what she is doing, or whom she is doing it with. She was tedious and…and distracting and I wish her well with her future endeavors." His voice going up in agitation. Sheldon walked to his room, but before he could cross the kitchen he heard Missy approaching him._

_ "You know she called again last week. Momma said she called week before that, too."_

_Sheldon continued to his room ignoring Missy. He was well aware she had called, she had tried to contact him through his cell phone as well._

_ "Maybe, her opinions ain't so different anymore." Missy said raising her voice to ensure he could hear her._

_ Sheldon didn't slow down as he wasn't interested in anything Missy had to say, especially when she chose to slaughter the English language in that manner. The only thing he wished to concentrate on was obtaining his second doctorate. He needed to focus on his move in a few weeks and he wanted to be ahead in his classes that would start in January._

_ As he sat down in his room among his boxes, his mind betrayed him and began to think of Olivia anyway. The ability to profess strong emotions for someone only to turn and go on to another, was proof to him that emotions were ephemeral and faulty. Merely a chemical reaction in the brain that only the dimwitted and weak gave into. Sheldon Cooper was neither._

His imitation of Leonard was unacceptable. This is exactly why the shorter man's work was subpar, he allowed himself to be distracted by the fairer sex and that was just not acceptable for Sheldon. He needed to do something functional as a distraction. He would do laundry. He _should_ do laundry, but, he dare not leave his apartment yet. He feared a repeat run in with _Cera_? _Olivia_? HER.

While cats could distract his mind from noticing the absence of stimulating conversation, they would do nothing to make his eidetic memory forget the sound of her laugh, the smell of her hair, the feel of her skin. Sheldon attempted to dismiss these thought and memories doing something fun and useful. He decided to go through and check the inventory on his comics. He donned his gloves and was thumbing through his second box when he came across it. The Uncanny X-Men vs. Sauron. One of the few comics sent to him by Olivia, herself. He slid the comic out of it protective sleeve as he opened the book a tri-folded letter fell out. Sheldon flipped the letter open to reveal the feminine curls of her cursive, annoyed by yet another reminder of her.

_He had not seen Olivia in over a year and a half, but occasionally he still received correspondence from her. She occasionally sent him comic books and other trinkets despite his protest. She had even sent him the photos from Germany, which he kept, though he found them unnecessary. This package was no different. He unfolded her letter to read._

_ April 21, 1998_

_Hey Sheldon,_

_How are you? I hope you are doing well and that your work is progressing at a pleasing rate. My studies are going well. I'm bogged down with Anatomic and Clinical Pathology right now, so this will be a quick note._

_ I was in Atomic Empire earlier (that's our comic book store here in Durham) and I thought of you. This was just released today. I hope you haven't gotten it by the time this reaches you. If you have, feel free to exchange it for anything that strikes your fancy. I really enjoyed this one. It's Jubilee! And I really identify with her. (Living in a mall in Hollywood after losing my wealthy parents with Mutant fireworks!) That could so be me (I'm being sardonic!) Yes, I know she isn't really all that impressive, but she's whimsical, and what's life without a little whimsy, right? Hope you enjoy X-men vs. Sauron. I'll say no more, so as not to reveal the plot to you._

_ This, by the way, is NOT a gift. (Even if your birthday did just pass-you're legal now just like me; as if we ever let something like age hold us back!) You don't have to send me anything (Not even for __my__ birthday in a few months) let's just call it a proof. It's physical evidence you crossed my mind at some point during the day. You may of course reciprocate __if,__ and only if, you __want__ to. __But__ you are in no way obligated to send me anything, you aren't even obligated to write me in return. I'm glad that you do though._

_ Anyway, I've got a paper to write. Good fortune and happiness to you!_

_ Truly,_

_ (TTFN-TaTa For Now!)_

_ Liv_

_ Sheldon smiled at his letter and non-gift. While he struggled to adjust to the idea that someone wanted to treat him friendly and provide him with…_proofs_, he did like the feeling. Having a pen-pal wasn't so bad. He would have to write her back promptly tomorrow. For now he had a book to read._

Sheldon folded the letter and put the comic book away gingerly. He felt as though his trusted comics had betrayed him by bringing on these sensations that just did not compute. He decided instead of his regularly scheduled laundry, he would attempt to watch television, in spite of his schedule. At the moment his routine would bring him out of the comfort of his apartment and _not_ bring the calm and order that kept his world balanced.

As he flipped through the channels he came across the X-Men movie. They had gone to see it together a few weeks after his mother ran into her in Twin Horns Steakhouse just inside of Houston (a place he abhorred, but his family insisted.) They had, of course, both seen the movie alone earlier in the summer when it was first released, but that was the first time someone had voluntarily gone to see a movie with him. He was grateful for the companionship as it assured him competent assistance if he were to choke on his popcorn.

He had always assumed she was lonely and despite her usual intelligence, gave into her baser and unnecessary need for social interaction. Really, that was the only reason she could have for seeking him out once or twice a week, despite the long drive between her home and his.

_Sheldon and Cera were standing in the concession line at the movie theater in Galveston. He was grateful that she had arrived early enough to give them time to collect their snacks. He had just placed his order for a Diet Coke, Red Vines and popcorn with butter when she spoke._

_"I can't believe you eat that." Cera exclaimed in a disgusted tone that was missed by Sheldon._

_ "You have trouble accepting I eat popcorn?" He asked genuinely confused as he took his bag of popcorn from the vendor, who gestured to the butter pumps on the side._

_ "No Mr. Particular, the artificial butter substance in which you are currently drowning your popcorn." Cera grimaced._

"_It's Dr., remember? I do have a doctorate. And I am particular, about the cleanliness of preparation, and proper construction of my food. As I am applying the butter substance, as you put it, myself I am certain that it is both clean and properly applied. I however, unlike you, am not convinced that most substances in food are as toxic as sulfuric acid"_

_ Cera just hmphed, and walked toward the theater. Sheldon followed behind and began a most interesting ritual. _

_ "Ha…Ha…Ha." Sheldon rang out as he moved from seat to seat._

_ "What are you doing?" asked an intrigued Cera._

"_That should be obvious, I'm locating the acoustic sweet spot." Sheldon answered matter of factly._

_ "Oh. Could you not develop an algorithm that would provide you with the acoustic sweet spot? I imagine you are trying to avoid areas of slap echo." Cera asked in between Sheldon's "Ha"s._

_ "Slap echo, among other negative reverberations. While I can create such an equation, it would still need to be proven. Real world trials frequently give you different data because of the variables that cannot be accounted for. For example, I cannot take into account every occupied and unoccupied seat in any given theater for any given movie. There for it is most efficient to make a hypotheses and then immediately experiment."_

_ Cera just grinned at his very Sheldon answer and said "Ok, if it doesn't embarrass you, it doesn't embarrass me."_

_ "Why should I be embarrassed? If anything the other moviegoers should be embarrassed for settling for inadequate audio...Besides it can't be any more embarrassing than the gyrating you were doing in the aisles at the supermarket last week when you enjoyed the song playing over the loudspeakers."_

_ Cera blushed at being caught, but couldn't help but laugh and merely said "Touché." As they took their seats in the audio sweet spot._

_ She was frequently questioning his behavior and motivations, but once he provided logic she would accept him happily and encourage him. Anytime he asked her about why she always felt the need to argue with him and she would laugh and say she wasn't arguing, she just liked playing Devil's Advocate; that it kept him sharp. Sheldon found this frustratingly…amusing._

_ As Cera pulled up outside Sheldon's childhood home, she bid him goodbye._

"_Thanks for going with me. That movie was actually better having someone watch it with me. Though I still believe the movie would have been better with Gambit."_

_ "Since Gambit has only been added to the X-Men in the last decade, I'm not sure that everyone has warmed to him as a vital member as much as you." _

_ "I suppose you're right. It was still pretty cool though."_

_ "You suppose? Olivia, of course I'm right. As the one who spends far more time in comic book stores and amongst true fans of X-Men cannon I'm telling you, Gambit __**is**__ largely seen as disposable. You are just enamored by the character in a Saturday morning cartoon."_

_ "You're right…you do spend too much time in comic book stores." Cera laughed, "No really, you're fine, you have a hobby that I can relate to even though it's not my favorite thing. And yea, I was __**totally**__ into that cartoon… So I'll call you later in the week when I have some free time, whatever that is." Cera said before reaching across the car and hugging Sheldon. He instantly froze, but didn't move away._

_ "Oh, sorry Sheldon!" cried out Cera after realizing her mistake. "Sometimes I just can't help myself. I just I'm here all alone and at times a…tactile person. I've just not had any human…contact in sometime. I know that you are averse to touch because of potential pathogens." _

_ "It is...ok. I find that I am not completely adverse to contact with you. I know that due to your profession you are very hygienic and take the spread of pathogens very seriously. As for needing human contact, I'm no stranger to that need, either. Sometimes, when I was in Germany, I used to long for the comfort of Meemaw's arms, a pat from Mommy, Missy tussling my hair, or even a punch in the arm from Junior. Granted, it's not a frequent desire, but I do understand. It's also understandable that this need is stronger in a female as well. Just…don't make a habit out of it."_

_ "I'll try to contain myself. Let's see it's been about a month since I first hugged you, so is month a long enough recovery time? You can schedule me, four weeks from now." Cera said laughing, glad that he was able to shake this off so easily. Cera had seen him go nearly catatonic because of a noogie from Junior._

_ "You know, Meemaw gives excellent hugs." Sheldon said hoping he had found a solution._

"_Sheldon, I don't think your grandmother wants to hug a stranger."_

_ "You have met Meemaw, therefore you are not a stranger. She does constantly barrage me with questions pertaining to you and insist I invite you to Sunday dinner sometime. Don't worry you aren't obligated to attend. I've assured her you are far too busy for such a tedious occasion. It would be delightful if it was just Meemaw, but of course Momma and my siblings are always there as well."_

_ "That's lovely. I would…I would go. If you…wanted me too. I wouldn't…mind. Of course it would have to be a Sunday I'm not scheduled, but…I would."_

_ "Oh, well, you'd be in for quite a treat. We will have to schedule a Sunday then. You can even get a genuine Meemaw hug and save me from being assaulted by your monthly tactile needs." Sheldon said with a smug yet sincere smile._

_ Cera just laughed._

Sheldon felt like he was drowning. He couldn't even watch a movie without feeling like he was being suffocated by her. They had spent mere months together, yet she had managed to affect so much. Eventually he decided to turn in early and hope tomorrow he could shake this haunted feeling. Unfortunately, his eidetic memory had other plans for his REM sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: This is the last chapter that I had pre-written before posting this story. I still have several more that are already complete and the rest is outlined. I can't believe how massive this story has become from what was a simple 'what if?' back before Halloween last year.**

**Thank You for everyone that reads, reviews and follows. It's very encouraging.**

Chapter 11

Cera had a heavy heart as she shut off her alarm. She hadn't been resting well and was glad for the extra sleep this morning. She'd been dealing with the disappointment and heartache of this situation for years. Sheldon's dismissal wasn't going to make her day any different. She'd been telling herself that for the last five mornings. She hadn't felt this much anguish over him in years. It wasn't just grief for herself, no, she had already dealt with that slowly over time. This was hurt for Merritt, whose father seemed to detest her so much, she couldn't even tell him about his amazing girl.

She hoped getting up to go downstairs to get her day started by preparing breakfast and getting Merritt ready for school would clear her mind. At least today she had someone else to distract her. After dropping Merritt off at school and running a few errands, she was going to meet Zack at The Cheesecake Factory. Zack's interesting reasoning for their locale was because they both knew Penny.

* * *

"Cera, right?" Cera's was caught by a man's voice.

Cera just smiled and nodded as he took in her apperance. She was dressed in a professional, baby pink, knee-length dress adorned with several large black buttons up the side and a slim black belt. Her hair hung in a long braid down her back.

"Was I supposed to dress more nice?"

"Uh, no I'm just ready in case I have to run into work."

"Alright." Zack nodded.

"So it's, uh, good to see you again." started Cera.

"Yeah, sure. I only saw you that one time and you were, ya know, busy. You still playing?" Zack said as they sat at a table near the front of the restaurant.

"Only theoretically. I haven't really had much time with my family to do anything formal."

"How can you play in theory?"

"Think about it really hard, and wish I could while I'm doing something else." Cera rubbed hand sanitizer onto her hands.

"Oh. Uh, what is it you're doing?"

"Working, hanging out with my daughter. Did Penny mention I'm a mom?" Cera always tried to get the daughter conversation in early. Merritt was the most important thing to her and she wanted everyone to know up front. That way if dates were uncomfortable with that they could end things early.

"Uh, yea she did. That's, uh, cool. So uhh, what do you do? Ya know, for work." Asked Zack.

Cera couldn't help but burst out laughing at this question. It seemed so odd that Zack was the one to finally be curious enough to ask.

"Uh, that wasn't a joke…was it?" asked a slightly confused Zack.

"No, no. It's just funny that you're the first person I've met, in months, to ask me that. Even our mutual friends haven't. I'm not sure it's even crossed their minds that I have a profession." Cera tried to control her laughter.

"Yeah, they can kinda get full of themselves. But they are really, really smart." Zack said in their defense as a waiter showed up to take their order.

"Smart, doesn't justify discourtesy," Cera said after the waiter left.

"Yea, but they're doctors so they're really busy with important stuff, you know."

"I too, am a doctor and I am not too busy to be courteous…I hope."

"What kinda doctor, do you get to play with lasers too?"

"Not quite like the lasers they use. And if you ever hear of anyone diagnosing or treating allergies with a laser, they are quacks." She accepted the water brought by the waiter and squeezed her lime into in as she muttered "biofeedback."

"Riiight, Uh, Penny thought maybe you worked for a daycare. She said you talked about kids a bit." Zack still had no idea what she did, but he hoped she was getting to it.

Cera laughed "Sometimes it feels like it, but that's dealing with the parents. You can always expect kids to be kids, unfortunately you can't always expect grownups to, you know, grow up."

"Yeah, tell me about it." Zack shook his head in sympathetic agreement. Cera lifted a brow in curiosity, wondering what he was referring to. Zack went on "So what exact type of doctoring do you do? On…kids, I take it."

"I'm a pediatric allergist and immunologist, but just referring to me as an allergist is fine. I work for the children's hospital. I'm split between the hospital in LA and the outpatient offices in Arcadia. I handle allergies, asthma and immunologic disorders in kids."

"So you're like dishing out Benadryl all day, huh?"

"If the child and I are that lucky, a minor prescription is all it takes. My focus is on the immune system. When it incorrectly identifies a trigger such as food, animals, or insects, the body reacts and attacks leaving a child weak and ailing with symptoms that anywhere from just irritating to life threatening. I diagnose and try to prevent such events. I also deal with children whose immune systems have been compromised by either an illness or is a congenital issue."

"That's…a lot more complicated than it sounded. But I guess that why you get the big bucks, huh? It explains the sanitizer, though…doesn't it?

"Yea, that's me, complicated with big bucks. That's why I have to have a…hobby that I have to…to throw my whole self into. Engaging my mind, body and senses is a good…diversion. And the hand sanitizer does keep the risk of infections down, but the alcohol in it helps dry my fingers so that I can maintain the calluses for my guitar."

"Uh, wow, that sounds like a cool hobby, what is it?" a stunned sounding Zack asked.

Cera laughed, "Playing the guitar…or any music really. It's one thing to strum a guitar or…play a piano, but to fully express yourself through song or to write out your thoughts and feelings or to engage others with that is just…a relief."

"A relief. Yeah, I totally get that." Zack said seriously, nodding his head.

"You…you do?" Cera asked incredulously.

"Yea, sure. I played the bass _and_ the drums in high school. I played in a garage band." Zack said smugly as he leaned back in his chair.

"Oh, that's cool. Did you guys ever get to play anywhere?" Cera asked, smiling, happy to know a fellow musician.

"Oh yeah! We played in the garage." Zack answered sincerely.

"O-OK….Penny never told me that."

"I'm not sure she knew. She never asked."

"Hmm, that seems to be going around. Are you…you're ok talking about her right?"

"Yeah, yeah. Why wouldn't I be? I like talking about Penny. I _love_ talking to Penny. _About_ Penny."

"Uh…well you know, people don't always handle break ups well."

"Yeah. Penny and me, we're good, you know. Why, are you not good with your ex? Is it because of your kid?" Zack asked as the waiter placed their food on the table.

"Oh. My last boyfriend, Jeff? No, no, not good. He _isn't_ Merritt's father and I'm not really sure he wanted the job. But after the stunt he pulled, that's beside the point." Cera resumed speaking after the waiter excused himself.

"What did this guy do? He didn't do something to your kid, did he?"

"No, but he did tamper with the thing I love the most after her, my job."

"How could he mess with your job, I mean, you're a doctor."

"As doctors we have a monthly conference, it's a peer review called an M and M. It stands for Morbidity and Mortality. We gather and discuss the short comings of and ways to improve our care in whatever facility we are currently practicing. These things are legally bound to being confidential, so I won't go into much, except for what pertains to me.

"In the hospital where I worked we had recently had an issue with a patient. Nothing fatal, just alarming and it discovered that it was do caregiver neglect, either physician or nursing staff. Something slipped through the cracks. Both Jeff and I, among others, had worked with the patient.

"When the administration started asking questions about order of events, they leaned heavily on Jeff. He's in orthopedics and the patient was technically under his care _and_ he was a more senior staff member. Jeff, trying to save his own ass, shifted the blame on to me. He accused me of poor workplace conduct. He told them I interfered with his time with the patient because of my constant sexual advances, which was an interesting claim from someone I never slept with. He said that I lacked focus and didn't give proper regard to the health and life of patients. So they, in turn, investigated me. They found nothing, through digging through all the notes and interviewing nurses and other physicians, but it didn't leave me in a very good light just having to undergo an investigation."

"So of course I was pissed with him. And I had this taint on me at work. Because after that, they're watching you, you know? So I decided to move back here, back home." Cera explained, waving her fork for emphasis.

"Wow and you're not even crying."

"Why would I cry?"

"I thought girls cried when they talked about exes. And I think I might want to cry if somebody messed with my career like that."

"The _job_ I did cry over, but I have a new one. But over him, no, I'm not sad. I wasn't sad. I…wasn't…don't think…looking back, I don't think I was in love with him. I was hurt, because I did care for and wanted to love him, and I thought he cared for me. I was pissed, because that was a dirty thing to do. But mostly I just felt…weary. I'm just tired of the whole thing. And I'm sorry, but that's why I just won't date any more. It's just…draining."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm not up for dating either."

"Really? Then why are we eating lunch together."

"It's lunchtime…and Penny said I should hang out with you."

"Oh, Penny sets you up on dates? Or non-dates, I guess?"

"Yeah…I try to help with whatever, you know, so if it's to take out her friends, I take out her friends."

"I'm not the first friend you've gone out with, huh?" Cera asked with a big grin.

"Nope, I met her friend Amy something or something. It was actually my buddy Sheldon who called about her though. She's another one that didn't always speak real English."

"Sheldon…called about…you mean Amy Farrah Fowler. Oh, yeah she's likes to use ten dollar words."

"She pays someone to talk that way?" Zack asked incredulously.

Cera laughed, enjoying him and his innocent confusion. He didn't try to fit in or hide his ignorance, he was just himself. "You're really fun, you know."

"Are you being sarcastic?"

"What? No! I don't…really use sarcasm. For starters because it's not nice. It's rarely used to imply something friendly. And also, for the same reason I don't use the ten dollar words even though I know them; children don't understand. It's not until the ages between eight and ten that kids can detect sarcasm by direct tone. And most can't understand it in print until after twelve. And nearly ten percent of adult don't understand it. So, no, I'm not being sarcastic. You really are fun."

"Oh, well thanks. You're pretty fun too. Even, if you do know money words. So these people using the money words, they don't want others to understand? I mean Amy was nice until I couldn't understand her."

"She's just using words that are larger than necessary. Some people do that to seem more important, some to make a point, and some like the… precision and impact of big words bring."

"Which people is she?"

"Well, I don't know. I only met her once. Why did Sheldon set you up with her?"

"That was a few months ago so I don't really remember. Something to do with her en-do-kreen system."

Cera chocked on her water with lime, "He wanted you to sleep with her?"

"Whoa, he never said that. I was just trying to help Sheldon out. I like him, he's an interesting guy and he seemed kinda desperate. Besides, Penny likes me being nice to him."

"Oh. OH. So it all goes back to Penny, huh?" Cera gave a slight smile. She was pretty sure she was picking up on something here.

"Uh, something…like…that." Zack said awkwardly, shifting in his chair.

Sensing a shift in to uncomfortable territory Cera decided to go a different direction. "So do you still play?"

"Play? Oh yeah, a little. I still play around with my bass, occasionally. Don't really have a drum set to play with though."

"You could come play with us. I play guitar mostly, that's what I'm best at. I'm well practiced in the piano as well, but those aren't portable, but sometimes I switch out bass and drums with Braden and Elliott. They're my brothers. Bet and Tara, they are my in laws, they switch out playing keyboard and just doing back up, though Tara can play alto sax and clarinet. Not that we use those."

"We don't play for others often. Maybe three or four times a year. We just do it for fun and don't take money. It's just for the pleasure of others listening."

"Really? Wow. Cool. We should do that!" an excited Zack accepted.

The remainder of their lunch passed by quickly and amicably. They planned for Zack to join in with her family next time they played. He asked about Merritt and told Cera about his sister's kids, a son and daughter, that he was nuts about.

Cera was feeling lighter as she pulled out of the parking lot. She hadn't laughed this much or felt this relaxed since she stumbled into Sheldon's apartment barely more than a month ago. Just like that, her train of thought was back to him. She really wished she had more control in this situation. She had meant to gently talk to him and explain Merrit to him. Not haunt him from afar with no way to express herself to him.

She wondered when they went from friends to the antipathy he unloaded on her years ago to the lingering distaste he seemed to have for her now. Cera replayed the concerns that were never far from her mind concerning Sheldon. Maybe they never were friends, maybe it was all something she created in her mind. Did she push herself on him? She thought she had always let him have a choice. He always seem to only do what he wanted to. At times it seemed as though he sought her out. Stumbling across him years ago and becoming tangled in his life wasn't anything _she_ had done purposefully. At the time she was too busy with work and hadn't even considered having a social life.

_"Dr. Tollman?"_

_Cera was just returning from the restroom in the Twin Horns Steakhouse. She had been invited to lunch by coworkers. She had only worked in the children's hospital for a few months and it felt good to finally be socializing. She look around for the source of the voice calling to her._

_ "Oh, hello." she replied when she finally caught sight of a middle aged woman she vaguely recognized. "I know I've treated one of your relatives, but I apologize, I can't place you."_

_ "That's quite alright," she drawled. "I know you must treat a whole mess of kids, I wouldn't expect you to remember every family member that's wandered through. You saved my nephew, I guess almost two months now, he was deathly allergic to mold."_

_ "Ah, yes, Cody Thomas, he had developed Hypersensitivity Pneumonitis that had aggravated his asthma, from burrowing tunnels in moldy hay and napping there."_

_ "Wow, You're quiet the doctor to remember such a thing. I know you said you weren't a genius, but you sure are young for so much." Said the brunette who stood just a bit taller than Cera._

_ "Thank you very much ma'am. I am a bit advanced and I have had some advantages, but I'm no genius. The success with your nephew was a team effort." Cera replied with a polite smile. She really had been terrified through the entire episode, but her attending had assured her, she was doing the proper thing while following procedure. When she had come up with a diagnosis that was not typical for a minor he had scoffed and written her off, but she knew what symptoms were present and what ailment it coincided with so she ran with it._

_ "Oh and humble too. I know it was team effort. Surely the Lord worked through you, I know it was you who discovered the mold from the hay."_

_ "Uh, Yes, ma'am. I hear the Lord works in mysterious ways, so…I, uh, suppose He could even use me, if he wanted."_

_ "Oh, do you remember I was telling you about my son? I told you he was a genius, too. Well, wait a minute. Jus' stand right there." The woman wandered off leaving Cera standing alone, awkwardly._

_ She truly despised this. For all the times she had been introduced to a son, grandson, or nephew as a prospective date, it never got any less awkward. Everyone wanted a doctor in the family. She looked anywhere, but the direction that the next poor guy was coming from._

_ "Dr. Tollman." She heard them approach, before she saw them. As she was watching the floor, before she saw their shoes to be exact. Cera raised eyes to meet a very tall...Sheldon Cooper._

_ "I want you to meet my Shelly. Shelly this is Dr. Olivia Tollman."_

_"Doctor. Sheldon. Cooper, mommy. Not Shelly." _

_ "He's a doctor too. Just not a doctor, doctor like you." She nudged Sheldon and whispered "Shake her hand."_

_ Cera heard this exchange and remembered how he felt about germs so she dropped into a curtsy. "It's quite acceptable to forego the hand shake, I feel better coming into contact with less pathogens for my patients."_

_ They were observing each other warily. It had been two years since they had exchanged letters, but it was nice to see a familiar face._

_ "Shelly, I'm gonna go back to the table and talk to your aunt and uncle before we need to get back to Galveston. Maybe you could switch numbers with her and offer to show her around." said the woman whom Cera was now remembering as Mary Cooper walked towards her table._

_ "It's good to see you. Wow, you've gotten tall." Cera started._

_ "It is…acceptable seeing you again as well. Your hair is considerably shorter and you are wearing corrective eyewear, but you have not gained any advances in height."_

_ Cera laughed "You're right. I don't think I've gotten a bit taller since I saw you last...I'm surprised to see you here...in Texas."_

"_Really? I informed you that I am a native of Texas, therefore my presence here really isn't unusual." _

_ "Yes, but last I heard from you, you were overseas and no plans to 'ever return to the hot slice of doldrum.'_

_ "Yes well, this isn't long term. I am here temporarily at Meemaw's request before embarking on my next doctorate."_

_ "Oh, well, even if you don't like it, I'm glad to see you here. Unfortunately I, uh, need to get back to my coworkers. But it's really good to see you. Can we catch up, over a meal perhaps?" Cera asked hopefully._

_"That would be reasonable."_

_ "Great, let me just..." Cera dug through her purse, "uh, find a pen. I'll write down my number."_

_"That's not necessary. Just tell me, I'll remember." Sheldon said matter of factly._

_ "Huh, oh, yes your eidetic memory. You'll still have to write yours down for me. I've had only eleven hours of sleep in the last three days. My mind is a bit frazzled and as soon as lunch is over I'm going to sleep for the next twenty four hours."_

_ Sheldon agreed and they swapped contact information. Before he could walk away Cera once again wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. Once she realized what she was doing she backed up quickly sputtering apologies._

_ "I'm so sorry Sheldon. I know you don't like being touched, that's why I didn't even shake your hand. If it eases your mind any I did just thoroughly wash prior to running into your mother."_

_ "It's not the touch I dislike, it's the possibility of contamination. The avoidance of contact has made me unaccustomed to physical interaction, but I do not fear it. However, I don't understand why you hugged me. I am near my family and in no need of affection at this time."_

_ "You're right, you probably don't. This time I'm the one isolated in a strange land...But it's nice to see a familiar face."_

She didn't think she had been pushy or caused anything unwanted, despite his claims. It just wasn't in her nature. The only people who ever saw a brash side to her were patients. And occasionally Merritt, but sometimes mom just has to be mom.

* * *

Howard had been having a busy day so he had yet to notice the something that was missing until the guys settled into their usual table in the cafeteria.

"So, where is Dr. Crazy again today? Is this a code milky green?" he asked Leonard and Raj.

"He's still in his room, I don't think he was ever sick. He's only answering in monosyllabic words. Which is an upgrade from yesterday's grunts and gestures," Leonard answered as he popped open his soda.

"What do you suppose has gotten into him?" asked Raj as he pushed around his salad.

"I didn't push because I'm not sure I want to know." Leonard answered.

"So, he hasn't been out of his room at all?" an astounded Howard asked.

"Well, he's still using the restroom, though not at his regularly scheduled times. I caught him in the hall last night. It was the first time I had seen him since Saturday morning. He looked like hadn't shaved since then and his clothes were wrinkled. You know…I don't think he even ever went to do his laundry."

"You don't think, he's building something in there do you?" Howard asked.

"I don't think so…God I hope not. You know Sunday I thought I heard music, but I just wrote it off. Last night I heard it again, Sheldon was _listening_ to _country_ music." Leonard answered rubbing between his eyes, under his glasses.

"Freaky, I know Kripke was pissed Sunday when he didn't show for paintball and we were shorthanded. What happened Saturday?" asked the engineer.

"I don't know. I was out with Priya. I had to sneak in because it was wellll after 10 pm and I certainly didn't want Sheldon to think I was being raucous. Priya and I were-"

"Ahem!" Came loudly from Raj to divert Leonard from speaking of his sister.

"Oh Saturday! Bernie was over at Penny's that night when she met Penny's new friend, Cera." Howard remembered.

"That's the sexy hippie from the comic book store right? The one with the handmade poncho. I bet I could make one of those. I'd make mine even prettier. I'm thinking green." Raj said with a happy smile.

"Yeeeaahhh, anyway." Howard tried to get back to the point and away from Raj's 'prettiness.'

"You thought she was sexy? She _was_ pretty, but a little too natural for my taste. She struck me as a woman who doesn't shave, though I've only met her once." Leonard retorted.

"Yeah well those natural chicks can do some wonderfully unnatural stuff, if you know what I mean." Howard said lasciviously wiggling his eye brows.

"Everybody knows what you mean. Even if we don't want to." said Leonard irritability.

"Yeah, well anyway, Cera apparently was supposed to be meeting with Sheldon about something, but he didn't want to talk to her, which is when she showed up at Penny's with Amy. And then Cera pointed out the flaws in the genetics of creating a super genius in a test tube to Amy. Which Bernadette said was _surprisingly_ accurate. So if Amy passed that on to Sheldon maybe he's upset about that." Howard chose not to mention some of the other things Bernadette had passed on to him because he wanted to check for accuracy first.

"So this is all because Sheldon wants to be a daddy? How sad." Raj offered.

"I don't think that's it. He's probably upset that he can't create his own race of super crazies." Leonard countered.

"I don't know. Would that really be reason enough for Sheldon to skip laundry night? I mean he's been out of routine for nearly seventy-two hours now. It's got to be more than what he and Amy may or may not stir up in a Petri dish." reasoned Howard.

"I fear for us all if you're right." Leonard said as he shook his head.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Sorry for the delay! I've been out of town where it was not conducive to upload anything.**

**I don't own or make money from TBBT.**

Chapter 12

Sheldon had done the unheard of, and slept in on Sunday. He had slept abominably, thanks to Cera or Olivia or whatever she chose to call herself. His dreams were filled with her. Mostly memories, but a few instances his brilliant, creative mind decide to twist into fantastical scenarios. Many images were of benign events. Movies, bowling, putt-putt, comic book stores, watching a guitarist in a pub, the one time she had him help her purchasing scrubs (he persuaded her to choose Thomas the Train.) Some, unfortunately for the man who had suppressed himself since parting with Liv, were quiet…erotic (who knew train scrubs could be as seductive as lingerie?) All, due to his eidetic memory, were quiet vivid with full sound, smell and sensation. None were restful.

He found himself weary and unsettled. He wandered to the bathroom, an hour and twelve minutes behind schedule. There was nearly no way to make up the time, he wasn't sure he even wanted to today. His normal routines and duties seemed like an impossibility, even his normal equations and theories seemed foreign. His mind was not his own. That thought had no more than passed through his mind than he glanced at his phone to see he had missed a call from Amy. He had also missed three text.

**Sheldon, were you aware that your acquaintance, Cera Tollman is the scion of a couple in a popular musical group of the 1970's? And yet she will 'hang out' as the vernacular goes, with us? How neat is that?**

**Sheldon, were you aware, Cera Tollman appeared in, what I believe is, one of your preferred television shows? Star Wars Generation, I believe. She claims to have had a brief appearance in an episode about children in the late 1980's. It is not a television show I would partake of, so I have no knowledge of the validity, but thought you might be interested.**

**Sheldon, I believe we may have an ISSUE with heritability if we chose to pursue propagating. Cera brought up the likely hood of our offspring receiving our intelligence. Genetically speaking the odds are incredibly LOW. Bernadette backed up her claim. Perhaps we should reevaluate this plan.**

While trying decipher exactly to what Amy had been referring, Sheldon felt nearly a crushing anger towards Olivia. How dare she crowd his mind with her nonsense? She had distracted him from even hearing his own phone ring. She was nothing but a…a liar. Nothing he knew of her was true. He didn't even know what her true hair color was! He knew nothing of her family, save her brother Braden, and when he asked about him she had merely shrugged and said they didn't talk. She certainly hadn't mentioned appearing in, if he interpreted Amy's text correctly, Star Trek: The Next Generation. At one time she had played a few notes on Meemaw's piano, when he asked if she could play she shrugged and replied 'a bit'. He didn't know if she told him any _falsehoods_, but clearly their association had been built on lies of omission. Was anything truthful?

She was, now, also upsetting Amy Farrah Fowler. He could tell by Amy's use of capital letters in her text, as she was not one give to such extremities when texting. Sheldon was unsure how the women could have gotten on to a topic in which Olivia would have discussed genetics with Amy, but clearly Olivia was aware of the transmissions of intelligence from parent to offspring, or lack thereof, that Amy was not. Sheldon felt quiet indignant that someone who already had a child with exemplary intelligence should remove his hope of future progeny. Though, the concept of producing offspring was Amy's to idea to begin with. It was of course, his idea to remove coitus from that equation. The result was quiet messy and had far too many complications, as was becoming evident, once again, by the presence of Olivia.

He wonder if, in her efforts to misrepresent herself, Olivia had also falsified her emotional state regarding him. Armed with knowledge that he had gleamed from observing Missy, Leonard, and Penny's failed romances, the words she had uttered weren't typically spoken lightly, but her actions had betrayed her words. She wouldn't have found a partner so quickly afterwards if her declaration had indeed been genuine. But then again, she did seem to lack the personal strength that he possessed.

She was frequently giving into the need for contact. Having her monthly hugging needs met by Meemaw had been brilliant, but he began to feel a twinge of...envy, and not because someone else was hugging his Meemaw. Over time he had been lulled into a false sense of comfort with her tactile outburst and began reason out causation for more. She had slowly exposed her weaknesses through emotive displays of teary eyes of sadness, shaky hands of panic. He was glad to remove himself from being assaulted by her weakness for physicality. His ability to repress his baser urges after having experienced such euphoric physical indulgences proved his superiority over her, and others.

Ridding himself of Olivia's disruption had seemed logical at the time. After weeks turned into months, when the distraction he thought he had rid himself of did not dissipate, he became desperate to know why. Why had he been so affected by her presence? Why was he just as distracted by her absence? Why had she allowed her typically logical mind to be overrun by her emotions? Why had she made such a preposterous claim that had no basis in logic? There came a point where, out of his desperate need be able to interpret her actions, he had Junior drive him to her apartment. After several rounds of knocks a neighbor had mercy on him and informed him that she had moved. He called her office and was told she was no longer working in the hospital.

So she had met a new man and left her internship. This knowledge just proved to him that he was right in terminating their association. He was _not_ disappointed. Or curious about her whereabouts. Of course being the brilliant man he was, he could have found her. Honestly he couldn't bear the thought of what he may find and felt relieved to have reason to tuck those thoughts and…sentiments away permanently. He just wished he could do so now.

Sheldon reminisced on all their interactions, just as he had last night. It was as if his mind couldn't shut them off. He went over every meeting with Cera. She had never actually acted like he was a stranger. Most of their interactions she had treated him as she normally would. The only exchange they had that was disconcerting to him was the discussion in Penny's apartment about her progeny. He tried to recall the age of said child but didn't remember an age being stated. He even checked his daily log and could only narrow down the age to older than first grade, but not yet in middle school. That would put her age between six and a half and ten. Perhaps her next…partner had impregnated her, though he was surprised she would be that irresponsible with birth control. Goodness knows they planned on and were very conscientious with contraception.

As with any equation that Sheldon could not easily solve, these thoughts seemed to run in a loop and began to consume him. It took Sheldon three days of this mind numbing stream of consciousness before he recalled that, because of the human element involved there was very little logic and there for no correct answer for the variables that Olivia had once again forced upon him.

* * *

Wednesday found an irritated Sheldon waiting impatiently by the door for Leonard.

"Morning Sheldon. Feeling better?" Leonard asked, concerned for his roommate.

"Something would have to be amiss for me to feel any improvement. Now, we are nearly in peril of being late. Honestly Leonard, are you not aware of the time? It's amazing you managed to make it to your office the last two days." The positive of being sequestered for the past few days was not having to interact with his roommate and even more so his girlfriend, Priya.

Leonard just shook his head as he walked through the door. Yep, Sheldon was just fine.

* * *

"So, uh, Sheldon, how've you been?" Howard asked as Sheldon sat at their usual table, not so much out of concern, but more out of curiosity.

"I came up against an equation that required an alternative approach in order to solve and was having difficulty making headway. I therefore decided to take what is often referred to as mental health days. While I appreciate your concern it is unmerited."

Sheldon was finally able to gather himself last night and felt able to push forward with a clear head, barring another appearance of Olivia. He wasn't one to expose his private life to anyone and certainly not to these guys. They were no longer individuals he considered trustworthy after the damage he received both professionally and personally at their hands in the Artic. He suspected that Raj and Howard's discovery of Amy Farrah Fowler was intended to serve as a distraction against the tension he had carried since that debacle. While Amy could in no way compensate for his damaged reputation and his own uncertainty, she was someone that he could trust that was faultless in the Artic fiasco. Despite her elevated status over the friends he had obtained prior to her, he wouldn't share his previous experiences and thoughts with any of them, her included.

Sheldon was certain they would all exploit his one-time weakness and use it against him either by asking too many probing questions or more than likely, making fun of him. Besides, he no longer wanted to think about Olivia, his past, or his emotional wellbeing, because he had a series of equations to balance and tonight was Halo night.

The lunch table fell into an odd silence after that, as Sheldon still didn't seem to be operating at full capacity. Leonard was still feeling wary of his roommate, after this morning's unmerited verbal assault. Raj was considering the fragrance Bernadette had worn the night before and Howard was observing. Something had clearly shifted in Sheldon and Howard was concerned with how it would affect them all.

* * *

For forty-five minutes Cera and Merritt had been in a crowded mall. Merritt had been urging her mom to finish up so she could 'get to the good stuff.'

"OK, Momma. You got a new dress and a new pair of shoes. Can we go to Game Stop now? You said I could get Lego Star Wars III when you were done."

"Hmm, I suppose I could be done now. What was it you wanted again?" Cera grinned at her daughter's excitement. Merritt quickened her pace to a brisk walk down the mall corridor towards the store of her choice.

"Mooommmmaa, you know I want a game." Merritt said hopping around next to her mom. "I can't wait until Just Dance 3 comes out. There's only six more months. Oh, and the month after that the new Lego Harry Potter."

"Merritt Lise, didn't you just get Just Dance 2 for your birthday?" How many of these games were there? Though, Cera did really like the Just Dance game. It really was a fun work out at home when she was short on time. Which was always.

"No, momma, I got it for Christmas." Merritt corrected her.

"That's what I said, you got it in December." Sorting out when to give what presents was the downside of her birthday in December. "Do you really want Lego Star Wars III? You didn't even like the Clone Wars. And I don't think a video game about a movie you didn't like would be much fun."

"You just don't think it's fun because you're not very good at video games." Merritt retorted. After a beat she added, "Do you think it's because of my daddy? Is he good at video games?"

Cera always felt awful when she asked questions like this, but she always gave her the information she wanted. At four Merritt began to ask questions about her daddy. Her cousins had a daddy. It was UB. But UB wasn't her daddy and she wasn't allowed to call him that. Where was her daddy?

Cera explained that at one time her and Merritt's daddy had been very good friends. But they had to stop being friends before Cera knew her daddy had given Merritt to her. And because of that, her daddy didn't know she was alive. Cera had cried and said she should have been a better mommy and done a better job telling daddy about Merritt. Cera also warned Merritt she wasn't sure if they would ever see her daddy.

Merritt didn't mentioned her daddy again for months after that. Then she begin asking if daddy would like random things, her toys or an outfit. Did daddy like school or if he could build neat things like UB? Cera always answered as simply and honestly as she could and then later had a break down alone.

By the time Merritt was seven, Cera began offering information that Merritt didn't even ask for. When they had a layover in the Dallas/Fort Worth airport a year and a half ago Cera mentioned that Merritt's daddy was from Texas. Merritt had asked if it was close, Cera just said south. Cera thought maybe Merritt stored all of these pieces of information on Sheldon in hopes of meeting 'daddy' one day. Surprisingly she'd been silent on the issue since moving to California.

She honestly expected him to dismiss Merritt in much the same way he had her. Distracting, tedious, no place in his life...

Cera was taking all the blame in this. She felt that taking some of Merritt's anger and resentment about keeping her from her father would be better than Merritt feeling unwanted and burdensome. She felt certain Sheldon would be happy to sign Merritt away and not have to deal with either of them. She hoped not, but his behavior towards her the other day indicated he would not be content to have her in his life.

"Uh, yes, he is. But your Uncle Braden is good at them too. And I used to rock at Spyro the Dragon and back before that, I _owned_ Mortal Kombat II." Cera finally answered Merritt about her video game proficiency.

"Yea, but I bet I got it from my daddy, not UB, and _definitely_ not from you." Merritt said with a smirk that looked a lot like an over confident Sheldon Cooper. Cera just laughed at her bouncy daughter "I can't wait to get it home and play."

"Don't you think we should get some lunch first?" Cera asked smiling at Merritt's excitement. "Do you want something in the food court or do you want me to make you a wrap at home? You know food at home would be healthier, but it is the weekend, so you can pick."

"Oh, can we get Chickenow in the food court?"

"That sounds good!"

* * *

Though Sheldon lingered in the back of her mind, Cera had finally settled into an ease the following week. She handled normal appointments at work, spent evenings with Merritt (homework, piano lessons and baton twirling class included), and even managed to squeeze in an evening playing with Zack and her family. He was a bit rusty, but would fall into place within the band easily. When Friday finally rolled around she was glad for the upcoming weekend. Only one more appointment for the day and then she could go home, though she would still be on call.

The appointment seemed fairly simple and straight forward. Test a child and counsel the parent about a possible peanut allergy. She gave the customary knock on the door before opening to the patient and was stunned by what was on the other side.

"What are you doing here?"


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

**A/N: Thank you for reading and reviewing.**

**I don't own TBBT**

Wednesday proved to be quiet successful for Sheldon. After trying the Yang-Mills and then the Maurer-Cartan equations on his current problem, the structure he was looking for had finally begun to present itself. In a lighthearted mood, his evening went just as well, easily winning at Halo; however, his week ended just as hectically as it began.

Priya was always underfoot and a constant thorn in his side. The bathroom debacle was the last straw and gave the proper evidence to use against her and Leonard to end it once and for all. Sheldon did not, however, foresee being outmaneuvered by Leonard's girlfriend. Watching Leonard bend to the will of Priya would have proven to him that sex truly does make people stupid, if he hadn't already been aware of that fact. And he was loathe to admit, it troubled him that Leonard had no compunction with jeopardizing their friendship, and the sacredness of the roommate agreement, just so that he may engage in coitus.

Arriving home to the sweaty smell of Greek food was nearly all Sheldon could stand. He thought he had been rather patient to this point. Unfortunately, his carefully crafted contract had been dissected and left him with little recourse in the matter. Raj and Leonard then proceeded to ridicule him, and Priya gave them legal backing as they did so. The overwhelming stress and the deliberate attempts to thwart his well-designed schedule, made seeking out Penny Friday evening, a necessity. He desperately disliked Greek food and was typically able to get Penny to do his bidding, so he felt certain she would get him a pizza.

"Oh, I'm sorry, honey, I'm meeting Amy and Bernadette for dinner. But you're welcome to tag along." Penny was truly sympathetic about Sheldon having to deal with the she-beast that was Priya.

"Just Amy, Bernadette, and yourself? Out for a girl's night? Oh, I don't know if I'm up for an evening talking about rainbows, unicorns and menstrual cramps."

"Okay, suit yourself. The three of us will probably be trashing Priya a little."

"Shotgun."

* * *

"You have a child?" Cera asked her atypical patient.

"No, but I am here to see you." answered a smug looking Howard Wolowitz. He was trying to keep his cool, but he was thrown off by the sophisticated physician who walked into the office and obviously meant business. Her typical long hair was tied tight at her neck. She was adorned in a dress of dark purple covered with a white lab coat, complete with a stethoscope and a badge verifying her position. This hardly seemed like the laid back woman decked out in a poncho at the comic book store. When she spoke she seemed to be a more solid presence than she had before, not as though she could float away on a breeze.

"You're here to see me? How did you even find me? How did you get a nurse let to you in here? Is something wrong?" her words hard and laced with concern.

"We seem to have a problem. And I needed a way to catch you where I knew we could have a private conversation. Your office here, seemed a safer bet than the hospital in LA. I just wanted to know about, I mean I'm curious, I've noticed you're are oddly familiar with Sheldon." Howard struggled to explain. Howard had watched Cera and Sheldon's interactions at the comic book store a few weeks prior. Well, mostly he was watching her. That was one of his hobbies, observing women. He loved Bernadette, but his skills of observing females was a habit that was hard to break. He was struck by the familiarity Cera had with Sheldon that quickly turn into a discomfort that was usually a product of past association. Observing her behave in such a manner lead him to also watch Sheldon who also displayed…odd behavior…for him.

"Wha-?"

"He's having some kind of…mental break down. And while I am not his biggest fan, I don't want to watch him deteriorate if I can do something about it. He's weird when you're around and worse when you leave. Weirder anyway. The thought of him losing his mind scares the hell out of me. Out of all of us. The timing just lead me to believe you're the cause."

"Me?! I'm, I'm not, doing anything." Cera stammered out wiping her hands that had suddenly become clammy on her skirt.  
"His episodes seem to coincide with times that one or more of us has observed you with him. Are you running some game on him? You seem to know him too well for someone that just met him."

"I, I don't-"

"You wouldn't be the first girl to maliciously target one of us."

"WHAT?!" He thought she wanted to _hurt_ Sheldon?

"Sheldon has crazy grad students go fangirl over him all the time. And he's not the best at navigating interpersonal matters, so I did some digging." Howard held up a file that had been lying beside him. All the information was safely in his laptop, but it felt he had more leverage with an intimidatingly big file folder. Besides it worked on cop shows.

"Wait this is…Why?"  
"It got a lot easier to run a check on you after Penny told us who your folks were. Having a last name helped quite a bit, not that wouldn't have held The Wolowizard off for long. I actually thought I had someone else's information until I actually got here and saw you." Howard flipped open the file and began to read, "You are the daughter of Patrick and Cynthia Tollman who have been married since September 1974."

"I- wait, my parents are still married?" asked a stunned Cera. They had spent so much of her life in an open and on again/off again marriage, she really didn't know. She thought they had split in the eighties, but everything changed when Galen was lost to them.

"According to my research they are. Now, to get the important stuff out of the way first. What was it like to be on board the USS Enterprise? You _actually_ saw Captain Jean Luc Picard in all his glory. Was he as awe inspiring and humbling as I imagine?"

"I was nine…and not really a Trekkie. It was my brothers' thing. Is this some sort of prank?" Cera answered feeling slightly dazed. She wasn't really sure what was happening.

"Anyway, the rest of your information surprised me too. One, I was expecting a foreign national or an overeager physics grad vying for a place amongst Sheldon's research, not a pediatrician. So, Ceridwen Olivia Astrid Tollman. _That's_ a frickin' big name. Born July 3, 1979. You're older than I thought you'd be. Even older than Sheldon." Howard wasn't really trying to make her mad, but he did want information on Sheldon from her. He really didn't think she'd just offer it up, so he was improvising. Really this was for the greater good. Sheldon had lost it. And not in mad scientist way, more of a broken shell of a man who was unpredictable way.

"By nine months! Do I need to have you removed?" Cera stood, hands clinched. She couldn't even fathom what this guy was looking for.

"See, there's the personal info I'm talking about, because Sheldon doesn't _do_ birthdays. Now, just hear me out." Howard flipped through the file folder. "So you were privately tutored and completed a high school level at the age of fourteen and a half and immediately went to Duke as pre-med and then to med school. I was hoping to find your IQ among all this information. This is quite impressive for a woman who knots t-shirts."

"My IQ is nobody's concern, but my own. No, I'm not a genius, but I did have advantages in the form of parents that strongly encouraged education and were willing to pay for it."

"Wow! So you really just worked for it. Hmm, so I really was having a hard time connecting the dots until I noticed you had a Fellowship in Texas, under the name of _Olivia_ Tollman, not far from where Sheldon was living about ten years ago. Before he moved here. Which gave you time and opportunity to have a liaison, which you are now, maliciously leveraging against him. So again, what are you doing to Sheldon?"

"I, I- Please don't, don't make me say it. This doesn't have anything to do with you." Cera said with tears welling in her eyes. She was scared and angry. How dare this man interfere with her family?

"Either prove to me that you are harmless or I talk to Sheldon about it. Is this extortion? You're wanting money aren't you?"

"No, no, don't…I wouldn't do that. If you tell him _that,_ it will ruin everything. I just…I need to talk to him. I'll handle it." Blinking back tears, she wasn't sure if she should be impressed Sheldon's friend was going to such great lengths for him, or just be indignant about Howard's audacity.

"It really doesn't seem like that's happening, now does it?"

"No." Cera answered in a small voice. "I'll talk to you, just not here, not now." Tears now freely flowing from her eyes.

"When? Tonight? Look the guy's falling apart. Glow in the dark fish we can deal with, but him trying to become the next supervillain I don't think any of us could withstand."

"While I hate that, there's nothing I can do." Cera could actually see Sheldon twisting into something dark. He spent so much time suppressing himself and avoiding anything that could be considered frivolous. All his thoughts and motives had seemed to be dominating in nature-and that was years ago. If Howard wanted to help Sheldon through that, could this man also help her? Could she trust him with Merritt?

"You can start by telling me what's going on." Howard replied firmly then soften to add, "Maybe from there we can rectify whatever the situation is."

"OK, this evening. I'm usually out of here by quarter to six. It takes about twenty minutes to get home." she accepted reluctantly after a beat. Her home seemed like the best place for this. If she was going to do this properly, it was going to be messy.

"I'll see you at six fifteen. I have your address." Howard stated with a smirk. "While we're at it do you have any photos or perhaps film from your time on the Enterprise D?"

Cera glared hard at Howard. "Why don't we test the limits of said peanut allergy?"

* * *

Howard had just ended a call with Raj. The guys were enjoying the dissolution of the roommate agreement by indulging in Greek food. While he was a lover of all food Mediterranean, he didn't think this was a good time to screw with Sheldon. He wasn't sure if they just hadn't really noticed or didn't care, but he was going to get to the bottom of it. And that seemed like a far more interesting Friday evening, than eating Greek in front of Sheldon. Getting back to the task at hand Howard looked to the time on his watch.

"Hello?"

"Funny thing Cera, I've been in front of your townhouse for 16 minutes now and you're no where in sight."

"I know, I know Howard, just give me a few minutes. I'm just walking out of the office."

"I'll be waiting." Howard pitched his voice lower.

Cera wasn't sure if he was being sultry or intimidating, but he came off sounding like a creepy cartoon character.

Cera arrived at the beige Mediterranean condo, pulled into her garage, climbed her carpeted stairs to her living room and rounded the corner to her front door. She open the door to let Howard in and ushered him further into her living room. Howard sat in the corner piece of her sectional sofa, located in the center facing the TV, got comfortable and said "Convince me you're not trying to manipulate, extort, or cause other harm to Sheldon."

Cera leaned against the wall facing the sectional where Howard was situated, yet remained silent. After a couple of minutes she drew in a ragged breath. "Please don't tell Sheldon I'm extorting him. I'm not. I don't want or need money. This is too important for something so…petty. I didn't want this to become a legal issue."

"Oh, really?" Howard was slightly confused, but didn't want to relinquish the leverage he seemed to have on her. He needed her to keep talking. If this no-nonsense doctor, slash carefree hippie was this bothered by something, what is it doing to Sheldon?

"No! I mean, I know it's crazy I still... I still care about him, you know. And I don't want to. Man I just want to hate him, but…." she trailed off.

Howard cocked an eyebrow hoping she would continue. She cared about him? But she didn't want legal issues? This was going in a very different direction than he had originally considered.

"Uh, can you just, uh, give me a minute to change?" She then entered a stairwell beside the door he had just come through and ascended the stairs. She sat on her bed and drew several deep breaths. She was so angry that this guy had just barged into her life demanding things and making threats. She wasn't certain he would actually even do anything, but she was giving into him all the same. He was, perhaps, the catalyst she needed to get through to Sheldon. And Howard did have an underlying concern that motivated her, more than the threats. Maybe the most surprising thing was that Sheldon, cold, methodical, logical Sheldon, was reacting to her presence.

Cera pulled her looked wood box of mementos from her night stand as she considered exactly what to tell Howard.

_ Sheldon was quiet riding back from the bowling alley. The lanes were located on the mainland since there wasn't a bowling alley in Galveston. Cera was terrible at bowling which left Sheldon particularly irritated with her performance. Even after adjusting her stance and grip, she stilled hooked to the left. _

"_So, you're upset. Is it because I wasn't a challenging enough opponent or because you think I take instructions poorly?" She said trying not to chatter in the January cold. While it wasn't freezing, it the air still demanded a heater in the winter._

"_No" was the reply while he continued to stare out the window._

"_Is it something else? You can tell me anything you know."_

_ "I have observed a pattern of interaction between yourself and the opposite sex and I have a query. Is there a reason you don't let these men court you?"_

_ "Is this because that guy talked to me in the bowling alley? I endeavor to be sociable and engaging. People find me easy to talk to, that does not mean we should date." When Sheldon didn't respond she added "Well, uh, I guess there are many reasons, but it's not as if I have really made a conscious decision not to date. The most obvious is, I work nearly 90 hours a week. Also, none of the men have interested me, and mostly I don't really need a romantic distraction at this moment."_

_ "So, the decision to abstain from dating has nothing to do with my presence? You don't consider us to be dating?"_

_ "What? No. I told you I would pay if that's the problem. Besides, couples decide to date, _together, beforehand_. And we've never discussed anything of the sort. Why would you ask that?"_

_ "According to Missy, Momma and Meemaw, we are displaying some of the markers of a courting couple… And I paid because I am a gentleman."_

_ "No we don't. It's not like we ever hold hands or kiss or anything. It's just because we're of differing genders. If we were the same gender they wouldn't think anything of us."_

_"So there is a formality and physical contact to the dating ritual?"_

"_Typically, yes." Cera was surprised he wasn't aware of these things, but then again he didn't watch many show that he would have seen this behavior demonstrated. Scifi shows were not notoriously known for displaying modern human behavior or anything romantic._

"_Have you ever participated in any of the dating rituals?_

_"Have I dated? Not a lot, but yes."_

_"Did you enjoy it?"_

_"Some, though I suppose if I really enjoyed it, I wouldn't be single. The last relationship was emotionally...jarring."_

"_What did you not like about dating?"_

"_I guess I disliked the…dishonesty of it all."_

"_Dating couples are duplicitous?"_

_ "Most of it is not intentional, but some is. Occasionally, one or both parties involved are working an agenda to gain something. With that in mind, one or more parties is also trying to protect themselves from getting hurt. Because of that, there a lot of secrets, lies and manipulations."_

"_Oh, I can understand your desire to abstain from such an interaction."_

_Cera just nodded and rode the remainder of the trip in silence._

* * *

_ The conversation wasn't given another thought over the next few weeks, by either individual. At the time Cera had begun working in the most emotional section of the Children's hospital yet, the Oncology ward. She was starting to feel the effects of the isolation she had caused herself, not that she missed her family, she didn't. As a result, her only bright spot had become Sheldon and his family. She relished the one day a week she got to hang out with him and sometimes his family, even if it did annoy him that, frequently, her day off fluctuated._

_ Since there was no Comic Book store in Galveston and Sheldon had grown tired of getting his comics at the local book store, Cera had agreed to drive him to the closet one they could find on her day off. _

_ "This one doesn't have what I need Cera. We need to find another store."_

_ "Sheldon, it's my day off. While I did plan on hanging out with you today, I had not planned on driving all over Texas."_

_ "You do realize that Texas is 268,820 square miles and having only crossed 21 miles you have really only driven less than eight hundred thousandths of one percent of Texas. Which is in no way _all."

_Conceding that he did have a point and she hadn't planned anything else today except finishing a paper on pediatric end of life care, they drove to another comic book store. _

_ Sheldon quickly began to navigate through the new store. He was pleased by all that this location had to offer, even if it was further from home. Cera was slightly bored, though she did enjoy how excited Sheldon was. She could tell when he had found the book he was looking for, DC Comics No. 753. He hurried over, bursting with energy, speaking rapidly about Harvey Dent. It had been a long time since she had felt so excited about an activity that was purely for pleasure, sometimes she missed it._

_ "In February of 1935, which was sixty-six years ago, this very month, Wheeler-Nicholson created the first comic book named New Fun. It was the first comic book of completely original material. The New Fun Comics only lasted until October of that year and then was replace by More Fun Comics…" Sheldon explained knowing that his audience wasn't as captivated with subject as he, but she listened dutifully anyway. Despite her amusement with graphic novels being mild at best, she still listened and was able to keep up with plot lines. He only ever saw her read or purchase X-Men except for the occasions she would buy one or two for a child in the hospital._

_ After they returned to the car he decided to bring up a topic that had left him curious for the last few weeks._

_ "Olivia, with regard to our conversation from a few weeks prior, pertaining to dating I wondered, did you ever engage in coitus with these men."_

_Stunned only thing she could was an unintelligent sounding "HUH?"_

_"I don't know how I could make that question any easier."_

_ "Oh, I, I understood I just...uh…am...shocked." The impact of the question was so jolting, it was all Cera could do to keep her car on the road._

_ "I apologize if you find this topic too distasteful for mixed company, though I see no need for it, it's a basic bodily function."_

_ "The topic is...fine. I, uh, no. I haven't had sex with anyone I've dated, or well, anyone for that matter." As a physician, Cera had found herself having much stranger conversations. She just usually wasn't the subject and she wasn't expecting it from Sheldon._

_"May I ask, Why not?"_

_Feeling defensive her voice rose, "Well have you?"_

_ "I admit I am curious about the act and I...I nearly gave in to...my urges, while I was in Germany, but alas, I did not." Sheldon confessed seeming almost...embarrassed._

_ "Really? What happened? No...You don't have to tell me, never mind." She wondered how his mysophobia tolerated such an act, or was that what stopped him._

_"I believe I posed the question to you first."_

_ "I, uh, don't have a specific reason, really. Though, sex seems like something that shouldn't be done lightly. I've had a few serious relationships and come quiet close. I just...never wanted it to be something that was...lost in a...flurry of emotions and, or hormones. Both of those are notoriously unreliable decision making tools. There really ought to be some forethought and possibly even some planning. For every time I delayed the act, I was very quickly assured that I made a good decision as that partner proved to be a poor match."_

_Sheldon took time to finally come to a conclusion regarding her statement, "I agree. We plan for all other bodily functions. Supplies are kept for illnesses, staying clean, treating injuries. We keep toilet paper and have a schedule for the bathroom so we can prevent accidents." _

_ After a beat Sheldon added. "It was four and one half months after I met you and your brother Braden. Tanja, she was a grad student at Heidelberg, she encouraged me to…experiment with her. She, herself, was not a virgin and offered me access to her lab to further my current research." Sheldon took a heaving breath, "I was able to tolerate open mouth kissing before I began to get uncomfortable. When she crawled in my lap, my skin began to crawl. Though she assured me, she had showered that morning, it just didn't see adequate. When she put her tongue in my mouth I gagged. That just seem far too...invasive and unsanitary." _

_ Sheldon shuddered at the memory. He hated that his hormone driven hind-brain had overridden his good sense that day. It had taken an immense amount of antibacterial wash in a scalding, prolonged shower, twice, to feel clean again. For days he gargled with Listerine each time he recalled the incident in attempt to remove the sensation and the germs he was certain came with it._

_ "Yea, a good kiss can be that way." Cera gave a soft smile at the statement, but felt honored that Sheldon would share such a personal event with her. _

_"You are familiar with the act? Invasive and unsanitary is a desired result?"_

_ Cera continued smiling and looked over and said "Hmm, I'm very familiar with kissing…Invasive is kind of the object of any sort of intimacy. As for unsanitary, no. Was that you first kiss Sheldon?" teasing tone to her voice._

_ "Of course not. I was a sixteen year old male. My first kiss was seventeen months prior, at the age of fifteen. I was kissed by one of Missy's friends, Jenny. I found that kiss even more distasteful, since Jenny tasted of beer and cigarettes."_

_"Then why did you kiss her?"_

_"Apparently, I was a topic of a dare in a game."_

_"Well that's not good. You have to desire a kiss for it to be pleasurable."_

_"I did." Sheldon said in a candid tone._

_"You did? What?" Cera was slightly confused._

_ "Want to be kissed. Not by Jenny, per say. Nor did I care for the orchestration surrounding the event, but I had been curious about osculation since the onset of puberty. Biologically speaking of course. Unfortunately, I seem to suffer a weakness similar to every other adolescent male, in that hormones could cloud my typically sound judgement."_

_ "Huh." Cera didn't know what to say to that, and the conversation was shifted back to Harvey Dent, by Sheldon. This had been a very informative afternoon. She had thought Sheldon was too consumed by universal mysteries to bother with simple human biology. Apparently she had misread him._

As surreal as the situation had seemed to Cera, Howard may struggle even more with Sheldon's…interactions with her. Clearly Sheldon was even more reserved and tightly wound than he had been a decade before. She decided to take the box down with her, using the contents as confirmation of the interesting narrative she would tell him. Though really, Merritt would be confirmation enough.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Don't own TBBT**

**Thank you for reading and reviewing**

Chapter 14

While Sheldon was glad for a reprieve from Priya and he enjoyed the, so called, trash talk, he had found himself in an unnerving situation. He was unsure what was causing him the most discomfort - how close Amy was getting to him, or the questions being asked by Penny. Certainly they didn't actually expect him to disclose his personal experiences with them. The only thing worse would be if they decided to share their own.

Sheldon offered a condensed version of his personal interactions. He felt no need to explain Jenny or Tanja, there really wasn't much to speak of anyhow. Oliva/Cera, well that definitely wasn't going to be discussed, a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. Beverly, well he didn't want to relive that at all. It was distressing to watch one so logical and brilliant give into a physical urge. It was even worse when said woman, whom you admired and considered a surrogate mother, turned that on you. He shuddered at the thought. Considering the one and only time had shared or been curious enough to ask after the personal affairs of another had extended into quite a complicated endeavor, he was going to keep to himself.

_ Sheldon had lead Cera to the edge of Meemaw's property to 'walk off dinner' as Cera liked to do. He wasn't fond of it, but she recommended it as a physician, assuring him he would not burn or increase his risk for melanoma in under fifteen minutes of sun exposure in late afternoon. He was mulling over a topic which had plagued him for several days, but he needed Cera's…input on it. Because it was a sensitive issue and he could be rejected or even worse, ridiculed, he felt reluctant to bring it up. He took a deep breath, reminded himself that there was no discovery where new knowledge was not pursued, and spoke._

_"Olivia, I have given some consideration to your suggestion, and I believe planning coitus would be beneficial for us."_

_ "HUH? I didn't suggest TH__AT!"_

"_You most certainly did. Three weeks ago, when we were returning from the comic book store in Webster."_

_ "I was merely giving an explanation! I wasn't try to encourage you to...to..." Sheldon propositioning her had caused Cera to lose her grasp on the English language._

_ "While I realize you didn't specifically refer to me. It was an inspired idea. I did research then created a thorough and thoughtful proposal."_

"_REALLY…Really? But…why?" _

_ "Well, not only am I curious, from a scientific point, of course. I have been informed it would be negligent of me to make a decision on such a basic bodily function without firsthand knowledge. There are also many benefits to engaging in coitus. There is an increase in prolactin for reduced stress and better sleep, increase blood flow, increase hormones, improve cardiovascular health, and increase neurogenesis." He didn't feel the need to add that even though he was no longer a teenager, he was falling victim to his hormones again. He felt that perhaps the best way to finally deal with said hormones, was to use them._

"_I'm aware of that. You could take up exercise and adjust your diet for the same results, Sheldon."_

_ "That's not entirely true. Many of these benefits are specific to coitus with a partner. Masturbation does not do as sufficient a job at say, reducing systolic blood pressure, or keeping your hormones in check as engaging with another." _

"_I, uh, ok." Cera had been propositioned before, but never in such a…logical, researched manner._

_ "You don't have to answer now. You may of course look over the research. The entire point of this endeavor is to plan and take the guess work out of coitus." Sheldon did hope she took him up on his offer. His…hormones seemed more curious the more he thought about it._

"_Yeah, just uh, give it to me when I leave and I'll get back with you."_

_ Sheldon had spent the last eleven days considering the discussion on interpersonal physical relations between the sexes. Olivia had not ridiculed him for his personal revelation of not being able to follow through, nor did she criticizes him for his weakness. Though years had passed since the incident, he still retained his curiosity and his body still tried to enslave him with hormones, even if he wasn't a teenager any longer. _

_ Certain that he didn't want a relationship at this juncture, he thought perhaps this arrangement would be more beneficial to his future. Sheldon's priority was to prove string theory and win worldwide adulation, as it had always had been. Perhaps he would consider a pair-bonding after he won his Noble Prize. He was certain he would get a boost in his research as soon as he settled in at Caltech. With all of the equipment and the labs at his disposal, he was certain it would come quickly. It may take him a year, possibly two, to solidify his theory and then a few years of testing before he had verifiable success. At that point it would take a few years for his work to circulate and have a lasting impact, before the award. So between the ages of thirty and thirty-five he would consider whether or not he would like a family._

_ In the interim, he did have a strong curiosity where sexual congress was concerned. The most logical way of obtaining full knowledge in any subject was to gain as full exposure as was possible. To do so would mean to engage in coitus. It would be done merely for the purpose of erudition of course. He disliked lacking in knowledge where others were informed or even excelled. Especially his brother Junior. He didn't believe Junior's assertion that he was not a man because he had yet to lose his virginity, but he did acknowledge a lack of sensory information on a basic biological function. A function that seemed to want to satisfy itself even while he slept._

_ Unfortunately, his cerebral cortex decided to involve Cera in this biological function. He reasoned it was only because she was the only female he wasn't related to that ever engaged him socially for any length of time, but subconsciously he knew it was more than that. She was attractive, very hygienic, and not seeking a romantic attachment. After careful consideration and research he came up with the only logical conclusion. He was anxious to know her thought on his proposal._

* * *

_ Later that evening, as Cera looked through four pages of a very thorough coitus proposal, she was amazed at the extent of his planning. The positive effects of intercourse were listed in full. In both medical and layperson terminology, though who the simplistic terms were for she didn't know._

_ He insisted they both undergo full health screenings. Not just for STDs that neither one of them would have, but throat cultures, full chemistry panel, and a urinalysis. He also encouraged her to see a gynecologist and start an oral contraceptive. They would wait the full month of course until that was effective before engaging. Apparently, Sheldon had read that latex prophylactic reduced the sensation and didn't want to detract from the experience. _

_ Sheldon had also detailed a cleansing regime for Cera, using an antibacterial soap of his choosing which he would oversee. The location would be her apartment, since she lived alone. The apartment would be clean to specifications he had listed, especially the bedroom. With freshly laundered sheets (with bleach) on her bed that had been vacuumed. _

_ There was very little left to chance in his proposal. He even outlined acceptable sexual conduct and things he was opposed to. This was quite a bit of work to have sex one time. She was wondering why she didn't just say no. _

_ She'd like to say she never thought of Sheldon in such a manner. And she had not, not intentionally, anyway. The beginnings of sleep when one has little control over their mind however, he seemed to be becoming more prominent. He was the best friend she'd ever had without qualifying as a near family member. She occasionally thought dating would be a good remedy for that dilemma- if she had time or the inclination to do so._

_ After several minutes of discussing mundane daily events, Cera finally brought up Sheldon's proposal._

_ "While I'm, uh, grateful for the…uh, well thought out offer. There are just many, many reasons why this would not be a good idea."_

_ "Of course it's a good idea. I've thoroughly investigated and controlled every variable. Unless there is something I'm overlooking."_

_ "Well, For starters, women do not typically enjoy their first time having sex." why she continued to justify her reasons for 'no' without ever forming the word, she wasn't certain._

_ Sheldon thought on that quickly. While he was concerned for the exchange of bodily fluids, he was confident enough in the preparation he had planned that he could possibly suffer through coitus more than once. He just hoped that the benefits peddled were worth the work and the hazard. "That is a valid concern. We can make an alteration to the plans so that you may also benefit from this encounter. I think three attempts should be sufficient." _

_ Cera spent at least a minute imitating a fish out of water before gather her wits to speak. "That, that was not a counter proposal to increase sexual contact."_

_ "No? Then what were you attempting to convey with that bit of information?" _

_"Just...a reason...that...this idea is flawed."_

_ "I beg to differ. As I have stated, this has been thoroughly thought out and researched. Individuals who are well acquainted with each other frequently engage each other in a physical nature. Often for much longer periods than I'm suggesting, without the well documented parameters. What we have is a temporary arrangement that allows for us to explore ourselves in a comfortable and fully controlled setting."_

_"I...got nothin'." Cera drawled in an unfamiliar tone and fell silent._

_Sheldon looked at his phone to see if she was still on the line. "Hello? Is that a no?" _

_ Cera heaved a deep breath, "That's a no. This would not be good for our current level of association. It's an emotional act that causes people to grow closer or farther apart. I don't believe we could handle either one of those."_

_ "It's a physical act. You yourself said emotion was poor cause for coitus. Because two people that trust each other plan to, in a controlled, sanitary setting, is a good solution to prevent such an occasion. I couldn't imagine finding another woman I favor as much as you. You are exceptionally hygienic and trustworthy."_

_ She contemplated Sheldon's idea as if she had just heard it for the first time. It felt odd treating sex like an experiment. But it seemed no worse and possibly safer than deciding on sex because of the alcohol in one's system, or because one experiences butterflies in their stomach, or the look of someone across a room. Her biggest reason for saying no, was the one thing she was trying to avoid. Emotions. While she _wanted_ some emotional attachment to one whom she was so intimate, she wasn't looking for love and definitely not to be hurt. She knew what her emotions were concerning Sheldon. She enjoyed his company, cared for him and even trusted him. She was honored that he thought so highly of her, even it was in basic terms concerning loyalty and hygiene. While she realized there was no way to prevent having feelings, she could prevent expressing them. It was in the expression was what left you vulnerable to be hurt. This arrangement seemed clinical enough to prevent such things. She would have to think on it more. However, before her mind had given her mouth permission, out slipped "Yes."_

_ "Good. You will need to make the proper appointments for testing and an oral contraceptive. I will do the same. Upon receiving results we can exchange a plan an acceptable time. Would you be agreeable to formalizing this agreement? It would be best if we left no room for errors or compromise the activity."_

_ "The testing I approve of and will do, soon. But, I'm not comfortable signing a paper about sex, Sheldon. That's a bit too much like a professional arrangement."_

_ After a thought, "That is understandable. You can forego signing, but do stay contentious to the terms of our agreement."_

_ "Of course I will Sheldon."_

"_Excellent, it's been delightful speaking to you Olivia. Good-Bye."_

Sheldon's distraction had cost him. He had spoken while his mind was in the past. It was quiet easy to brag on one's knowledge and abilities, but because such mindless speaking, he now found himself being herded to a dancehall…

* * *

While Cera changed, Howard took this time to look around her home. The entire level was hardwood, with well-placed rugs in the living and dining areas. The living room was open all the way through the dining room into the kitchen. The only thing breaking the space was the large red sectional sofa. Her TV was below a high window on the same wall as the door he entered through. It didn't look as though she had decorated much, but there were several photographs of her and a young brunette girl at varying ages. He assumed this was the daughter he had heard about from Bernadette, who had in turn, gotten that information from Penny.

Howard was just finishing up his perusal of his surroundings when Cera returned with her hair down, wearing a pair of yoga shorts and a t-shirt that said **'That's what SHE-RA said!' **over the image of The Princess of Power, and clutching a box. "You have to promise me, PROMISE ME, that this information does not leave this house."

Howard was feeling vindicated in his suspicions of Cera, by her insistence of confidentiality, but becoming concerned that perhaps this was going to be more than he could handle.

"Yeah, yeah, of course."

"Howard Joel Wolowitz! You promise me, you will sit on this information until such a time as I deem it acceptable for you to expose any of the information here and then, and only then, to only individuals I have approved." Cera said in a stern voice lacking any whimsy or drawl that he would typically associate with her. As he gaped at her tone and use of his full name she smirked and said, "You're not the only one that knows how to use a computer."

"Oh, uh, absolutely. You have my word." He really didn't want to cross any woman that had accomplished that level of mom voice. Sure Bernie could be intimidating, but this woman sounded like she had some real maternal follow through behind her, like his own mother.

"Ok." She said in a softer tone as she sat down next to Howard to rifle through her box.

"In the fall of 1996, my parents were touring with…I don't remember…The Band…maybe, anyway, some classic rock-ish band. My older brother and I were touring with them at the time…" Cera explained the circumstances of her and her brother's presence in Europe and their trip to audit a lecture in Heidelberg. When she drew to the end she handed him a photo and noticed her eyes were glistening with unshed tears.

The photo was obviously a print from film. A girl adorned all in black beside what looked like a much shorter, much younger Sheldon. He was in a dress shirt and obviously uncomfortable though he was smiling. He flipped it over and read, Me and Sheldon Nov. 96. Underneath Sheldon's name she had written Nobel Laureate.

Being Leonard's friend initially and coming to know Sheldon as an attachment to him, Howard hadn't really considered his brilliance much. Having his ego and insanity constantly thrown in his face made it even easier to discount. Suddenly seeing that two highly intelligent siblings were inspired by, and confident in his abilities, even as teens, was stunning.

Even more interesting was this chick's chosen style at the time. "What's with the goth get up? You look like, well I don't know what you look like, but it isn't like you."

"It was my way of grieving my brother and acknowledging that life wouldn't be the same."

"OK. So did something happen in all the letters, I'm sure you and Sheldon wrote?"

"No and we really didn't write all that many. Seven. I wrote seven, he wrote eight. I dropped the ball; med school was kicking my butt at the time."

"Ok, so explain Texas to me then." Howard pressed.

"First you need to know who and why I was…I was different then. I became 'Liv' when my brother died. The rest was a slower change, but one I desperately felt I needed. So, I applied to several pediatric hospitals for my post-grad internship. I _wanted_ to move out of state. I was in a toxic relationship at the time. One that my crazy mom had encouraged. And the rest of my family was this… dysfunctional…entity. I needed out. So at the end of my junior year of med-school I started putting out feelers for _anywhere_ else."

"You were attending Duke at the time, right?"

"Yea, It wasn't _the_ best school for pediatrics. But it was number…six, I believe, and it was in state, where we lived at the time. Mom was from North Carolina so all of her family was close by, even if she wasn't. I mean we spent more time in Santa Monica and it's what I consider home, but neither of my parents are from here or have family around."

"Oh, I get it, Ma nearly died when I said I was moving to Massachusetts for school."

"But I bet it felt good, huh? I was accepted by four different hospitals, one of which was Texas. I think one of the other hospital was in Illinois or something and I _don't_ do cold. I wanted to stay in the south. So that was a plus. Mostly I needed some space, out from under mom. She was dramatic, demanding. She had this disjointed view on romance, we all had to suffer through, including herself. My parents were in some sort of open marriage. They loved each other desperately. I honestly believe that, but they left room to; I wanna say _play_, but that's not right because mom is a…hopeless romantic. She was always ecstatically in love or depressed over love lost. Dad's was much the same, though not as extreme. I can't even sat they were sex obsessed, though I'm sure they were, but it was like they were obsessed with infatuation.

"It improved after my brother, Galen, died. My parents became a very solid unit after that, but mom was still very...overly romantic. She believes 'you're no one if someone doesn't love you.' She always pushed me to date. Not just date but 'connect.' She'd give me reasons to gloss over bad stuff in relationships just to 'hang on to my man', not that there were many. I didn't want to be like her. I didn't want to be chasing the next 'man of my dreams' that left me messed up.

"After I accepted the opportunity from Texas Children's Hospital, just to solidify my decision, the relationship I mentioned earlier, just went from weird to weirder. I started dating Tyler, when I was nineteen. He was a friend of my best friend's boyfriend at the time. He worked as a driver for a pharmaceutical company. He lived with his brother and sister-in-law. The brother's business suddenly moved so he need a place to crash while he looked for a new place. We had only been dating about a month and it was not yet physical, so I offered my couch.

"Six months later he was still there. I was in love with him. It was the type of love that required a lot of work. Protecting his ego, since I was obviously accomplishing more than him and overlooking things that really bugged me. And because I loved him, I wanted too. It was very…taxing though. He was resentful of time I spent working on my AI and clinicals, and electives. One day I came in from classes to find him in flagrante delicto with some chick. He was desperately sorry and wanted to stay together-not happening. And mother, dear romantic that she was thought I should forgive him since I loved him and that perhaps it was my fault for not 'loving him thoroughly.' Which really just meant I should, you know, sleep with him. I was hurt, that he thought so little of me, I was replaceable-physically anyway. I was hurt and pissed that my own mom didn't support me and then placed the blame on me.

"At this point I decided to veer off from being like my mother. I ditched Tyler. I had a nice big fight with my mom where I insinuated she was a stupid, hopeless romantic whose life had no basis in reality and that I hated being related to her, amongst other very nasty things. Since I was a small child my identity had been wrapped up in my mother and been pushed into being her imitation and this was my break from that. I chopped off my hair and dyed myself a lovely shade of Clairol's Cinnamon Stick and decided to wash my hands of their unstable dribble and left to live a far more stable, rational life far, far away from there. I turned off all music, put away instruments, and any form of expression I deemed useless. I then did everything I could to present to the world a mature doctor. Every outfit I wore, every accessory I donned from my dress suits to my unnecessary glasses was to age me and present a confident, experienced physician.

"Not imitating my overly expressive mother probably saved me at the beginning of my internship because it is emotionally draining and if you don't have a grip you're gonna crack. I at times envied the other residents their age. In just a few years they had more maturity and life experience I did not. You learn things in advance all you want, but you cannot rush wisdom.

"He was my reprieve from the insanity that was my internship. He was always logical in helping me deal with grief and being overwhelmed. It was still hard, and at times when it would get hard, Sheldon would talk me through it. Because I was so resistant to being emotional, I was having panic attacks then. He was a very accommodating the few times I lost patients."

"Sheldon?"

"Yea. Once we started hanging out, he was a great help. There were occasions I would even call from the hospital and get him to talk me through anguish over hard patients. He would have me take deep breaths, separate emotion from logic and have me answer questions like 'Did you follow procedure?' 'Was there more you could have done?' Usually I had done all I could and he would tell me I should be able to push beyond the grief, anger, uncertainty and perform my job. He was very logical and helped me get out of my head."

Howard was stunned at the thought of a supportive Sheldon. And a Sheldon that could get a girl to practice the Vulcan ritual to achieve emotional stability. "He had you practicing…Kolinahr?"

"Maybe? I don't remember what he called it. It worked, whatever it was."

Howard found this interesting, but it wasn't really clarifying anything. "Ok, so, how did you start hanging out with him exactly?"

"Oh, well, I was in this steak house in Houston, with some coworkers one day…" Cera went on to explain his mom reintroducing her to Sheldon. She spoke of movie outings, meals, pool games, putt-putt, bowling and dinner with Meemaw and the family. Reminiscing on memories she usually didn't want to recall left her teary eyed, but holding it together. They really had enjoyed each other's company.

"So," started Howard, "You knew Missy, Huh?" wiggling his eyebrows, "Did you two ever have a slumber party?"

Cera was pulled out of her reflective thoughts with this ridiculous question. "No, I never had a slumber party with Missy. We didn't really hang out that much. To her I'm sure I was just Sheldon's…peer who he…held in high regard and…benefited from mutual assistance."

"You mean his…friend."

"You would think."

"Ok…so you didn't make it on the friend list. What's the problem? I'm just a treasured acquaintance with only a master's degree. This really isn't explaining anything."

"No, it doesn't, but it's a start."


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N:**** Thanks for reading and reviewing**  


**I don't own TBBT**

**_Italics_ is a flashback**

"Ok…so you didn't make it on the friend list. What's the problem? I'm just a treasured acquaintance with only a master's degree. This really isn't explaining anything."

"No, it doesn't, but it's a start."

Chapter 15

Sheldon was thankful that the cramped cab ride was over. Immediately after exiting the taxi he pulled the sanitizer from his pocket and emptied half the bottle into his hand.

"Really Sheldon? You're rubbing sanitizer _under_ the sleeves of your shirt." Penny was far too relaxed to actually be irritated with Sheldon's craziness, but sometimes it was fun to hear what was happening in that big ol' head of his.

"Penny, Penny, Penny. One can never be too careful when it comes to the contamination potential of public transportation."

Upon entering the dance hall, all the ladies turned to Sheldon expectantly. They wanted him to prove himself, as if he wasn't superior at anything he ever did. Dancing would be no different.

"Shel-don, aren't you going to ask Ameeee to dance?" Bernadette crooned.

"Sheldon and Amy, dancing in a tree. D-A-S-N, hmm, hmm, G." Penny grabbed Bernadette's hand and swung her around. All three women then waited for Sheldon's response.

Sheldon was glad he wasn't home dealing with Leonard, Priya, and their Greek atrocity, but present company was becoming progressively questionable. While none of the current troupe's intelligence was equal to his own, he was certain the gap had become significantly wider, after the introduction of alcohol. He expected this from Penny, though he was surprised at the progressive level of silliness and how quickly it had set in. He had known for some time that Bernadette could keep up with Penny when indulging in libations, but Amy's state was just disappointing. She seemed to be enjoying herself though, so that counted for something…to her.

"While I am amenable to dancing with you Amy, I will require you to thoroughly sanitize your hands." Sheldon handed his sanitizer to Amy. "Don't be afraid to use too much."

"Of course Sheldon. Are sure you don't want to assist me in…lathering up?" Amy gave Sheldon a lascivious, drunken grin.

Sheldon squeaked and scooted away from her. "While I understand that you are under the influence and working with significantly reduce brainpower, I believe you are still capable of using hand sanitizer."

As soon as Amy's hands were thoroughly sanitized, Sheldon lead her to the dance floor. Surprising himself, Sheldon was actually having a good time. He was impressed by Amy's knowledgeable abilities on the dance floor. She had perfect timing and form which was impressive considering her state of mind. He was a bit disappointed by the catcalls from Penny and Bernadette. But really, what else could one expect from two inebriated blondes?

* * *

"There," Cera closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "there is really no way to explain any of this without sounding like an utter fool."

"If it involves Sheldon, I'm sure that's true. He's seems to enjoy making people feel that way."

"Mmhm, He's…harsher than I remember. I'm amazed at the sarcasm and the condescension and the…meanness. But it's not just him, all of you carry a bit of…toxicity. "

"You mean he was…sweet…to you…and you're blaming us?"

"I wouldn't exactly call him sweet, though he did have his moments. Sheldon's…he's always been… naively insensitive…superior, and exposed faults in an.…indelicate way. But now, now it seems to have a sharper edge than it did then. And I don't fault anyone. How a person feels and what they surround themselves with affects their mannerisms, for better or worse. But ultimately, the only one responsible for a person's conduct is the individual themselves…When I knew Sheldon, he lived at home with his momma and saw his Meemaw several times a week. He was in a cocoon. Not that his mom, Meemaw and Missy and Junior let him get away with anything, but it was always a loving, family thing I guess. "

"Yea, but wasn't he still bat-crap crazy?"

"No," Cera gritted out tightly. "Sheldon has never been crazy."

"What do you call a guy who acts like a robot, cleans everything, keeps BM charts and schedule's everyone's bathroom time? You're telling me that's new?"

"No, it's not. Even as a teenager I could tell he didn't relate to people and had some scheduling issues, but I never saw it as crazy. I had some psychology classes in med school, both standard and pediatric. Then had a few weeks in the psych ward in the hospital. Through learning different disorders, I considered he might have Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder."

"What the frack is that?"

"It's a disorder that cause the mind to over focus on details. It happens frequently with people with high IQ's. Because they are capable of imaging so many scenarios at any given moment, their mind needs a way to break things down and manage the possibilities. That leads them to be obsessed with orderliness, schedules, and cleanliness. They aren't usually flexible or open. They are often uptight, ritualistic, workaholics. Unlike OCD, the individuals can't see their behaviors are off, just that no one can keep up with the correct way."

"God, there really is something wrong with him. I really was just kidding, but if I was gonna be right I would have expected…worse."

"Oh, this is in no way a diagnosis. And since I have practiced medicine on him at one point he could be considered a patient, so I shouldn't even suggest such a thing. This disorder can be misdiagnosed as other, much more severe conditions, but anything like that would show up on a brain scan. I've seen his. Other than his disappointment that his genius is not visible, he's just fine."

"And I thought he was just being a dic-tator." Howard quickly altered his statement at Cera's stern look and raised eyebrow. "But maybe he can't help it?"

"I assumed a good deal of it he could not, but not all. If you are patient and deal with him honestly and literally you can find what issues are non-negotiable and what things he's just being a…dic-tator about."

"Huh, and you didn't mind that?"

"No, not at all. I grew up with a diva, before divas were a thing. There is no one more moody, demanding, and as precise as my mother. At least with Sheldon you all ways know where you stand. Well, mostly."

"Ah, 'mostly'. So he's did or said something to you and you are out for revenge. This isn't just a case of hurt feeling is it? Because he hurts everybody's feelings."

"Yes and no…God this is so stupid. We had…an arrangement."

"Oh man, did you do something illegal, because Sheldon can come up with some crazy crap. He didn't have you smuggling medical supplies or anything did he?"

Cera was frustrated because Howard just wasn't getting it and she didn't want to explain further. "NO…no. Nothing like that. Look, no one knows any of this. I have never even told my family, just my attorney-"

"OK, this getting a little freaky. Why-?" Howard cut in because she was being evasive and confusing.

"Because I slept with him, Howard." rang out through the apartment louder than Cera had intended.

He started to laugh until he noticed the tears on her face. Not knowing how to respond he blurted the first thing that came to mind. "We always assumed Sheldon was virginal."

It quickly became obvious that was the wrong thing to say once Cera began to sob. Howard cursed himself for pointing out that she hadn't ever been mentioned. He knew from his time pursuing women, they don't want to be thought of as forgettable. He slid closer and patted her back not knowing what else to say, after a few moments he decided "I'm sorry." couldn't go wrong.

"Do you want to talk about it?" While Howard was curious as to how _that_ came about, he really just wanted to make her feel better.

"It was just…curiosity, with a friend…that got out of hand. It's really hard to remain impartial when you help his grandma make Sunday dinner."

Howard watched eyes cast down as she began playing with her hair. She looked broken. "I imagine so. You were in love with him? With Sheldon?"

Cera took a deep breath that calmed the crying. "Not to begin with. At least I didn't think so. I didn't have time for, or want another relationship. We would talk about anything and one day we ended up discussing coitus. From that discussion he developed a plan. It was supposed to be this detached, unemotional, physical act."

"It wasn't a one-time thing, you were friends with benefits? This was Sheldon's idea?! So he does have a deal. I knew he liked blondes." The last statements muttered, more to himself.

"Don't call it that! Yea, it was…his idea. And I wasn't blonde then." She handed Howard another photo. "Why do you say he likes blondes?"

"He's got this stealth peripheral observation thing he does. He doesn't do that frequently with women, but I have seen him do it...a few times over the years….usually its blondes. I kinda thought he was in to Penny for a while, but - Wow, you look…Are you sure _you_ don't have a personality disorder?" Howard gave a small chuckle.

"Doesn't everyone when they are young? I was just trying to understand _what_ my personality was. At that point I knew it was _not_ my mom's. It took me a while to realize a medical degree isn't a personality either."

"You said you cut you hair off, but I really didn't expect this. And the glasses?"

"A fashion statement."

"You look like you're going to a funeral. How old is Sheldon here? Even if he is taller, he looks like he's…fourteen."

"That was right after his twenty-first birthday."

"Oh." Everything Howard had ever heard Sheldon say relating to sex was now being rerouted through a different filter. "So I have to ask. Are you the one who told him his genitals were aesthetically pleasing?"

"Oh, Howard!" Looking stunned and slightly embarrassed. "Perhaps…he paraphrased that particular kudos."

"So you _didn't_ think he had a pretty package." Howard wiggled his brow.

"Really Howard, those are intimate details…But I paid him a truthful compliment." Cera seemed to be running down, the occasional tear still tracking down her cheeks.

"Oh," Howard had just heard the juiciest, most salacious bit of gossip one could get on Sheldon, but it lost its edge in Cera's sadness. "Are you still mad because he didn't love you back? He didn't right? Because right now….I'm not sure anything I've assumed about Sheldon was true."

* * *

Amy had finally quit retching and seemed to have fallen asleep. Even though this evening's activities were not one of her more inspired moments, he still found her to be a fascinating woman. Amy Farrah Fowler was a brilliant, logical, modest woman, and she had kissed him. A stimulus he nearly didn't know how to calculate. It had been quite some time since he had engaged in such an act. Even longer since it was as a willing participant. While this kiss had also caught him unawares, while Amy was inebriated, it was not nearly as unpleasant as Beverly's kiss.

As Sheldon left he thought about the kiss he has shared with Amy. She was a formidable friend, but this had left him confused. For the duration of their affiliation they had both insisted, theirs was a relationship of the mind and he had enjoyed that. What had changed?

Unfortunately the only data he had to compare this to, was Olivia. She too had been a…interesting... comrade until their association had become physical in nature. As he rode home he considered the similarities between the interactions with two women in an attempt to decide what to do with Amy so that their interactions didn't meet the same fate as his association with Olivia. He truly did not want to lose his friendship with Amy.

By the time he had reached home he realized he need to go over the entirety of his interactions with Olivia to understand precisely what had gone awry. He need to prevent repeating the past.

_The hour long ride from his home to her apartment started off fairly normal. Sheldon suggested The Periodic Table Game that ended in a heated discussion._

_ "Sheldon you cannot disregard a correct answer because you have a difference of opinion with IUPAC. Meitnerium, was agreed on for the name of element 109, it was an element name I used, therefore, I did not lose."_

"_Agreed is a strong word. The International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry were reluctant to-"_

"_This isn't because she was a woman, was it?"_

"_Some woman, she didn't even win a Nobel Prize." Sheldon muttered under his breath._

_ "Dr. Lise Meitner was robbed and you know it. You don't like the thought that The Nobel Committee has flaws and could miss someone." _

_ Sheldon didn't like the direction this conversation so he decided on a diversion. "I showered thoroughly prior to your arrival."_

_ That statement served as a reminder of their intentions and shifted their focus. The conversation turned light and sparse until they arrived at Cera's apartment. As she pulled into the parking lot of her apartment complex, the weight of their impending exploits rendered them both silent. _

_ Sheldon settled on to his spot on Cera's couch and noted. "I'm glad you saw fit to relieve your counters of paperwork and coffee cups as requested."_

"_Are you complaining about my housekeeping skills?" Cera smirked at him. _

_ "Not exactly. I never find you to be unsanitary, coffee cups notwithstanding. Merely disorderly. Most of it seems to be work related, except for your shoes. How many pairs of sneakers can one own?" He had constantly warned her of the dangers in keeping that many shoes by her door. She really ought to keep her exits properly cleared in case she needed to make a quick exit._

_ "Well, when you are on your feet as much as I am, comfy shoes become indispensable."_

_ After a few minutes of fidgeting Cera finally asked. "Are you confident you want to, uh, do this…with me?"_

_ "Yes. What better way to satisfy our curiosity, than to engage each other, people we trust, with our safety. Not to mention the benefits of coitus, which we will both be receiving."_

"_I'm, uh, I'm going to be in the shower then."_

_ "Do you have a fresh towel? Is your soap antibacterial?" Sheldon stood and turned toward Cera as she made her way to a small hallway with doors to her bathroom, bedroom and a small linen closet in between._

_"Yes and yes. I have made provisions for every stipulation you have put forth." Cera was grateful for the distraction of his insistence. It kept her from getting too nervous._

_"Do you…still want to ensure I get…properly sanitized?" Cera pulled a clean towel from the linen closet._

_ "Your bathroom has been fully cleaned, correct?" Sheldon entered the room for a thorough inspection._

_"Yes."_

_"Very well then, Olivia."_

_ Cera adjusted her water, then removed her clothes while Sheldon stood by, looking everywhere but at her. After Cera climbed in behind the curtain she called "So do you just want me to tell you what I'm doing or are you actually going to watch me wash?" She hoped verbal confirmation would be enough._

_ "Well, I, uh, thought, perhaps... I mean I would be more confident in your cleanliness if I observed your cleansing habit." Seeing first hand could only ease his mind later on._

_"Uh, ok."_

_ Peeking in through the curtain at the back of the tub, Sheldon took in his first live nude woman. This was much different than the magazines, shown to him by his brother and various college roommates. Being the scientist that he was, he observed her form. After deciding she was indeed a healthy female, he then shifted focus to her ablutions. It was a fascinating procedure she went through, not terribly different from his own, with the exception of conditioner for her hair and shaving her legs. He felt confident that she would be fully clean when they touched, except her back which she couldn't reach._

_ "May I help you wash your back, seeing as you can't reach." Sheldon shocked himself by asking._

_ "Uh, yeah, of course." Sheldon was glad she agreed, and not just because she would be fully scoured with his help._

_ Sheldon's hand was shaking. He was nervous, but not scared. He had the excitement he carried anytime he learned something new or performed an experiment. He smoothed the lather over her skin. It was surprisingly soft. He could feel the slight musculature of her back and then he felt her shiver, though he wasn't sure why. The water was quite warm, not a shiver inducing cold._

_ "I'll leave you to rinse, dry and otherwise to prepare." Sheldon wasn't sure if he was more excited about applying information he had obtained, or the prospective physical satisfaction of his hormones, but he felt nearly giddy. He walked back to the living room to wait._

_ Sheldon once again was grateful Cera agreed to have coitus with him when she exited the bathroom. She hesitated in the hall between the bed and bathroom doors wearing a teal cotton robe. Her dark hair still damp, and her skin flush from being freshly scrubbed, she was far more fascinating than Tanja ever was._

_ "All clean!" Cera finally squeaked nervously, feeling self-conscious. Sheldon of course knew she was petite because he teased her about it. She just hoped he wasn't disappointed upon realizing that, _everything_ was petite. Except her butt, apparently._

_ "Did you remember to attend to your oral hygiene?"_

_"Yes, I brushed thoroughly and rinsed with Listerine."_

_ "Very well. Shall we?" Sheldon passed close by her as crossed from the living room to the bedroom._

_ "Do, uh, you want some privacy to, uh, undress?" Cera lingered in the door of her bedroom._

_"If you don't mind." _

_ "Not at all." Cera stepped out and pulled the door closed. As she waited, she considered the previous encounters she had considered giving into sex. Sheldon stripped down quickly, but efficiently folding each item and placing them on a wooden stool in the corner. He wasn't pleased with how they laid so he unfolded and refolded each item. Twice. It wasn't because he was anxious. Upon, considering folding and stacking his clothes one more time, he finally admitted to himself he was nervous._

_ "I'm…ahem…I'm ready." To combat his tension, Sheldon had crawled into the bed and pulled the covers up to his neck._

_ A nervous giggle escaped Cera as she stepped through the door. "You do realize I saw both your chest and abdomen three weeks ago when you had a tickle in your throat and insisted I give you a full checkup. Not only are you my only patient that has gotten a house call, but you are the only person I have ever rubbed vapor rub on."_

_ "It seemed imperative that we fully prevent and treat any possible ailments prior to this endeavor. To do so, I felt it necessary to be treated by a competent medical professional." Not only did Sheldon want to be assured of a quick recovery, he also wanted to eliminate the possibility of contaminating Cera when they were…intimate._

_"I was afraid Meemaw was going to be upset that I had taken her job."_

_ Sheldon smiled "No, Meemaw knows that I find medical expertise comforting in the times of illnesses. Meemaw and mommy still did the most important part by making grilled cheese and singing "Soft Kitty."_

_ Cera feeling awkward discussing his family when they were both nearly naked. "So, um, what should we start with? Should I, uh, kiss you?"_

_ "Do you really think that's necessary?" Sheldon leaned away as she sat on the edge of the bed._

_ "Well, if you aren't comfortable with that, I don't know if you'll be able to tolerate any further contact." Cera slid back a bit to allow Sheldon space. She thought he may still back out this, even if it was his idea._

_ "I, uh, that seems to be a logical conclusion. Osculation did seem to be linked to coitus in all my research."_

_"Okay, so..."_

_ "Well, I, uh, the two times I kissed a girl, I was merely a recipient, not an initiator." Sheldon clutched the edge of the blanket and took a few deep breaths._

_ "Oh, ok," she leaned in and placed her lips gently on his. Sheldon immediately tensed and did not respond. He waited for the paralyzing fear or the crawling skin, but neither seemed to be coming._

_Cera leaned back away from him. "Is it the germs?"_

_"No, no. I can smell and taste the Listerine. You did remember to use a new toothbrush, correct?"_

_"Yes. We bought it last week, remember?"_

_"Of course I remember. I have an eidetic memory. I-"_

_ Cera felt him gearing up for a speech, so she silenced him with a kiss. He tensed again. This time Sheldon was able to better analyze the sensation. Knowing the germs had been taken care of, there was nothing uncomfortable about the pressure on his lips. It was kind of…soft. In his analysis, however, he forgot to respond._

_Pulling back Cera sighed, "Perhaps we don't have the chemistry to make this work."_

_"Chemistry? Coitus doesn't involve chemistry."_

_ "Well, there are hormones at play. But what I mean is that we don't have the desire and attraction to help…ease us into the…intuitive portions of this endeavor."_

_"I thought we were avoiding hormones. And any other nonsensical motivations for coitus._

_"I think some of it may be necessary to help with the compulsion to actually follow through."_

_ "Perhaps…Olivia, you did state at one time that you found me aesthetically pleasing. I told you the same. I feel comfortable that you have endeavored to keep this as sanitary as possible. I believe that I do desire coitus with you." He had begun to flush as he encouraged Cera to continue._

_ "I have no experience instigating much of this either, but I do, at least, have practiced knowledge on kissing." Cera leaned forward to begin again and received an awkward, but eager response._

_She climbed onto his lap and felt him tense. "Is this ok? I'm not making your skin crawl am I?"_

_ As Sheldon paused as if to consider the situation he realized she was trembling, "No, I am not repulsed by your presence in my lap. Are...are you ok?"_

_ Cera licked her lips, considering her answer. This wasn't as weird as she thought it would be. "Yes." _

_ "Shall we proceed?" Watching her tongue move over her lips made Sheldon aware that, at times, he was a very average man. And he was having a very average response to the nearly nude woman in his lap licking her lips._

_ "That would be good. Very good." This time when she leaned forward Sheldon met her. Relaxing into their activity, both let their book knowledge combine with their biological instinct and fell into each other awkwardly._

_ Cera hadn't been sure what to expect, but it had left her uncomfortable and in dark daze. Upon looking over at Sheldon his eyes were closed, hair tousled, sweat sheen. He really was attractive._

_ "I really need to shower." He mumbled lacking all of his usual urgency pertaining to his cleanliness. His eyes fell closed once again. Cera thought for a moment, perhaps coitus, had literally blown his mind. After a few short minutes Sheldon jumped and ran, shouting "Shower!" quickly entering the bathroom and slamming the door._

_ Sheldon had surprised himself in not only tolerating coitus, but enjoying it. Mentally being aware of what he had done, and the mess involved, caused his stomach turn. After assuring himself repeatedly of the sanitation level of his surroundings and getting beyond the feeling of an impending heart attack, it was euphoric. The bodily fluids, though appalling to him, were washed away with a bit a diligence. He was concerned about his lack of...concern. Perhaps he was still under the influence of the endorphins._

_ After Sheldon returned from what Cera was sure was an extra-long, extra hot shower, he seemed to have returned to his prior state. "The water pressure in your shower is far too low for adequate cleaning so I had to compensate with a longer shower, only to find that your hot water is also inadequate. Perhaps next time we should follow your shower with a series of antibacterial wipes. I think six should be adequate."_

_"We? Are you planning on wiping me?"_

_ "Hmm, that concept has merit. It would ensure that you would be thoroughly and properly cleansed."_

_ Not knowing how to respond to that assertion Cera shifted to something else. "We still have a few hours before you need to be back home do to want to do anything or go anywhere?"_

_ "Perhaps we could go back towards Galveston. I did enjoy the comic book store in Webster."_

_"That sounds good." Cera got her keys and purse eager to do something more typical of their afternoons together. She hurried Sheldon out the door to put the afternoon behind them. Neither Sheldon, nor Cera had much to say on the way to the store. It wasn't an awkward silence, merely contemplative._

_ After a few moments of wandering around, Sheldon began feeling self-conscious as though people could tell what activity he had been partaking in. "I'm going to contact Junior and have him pick me and return me home."_

_"Oh, uh, ok. Do you want me to wait until you've assured that he's available?"_

_ "That would be...acceptable."_

_Cera left after Sheldon confirmed Junior was available and would pick him up._

_"Hey Shellybean, what's up?" Junior asked sauntering up behind his baby brother._

_"Why do you assume that something is up?"_

_"Well, you don't ever call me. 'Specially for a ride."_

"_I call to procure a ride because I don't I have a ride."_

_"Yeah, but how'd ya get here? We're twenty minutes from momma's."_

_ "I came with a peer who was unable to take me home. Now are you going to drive me or are we going to stand around chit chatting." Sheldon was beginning to feel irritable, mostly due to the itchy feeling of previously worn clothing._

_ "A peer, huh? This the same peer that's always hanging around, and was at Sunday dinner a few weeks ago?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Yes? That's it?" Typically Junior got an earful of words he cound understand for the simplest of things.  
_

_"Yes...Is that word suddenly hard to comprehend, Junior?"_

_"So, no explanation?"_

_"Are you in need of one?"_

_"So…that Olivia's a gal, right?"_

"_Is this something you just noticed, or have you a point?"_

_ "No, no point. And I didn't just notice. But I think you did. Glad you finally got you some." Junior gave him the cocky Cooper smirk and winked at him._

_ "Got me some, what?" Sheldon asked, mocking his speech, utterly confused._

_ Junior really didn't want to explain it to him, or worse have him explain it back, so he just settled for "A girlfriend Sheldon, you got you a girlfriend."_

_ "Oh, Olivia is not my girlfriend. We merely share hobbies and work related anecdotes."_

_ "Oh, this is gonna be interesting." Junior said more to themselves._

_ "Of course it's interesting. Olivia is always interesting. Did you know she is the youngest intern ever to work for Texas Children's Hospital? It's only by a few months, but still impressive…for her."_

_ "Oh yeah, you need to watch yourself, Shelly." Junior walked out towards his truck._

_ "Watch myself do what? Junior, Junior?" Sheldon followed behind._

_ Sheldon had limited contact with Cera due to her grueling work week, but had still squeezed in a few phone calls and emails. In one such exchange, they reported their assessment of their congress. She confessed to liking the foreplay, but being uncomfortable after that. Sheldon confessed to being alarmed by the amount of sweat and fluids, but enjoyed the relaxed feeling and mental sharpness that came after. Sheldon agreed to attempt being gentler. Cera agreed to lower the AC to at least reduce the sweat potential. After coming to their agreements they set a date for their next encounter for Saturday, eight days after their first encounter._

_ Sheldon gladly skipped laundry day with his mom for a chance to gather more data on this physical experience. He was still a bit apprehensive about the act. He didn't relish being covered in fluids again, nor did he like the sudden loss of control and the fogginess of his brain. He especially did want to hurt Cera again, she had assured him he wouldn't, but he was still concerned. He pushed his concerns aside for the sake of the experiment. He needed to find out if they could reproduce the prior results and if they could improve on the experience._

_ The pre-coitus procedures were handled more quickly and with less fanfare than before. The wipes amazingly enough, just became part of the foreplay, freeing Sheldon up to touch Cera more than before. Knowing what to expect, Sheldon was better able to relax in to the sensations. Cera admitted it felt like…an improvement._

_ A week and a half later Sheldon found himself sitting on Cera's bed, barely bothering to cover up. He felt confident she would get fully clean while he undressed and got situated. When she exited the bathroom this week she didn't even bother with a robe. _

_ Since this was to be their final engagement, Sheldon asked if he might try something new, a condom, just for the experience. Coming together was much easier this time. Sheldon thought that her scratching at him, pulling the sheets from the mattress, and mewling like a kitten meant she enjoyed it as much as he did._

Sheldon didn't think he could handle a relationship of that sort with Amy. More importantly, he didn't want to lose her companionship because of it. Last year when they were apart was nearly unbearable to him. He made the decision to just put the incident behind them so that they could continue to move forward.

Sometimes Sheldon wondered if the companionship he had found in Cera would have been salvageable, if he had done the same with her. Instead, he opted to give into his baser urges and ask for even more…

* * *

"No, I'm not mad at Sheldon. I never was. I was…crushed."

"I'm…I'm having trouble imagining a woman like you, wanting to be with Sheldon and I'm having more trouble imaging Sheldon wanting to be with anybody."


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: **** Don't own or make money from TBBT.**

**The end of Cera's evening with Howard.**

Chapter 16

_ "I'm…I'm having trouble imagining a woman like you wanting to be with Sheldon and I'm having more trouble imaging Sheldon wanting to be with anybody." _

"I don't know what a woman like me is, but Sheldon wasn't a bad guy. He was always himself, no matter what anybody else thought. Sure, sometimes we had heavy discussions, but we didn't really argue or get hostile. Despite not being my boyfriend, he seemed to be a more solid presence than the guys that were. He was not a guy with an agenda. And he didn't try to be cool, or pretend to be someone else. He was not pursuing me for money, sex, or status. Most of the time I thought he liked my company. We had sex because we wanted to. And yeah, he has some issues with control and cleanliness, but we worked through it."

"Did it involve bathing in a vat of hand sanitizer?"

"It's natural to be curious, please try to be…tasteful with your questions…No, there was no hand sanitizer, but I did what I could to ease his mind."

"That's…good of you. So you just," Howard thought of a polite way to put it, "punched each other's v-card and then you were in love with him."

"Not exactly, no. We agreed to have sex, three times. Sheldon wanted to…extend our dalliance and I agreed to it. After being intimate a few more I noticed something…different, for myself. We had gone out to play putt-putt and while there he noticed another woman, you know, in his peripheral vision. She was blonde too, just so you know. And he offhandedly wondered, "if coitus would feel different with a different partner.'"

"Oh, and you got crazy jealous."

"No. I just shrugged and said I didn't know. I understood that it was more of a scientific query than actually wanting a new partner. We, also, weren't in a relationship so, it wasn't as if he was violating anything. But it did sting a little bit."

"That was still a crap move. I thought it was pretty basic knowledge you don't talk about other women. So what else?"

"I recognized my feelings were too strong to maintain our arrangement. So I told him I wanted to stop, not long after that."

"So you realized you loved him because of the blonde and cut it off. Good for you, he was being a douche."

"I still wasn't 'in love.' His response to stopping was to ask "Do you no longer desire coitus? Am I no longer physically appealing?" After confirming yes, I like sex and I still like him, his answer was perhaps it was my hormones settling."

"Wow, that's…"

"I know. And it worked, for a while."

"You stayed with him?! For that? I have clearly been underestimating Sheldon."

Cera laughed "Well, I was lost in my own delusions about a rational, adult, sexual relationship. I mean, I hardly ever took him home, his brother picked him up…pretty quickly. For a while, I thought, being alone after sex, where I could process it all, was a good thing. I felt superior to my mom and my friends, because I wasn't entangled in false romanticism. I knew what was real.

"Soon, 'real' became very hollow. Not that I was in need of a cuddle, but I need to not be… deserted. I worried that I would seem…clingy, but how clingy is seeing someone once a week…or less. I was having trouble sorting my feelings, but it was becoming apparent I was having strong ones. So I suggested we wrap it up again."

"How long had you been together then?"

"We'd been friends for more than six months, but having sex, maybe two." Cera ran her hands over her face and through her hair. "This is just so peculiar, to expose this. I really have never spoken to another about this before. It's been…heavy."

Howard was bewildered by the dramatics. She really was an odd woman. "So two months of squeaky clean, Sheldon sex and you're in love?"

"No. Three months. And being in love with him had nothing to do with the intimacies. I had cherished him as a friend and I had come to appreciate him as a lover. One day I just realized that I preferred him to everyone, and I had for a while."

"You slept with him for another month?! I did not know Sheldon had it in him, he must be good."

"I told you, I was a fool. I agreed to more 'coitus.' And it was good. It got so good, that's all we were. I brought up my concerns, that we don't eat out, or play games, or even discuss work anymore. When we talked through those issues, it was the best it had ever been. He even spent the night."

"Sheldon, stayed with you? Did you have to drug him? 'Cause I couldn't even keep him in my bed with Catwoman, Halle Berry to be exact." Amazed by the revelation Howard questioned, "And you think he didn't like you?"

Cera laughed through her tears, "What?"

"He was hiding from Leonard. He didn't want to chance telling him a secret he was keeping for Penny. He's never… been… the guy you're describing."

"Apparently, he wasn't then either. The next time I saw him, he was distant and twitchy. After… uh," Cera drew a deep breath, "I need some water, would you like something?" She walked toward her kitchen.

"Sure, a soda. Are you ok?" he called over his shoulder. He was unsure if he should go after her or give her a moment.

"I'm fine. I don't drink soda, so is water ok?"

"Sure."

Cera leaned into the refrigerator and took a deep breath. While getting this off of her chest was liberating, it was hard. And it was getting worse. She could just tell Howard to mind his own damn business and send him home. She could stop this evening's agony and go to bed. _But_ Howard could be an advocate that could stand in the gap between her and Sheldon. This had plagued her in nightmare form, several times over in the last few months and didn't really want to rehash this. She'd explained it this far, she may as well finish.

_Cera was resting on the couch in her robe waiting for Sheldon to exit the bathroom. She was just so tired. Her internship had just gotten too intense to maintain much else in her life. And this thing with Sheldon was leaving her weary. He'd been aloof all day and he didn't seem to be getting any better. He was pulling on blue shirt with a vintage print of Luke, Leia, Chewie, and Han, when he walked from the bathroom. She shook her head, knowing there was now an identical shirt in her hamper. Sheldon couldn't leave in 'used' or different clothing, so he had taken to leaving duplicates of a few of his shirts in her apartment. So now she was responsible for washing the Star Wars double. _

_This whole arrangement was really starting to weigh on her._ _"Sheldon I think… I think I need something different."_

"_Perhaps you're right. A change would be good."_

_ This response shocked her since, usually he was trying to convince her to continue. Perhaps he just misunderstood. "I think it's… it's time to stop. It's… __been intriguing and very pleasurable. I've enjoyed this experience and…I'm glad I had it with you. I… I think… I need to, uh, adjust, our arrangement.__ It's… __affecting me more than I had expected. Emotionally. I, uh, care for you."_

_ "Are you implying that because you're fond of me, you no longer want to have coitus?" Sheldon seemed to consider this a moment, "Interesting."_

_ Cera realized that while she had avoided being the carbon copy of her mother, she wasn't the antithesis either. Emotions were unstoppable and worse, sometime so was their expression. "The thing is, I love you." _

_ "Well, that is not possible. We decided that this was not an emotional expression."_

_ "I know what…we decided…I really tried to stay rational about it, but…I…just have too many emotions concerning you. Being with…being intimate, with you has just exacerbated my feelings."_

_ "I don't see how. This act is really is repulsive. You've contaminated me in all manner of bodily fluids and pathogens. It smells for goodness sake!" was Sheldon's nearly clinical answer, his tone only going up at the end._

_ While she hadn't expected Sheldon to pledge undying love for her, she could hope, of course, but this was really not the response she had expected. "Wow, I…" Her words were lost somewhere between hurt and anger, but quickly she was coming back to herself. "I'd feel more inclined to believe that, if you hadn't had to 'engage' one more time, Sheldon."_

_ "It's all part of the observational process of an experiment. Changing the parameters to observe changes in the outcome. I was merely curious about the effects different frames of mind would have on coitus." Cera was surprised about how calmly he explained this. She had heard him put more effort into ordering food. That just made her feel worse._

_ Cera's tears were flowing freely now. She got to her feet to put some distance between her and Sheldon. "Wow, I…I thought you…cared…at least a little."_

"_Where would get such an idea? I've made no such assertion - verbal or physical."_

_ "This entire endeavor has been a physical assertion of…feelings, Sheldon!"_

_ "We just discussed this-We documented and agreed, this was purely physical-no irrational emotions involved. I really should start getting things in writing."_

_ "But what about last week? You stayed!"_

_ "Merely observing from yet a different point of view. Perhaps you should just calm down and try to be rational about this."_

_ "God, this…." Cera slid down the wall, tears streaming down her face. "This is not…real. I never imagined you'd…you'd break my heart." Her words being lost in sobs._

_ "That's merely an imagined feeling. The heart is a muscle that cannot be impaired by your overly emotional state. The feeling you have, you've done that to yourself. Your faulty expectations are hurting you."_

_ "If I could _feel_ different believe me, I would…YOU, started all of this. So this…I was nothing?! You were using me?"_

_ "Well, I wouldn't say it was nothing. It's been very informative. Any and all relationships are arrangements of exploitation. We both benefited from this, therefore I consider it to have been a symbiotic arrangement. Just consider this a social experiment that has come to its conclusion."_

_ "But you're my best friend."_

_ "Am I? I believe you told me that both parties need to have a formal agreement to have a relationship." Sheldon sounded nearly confused by the thought._

"_I…I said that about dating."_

_ "Would the same not hold true for any relationship, whether it is professional, friendly, familial, or romantic?"_

_ "Well, yes, but-."_

_ "Then I get to choose whether or not we associate with one another. I really have no time or inclination for such a thing. If my momma hadn't insisted, I doubt I would have endeavored to entertain you all these months."_

_ Cera couldn't even respond, just sob. She'd never felt so crushed, so drained or so disgusted…with herself._

_ After staring at Cera for a moment he made a decision, "Well, I can see you are in no state to drive. I'll get Junior to pick me up here instead of the comic book store." Sheldon stepped out of her apartment._

_ Cera woke up nearly an hour later, still slumped against the wall. She got up and showered long and hot to wash away her own feelings of disgust. The feeling of being used up and discarded. The feelings of being shattered. The feeling of losing a best friend. The feeling of not knowing what was truth, what were lies._

_ The next week was dull and tiring for Cera. She thought of Sheldon often, missed the occasional email and even rarer phone call, but she had yet to miss his presence. Since her schedule only allowed them time together once every week or so, she hadn't experienced a time when he was absent._

_ As May turned to June, she was at her wits end. It had been eleven days since he walked out. She chastised herself, she should feel better and have no regrets. She had known her feelings were getting dangerous and their liaison needed to end. She had known her work was overwhelming her and she needed rest. So why did she feel so bad in so many ways? _

_ Depression. Cera decided that was the culprit. Everyone knows depression makes one tired. That would fit in so well with her new compulsion to shower long and often. She just felt so…dirty, and used, and angry. She directed most of the anger at herself, for agreeing to it, for allowing it to continue, for handing him her heart to stomp on his way out._

_ Sheldon deserved more of Cera's anger, she knew, but it was hard to maintain, when it actually seemed out of character. Well, it was an exaggeration of his character, she thought. His feelings just seemed to come from out of nowhere. She wasn't even certain he meant it, he was unsettled throughout his tirade._

_ Cera decided there was only one way to find out. _

"_Hello?"_

"_Hi Sheldon."_

"_Dr. Tollman."_

"_How…how are you?"_

_ "Seeing as how we know longer have any social interactions, I see no need to fill you in on 'how I am.' Is there something of which you are in need?"_

_ "Just…what happened? Why would you say...all of that?"_

_ "What happened? We conducted an experiment. If you would like the analysis…coitus is pleasurable. But it is also time consuming, distracting, messy, unsanitary. And clearly it makes logical women behave in irrational and senseless way. _

_ "Since this experiment has come to a close and the data presents far more negatives than positives I propose we label this as a failure and move forward. I will no longer be in need of transportation since we will no longer be affiliated. Good-bye Dr. Olivia Tollman."_

_ "Uh, oh. I'm," Cera felt as though the air had been knocked out of her again. She knew calling was a bad idea, but she just had to know. It was all she could do to utter a farewell and hang up the phone. "I'm, uh, sorry to take up your time Sheldon. Goodbye."_

"Cera? Are you OK?"

"Uh," She felt slightly embarrassed that Howard caught her sobbing in the refrigerator. "No. No, I'm not."

"Was he that bad?"

Howard barely heard the "Yeah," that Cera croaked out. She seemed small and frail, as took his glass of water. As she walked back to her couch, he put his other hand on her upper back for fear she may faint away.

After Howard situated the sobbing woman on the couch, she continued, "I needed to end it, because of how I felt. But he…I don't know…seemed to need to make it as painful as possible. Apparently sex was too messy and unsanitary and distracting. He was using me, but justified it by the fact that, all relationships are about mutual exploitation. He said I…was just…a social experiment. I gave him a week to calm down and called him again." At Howard's wrinkled brow Cera felt the need to explain her insanity. "Some portion of what he told me was a fabrication. He twitched. So I had to know. I just got more of the same vitriol."

"He…he told you all that? Oh, he really is an idiot!" While Howard had never doubted the stupidity of Sheldon when it came to the human race, but this was extreme. As he watched Cera settle on the couch, he couldn't understand was why this successful woman, who had so much going for her, was hurting over him. "But that was a long time ago I don't understand why it- Oh, Oh. My. God. Sheldon's a baby daddy!?" The evidence was all over her townhouse, he just couldn't see it until his view of Sheldon had changed. Now, the dark haired girl looked familiar. Thank goodness she smiled like her mother.

Cera chuckled through her tears. The statement was absurd even if the facts were sound. She took several calming breaths.

"Yes, he is Merritt's father. But he isn't an idiot. It's taken years, and some therapy, but I came to realize he was right… for him. True, he didn't have to be offensive about it and the sentiment was harsh, but it was true. We agreed to something, and I changed it….All relationships _are_ for...selfish gain of some sort. He is entitled to his opinion on how sex makes him feel. And he was right not to feel friendly towards me. I wasn't a real person. I was a lie. I was lying to me."

"So he uses you, tears you down, abandoned you and just like that it's ok?"

"Not ok, but understandable… He…he doesn't know about Merritt, so I carry that blame."

"So you got pregnant and _didn't_ tell Sheldon. Ya know, I'm surprised that Sheldon didn't use protection. Several kinds, actually. At once."

"We did. I was on birth control and we occasionally used condoms. I didn't know I was pregnant until a few weeks later."

"How did you manage that? That stuff is like 99% effective."

"Oral contraceptives are only 97% in 'ideal' conditions. Which means it's not really that high during typical use. Which is…91% I think."

"What the hell is typical use? Uh, that's not that good." Howard pinched the bridge of his nose. Those stats were enough to panic any man.

"Typical use is average usage. Did you know the average woman misses two pills a month? A six to eight hour delay can cause enough hormone flux to be the difference between parenthood or not."

"Huh?" Howard asked wide-eyed, he was unsure if this was the physician in her or if she just liked rattling of facts too. "So, you missed?"

"No, actually, I'm very good with taking pills. And if I ever had missed, Sheldon would have pestered me about it. I got food poisoning. Fettuccine Alfredo. In a Sheldon approved restaurant. I thought it might be a little off, but Sheldon insisted the restaurant wouldn't serve such a thing. And he wouldn't taste to verify one way or another. I was sick for four days. I can't even stand the thought of the stuff now." Cera shivered in remembrance.

Howard sat silent for a moment. He wasn't sure how to respond to Sheldon being a father. A father to a child, he wasn't aware of. If it could happen to Sheldon…He was now worried about the efficacy of his and Bernadette's birth control and the fine line between _anyone_ and parenthood. Cera broke the silence.

"I don't regret her….I don't regret Sheldon being her father. I'm just sorry she's been without a dad…I'm terrified he'll…hate her. I never want her to hear Sheldon…like that." Cera began to cry again.

"Hey, we'll get this figured out. I get why you didn't tell him. If he has problems with her, we're gonna have him retested."

"Thanks Howard….I actually, did call him. After several weeks of feeling crappy and passing out at work a few times, one of the nurses insisted she test me. I called three days later. He didn't answer or call me back so I called his mom."

"You didn't tell her either, did you."

"Uh, tell Mary Cooper her son knocked me up? No thank you. We'd be divorced already."

"Yeah, I can see why you didn't tell her."

"I even talked to Missy once. No one could get him to call me back. My pregnancy was rough, so I ended up having to withdraw after the end of my first year as an intern. It's difficult to be an effective physician when you are dizzy, have the shakes, and passing out on the patients."

"But you finished? I mean you're a specialist now."

"Yeah, I spent a year doing medical transcriptions in a pediatrician's office, just to stay in the loop, but I went back when Merritt was seven months old. Finished my internship, then went for the allergist fellowship."

"You weren't in Texas though, were you?"

"No, my health and my emotional state deteriorated until I was frightened to be so isolated. I called Elliott, he's one of my best friends. But I hadn't talked to…anyone in over a year. I didn't think he'd come. He came and helped me out until I could move home to North Carolina, to Duke. I spent years there." Cera got a small faraway look and continued on. "I stayed with him at his dad's a few weeks after I got out of my lease, before I could move. Elliott's dad, he was a roadie for my parents, but was from Pasadena, Texas. Then we drove cross country together. He encouraged me to…to talk to my mom.

"I had been so bad to her. For reasons I couldn't understand. But being at the wrong end of someone's emotional…mishandling, helped me understand her more. I still don't wanna be used and hurt in the way she once allowed herself to be. Finally accepting that I am tenderhearted like her, means I can avoid the same outcome."

Cera had ceased the hard sobs and was down to just an occasional quiet tear. Howard felt as though she wasn't really talking to him anymore. She was…purging. He supposed years of keeping to herself had caught up with her. It was a familiar sight and sound, in an uncomfortable way. This is what he knew his mom did, for years after his dad left. Occasionally, when Howard was supposed to be sleeping or out with friends, he would catch her and it made him hate his own father all the more.

Howard knew blind siding Cera had been a crazy idea, and the motivation was selfish nosiness at best, but he was glad he had done it, clearly she needed help. And so did her daughter.

"Can you tell me about your daughter?"

"Merritt? Sure, but she'll be here in a few minutes. If you just want to meet her." Cera put on a huge grin.

"I would like that….Uh, what do you hope to accomplish, with Sheldon?"

"I expect he'll want to terminate his parental rights. I imagine he would find a child even more distracting than sex and I certainly don't think he would want a child with me."

Howard noted she didn't seem to be saddened by this and there were no new tears. She was just resigned to it. And he couldn't say if it was an accurate prediction of Sheldon's behavior or not. Though he suspected if Sheldon ever figured out he was a real boy and let someone in, they were getting sealed in plastic and worshipped like one of his comics.

"What would you like to happen?" Howard had seen firsthand that Cera still cared enough to take him to the comic book store and want him to be happy. Certainly she had some bit of hope.

"I suppose the best I could hope for is that we could be co-parents. You know, a united front for Merritt."

"Isn't 'united fronts' what got you into this in the first place?"

"Howard!"

"Just trying to lighten the mood." Howard had the decency to look sheepish for his tasteless joke. Fortunately, Cera could appreciate his humor and laughed long and hard.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

_"Isn't 'united fronts' what got you into this in the first place?" _

_ "Howard!"_

_ "Just trying to lighten the mood." Howard had the decency to look sheepish for his tasteless joke. Fortunately, Cera could appreciate his humor and laughed long and hard._

Sheldon had just descended the stairs to the fourth floor. It had been a peaceful, productive morning, for which he had been grateful. The last few days, or weeks even, had been very dramatic and it was having a negative effect on his digestive system and his REM cycle. He was weary and had thought perhaps some time on the roof away from others might help clear his head. The change in scenery allowed him the clarity to finalize his draft of 3-D chess.

Sheldon paused at his door. Despite his efforts, the leap forward in chess was the only positive he could see. He felt he was in a constant state of turmoil. He had stalled at work. His best friend/roommate, Leonard was consorting with an obnoxious woman who had made his own home unbearable. Since she was Raj's sister, he was feeling a strain in that relationship, too. This had led to a separation from Penny. While he and Amy had decided on a reset, he was afraid the damage done would be irreparable. Even his treasured acquaintance had been oddly absent all weekend, despite knowing where Bernadette and Raj were. Worst of all was the reappearance of Olivia. She had the potential to do the most damage in unraveling the tight control he had held for the last ten years.

His thoughts were disrupted as he stared at his door. "Hey, Moon Pie?"

"Penny, how many times do I have to tell you-."

"Yeah, yeah, only Meemaw can call you Moon Pie. It's too early; I need coffee."

"Penny, you recall, I have coffee in my apartment, do you not?"

"You know I'm not wanted there." Penny stepped toward the stairwell.

"Very well, then." Before Sheldon could reach his for his doorknob Penny called after him again.

"Hey Sheldon, are you ok?" It had concerned Penny that Sheldon hadn't heard her exit her apartment and didn't seem to be moving.

"I have a master's degree and two PhDs. Of course I'm ok."

After a moment of studying Sheldon, Penny shook her head. "Nope, I'm not buying it."

"I hadn't suggested you purchase anything."

Penny rolled her eyes, "I talked to Amy. Is that what's bothering you?"

"If you spoke with Amy, you know the issue has been resolved." Sheldon wondered once again, if these women could keep nothing to themselves.

"You don't seem resolved Sheldon. You know you can talk to me, right? Come on." She gestured him back into her apartment.

"I wouldn't want to come between you and your coffee." After a hard look from Penny he agreed. "Oh, alright."

Sheldon entered and gingerly perched on her couch among her collection of clothing, shoes and various other random objects. He wasn't certain what Penny wanted from him, but he feared, it may have something to do with his and Amy's resolution, or worse.

"OK, so Amy couldn't tell me any details, because she didn't really remember, but I know she gave you a kiss, you want to pretend it didn't happen?" Penny settled on the chair nearby.

"We can blame her lack of memory, on the same substance as the uninvited advance on my lips. I am not pretending it didn't happen. We merely made the decision it should have no bearing on the established parameters of our association, nor should it happen again." Sheldon noticed an aroma. It was familiar.

"Well, just because she was drunk doesn't mean she didn't mean it. And you can always unestablish parameters."

"Unesatblish? Penny if one 'unestablishes' parameters, as you so blithely suggest, boundaries will break down, there will be no guidelines to govern associations, anarchy and darkness will descend on currently well working systems." Sheldon was still aware of the smell that he had now determined was emanating from Penny. It was a comfortable smell, but it was out of place.

"You're the only one that needs those boundaries. You've been doing so good relaxing them so far. I mean you went dancing with us this weekend. It's not that far a step between what you have with Amy and her being your girlfriend. The kiss wasn't that bad, was it?"

"It was a vast improvement over the assault I received from Beverly Hofstader. A kiss from yet another woman, who became inebriated under your influence. Penny do you smell like… citrus?"

"Huh? Yeah, its vanilla, lime body scrub, Cera made it. So, you're blaming me? I'm not the one being all… kissable, to drunk… smart women. Amy _was_ an improvement though, you said so yourself. So why don't you want to do it again?"

Of course, he was smelling Olivia. Between the limes she ate, drank and cleaned with she always smelled faintly of limes. Though lately it seemed to have picked up the tinge of alcohol from the hand sanitizer. He was irritated with himself for finding the fragrance soothing. He was exasperated that Olivia had forced that scent on him, through Penny.

"Sheldon?" Drat, Olivia had distracted him-again.

"Oh, firstly, relationships of the romantic nature are distracting and a danger to maximum efficiency. Not to mention relationships of that sort tend to require a physicality that can be quite distasteful.

"Secondly, I was under the impression that Amy did not harbor such notions towards myself. She tried an experiment, months ago, that involved unwanted contact that she followed up with a negative reaction. That response lead me to believe I was unacceptable as her mate, I found that acceptable.

"And finally, in the realm of physicality Amy is drawn to the likes of your Neanderthal friend, Zack. I don't make her go 'Hoo' so why has she decided to instigate such an action now?

Why do you women always need to change? They can go from being intelligent and logical one moment and the next demanding, and emotional?"

"Is Amy being emotional? Wait, who else was logical and then got emotional? Have you been having more grad students come on to you?"

"Don't be silly, I hardly consider them intelligent."

"Then what are you talking about? You said women. That implies more than one."

"I've implied nothing. I thought that, against my better judgment, we were discussing, Amy Farrah Fowler kissing me."

"No, no, there's something else, I can tell."

"No, Amy didn't do anything else. Unless of course you are referring to her vomiting, which, I'd rather you not."

"Then it's _someone_ else. Sheldon, have you met someone else?"

"Penny, I have met many people in my thirty-one years."

"No, no. Tell me you don't know a logical woman who became emotional…that isn't Amy." Penny wanted to watch and see if he twitched, he was hiding something, and she knew it.

"Really Penny? I have important work to do." Sheldon rose from the couch.

"You know, you're leaving gives away just as much, as your twitch."

"No, it doesn't." Sheldon wouldn't turn to face her.

"This must've been big if you're trying so hard to hide it." Penny wondered how much he would give away, so she decided to push.

"Penny, my personal affairs are none of your concern."

"No, but you are. If something is bothering you, it concerns me…Was this recent?"

"Penny," Sheldon turned for another protest.

"So that's a no. Was it before you lived with Leonard?" She really didn't know one way or the other, but she tried to be convincing.

Sheldon fixed her with a glare before heading back to the door. "Just…leave it alone."

"The more irritated you get, the better I can tell. I can play this guessing game all day…Unless you wanna tell me about it. Of course I can always fill in the gaps by myself. You had a torrid affair…with…a professor….before moving here."

Sheldon gave an amused huff, then glared.

"So that's a yes to before you lived in Pasadena, no to the professor. This must have been a big thing. If it wasn't you would be so defensive about it."

"That's just absurd. There is no way you could infer such a thing. I've done nothing!" He wondered if she had detected his distress over Olivia in the last few weeks. Sheldon was pretty certain Penny couldn't read his body language, but one could never can tell when it came to her.

"So it was a big deal. Did you have a high school or I guess, college sweetheart Sheldon? Did you…go all the way?" Penny taunted.

"Honestly Penny, I wouldn't have had time, or inclination for such a ridiculous notion then."

"But you did, after that?"

"A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell."

Penny was merely guessing, but he was responding! Oh, this was getting good. How had she never tried this on him before? "No, and I wouldn't expect you to."

"Thank you, Penny." Sheldon sighed, relieved.

So if he had the inclination _after_ college and didn't want to kiss and tell, there was _someone_ Penny reasoned. She just couldn't resist getting some additional info. "So, not a professor and not a sweetheart, what did you take out an ad in the paper for someone to experiment on?"

"I thought you were done with this line of questioning." After several moments of Penny staring him down, he realized she wouldn't relent. "No….She was a female I was previously acquainted with. We frequently went on outings to movies or the bookstore. There were even occasions she attended Sunday dinner with my family."

"She was your friend? I didn't think you had any of those before Leonard."

Sheldon looked affronted, "I…had not considered her as such…before, I really hadn't considered having anyone filling such a position in my life, but she seems to have fit that definition."

"Did she think you were friends?" Had he really been so clueless as to not realize he had friends? What kind of person wanted to be friends with him then, anyway? Penny was sure he was probably just weirder when he was younger.

"She did refer to us in that manner, on occasion."

"So _you,_ wouldn't call _her_ friend. Was it 'cause she wouldn't fill out the paperwork? And she still…"

"Still what?"

"I don't know, you tell me. Hug, make out, coitus?"

Sheldon felt heat flood his face and knew he was blushing. Penny's facial expression shifted and thought maybe it meant she could see it, too. He just hoped her interpretations of his body language had all been a hoax.

"Holy crap on a cracker, Sheldon. You had me _explain_ friends with benefits and you had already had one?!"

Sheldon looked offended, "Oh, that was different, I just told you, she wasn't my friend."

"And yet she slept with you. Was she, I don't know, desperate, or easy, or crazy?"

"I'm not certain what she would be desperate for. If you are referring to the ease at which she entered into a coital relationship, she was not. I was her first coital partner. And she's not crazy…though she did use the word dysfunctional, frequently."

"Sheldon that's…huge. I didn't think you…" Penny was astounded that Sheldon just confirmed he'd had coitus. And taken someone's virginity. It also sounded as though he was claiming she was sort of, normal.

"Didn't think I, what? Was a man?"

"Well, no, I mean. I didn't think you'd…do something so unsanitary."

"Well, it's not something to be repeated."

"Huh. What kind of woman catches Sheldon Cooper's eye?"

"She was…" Sheldon had no words to describe Olivia, there were many things about her that had impressed him, but he was now unsure if any of it were true.

"She was what? You're not uncomfortable are you?" Penny laughed at turning the tables on him. He never seemed to mind discussing other people's sex lives.

"No. Why would I be uncomfortable?" Sheldon was uncertain what details Penny wanted and he was reluctant to give any. However Penny seemed to have a certain amount of distress she needed to cause him before letting him leave.

"She was low in stature, wore glasses, and had brown hair." Sheldon blurted quickly "Is that enough?" He rose to leave, yet again.

"So, she…was like Amy."

He hadn't thought of that. It took him a moment to make a further comparison. There were similarities, but most of those things seemed to have been superficial things that had all but disappeared. While Olivia did play the Periodic Table game with him, he doubted she would play counterfactuals. He doubted Amy would enjoy The Comic Center, but Olivia would go. Neither of them would really play video games. He figured a summation wouldn't hurt.

"Not exactly, no. I doubt her IQ rivaled Amy, though she never would tell me. She was always dressed up, but unlike Amy, she seemed to favor trendier fashions and bright colors. She kept her hair very short and neat. She was more exuberant in mannerism and seemed to enjoy a time of play as much as she liked working, though she did work long, hard hours."

"She sounds…nice Sheldon, what was wrong with her?"

"She interfered with my endeavor to obtain my second doctorate and my Nobel. She was distracting, became overly emotional, she made an erroneous claim of love."

"Oh, wow, she dropped, the L bomb. And you…didn't?"

"Of course not. Love is merely a figment of imagination weaved together with the chemicals released during coitus."

"So you just…tried coitus with her and didn't like it, huh?"

"Well, it was revolting, messy and unsanitary. It is also distracting and caused artificial attachments."

"Oh sweetie, I'm sorry you didn't like it. I guess sex just isn't for everybody. It sucks it messed up, your, uh, your acquaintance? But I did tell you, not everybody can handle that." What did you call a non-friend that you slept with and didn't enjoy? Penny didn't know. No wonder the poor guy avoided relationships.

Sheldon shook his head. "She had been quite rational prior to that. While the coitus itself was pleasurable, the arrangement was never as practical as it could have been. Did I mention how unclean it was? On more than one occasion she claimed that she was being affected emotionally and suggested we cease. Thankfully, by the time she had gotten so emotionally irrational, as to confess love to me, she also ceased our arrangement. I had grown quiet uncomfortable with our rendezvouses."

"So you…did…like it? So, did she dump you because you couldn't return her feelings, 'cause that happens a lot?"

"I was not dumped. The experiment had merely run its course. Her assertion that I used her as she became a teary, emotional mess made me realize I should have ended it sooner."

"While I know these things usually end bad, please tell me you didn't call her an experiment to her face."

"Badly. Things end badly. Of course I did. We always strived for full disclosure on the status of our couplings."

"Sheldon, did you tell her…all your thoughts on sex with her?"

"Seeing as how she lacked the ability to read minds, there was no other way for her to obtain that information."

"There are some bits of information you keep to yourself."

"Well, I didn't want to lie to her. You know I'm a terrible liar anyway."

"That's an awful way to treat someone who loves you. You didn't have to tell her a hurtful, pointless truth."

"You didn't return the sentiment to Leonard."

"No, I didn't. But I, at least, took it as a compliment. So I said _thank_ _you_, not you're gross and then dump him. People are vulnerable when they say that!"

"But you did break up with him, Penny."

"Yeah, later on, because he couldn't just give me time or space to figure my feelings out."

"You mean because of Wil Wheaton."

"I think…he just sped up the process. I might have grown to love Leonard, without Wil, but what I've seen since, I think I'm realizing we couldn't work together."

"So you won't be getting back together with Leonard? Because Priya, really, is distasteful."

"I don't think so, sweetie. I think maybe, Leonard's love for me isn't as deep for me as I needed. He couldn't even be patient and wait for my feelings to catch up. And even in the last few weeks he hasn't been man enough to tell me to not hang around, and he lets Priya walk over him. I've come to see, other people's feelings about me and Leonard or anyone's feelings on Priya aren't really reasons for a relationship. It just has to be about what's best for me…and him. Even if it's not the easiest."

"Oh, well it was worth a try."

Penny chuckled at him "Sure. So you never did tell me what was bothering you. Is it because you're afraid Amy might turn out like…I don't remember her name?"

"I didn't tell you her name because it doesn't matter. I don't think Amy could turn out like…my past experience. She's a far more sensible and reliable woman. Thank you for reminding me of that."

Penny didn't remember doing any such thing, but if Sheldon felt better, "Oh, uh, you're welcome."

* * *

The girl had been a source of amazement to Howard. Merritt had come home all smiles and was genuinely happy to meet another one of Miss Penny's friends. She had Sheldon's hair color and nose. Her blue eyes, he supposed could have come from either parent, but her smile was all Cera. Though she was thin and gangly like Sheldon he hoped for her sake, she turned out more like Missy.

Merritt asked no less than 50 questions- Are you married? Do you have kids, I can play with? What's your job? Do you like it? Do you think there are aliens in space? Do you know why solar power is inefficient? Among others. She seemed genuinely interested in the work he did for JPL. When he informed her he wasn't a doctor like her mother, her response brought him up short.

"What's it matter? Don't you like what you do?"

Howard thought for a moment and smiled as he answered honestly. "Yeah, I do…so I guess what you call me isn't that big of a deal."

He left Cera and Merritt that evening feeling better about himself than he had in a while. He couldn't believe Cera had been with Sheldon. He could believe Merritt _came_ from him. While part of him wanted to call Raj or Bernie with this juicy bit of news, he wasn't going to disrespect either of them with something so…childish.

* * *

"Howie? What are you thinking about over there?" Bernadette turned and look at him from the driver's seat.

"I, uh, Do you think me and the guys are...toxic?"

"What do you mean, Howie?"

"I was talking to someone this week about the people you surround yourself with and how that affects behavior. Do you think we're bad?"

"Well, sometimes you aren't the friendliest to each other. Usually, it's childish, but sometimes it's just mean. I thought that was just what competitive guys did, though."

"But, shouldn't buddies be more helpful? I mean, I know sometimes, I say things, I _am_ really trying to cut deep, you know. But only because they do it to me."

"Are you upset with them? Where is all this coming from?" Bernadette looked puzzled.

"Sometimes I feel like they see me as you know, less because of my degree. It's constantly pointed out to me the only person lower than me is Penny and she's pretty happy doing her own thing. I was reminded recently that being happy with what I do was more important than credentials."

"I'm glad to hear you feeling that way. I always admired how you could just throw yourself into your work, like it was fun. Sometimes, I _am_ worried they are too hard on you, though, I guess we can all be a little critical at times."

"Yeah…Look, Bernie I've had a great evening with you, but uh, I kinda wanted to stay home with Ma, tonight."

Bernadette gave Howard a concerned look, "Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, it's just something's...come up and I just...need to…be with her."

"O-OK, just call me if you need anything."

* * *

"While I do wish that it had a better grade, I haven't been able to find one otherwise. I suppose it can't hurt to look it over."

"I know you don't usually go as low as 6.5, but I thought you might want to check it out yourself, but you need to do it now."

"Thank you for alerting me, Stewart. I'll be there as soon as I can." Sheldon slid his phone back in his pocket with a big grin on his face. He might finally re-acquire an issue that was lost to him when Tanja sat on it creasing the fragile antique paper. Detective comics #141, The Gallery of Public Heros.

Sheldon could hear the radio playing in Penny's apartment verifying that she was indeed home. Good, he thought, she should have no problem giving him a ride. Actually, he would be doing the entire floor a favor by getting the music to cease.

"It's open" he heard from the other side of the door.

"I need a ride to The Comic- Oh," catching sight of Cera, "never mind." She was seated on the couch turned to Penny, who was standing in front of her bar.

"Hey Moonpie, Cera was just working with me on…compression?"

"Vocal compression." Cera's dirty blonde hair was concealing her from Sheldon though he could see the neck of her guitar on the left.

"Yeah, that, so that I can sing with more emotion."

It was a surprise to Sheldon that Cera was actually teaching Penny something. Not because she lacked the ability to instruct others, but because he had never imagined her actually having knowledgeability in this area. Taking her in, he considered forgoing Batman, a 6.5 really wasn't anywhere near mint, but before Sheldon could back out of the trip, Cera spoke up.

"It's ok, we've been working for a while. We could go, I'll sit in the back you can have the front."

It took Sheldon a moment to come to a decision, "Well, Of course I can."

Cera drew a heavy breath as Penny spoke up, "Are you ready to go now or do you need to grab anything?"

"Just allow me to retrieve my wallet and keys and I will be ready."

"K" Sheldon heard as he walked back to 4A. He gathered his wallet and keys, then considered protection for his new prize. It was raining so taking his messenger bag was imperative. He also packed several plastic sleeves to wrap and rewrap his book.

He took several deep breaths, gathered all of his conflicting thoughts and the emotions that were trying to burst forth and pushed them down. It wasn't working as well as it once did. He shifted his focus to something logical and concrete. Science. He considered the uncertainty principle. That seemed apropos at the moment. He applied Schrödinger's equation to Planck's constant. By the time he had figured in Heisenberg's principle, he was feeling much better.

Focusing on his goal of Batman #93, Sheldon stepped across the hall to face Olivia, once again.

As they settled in the car, Cera leaned forward to speak to Penny. Sheldon tensed and imagined his entire ride being filled with Cera's breath on his neck, her hair tickling his cheek and being wrapped in her fragrance.

"No! This isn't going to work. You have to switch with me." Sheldon jumped out.

"What?" "Huh?" The ladies were confused.

"You want us to switch in the rain?"

"Sheldon, you never sit in the back, what's going on?"

"I don't think I can bare an entire ride with her breathing on me."

"It's, uh, fine" Cera climbed out of the car doing her best to hide the tears that were forming in her eyes. She did her best to make this situation easier. Penny may have been confused, but Cera was well aware he found her repellent.

After rearranging, they finally set off. Penny hadn't even pulled out of the parking lot when Sheldon's eyes were drawn to Penny's check engine light.

"Why are we not riding in Ol-,uh, Cera's, more reliable vehicle?"

"Oh, I don't drive in the rain if I can help it. You wouldn't be able to put me in the back seat if we did, anyhow."

"You don't? Then how did you get here." This was new to Sheldon, Cera had never displayed an issue with driving in the rain before.

"I got a cab."

Penny laughed, "Well, I hope you used a crap load of hand sanitizer. You can't be too careful, you know."

"I did, thank you for looking out for me." Having not been present for Sheldon's trip in a cab the joke was lost on Cera, but Sheldon picked up on Penny's mocking. He was glad Cera hadn't joined in.

After a few quiet moments, the silence was broken by Penny.

"Oh you'll never guess, or maybe you will, but Bernadette was telling me that Howard apparently has been acting kinda-"

"Hey, Penny." Cera softly broke into Penny's oration.

"Uh, yeah?"

"Exposing other's secrets are hurtful. As is the warping of truth in gossip. The words often hurt people and damage relationships. Friends don't hurt each other purposefully. My family spent a lot of time being victims of scandal and rumors. My parents were degraded for their addiction; it was a sensation when mom gained weight when overcoming those addictions. They were relentless when my brother died, so much so that my parents decided Europe was a better place to grieve. So I really do not enjoy knowing the intimate affairs of those that don't tell me first hand themselves. Nor do I share my own."

"Oh, I didn't think about that. I'm sorry. This is a different brother than the one I met right? What happened to him?"

"That was Braden. Galen, his twin was lost to us. It was complications from a car accident." Cera stared out the window, trying to get a grip on her thoughts.

"I'm so freakin', sorry. For...all...of it." Penny was overwhelmed with sympathy for her friend.

"Nothing to be done about it now, just think first next time. You really owe the apology to Bernadette and Howard. And I do hope you handle anything I share with you much more carefully. The last bit of fluff from your group that floated by my ears troubled me, until I realized it was merely a fairy tale told for amusement… But perhaps I'm the only one that could refute the details."

"Uh, yeah, I hate when people gossip lies."

"It was merely an experiment in gossip meme." Sheldon murmured. He hadn't considered the fall out of Amy and his experiment. At that moment he only wanted a surprising and compelling factoid that would spread quickly. He never considered his pseudo-coitus with Amy might reach Oli- Cera's ears. Nor did he think Amy would give her own weak and inexperienced explanation. Olivia _was_ the only one that knew that he was anything but aloof.

"Perhaps the next time you plan an experiment you should have a fully developed and executable conclusion before you begin." Cera stayed focused out the window.

"Yeah, Sheldon." Penny laughed, mock-glaring at Sheldon in the rearview mirror, as they pulled into the comic book store.

"I'll only be a minute if you don't mind waiting." Sheldon needed to put some space between the ladies and himself. He had just acquired quite a bit of new data and needed to process.

"Actually, if Penny doesn't mind I think I'll go in, too. I need to grab something for Merritt." The Comic Center didn't look very busy and with the rain it wasn't likely to get that way. Cera thought this might be a good time to talk to Sheldon.

Sheldon walked in searching for Stewart with Cera and Penny trailing behind him. From what he could see there were only two other customers. Unfortunately, one of them was Wil Wheaton, the other man he didn't know, but had seen a few times. He hoped to ignore them, but before he could find Stewart, he heard Cera call to them.

In his peripheral he could see Cera embrace both men. Then she remained linked with the shorter man with dark shaggy hair, whom she called Elliot. Sheldon tried to ignore them, but his Vulcan hearing gave him a front row seat to the conversation. The comic being laid in front of him startled him from his thoughts and momentarily distracted him from the conversation behind him.

After he donned his protective gloves and began inspecting the comic, his hearing drifted back to the conversation. He learned 'Merritt' was in gymnastics for the evening, it was surprising Cera was out in the rain, and that Elliot played in a band with her and Zack. Apparently, Penny was acquainted with Elliot as well.

"Zack, you mean Zack Johnson? He plays an instrument?" Sheldon heard Penny's voice go up. Cera was friends with his acquaintance, Zack, too? Was there no one she wouldn't pull into her orbit?

"Yeah, plays two. You didn't know that? I thought y'all were together." Sheldon picked up on the stranger's familiar drawl. He was unaware of Zack's abilities as well, that could explain his knack for Rock Band.

"How do you not know that, Penny?" Cera's unmistakable voice asked.

"I guess I just didn't think to ask." That was Penny again.

"That seems to be going around. How do you ever learn someone, if you don't ask questions?" After Cera's query, Sheldon turned his full attention back to the comic book at hand. It was in better condition than he expected. He decided it would be a good addition to his collection.

"Hi Sheldon! Here to ruin everyone's fun? You seem to enjoy that."

"Wheaton…I…do no such thing." Sheldon was flustered.

"You're not actually here with this guy are you?" Will turned toward Cera.

"Wil." Cera protested.

"You gonna introduce me to your…friend?" Elliot gestured to Sheldon.

"Dr. Sheldon Cooper this is Elliot Davis, my oldest and dearest friend."

"Hey man!" A grinning Elliot stuck his hand out.

Though Elliot stood a few inches lower than Sheldon, he made up for in brawn. After a several long seconds Sheldon felt compelled to shake Elliot hand. "Uh, hello. Cera and I are not exactly friends. She's more of an acquaintance."

"Eh, she grow's on you. She nearly impossible to get to get rid of. Been tryin' for years." Elliot winked at Cera and grinned at his own joke. "East Texas right?" Turning his attention back to Sheldon and clapped him hard on the shoulder.

"Yes, Galveston." Sheldon wondered how offended Cera's friend would be if he sanitized his hands. Sheldon found the thoughts of contaminates outweighed not offending the Cera's friend and pulled sanitizer from his pocket.

"Pasadena. Cera did you know he was from Texas?" Elliot turned toward Cera.

Cera merely raised her eyebrows and gave a slight nod. "I think we need to go. I need to, I need to pick Merritt up, soon."

"Uh, OK, I'll tell Tara to call." A confused Elliot gave Cera a quick hug.

"Yeah." Cera quickly walked out into the rain not waiting to see if Penny or Sheldon were following. The tension in her head had been growing since Sheldon walked into Penny's apartment. She needed to tell Sheldon. She needed to tell her family. The secret was causing her near constant stress headaches. She had considered blurting it out in the store, but Elliot might have actually killed Sheldon.

Sheldon wasn't faring much better and was just as eager to escape. From the moment Cera had leaned over him in Penny's car, his mind had gone on high alert and his body had tensed. Watching her be affectionate toward another man had been…peculiar, even if he was an old friend. His own involuntary reaction to it had been…startling. He had wanted to blame the tightening in his chest on something, anything else, but the sensation was not unfamiliar and always connected to her.

The old friend in question, though friendly, had been quite intimidating, despite only being level with Sheldon's nose. His eye contact was too intense and his grip too tight as if he was trying to subtly assert his dominance over him. Sheldon wondered if Cera had told Elliot about their…interactions and his behavior that, according to Penny was, objectionable. Of course, if this man was aware of that, Sheldon was certain he would have been more than intimidating.

Penny's car was silent after everyone settled in for the trip back. Cera was still feeling anxious as Penny pulled out onto the wet road. She just couldn't settle into the ride.

"Penny, could you please slow down?" Cera felt her tension rise and gripped the door handle.

"What? I'm barely going."

"Actually, your speed _is_ above the documented speed limit." Sheldon called from the back.

Though Penny reduced her speed she then proceeded to cut across in front of another vehicle. Through all this Cera's grip on the door handle tightened and her breathing became labored. The first chance she got she jumped from the car and stumbled across a lane of traffic to the sidewalk.

"Cera? Cera! What is she doing?!" Penny slowed, but the flow of traffic prevented her from stopping and helping her friend.

"Penny you have to get her back in the car!" Sheldon was struggling to understand what Cera was doing.

"I've got to cross traffic Sheldon! Hold on…Keep an eye on her!" After rerouting around, Penny pulled up close enough for Sheldon to jump out after her.

"Olivia, what are you doing?"

"Sheldon?" Cera was breathing hard while wringing her hands, and sitting on the sidewalk with no regard to the rain falling on her. Cera's head snapped up to look at him. Her eyes were wide, she seemed confused or maybe surprised to see him. He wasn't sure which emotion she displayed, but he could tell he wasn't expected.

"Where's Merritt?"

"That's your daughter, correct?" Sheldon's question was just met by a repeat of the same question.

"Is she hurt? Merritt, is she hurt?"

"I don't know." Sheldon looked at her closely and recognized the problem she was having - a panic attack. He understood the loss of control and panic. Though he didn't know the cause he…felt…bad for her. He also knew if he didn't get her breathing under control she would pass out and he would never get her off the sidewalk.

Sheldon managed to get her back into the car and sat in the back with her. She was still asking odd questions and her breathing still labored. Sheldon rifled through his messenger bag and retrieved one of his emergency paper bags. He debated whether or not he wanted to sacrifice one for her. It was his after all. Deciding to be a gentleman, he positioned the bag on her face.

Cera's breathing had regulated by the time they reached the apartment complex. She was lethargic and a bit dissociative, so Penny guided her upstairs with Sheldon giving directions the entire way. He even directed them to his apartment.

"She is suffering from a panic attack Penny, she doesn't need your entropy to compound her distress."

Cera was led in and placed in the middle of the couch. Sheldon handed her a bottle of water.

"Where's Merritt?"

"Maybe we should call her, she's got a kiddie phone." Penny suggested, taking Cera's phone from her.

Sheldon yanked the phone from Penny's hand and pushed Merritt under contacts. No answer, so he dialed again.

"Hello?" A young girl answered.

"Hello, Merritt uh, this is, uh, Doctor-" He realized half way through his introduction, he didn't know her last name and he lost momentum.

"You can't talk to kids like that-Hey Merritt, this is Miss Penny..."

Penny got a brief explanation from Merrit and had her speak with Cera to calm her. Cera leaned her head back on the couch and closed her eyes, letting reassurance bring clarity to her panic induced flashbacks and disassociation.

"Merritt said this is post stress disorder and she just gets this way sometimes. Something about a wreck."

"Post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD. A wreck would indeed cause that." Sheldon just watched Cera. She looked surprisingly peaceful considering what she had just undergone. He supposed this is why she seemed…different and it would explain the scars. He wanted to sit in his spot, but he was afraid to be near her. Her breathing rate indicated she wasn't actually asleep. So he just stood, and watched instead.

"Sorry about that. I haven't done that in a while. I was in a head on collision…January 17 2004, it's been over seven years. It's left me a little… dysfunctional, even after all this time. I forget that Merritt wasn't with me. It broke my lower right ankle, left femur, left forearm, and left side of my face. I was in the hospital for five weeks and in rehab for almost a year. I couldn't…I couldn't make myself drive for over a year." Cera voice was weak and she still hadn't moved or opened her eyes. She was embarrassed to have broken down like that and really hated showing Sheldon any more weakness.

"Such suffering is a real reason to fear anything. It is understandable that you are hyperaware and panic when presented with similar situations."

That was a considerate answer, for Sheldon, and one, Cera was not expecting. Opening her eyes, she looked over where he was standing a few feet away. He looked surprisingly concerned. Had she any energy left she would have poured it all out right then and there. He had already even spoken to Merritt. The rest just seemed logical.

"But you're better now and Merritt's ok." Both heads turned toward Penny. They had nearly forgotten she was there.

After a beat Cera answered. "You are right. Speaking of Merritt, I need to go pick her up. Would you mind giving me a lift?"

"Uh, sure. You left your guitar in my apartment anyway."

"You will be careful, won't you Penny. Be mindful of all traffic laws and don't make any sharp turns. I'd hate for her to run down the road in another one of her foolish episodes." Sheldon was suddenly feeling off balance and he had hoped the flip observation would help center him again. It didn't.


	18. Chapter 18

I don't own TBBT.

**Chapter 18**

Howard was on his Vespa, rushing toward Leonard and Sheldon's apartment. He had skipped The Comic Center and was now running late. Over the past several days he had remained in touch with Cera and Merritt. Today he had brought her a pewter astronaut on a keyring and some freeze dried ice cream from the JPL gift shop. Merritt just grinned and said "This is delightful!" discounting her mother's concern for preservatives and packaging. At first Howard wondered if that wasn't an odd statement for a nine year old, but then considering that Sheldon was her father and thought, perhaps not. Upon considering the other unusual doctor who was her mother, definitely not.

He felt kind of bad when Cera drew him into a hug, "Thank you, Howard. And thanks for worrying about Sheldon. You are a good friend to him."

He was actually visiting because he liked the company of the quirky woman and her daughter, and had a tender spot for them. Howard could see that Cera's life was completely wrapped up in Merritt. She was trying to be two parents at once and that was hard on them both. He imagined his mom must have had similar issues because of his own father's abandonment and knew all too well what it was to be without a father. Any thoughts of Sheldon made him viciously angry, so he definitely wasn't keeping up with her on Sheldon's behalf. He just wished he could tell Bernadette because he thought she would like Cera too, if she truly knew her.

This wasn't pity he felt for them, it was empathy. He felt his heart ache in a very familiar way, when thinking of them. It was that deep ache he had carried since his dad left. It was unfair that he knew Sheldon and Merritt didn't. It seemed unfair that Sheldon seemed to be able to avoid having any accountability in this. Howard knew Cera wanted to take the blame for not successfully reaching Sheldon over the years, but he thought Sheldon should shoulder quite a bit. Sheldon knew damn well how to return a phone call, and if a woman needed to have a private, personal conversation you don't put her out.

* * *

"Even without a doctorate, surely you are capable of reading a clock and following a schedule. Our structure has been floundering over the past few weeks, gentlemen. The only way to rectify is to revert back to strict adherence to the schedule."

Howard hadn't even made it in the door and already Sheldon was hounding him. He didn't particularly feel like dealing with his judgmental garbage. "You know Sheldon, there are a things that are a hell of a lot more important than your precious schedule."

"I can't imagine what." Sheldon twisted in his spot to face Howard.

"No, you couldn't could you? You avoid seeing anything as more important than yourself."

"Come on guys." Leonard plea was drowned out by the drama.

"I beg your pardon-." Sheldon started before being cut off by Raj.

"I wouldn't mess with him, dude. He's been moody all day. He put me in time out in the hall for unruly behavior. All I said was I preferred the vivid coloring of the old markers."

"How dare you! You didn't even have the decency to alert us to your absence from The Comic Center, causing a delay due to Raj's concern for your whereabouts. And now you come into my home, tardy, no less, with an attitude!" Sheldon ignored Raj and stood glaring at Howard with his fist clinched at his side.

"You know what, I don't even feel like playing now. Sorry I worried you Raj, call me later." Howard disappeared out the door.

After the departure of Howard, Raj followed suit. Seeing as how the evening was a bust, Leonard also left, hoping to catch some time with Priya and to avoid whatever was wrong with Sheldon.

Sheldon suddenly found himself, yet again, with an abundance of alone time. He attempted an online campaign by himself, but Halo was just not where his mind was. After a few poor attempts, he finally moved over to his whiteboard to work. After realizing he had incorrectly jotted down the most basic of math, Sheldon gave up and went to prepare for bed.

He had resisted thinking of _her,_ since she left two days ago. He had adhered as strictly to his schedule as his friend, acquaintances and coworkers would allow so that he would have no time for such. Sheldon laid in bed, comfortable in his consistency. His room was cool and softly lit, just how he liked it. His bed was clean and tucked around in a comforting manner. He listened and heard just what he was supposed to...nothing. Absolutely nothing. That's what had changed in the last two months since Oliva reappeared in his life. Acquisition of new information was the only alteration, and he didn't particularly care for it. The knowledge that she continued on after he last spoke to her was overwhelming. Usually when he lost interest in something he deemed it unnecessary and it simply ceased.

He had wondered occasionally what had become of her, especially early on. Now he knew she had raised a child. A child who he now knew was at least seven years and five months old, but no more than nine years and two months old. Probably. If the child were any older, wouldn't he have known? That thought brought him up short. The thought of speculating progeny was too much like Leonard and his desire for babies that were smart and beautiful.

He finally gave up sleep and pulled out his journal. For days he had purposely avoided it. He didn't want to write about Olivia or Cera or anything in between. He did not need another entry about her, he had plenty of those. So much of his time had been spent trying to work out his own behavior and reactions concerning her. He had once considered she had drugged him or contaminated him with something mind altering. Sheldon slammed the cover shut, leaving it empty again.

To break his thought pattern he pulled out an old log book from January 2004. He couldn't recall anything noteworthy happening at the time. It was a time that most assuredly wouldn't have had anything to do with her. A few notable equations that furthered his foray into dark matter. Several scathing phone calls from his mother for not going home for Saturnalia. Several arguments with Leonard as they were still adjusting to living together. He really did have to make a lot of adjustments for Leonard, though in the end he proved to be much a better roommate than any of his other attempts. Now they were friends-with a social calendar and everything. Even if Leonard did let his work get sidelined for the carnality. Pursuits that Sheldon had proven himself superior in denying.

_"Hey. You have a voice mail. It's from an attorney. Everything Ok?" Leonard said, pulling a soda from the fridge._

_"As I have yet to hear the message or speak with said attorney, I have no way of ascertaining if things are in indeed OK, or not."_

_"Uh, yeah. Right, right. Let me know if you, uh, need anything." Leonard replied._

_Sheldon just gave a heavy sigh. Leonard could be so intrusive at times. Sheldon lifted the handset and listened to message._

_"Dr. Sheldon Cooper this is Evelyn Morris with the law office of Burns, Miller, and Preston. We are calling regarding an urgent matter regarding one of our clients. Please call us as soon as possible…"_

_ He had never heard of the law office before and wasn't even certain where the phone call was from, as it was an unfamiliar area code. He quickly pulled out his laptop and looked them up. The legal office was located in North Carolina and none of the long list of practice areas seemed like anything that could pertain to him. Sheldon wasn't even aware of anyone he knew living in North Carolina. The message had been left more than five hours ago. He just hoped he could reach someone this evening and not have to wait for the following day._

_ "Hello, this is Dr. Sheldon Cooper returning a phone call pertaining to one of your clients."_

_ "This is Luke Preston, Thank you for returning our call Dr. Cooper. Fortunately the matter has been resolved and your input will not be required."_

_"Well, thank you for that, but who is your client?"_

_"I'm sorry, I am not allowed to divulge that information."_

_"Is it...am I in trouble?"_

_"Well, you aren't in any legal trouble."_

_"Can you not tell me anything?"_

_"Sorry, Doctor Cooper, I cannot."_

_"Very well then, if there is nothing else."_

_"No, sir, thank you for calling."_

Sheldon always wondered if the legal situation that he had somehow avoided would resurface. Interesting, it was the day after Olivia's accident. He couldn't _not_ help her Monday, much as he struggled with the anxiety of stepping out his comfort zone and interacting with her. It seemed he was always helping her out of her overemotional states. He recalled hours on the phone assisting her in managing her reactions to a patient death when she was a medical student. He occasionally wondered about her abilities as a doctor, being so emotional, then he considered that may also be a good thing in both bedside manner and passion to fight critical ailments and death.

Penny had insinuated that he had been…unkind, when last he saw her. Sheldon was not accustomed to regretting things, but perhaps he could have handled that situation a bit better. Her presence was becoming too much. The curiosity, the anger, the regret was making him consider how to rid himself of her...again. Could he banish her? He could, Leonard had done it to Penny. That would leave him with the explanation as to why no one could be friends with her. Which would be unfortunate because she seemed to be having a positive effect on Penny.

* * *

Penny was sipping her wine quietly at her bar chair. She watched as Bernadette and Amy 'talked shop,' on her couch. She didn't understand much of what they said, but they seemed excited by it. She just felt bad she didn't have anything to offer the conversation.

"Do they frequently overlook their hostess, this early in the evening?" Cera asked Penny softly, as she rounded the island with a can of organic soda.

"It's not like that. They're just smarter than me and they enjoy talking about smart things."

"Hmm, do you actually think they are smarter or just that they have been exposed to more knowledge? After all, anybody can learn about any topic." The conversation was boring, even to Cera, and she understood it. She was grateful that those in research moved healthcare forward, but they were all so detached they forgot there were people on the other end of the answers they sought.

"Yeah, well, I'm surrounded by those anybodies that have learned a lot. I just have to accept there are things I can't keep up with." Penny finished her first glass of wine.

"Then learn some of those things to keep up. _Or_ learn to subtly change topics to something everyone can equally contribute to." Cera gave a small smile and had a glint in her eye.

Penny had considered telling the girls Sheldon's startling revelation, but was brought up short thinking about Cera's thoughts on gossip and what that information might do to Amy. So instead she thought to ask Cera if she had recovered from Monday's panic. Cera gave a soft smile and nodded, not really wanting to delve into it. The other two ladies, however, were very interested in Cera's upset and Sheldon's brave and out of the ordinary feats.

"Yeah, Sheldon really kept his cool under pressure. He even called Cera's daughter. Of course, then he got all Sheldon-y so I had to actually talk to her, but he tried."

Cera felt both relieved and angry at Penny's intervention. If Sheldon had asked Merritt her age, things would have gotten out of hand quickly. But she didn't like how Penny referred to Sheldon…to Merritt's father.

"Being highly intelligent and more evolved, it does not surprise me that Sheldon was able to handle such a situation."

Bernadette ignored Amy veneration of Sheldon in favor of gaining some first hand information, "What's it like, having a kid?"

"I know it's something I want to put off as long as possible. I'm not ready to lose my figure." Penny interjected.

"Merritt is the most awesome thing to ever happen in my life. She didn't ruin my figure, either. If anything, it's better. I ended with a bit more curves than I what I started."

"Yeah, but you were really young. That's different." Penny countered.

"It's not like I was a teen mom. I was twenty-two and a half."

"Oh, well, that's still so young for something so big. Twenty-two? But she's nine…" Penny started counting on her fingers.

"Yea, yea, we all know basic math, I'm over thirty. But twenty-two isn't _that_ young. At that age a lot of people are well into an undergrad or a career, if they aren't already finished." Amy and Bernadette both agreed with Cera's statement.

"Didn't having her affect you? I mean you were by yourself."

"Of course it affected me. I had to…rearrange a lot things. But children will do that no matter when you have them…especially if you are by yourself. I wouldn't change any of it though. You just don't know what loving someone is until you have a child." Cera choked a bit on that statement.

"But you seem to be doing OK, and Merritt is a really cool kid. I couldn't believe how well she handled your panic attack on Monday."

"Yeah, she's a trooper."

"Cera, I do wonder, about the unfortunately timed conception of your daughter. Was it an alcohol or promiscuity influenced decision? Or did you just pick a poor mate for yourself? Perhaps you were drawn in by a testosterone fueled, hunk of a male specimen."

Cera took several deep breaths. She felt anger at the invasiveness and implications in those questions. Thoughts of Sheldon being a testosterone fueled, hunk of a male specimen was ridiculous enough to take the edge off. "I realize, in your pursuit of knowledge, you fail to be considerate of others, but if you have any sense of self-preservation you will never again mention my intimate affairs or your assumptions about them. Yes, my daughter was a surprise, but not a mistake. It was not a mistake that I loved her father, it was not a mistake being with him, and it was not a mistake that I had her! She is wonderful, and despite the expanse between us, her father is a man to be proud of, _not_ some meathead!"

"I assure you I meant no offense. I was merely trying to ascertain the events that lead to motherhood for you. Never before, have I had an acquaintance that was a parent, let alone one that was solitary."

"Amy, I told you last year, people don't like it when you talk about their sex lives and blow it all out of proportion." Penny chastised her friend

"The math was there. Even Sheldon said so. Besides, I'm more interested in Cera's man of mystery. What can you tell us about Merritt's father?"

"Sex is interesting, and people are always going to talk about it, but it's a good idea not to paint others sex lives with such a judgmental brush, when doing so." Cera was annoyed with Amy's audacity and clearly she behaved this way to everyone. The gasps from the other ladies made her wonder if anyone had ever explained manners to Amy before. Before she could say anymore, she answered Amy's question. "I really don't have anything to say about him, right now. I've spent…the last several days being an absolute mess over…the situation." Cera was quiet for a moment, then cocked her head as a tear trickled from her eye. "Sorry, I'm not sure I'm together enough to delve back into that just yet." Not to mention she felt bad enough telling Howard. She really didn't want Sheldon to find out about Merritt last, from his friends.

"If he causes such a negative emotional response, what are the reasons you claim to have loved him?" the ever inquisitive Amy asked.

"Reasons? Hmm…'Le coeur a ses raisons, que la raison ne connaît point.'" Cera shifted on her barchair. She had deconstructed and reconstructed her feelings for Sheldon so many times over the years, it seemed both natural and silly at the same time.

"Pascal?" Bernadette asked.

"What is that? Who is that?" Penny asked, thoroughly confused. As often she and Cera seemed to have a great connection, there were many times she felt as though they spoke different languages. This time was literal.

"'The heart has its reasons, which reason does not know.' Blaise Pascal was a French mathematician and philosopher." Amy answered Penny.

Penny gave a soft "Oh," and nodded her head. "I…actually get that."

Moving on from the topic of Merritt's father, the women moved on to discuss first loves and old boyfriends. Cera found it odd that Amy kept hinting at Sheldon as her example of a love interest. She had mentioned the kiss, which they had reset from, many times. Not that Sheldon couldn't be a love interest or that Amy couldn't find him desirable, but because he had been this intangible entity for so long. And now her past was the future of an acquaintance. Taking pity on an Amy that didn't know if she needed to push or pull or hide when it came to Sheldon, she spoke up.

"When interacting with a man who's…not certain he is interested in…the distraction of romance, the best course is to just…relax into the company you have. You can't force romance. Find some common ground. Learn some of his hobbies, learn why he likes them. Create some mutual hobbies. But be patient. Real patience- where you enjoy the time together until you get a relationship. Done properly, it's rewarding, not a hassle. If you dislike the adventure on the way to your destination, there's little point in going."

Amy shook her head thoughtfully, but wondered at Cera's experience. The ladies were surprised Cera actually didn't date that much, even if she did start dating at fourteen. She confessed that her first boyfriend, who was almost five years older than her, altered her dating life dramatically, even in the face of the examples she had set before her by her romantically driven parents.

"He told me to slow down with dating. That I should take time and be me and to learn who 'me' is, before involving other people. He said everyone that comes through my life is going to take things, whether it be emotional or physical. They are also going to leave something, but it's up to me to decide what and how much. I took that advice to heart and didn't date again until I was eighteen. I still didn't have 'me' resolved and should have waited a bit longer, but still probably saved myself a lot of heartache."

"Wow, I don't think I've ever had a guy tell me to stop dating. Or give me advice like that. He must have really cared for you." Bernadette said.

"He was a sweetheart and really did care about me. Not just what he could get from me. I'm still friends with him…and his wife. He took a dating break, too. Two years later, she was the next woman he dated." Cera smiled at the fond memory of her friend.

"It's good when you can be friends with an ex. Especially, when you live close by."

"So, you and Leonard are getting on better?"

"Not really, no. I wish we did, but we are still just kind of avoiding each other. I think him and Priya are getting serious, though. Bernadette and Howard had dinner with them last night."

"Yeah, that didn't go so well." Bernadette walked to the kitchen to escape the retelling of _that_.

"Of course we should have expected the weakest wildebeest to be taken out. That Priya is a crafty one."

"Huh?" a confused Cera looked back and forth between her companions totally lost.

"Just drop it. It doesn't matter." Penny answered.

"But it does matter Penny. You spent so much time with Leonard, getting him to respond to you as a suitable mate. You deserve it, not that wily Priya. Shouldn't you benefit from it?" Amy looked around for support on her assertion.

"It _does_ _not_ matter anymore, Amy." Penny said firmly desperately wanting to move on from the topic of Leonard.

"Speaking of exes, Cera, didn't you say you were going out with Zack?" Bernadette tried to avert the discussion from the disastrous couple's dinner with Leonard and Priya. Penny didn't seem to want this as desperately as Amy either, so it was best to just change subjects.

"I'm quite drawn to Zack. He's just so natural, not trying to impress others or suppress himself. He's been a refreshing friend. He's a sweetheart and is really good with Merritt. He didn't even mind the background check before he could meet her." Cera had gotten up to wander around Penny's apartment. These get-togethers were a bit boring. Sure, they talked, but they didn't _do_ anything. She wasn't sure if this group was odd or if she was. She walked over to Penny's entertainment center and pushed a button.

"You made Zack submit to a background check? Isn't that a bit excessive?" Amy questioned, jumping when a blaring sound suddenly invaded the apartment.

Cera found some music with a pleasing rhythm, then began to sway and twirl. "I'd rather be excessive than be sorry. If an acquaintance doesn't want the intrusion, I won't do it, but I won't trust them with my daughter. You can learn a lot about someone through a background check. Isn't that right Penny?"

"Huh? I haven't done anything!" Penny couldn't imagine what Cera had found in a background check. Or what she was presently doing.

"No? Then neither has Zack." Cera just smiled and continued dancing, disregarding her onlookers.

Sheldon was enjoying the status quo of his Friday. It was the first time in a while that everything had aligned properly and all of the guys were available. Since it was Friday they were flexible with events. Tonight they decided to go retro. They guys were enthusiastically playing Mario Kart 64, on Sheldon's old N64, the awkwardness of earlier in the week forgotten.

They were discussing Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire, which Sheldon had been playing when they came in, and the superiority of the PC version of the game over the N64.

"While the animated cut scenes on the PC version were dramatically better, I found I missed the simplicity of the still screens with text." He shook his head disappointedly.

"Dude, no comparison. The PC was so much better than the Nintendo 64. Especially with the 3D card." The guys were brought up short by a rhythmic thumping from the hall.

"Why Penny insists on brutalizing the entire building with that clamor, she calls music, baffles me. Certainly, she has read the notifications I sent her on the proper decibel level in conjoined living spaces." Sheldon stood to approach the door.

"I'll go to talk to them," Howard volunteered. "It'll give me a chance to see my ever lovely fiancée." He strutted out the door to engage the ladies. Since the remaining men were waiting for Howard, they all gravitated to the hall, where the action was.

"Hello ladies." Howard started in his most suave voice, stepping into the apartment. He noticed Amy was sitting alone in the love seat. Penny was on the other side of the island pouring a drink for Bernadette, who was seated at the bar. Both ladies were encouraging Cera, who was swaying and singing.

"I see that you all have reached a delightful level of euphoria." He approached Bernadette and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I'm glad you are having such a wonderful time."

"We're not drunk. Well, maybe Amy, she's had half a glass. But Penny and I are just relaxed. Cera...Cera isn't drinking. She just...is that way."

Howard was glad Cera could cut loose a bit. She had sounded down when he spoke with her on the phone, earlier. She had a rough day at work and was sad about Merritt being away overnight. Though Cera missed her daughter when she was out, she did encourage Merritt to be social.

After a few sweet words with Bernadette, Howard caught Cera's eye and mouthed 'You OK?' Which she answered with a smile and a nod. He smiled and winked in return, to let her know he was pleased.

Sheldon had been getting impatient with Howard's flirtatious method and entered the apartment, leaving Leonard and Raj in the hallway. He stopped short at the sight of twirling Olivia. He watched as she smiled at Howard. Why they would ever have an exchange, he couldn't fathom. He watched as she called out to Penny, to draw her into the dance. Sheldon had seen enough, though he didn't think she ever noticed him standing mere feet from her. He walked out exhausted and unsettled, the rest of his evening becoming a bust.

After everyone had gone home Sheldon attempted to distract his mind once again. He recognized her this evening. She was the same as when he used to watch her dance around the pool tables, smiling, dancing, and chattering. Her behavior was recognizable. The facts of her, he may not have known, but he did know _her_ and much of her seemed unchanged.

The white board was covered in equations as he considered higher spin gravity. Or was attempting to. Mostly he was thinking about Olivia. Monday's events were a revelation to him. Not just because of what he learned about her. It was the knowledge that all of the time and effort he had put between them, she still had a dramatic effect on him. He still somehow retained the nonsensical desire to touch her. Not just in a sexual way, but more in affirmation of her presence. He had always resisted, though the need had become more insistent as their time together wore on. Which was proof that he had needed to break away from her.

After several more moments of staring at equations and thinking of Olivia he tipped over his white board and stormed to his room. He was having one of those unfortunate evenings, where his eidetic memory was driving him mad.

_ "Sheldon, it's been more than a month since we went out and did anything. All we do is come to my apartment and have sex."_

_ "Well, that's not true. We went to Comicsmania last week. And the week prior."_

_ "Me driving you to meet your brother, so he can drive you home, is not doing anything. And I am not so into any comic book I need to be there every week."_

_"We agreed to this. And I thought you liked comic books."_

_"I do like comics in... moderation. And I didn't agree to cease having a friend. It's been weeks since you even mentioned your work."_

_"Well, I admit we have been a bit preoccupied with our carnal exploits, but surely it hasn't been that long."_

_ "Unbelievable, I have one of the most brilliant minds as a friend. One who I've had the most interesting conversations with and we've devolved to…to…rutting like animals." Cera murmured more to herself before raising her voice "Just talk to me. What have you worked on this week? What do you want to work on?"_

"_Did you bring me here just yell at me?"_

_ "No...I just wanted to talk for a bit…maybe? Here, will this help?" Cera picked up a marker and wrote what she recalled of an equation down her left arm. Sheldon's eyes grew large._

_ "That'...that's not correct," He took the marker and corrected two numbers "and it's not complete." He wrote further down her arm, explaining every mark as he went. "I've further applied it..." Sheldon wrote down Cera's other arm. As he ran out of room, he exposed more skin. He wrote numbers, symbols, and letters across her chest, over her abdomen, down her legs. When he was done, she was beautiful, the most elegant of equations._

_ Sheldon was overwhelmed by the beauty of the structure and patterns of math, science, and Cera. He trembled as he pulled her to the bedroom. Perhaps, because he couldn't bear for her to wash away his work or the thoughts written out her skin were a distraction, but the typical ablutions never entered his mind. They came together equations and skin with murmurings of elegance and symmetry. _

_ Sheldon lingered in a way he hadn't before. His typical departure or evening schedule was never mentioned. They came together two more times in the evening and into the night. Early the following morning Sheldon awoke with Cera tucked into his bare chest. It took several minutes for his typical panic to kick in sending him running for the shower. _

_ He spent an age in the shower scrubbing away the fluids. He was disturbed that he was so distracted he allowed himself to marinate in human contaminates for hours, and sleep in them no less. Who knew how many germs had become a breeding ground too. He was probably cross contaminated with ink, as well. Suddenly, he was concerned for Cera, too. After all, she was covered in ink. She had assured him it was a skin marker from the hospital, but that did little to ease his mind. Maybe she could procure them both prescriptions for antibiotics._

_ He was uncertain of the protocol of waking up in someone else's apartment and even more unsure of how to depart. Perhaps Cera knew and he could take cues from her, but then again, she hadn't ever done this before either. He was hoping Junior would be willing to cover for him with his mom. He would have to negotiate some sort of compensation for him coming to get him so early._

_ Cera was waiting outside the bathroom when Sheldon exited. She was wide-eyed, but not frowning. He wasn't sure what that meant. Perhaps he should have been recording her facial expression and their context all this time. _

"_I…uh…I've got a…a long shift today. I…need to get ready." She sounded…uncertain…too?_

_ "That's good." It felt like a dumb statement, but what else could he say? He enjoyed last night? He wanted to do it was terrified of what this was. He wanted to run away. "Junior is coming to pick me up and take me home." Was all that came out._

_ "Ok. I'll call you later then…or you can call me…it doesn't matter." She gave him a slight smile that he returned._

_ "OK." They had done this a dozen times, he couldn't grasp why this was different. Did what you put into coitus change what you got out of it._

_ "You know, if Momma catches wind of this, she'll have you marchin' down the aisle in a heartbeat." Were Junior's opening words to Sheldon upon climbing in the truck. Sheldon just blinked at him confusedly. He really didn't get enough REM sleep last night. Part of Sheldon wanted to ask for clarification, but the other part felt he grasped enough of that statement to know he didn't want it spelled out._

_ "You could do worse, though. She's kinda a cute, in a buttoned up kinda way, if you don't mind a prissy, know it all. Which I guess you wouldn't." Sheldon just wished Junior would quit talking. He had enough going on in his head without Junior adding to it. And Cera wasn't prissy, just confident._

_ The following day found Sheldon attempting to get some work done. He had some groundbreaking thoughts that morning and was tying it in with his existing work. He could then compile all of his findings in an orderly fashion for transport. He would be leaving in ten to twelve weeks and he wanted to hit the ground running, as they say, when he arrived in California. In addition to the classes he would take for his next degree, he also had a lot of theories that needed testing. So he checked and rechecked that all was where it should be._

_ Every time he looked at his white board, he saw images of her skin. After the third time he had to go release himself, he came to the decision 'She's tainting my work.' Last night he had let her get too close. Too much thought had gone into their interactions. He'd let her in too close to his passions. As distracted as he was, he worried he'd let his guard down in pleasure and contracted something. Perhaps he should have thought more of future repercussions than the benefits when extending the time frame of this experiment._

_ Needing to stop his preoccupation with Cera, he hoped to alter his interactions with her. The following week they had lunch and played pool, per her request. He imagined he wasn't very good company, as he didn't feel like being so. Despite their outing, Sheldon found himself back at Cera's apartment needing her. He was feeling suffocated by his need to touch her, to have her._

_ While Sheldon showered before leaving, he contemplated how to conclude this experiment. He just wanted to wash this whole experience from his body and mind. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy Cera's company, it just wasn't necessary. In fact it had become quiet consuming. Not to mention worrisome. The more interesting their encounters became, the more he worried about pathogens later on._

_ When presented with the illogical emotion of love from Cera, he used it as an opportunity to end their interactions. He knew she was upset when he left, but that was acceptable to him, he was too. He knew the feeling of relief would catch up with him the following day. Or perhaps the day after that._

_ "You're lucky I felt like pickin' your ass up again. While I appreciate the gas money and the good word to mom, this is cuttin' into my social life."_

_ "You won't need to worry about retrieving me again." Sheldon's statement caused his brother to really look at him for the first time that day. He couldn't tell if Sheldon was going to cry or hit something._

"_Oh, man, I'm sorry. You alright?"_

_ "Of course I am. It was merely an inevitable difference of opinion." Sheldon shrugged his shoulders, trying to contain the ache he felt in his chest. He thought perhaps he had caught something._

_ "You don't say. A difference of opinion with a woman. I'll admit Olivia was…interestin', but she did need to dial it back a notch or two. Even Momma and Meemaw would roll their eyes when she started on about refined sugar, and stuff, and they liked her."_

_ "No, no it was nothing like that." Sheldon reached over and turned on his brother's radio, then promptly changed it from the country station. While the action irritated Junior, he also knew it was odd for Sheldon, who must be trying to cope with something he would talk about when he was good and ready._

For years the memory of his equations all across her breast, stomach, and thighs taunted him. He has frequently stomped to the bathroom or his room with the need for release from what played out in his mind with the clarity of pornography, much to the confusion of his roommate and friends.

He was still just as perplexed by her proclamation. Sheldon understood having passion and a consuming desire for a goal. He understood attachment and comfort with a relative. Of course, those feelings could be unconditional. He did not understand how those feelings could translate to human beings that were unrelated, that could and would come and go as they please. How could she claim such a thing? How could she expect that of him? There are no relationships without strings. Everything had a reason. What was her's?


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Bernadette was perched on Penny's love seat. She had come over directly after work because Howard was unavailable, he wasn't with the guys either. She didn't know where he was and wanted some assurance or advice from Penny. She wasn't even sure what the problem was, if there was a problem, but she knew something was going on with Howard. He wanted to be with his mother more frequently than usual, speaking often about her loneliness and his dedication to her as her son. Despite all the time together, he still hadn't told her about the engagement.

There had been many occasions in the last two weeks, like tonight, when he wasn't where he implied he would be. While she felt confident she didn't need to keep tabs on Howard, he wasn't at work or with friends, so where was he? There were also the times when he deconstructed all of his relationships, wondering how they impacted his life. She had worried he was having an affair, but it was starting to seem more like he was seeing a shrink.

The ladies hadn't spoken long when they were disrupted by a knock on the door.

"I almost forgot. Shoes!" Penny squealed as she threw open the door to see Cera holding a shoe box.

"Hey. I need to make this speedy, I have to pick up Merritt and I'm having a guest for dinner. Oh, hello Bernadette."

Bernadette was confused by the sight. Cera looked neat, professional even, save the bare feet and the sunglasses on her head. Mistaking Bernadette's confused expression for uncertainty on the shoes, Penny explained the shoe exchange she had with Cera. "It's like a library for shoes. I check out what I want and when I turn them back in, in good shape, of course, I can get more."

"I've never even seen you wear shoes before." Bernadette watched the odd procedure of Cera wiping her feet with an anti-bacterial wipe.

"I don't…Uggh…I stepped on something sticky in the stairwell…I don't like wearing shoes, but when I wear them I want them to be the best. And I only let Penny wear the open toes or open heels because I don't want her stretching my shoes with her big ol' man feet." Cera winked as she repeated Penny's own joke back to her.

"Hey, my feet are only a half size bigger than yours." Penny offered a playful protest. "I know I have those red shoes around here somewhere." Penny opened a kitchen cabinet, then looked on the shelves of her island. "You know Bernadette, maybe Cera can help you. She's pretty good with relationship stuff. She's given me a different outlook on Leonard…and Zack."

"That's not even remotely true. In the last fourteen years, I have been cheated on, rejected, had a boyfriend that was insecure about Merritt's father, one that about wasn't fond of kids, and another one that put his career over human decency. I am _not_ someone to listen to. Don't get me wrong, there have been a few great men in between and they have turned into some fantastic friends, but the only thing I'm good at is being a friend, not a lover."

"But you always get me to think about…about what I really want…and why." Penny was still frantically searching for the missing box of shoes.

"I'm just asking questions I've had to ask myself. The only benefit those have ever had while in a relationship, was to know when it was over."

"So…What kind of questions are those?" Bernadette asked softly from a bar chair.

"Oh, Bernadette. No!"

"Oh, I'm not…It's just that…I don't even know where Howie is…" Bernadette filled her in on her concerns.

Cera shifted slightly where she stood. Taking a good look at Bernadette, she noted her concern and sadness. She hadn't considered the implications of dividing the couple with a secret. Nor had she considered that Howard was rearranging his schedule to hang out with her and Merritt. She felt selfish and inconsiderate. She really was tired of hurting people with secrets.

"I'm sure it's nothing that bad, Bernadette. Maybe he's even planning a surprise for you." Penny wasn't sure she felt that confident about Howard, but she wanted Bernadette to feel better. "Maybe the bedroom." She muttered as she wandered back to her room.

"Do you have dinner plans?" Cera had walked to the island and was looking at Bernadette.

"Me?" Bernadette was startled by the questions. She and Cera barely spoke and never hung out. Especially not by themselves. "I…I don't, not since Howard was suddenly busy."

"I would like you to come for dinner."

"Oh, I…I could, but didn't you say you were having someone over?"

"Yes, I did. He won't be a problem. Can you give me…an hour and fifteen minutes? I need to get Merritt and start dinner." Cera pulled out her phone and forwarded her address to Bernadette.

"It's time for dinner?" Penny's voice came from her bedroom door where she was still empty handed. "Hey! There they are!" She bent down and retrieved the shoe box from under her director's chair.

"Oh, thanks Penny." Cera took the box and turned to Bernadette, "See you soon." She stepped out of the apartment.

Cera was at the top of the stairs when her peripheral vision detected the movement of Sheldon's door opening. She hadn't seen Sheldon in two weeks. She wished she had time to talk to him, but she was running behind as it was.

"Olivia." Sheldon noticed her the minute he opened the door. The thirty-eight inches between Cera and himself was close enough he could even smell the citrus on her. While he preferred to disregard her presence, his mouth decided to give in to social convention and be polite.

"Hello Sheldon, I'd stay and talk, but I'm needed elsewhere and surprise, surprise, I'm late." She laughed softly to herself.

Sheldon couldn't help but wonder what on earth did she think he would want to talk to her about?

"There is quite a bit we could talk about, but it will have to wait. We'll talk soon. Man sieht sich." Cera disappeared down the stairs, not waiting for a reply.

Drat, he admonished himself for saying that out loud. This woman had always compromised his tight control over himself. Why does she constantly want to talk and why did she insist on 'seeing him around.'

Sheldon walked back into his apartment where Raj sat waiting for him with his Mysitc Warlords of Ka'a cards. "Was Penny not home either? Dude, where is everybody tonight?"

"Umm," Sheldon had completely forgotten why he even left his apartment in the first place. But had realized that blonde suited Cera's skin tone and eye color better than what he was accustom to. As soon as that thought crossed Sheldon's mind, he decided to investigate and see if Cera had begun dosing him again.

Merritt opened the door with a grin. "Hello Mr. Howard. Did you bring the stuff?"

"I did. I brought you several different actuators, motors, and microcontrollers. We'll just mix and match them all out and see what we get. This will be the best Lego robot ever!" Howard carried in a box and set it on a card table Cera had set up in her living room. "Where's your mom?"

"She's in the kitchen. Don't distract her or she'll burn something. Probably herself."

"She's not a good cook?" Howard felt skeptical about eating Cera's cooking now.

"Oh, she cooks good. She's just…dangerous."

"Oh. I should still let her know I'm here, though. I'll be back in a second. Why don't you lay all that out and see what we have?"

"Hey, I'm setting up with Merritt in the living room."

"Oh, hey…Are you ok?" Cera noticed Howard didn't sound as upbeat as usual. "What's the matter Howard?"

"Nothing, don't worry about it." Howard shoved his hands in the pockets of his bright orange pants.  
"Come on we're friends aren't we? You've listened to me, so I can at least I can listen to you. Maybe even help."  
"That's kind of you. What you ever saw in Sheldon, I'll never understand." Howard shook his head.  
"I'm sure the same could be said to someone in your case as well." Cera smirked at him  
"Yeah, that's the thing. Bernadette is kind of mad. She's noticed I have not been around as much the last few weeks. She asked me if I was having an affair."  
"Oh, Howard…"  
"Don't worry I didn't...I didn't tell. I'm just not going to be around as much."  
"I'm so, so, sorry. You really are a true friend. You shouldn't let me and my problems affect your relationship." Cera just hoped this evening she could smooth over the upset she had caused.

"Momma, somebody's at the door!" Merritt shouted from the living room.

"I heard Merritt, there is no need to shout." Cera gave Merritt a stern look across the kitchen counter. "Go ahead and answer it."

A dark haired girl, that Bernadette could only assume was Merritt, answered the door.

"Oh, uh, hello." Bernadette looked around trying to determine exactly what she had walked into. It was a nice place, despite the table with Legos and robotics in the living room. Before she could finish looking over the space for her hostess, she heard a familiar voice.

"Bernie? What…what are you doing here?"

Bernadette's eye was drawn across the open space to the kitchen, where Howard stood in a kitchen with Cera.

"I invited her. She seemed lonely, I thought we could be good company for her…You two should try to be on the same page at all times…Dinner's ready." Cera told Merritt to wash up and got a contented Howard to carry food to the dining table.

The group had no more than sat down, to lemon pepper chicken when Merritt spoke up. "This is _not_ what I wanted. I wanted a hamburger."

"OK, we can have that tomorrow."

"But I don't want it tomorrow, I want it now." Merritt huffed and her voice became whiny as she got agitated.

"Merritt." Cera hoped a stern voice would snap her out of her funk. Merritt just pulled her shirt up over her mouth and nose, propping her elbows on the table in protest. Cera kneeled on the floor beside her chair making eye contact with her.

"Honey, look at me." Cera pulled her shirt from her face. "Take a deep breath, take another one. Ok. Now I'm aware you had your heart set on something else, but there are times when we can't always have what we want, and have to let others have a turn with their way, ok?"

"Yes, ma'am." Cera mumbled reluctantly.

Howard watched the exchange between Cera and Merritt. He was amazed at how familiar Merritt was. She carried so many of Sheldon's mannerisms. The way she cocked her head, held her hands, and expression of displeasure. When Merritt pulled her shirt up, he was half expecting a rant about germs instead of dinner. Somehow Cera seemed to gently nudge her in the right direction and calm her down. He wonder if in the past, she had that ability with Sheldon.

The group spent a bit more time eating a calm dinner. Merritt was excited to meet Mr. Howard's pretty fiancé. Bernadette was impressed at how interested Merritt was in the sciences. She learned that Merritt had built a Lego robot for school and Howard was helping her improve on it. Bernadette still felt unsure about exactly how this alliance had come about and what it meant.

"So you're a doctor, too, right? Like Momma?" Thrown off by Cera's question, Bernadette's head snapped around to look at Cera.

"No, darlin' Miss Bernie will have a Ph.D. and do research in medicine. I have an MD and practice medicine on patients."

Bernadette felt awful for never thinking to ask what Cera did for a living. She just assumed roaming around with a guitar was her thing. Now knowing she was a specialist put things in a much different perspective. It explained the knowledge she had and how she seemed irritated when she and Amy tried to talk over her. Though Amy was worse, but mostly because Bernadette was still weeks from her actual degree where Amy was already wielding a degree. Bernadette wondered what else she had missed in not asking.

After the dinner was cleared, Cera instructed Merritt to go up and shower. She then ushered her guest to her living room and spoke. "Thank you, Bernadette, for coming over. I know you're concerned with Howard's absences lately and I just want to ease your mind that he is with me."

Bernadette wasn't certain how this was supposed to ease her mind. She had noticed Howard's odd interaction with Cera last week and saw how they at ease they were with each other. Usually her girlfriends complain that Howard comes on a little strong. While he had improved greatly, he still slipped back into old habits, but clearly he held Cera in a different regard. Probably because he aware of her on a more personal level. He already knew she was a physician after all.

"He's been helping me with an...issue concerning Merritt." Cera said softly.

"Oh, is, is something wrong with her?" Bernadette felt bad that something wrong with a child actually made her feel better.

"No, no, nothing is wrong with her, she's wonderful. I…I need to know that you can keep this confidential before I explain. Howard's been great about it. I'm surprised he kept to himself, even to the point of keeping it from you. I...I don't like the idea of couples having such large secrets from each other so I decided to let you in on it. But it is for Merritt's...protection that you keep it to yourself."

"What are we keeping to ourselves?" The group heard Merritt ask.

"Nothing you need to worry your little head about. Are you about ready for bed?"

"Yep, I showered and brushed my teeth." Merritt smiled big to show off her pearly whites.

"Yep?" One day, Cera thought, manners will be second nature to her.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Ok, good. Go get a glass of water, then come tell Miss Bernadette and Mr. Howard good night. We'll see them again soon."

After a few moments of quiet small talk a loud melodious whistle came from Cera. Howard looked startled, then noticed she had gestured to Merritt, in the kitchen.

"I bet you didn't do that around him. That's a strike-able offence." Cera looked utterly confused, so Howard added, "It's irritating to him." Trying not to give away her secret.

"Oh, it wasn't a problem before. Since I was the one with the height issue, it was my responsibility to make myself locatable if we were separated somewhere. So I started whistling a unique tune. When he heard me he whistled back. It worked well in box stores."

Merritt appeared with water and Cera walked her upstairs and tucked her into bed.

"She's, uh...an intense child." Bernadette confessed to Howard once they were alone.

"I haven't seen her like that much. She decides she wants something a certain way and then it's just set in her head that's the way it should be. I don't know if it's because she has a smart, logical mind or if it's genetic, but Cera handles her well. Look this…"

Upon returning downstairs, Cera noticed a very sober looking Bernadette.

"Howie's explained the…gravity of what you are trusting with. I promise no matter how interesting, I won't repeat it to anyone."

"Good, Merritt needs trustworthy people around her right now."

"So do you." added Howard.

Cera spent the next forty-five minutes repeating her tale to Bernadette. At the end Bernadette was just as teary eyed as Cera and holding her tightly.

"This is…I don't…But he's so very…childlike. I mean he plays with dolls and collects comic books." Bernadette flipped through Cera's photos. Sheldon's baby face of a decade ago made him look even more juvenile.

Cera pointed to her vintage Strawberry Shortcake t-shirt. "I myself still gather things I loved when I was younger. Did you know, Strawberry Shortcake was originally just an illustration for American Greeting in 1977. And My Little Pony was originally My Pretty Pony and more closely resembled a genuine horse in coloring and shape? It wasn't until '83 that they became the fun, colorful ponies of today" Bernadette's eye went wide at those bits of information. She kind of got it now. "My brothers still actively collect comic book themselves. Even my dad has comic books from when he was a kid back in the fifties, though his collection of guitars is much larger."

"Really which ones?" Howard asked eagerly at the mention of vintage comic books.

"Uh, Archie, Casper, Superman, Wonder Woman…There's a bunch. There are a few displayed in the playroom, in our home. Oh! You should come out and see it sometime."

Cera was answered with "Great!" and "We'll see."

"So, when was the last time you tried to contact him?" Bernadette no longer wanted to discuss 'collectables.'

"You mean aside from now? July 3, 2009. I called his office because it's the only number I have. He was out on field work and never called back. I remember the date because it was my thirtieth birthday."

"Field work? What kind of field work? Was that when you guys were in the Arctic?" Bernadette addressed Howard.

"Yeah." Howard looked away.

"That's the one you said wasn't successful." Bernadette asked.

"Oh, Braden had mentioned that...Thanksgiving before last, I think. He works for Solidyn Solutions and overlaps with Caltech and the JPL frequently."

"Oh, Braden Tollman is your brother? He works on a lot of our prototype software." Howard said.

"Yeah, anyway. Braden's always had a little bit of hero worship over Sheldon's work and kept up with him. He was surprised Dr. Cooper would make such an error. Is that…do you think that's why he didn't call?"

After a moment of tense silence Howard cracked, "You don't know what it was like he was...deranged. It was all we could do to keep him from going absolutely crazy and us from killing him."

"Are you kidding me?" Bernadette shrieked.

Cera shushed them so as to not wake Merritt. "I know he's difficult, but half the time he can't help it. Even I have left him places, and taken a hiatus from associating with him, but please tell me you're exaggerating."

"I feel...terrible about it. We manipulated some readings with an electric can opener. He was excited, it calmed him…" Howard explained the whole ordeal, realizing it sounded like they were placating a hyperactive puppy.

Cera reach out and slapped him. "I get that his impulsiveness compounded the issue, but you guys did something highly immoral. Not just to Sheldon, but to your employers and the NSF and anyone else who funded you. Do you have any idea what it's like to have your life's work compromised by someone you care about and is supposed to care about you?"

Bernadette was shocked, and could hardly blame Cera's physical outburst. This didn't sound like the Howie she knew and loved. He was a man passionate about his work. "Seriously? That's the kind of crap people used to pull in grad school. Screwing with labs and undermining each other. It's the behavior of the idiots that couldn't actually do the work." Cera nodded in agreement with Bernadette, having seen the same thing in med school and her residency.

"I wouldn't say-" Howard tried to explain his relationship with Sheldon and how it was deserved, but he wasn't even fooling himself.

"I _do_ know what it's like to have my career sabotaged. And as important as _my_ work is to _me_, Sheldon's work is his life, and he is damn good at it. I've known, that is where his heart is, since he was a teenager. Do you know what happens when someone tampers with that? All of your work is then tainted by the incident. Your work- past, present, and future is put through the filter of your shortcoming_. _You even start questioning yourself, because your superiors and colleagues sure are. They are wondering if your head is really in the game or if you're gonna go off on another one of your flights of fancy. It makes it really hard to wake and go to work in the morning. And to know you didn't do it, just _kills_."

"I know, I know, we screwed up. And I can't fix that, now, but that's why Raj and I signed him…"Howard's answered died in his throat. Now he felt like he had tampered with a man with a family and not just his screwy acquaintance. He realized that the act of bringing Amy into the group might have complicated things.

"You and Raj did what Howie?"

"Raj and I…decided to do whatever we could to help Sheldon."

"With Amy?" Cera added.

"Uh, yeah. How did..?"

"She told me about the dating site. It's ok Howard. I never expected him to stay alone or be a monk." Cera rubbed her upper arms as though she were cold.

"Let's not get carried away. I mean he's still-"

Bernadette decided to save her fiancé from putting his other foot in his mouth. "What will you do now?"

"I have no idea. He seemed irritated with me this evening. I let him calm down and try again, I guess. Merritt deserves some sort of closure…even if she never knows about it."

"I'm still kind of curious. Why did you help Amy?"

"What?" Cera didn't recall helping Amy.

"If you love Sheldon, why did you give her advice about him last week?"

"Well…love…my love for Sheldon is a…dormant…sensation. I probably would have gotten over him, if not for Merritt. So I have no…expectations, no…delusions on that front. But the care I do have for him, is enough to want him happy. So I encouraged her to relate to him and try to find equal footing with him. I am also aware, if by some chance he chooses to have Merritt in his life, Amy will be in her life too. I want her to be kind and flexible with her. I imagine Amy is better for him anyway. Despite what I was and even more, what I _wanted_ to be at the time, I am an expressive, emotional woman. Not everything I do is rooted in logic. Frequently I will do things because they do or do not feel right. Sheldon doesn't like that."

"Not to mention he's a bit of an ass. He can't even be decent to her. When he's around her, he's a jerk. When she comes up in conversation, he either has something nasty to say about her, or he's totally dismissive." Cera slumped at Howard's assertion.

"Howie!" Bernadette nodded her head toward Cera.

"He didn't say anything I didn't know or suspect. I knew things weren't going to be easy, I just don't know why he acts like the injured party. Like I'm the problem."

"What if Sheldon being a jerk, is because he feels like the injured party? What if…what if he's hurt?" Bernadette pondered.

"He'd actually have to care about something to hurt. Robots don't cry." Howard said, waving one of Merritt's actuators.

"Well, that's not entirely true. He loves his Meemaw and his mom. He worships Spock and his comic books, and his spot. He's passionate about his work. That doesn't sound like a robot. They shared something intimate and that affects people, whether they like it or not. Even if he did end it, it's at least affecting him now. Everybody can see he's…off."

"I don't know, Bernie. Don't you think you're stretching it a bit?" Howard was concerned Cera might assume too much from Bernadette's statement. He didn't want her to get hurt again. It wouldn't be good for her or Merritt.

"I just know, Cera said a little while ago, he once found whistling an effective method of communication. I assume that's who you were talking about anyway." Getting a nod from Howard she carried on. "According to you and the guys, for at least the last eight years he hunts down strangers, in public, to stop them from whistling. Isn't that a little odd?"

"Yeah, but Sheldon's always been odd." Howard said.

"Maybe that's just…an assumption you've made about him. A month ago, you wouldn't have guessed this either. Look, I'm not saying he gets a free pass for bad behavior, but I'm saying what if the behavior isn't what we think it is. I mean, look at how he was with you after your panic attack." Bernadette gestured to Cera.

"Maybe." was all Cera could muster. Her heart fluttered at this idea, but she couldn't give in to it. In all likelihood it wasn't actually Sheldon's desire to help. He was just being a gentleman and doing what he was 'supposed' to. Just like always.

The trio wrapped up their conversation and went their separate ways. The couple agreed to come see her band play over the weekend and Howard promised to return to help Merritt. Cera surprised herself with how much relief she felt at finally letting out her secrets. The fact that it was people that actually knew Sheldon made it even better. She knew she was going to have to force Sheldon into a meeting soon. But she felt like when she did now, there would be two people that could help them both.

Bernadette was glad Howard decided to follow her home. As they talked through the events of the evening she felt even closer to him than before. While she was severely disappointed in him for his antics while in the Arctic, she was impressed with his compassionate handling of Cera. He was being a good guy and trying to help a single mom. His confession that the situation reminded him of his mother, just made her feel more deeply for him. Now if only she could get Howard to tell his mother about their engagement.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Thanks for reading, reviewing, following and favoriting.**

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Chapter 20 

Saturday, Penny encouraged the ladies to watch Cera, Zack, and the rest of their band at a bar and grill, outside of town. Howard and Raj were excited to accompany them. Howard and Bernadette pressured Sheldon to go along, and Amy and Penny soon joined in the encouragement as well. Sheldon agreed, reluctantly. The only member not going was Leonard, who seemed eager to spend time in his own apartment with Priya.

The high sanitation score was pointed out, but did little to ease Sheldon's mind. He had been assured by the hostess that the seats were wiped down and brought in each night, but he still wished he had his bus pants. The group settled in at one of two dozen round tables, on the covered patio. Everyone was arranged so they could all see the band set up in the far corner. Sheldon picked a position so that the band was only visible in his peripheral vision. Seeing as this was not his preferred type of excursion, he attempted not to participate. Even going so far as to work from his phone, until he was admonished by Amy for being rude to their friend, 'the main attraction.'

Once Sheldon was paying attention, he made note of what was happening with the musical group. Though he would have thought Cera would have taken the lead, she seemed to be part of a unit that synced together, each at the proper time, to create pleasant melodies. All members seem to be capable of multiple instruments and moved easily through the band. Though when Cera sat behind the drum kit, reluctantly, if the head shaking and the hand gesture to stop were anything to go by, it left much to be desired. While she did indeed keep the beat, the rest was somewhat chaotic.

Beside Sheldon sat Amy, who cooed over Zack's proficiency with the bass guitar. "Penny, you should have informed me of Zack musical abilities. While his vocabulary was indeed lacking, he seems to be more than proficient with his instrument. I would gladly harmonize with him."

"Geez, Amy. Needy much? And I didn't know he could play. We…didn't really talk, much." Penny was actually feeling bad about that fact. Clearly there was more to him than she had assumed, even if he wasn't scholarly and didn't do science experiments.

"I was more impressed by him playing the frak out of those drums earlier." Howard commented.

"I know. He's doing all kinds of neat things. I think hanging out with Cera has been good for him." Bernadette played with the umbrella in her drink, smiling coyly at Howard.

"It isn't really an indicator of any sort of advanced abilities, that he can whack something with a stick." Sheldon's response pleased Amy. Though he had previously denied it, she felt certain he was exhibiting jealousy.

"Sheldon, I thought Zack was your friend." Penny sucked on the orange from her Tequila Sunrise.

"While we may be friendly, I wouldn't say we were friends. He's never filled out the appropriate paperwork. Please desist sucking on that orange wedge while speaking. Talking with your mouthful is both visually appalling and unsanitary."

"Guys, can you shush. I am trying to listen." Raj complained after finishing this second beer. For a few moments the crowd fell into an attentive silence. The sounds of the instruments were interrupted by Raj, "Comet!"

"What?" Howard laughed. His friend came up with some of the oddest things when he was drinking, but he was glad they were together. There was an awkwardness to their interactions now. Not just because Howard was paired off. Also, for the things he knew, but couldn't share with Raj. Howard wasn't certain how he felt about the recent revelations. Like crap for betraying Sheldon, and science, and Merritt, but at the same time he had a burning anger with Sheldon. Because of these conflicting feelings, Howard had bit his tongue, when he could help it.

"Zack is Cera's Comet. You know, like Kara Zor-El and her loyal and trusty steed. She's even dressed like her, dude."

"I don't know Raj, blue and red are common colors. I'm not sure she's that familiar with Supergirl." Howard thought it would be awesome if she was though.

Leaning over, Sheldon could better take in the red, knee high boot that were mostly lace, red skirt, and blue t shirt with a red flower in the center. He could see her outfit did give the illusion of Supergirl. Of course, he knew she was aware of the super heroine's appearance, and he imagined she was aware of her own likeness. She fit in well with the rest of the band that was adorned with bright dots, stripes, plaids and skinny jeans.

"Comet was not merely Superhorse, he was also Supergirl's love interest. Of course, that was when he was in his human form, Bronco Starr. While I'd like to say Cera, unlike her super heroine counterpart, wouldn't be drawn in by an equine with a pretty face, you never can tell with some people." Sheldon bit out.

Howard whispered into Bernadette's ear. "See?" To which she nodded sympathetically, trying to ignore what she just heard about a girl and her horse. Comic books were just as weird as soap operas.

Sheldon wondered how long he would have to endure this. While he had no particular complaints about the music, he was wholly uncomfortable. Many of the songs brought forth memories of riding in the car with his parents attempting to drown each other out with the soft rock station. The other members of his gathering sang along anyway.

At first he thought perhaps Cera's musical inclination was newly acquired, but he could tell by her comfort on the fretboard of her guitar, it was not. After he had finally broken down and conducted research on her family, he realized music was the legacy she had been born to. Ceridwen, as was her full first name, favored her mother, though she stood an inch taller, had straighter hair, and the blue eyes of her father, Patrick. Braden favored his father more with slight variations from his mother. Genetics really was interesting.

The man he'd met previously at The Comic Center made a passable George Strait, though they played little country. He also recognized her brother, Braden, whom he had met years ago and had seen twice, at physics workshops. He noticed both Braden and Elliott had romantic partners in the band, one of which was obviously pregnant. Did that make Zack, Cera's partner?

While Cera having an alliance with Zack seemed more plausible to him than Amy, it felt less tolerable. Though he shouldn't be surprised, Cera was pleasant to everyone, when she wasn't busy being the food police, as Junior occasionally called her.

Bernadette was enjoying the evening that was coming on the heels of a good day. She had finally met and shared a lunch with Howard's mom. It seemed as though the talks about how Howard related to his mother as the only child and man in her life had helped them to sort some things out.

She'd had spent a good deal of time, through phone and email, in the last few days, learning about Cera. It was good to know another woman with an advanced degree and even more encouraging to know one with family. Though Cera wasn't married, raising a child was probably more taxing than having a husband.

"While I do enjoy the music, it seems it would be more beneficial for the band to increase frequency and locations, if they want to ever be considered successful." Amy said thoughtfully. While she found Cera likable enough, she was occasionally odd, and at times a know it all. Amy felt an unease with Cera, for all that she was, without putting forth any effort. Logically Amy knew, Cera couldn't help her genetics, or the abilities and possessions of her parents, but it still didn't seem proper for someone to go through life without exertion. Even Penny, as lovely and wonderful as she was, had to work hard for everything and still was struggling. For all of Penny's coolness and misinformed decisions didn't reach the low that Cera was. She was the indiscriminate woman, that Amy's mother had warned her against, a single mother with no prospects. That's what a life of sex and pursuit of the arts got you.

"They _are_ successful, Amy." Bernadette sat her glass down hard. She was irritated with Amy's assertion, but knew a week ago, she would have agreed. She didn't like being aware that she and her friends could make harsh statements with little to no information.

"While I, being proficient at the harp, am aware the amount of time and effort it takes to learn and perform a song. I'm not certain that sufficiently repeating the work of others is success." Amy's statement even disturbed Sheldon. Clearly she was unaware that at least two of the band members had advanced degrees. Lack of knowledge didn't, however, prevent her from making an inaccurate statement that, in his opinion, could be applied to her own work. Nor did he understand why she insist he attend if this was not something she could appreciate and enjoy.

"Amy! You don't know anything about them!" Bernadette started. Though she understood Cera's need for privacy and only 'exposed' herself to those that were truly interested, she couldn't let Amy denigrate Cera anymore. "This is just a hobby you know. Between the six of them there are three doctorates, a master's, a VP of a thriving business, and three happy families. Sounds pretty successful to me."

"What?! Who?" This was news to Penny, too.

"You seriously thought Cera just carried a guitar around? She's a pediatric allergist." Howard enjoyed the astounded look on Amy's face. Though they had all adjusted to her, she still had a mean streak and he didn't want it used against Cera. "Her brother's a physicist, his wife is a pharmacist."

"Dude, how do you know that?" Raj wasn't aware that Howard had ever seen that woman, besides in The Comic Center.

"Easy, I'm the Wolowizard…so…I performed a low-tech hack, and asked." Howard said smugly.

Sheldon just glared and tried to push down the uneasy feeling in his gut. Attempting to ignore the company he was with, he turned his attention fully to Cera. She'd never been as expressive as she was now. Sure, she'd seemed jovial or angry occasionally. Understandably, she could be overwhelmed by her work, but typically she was logical and subdued. When she displayed such anguish through tears and words at the end of their alliance, he was surprised by her sudden increase in sentiment. Now, playing a guitar, but focusing on nothing in particular, her face changed constantly. Sometimes it twisted in concentration on her finger work, but other times it was a smile that could be happy, or a frown with clenched eyes that might be sad or angry. All expressions seemed to vary according to context of the lyrics.

Braden spoke, encouraging listeners to pay attention to an original by his sister. Sheldon watched as Cera bit her bottom lip and shifted her head, as though she didn't want to focus on her audience. Was she embarrassed, ashamed, shy? Perhaps she just needed the restroom. Sheldon couldn't tell, but as she turned completely to her right, he saw her head on for the first time. And if her raised eyebrows and open mouth were any indicator, the first time she had noticed him. She abruptly spun forward and seemed to flounder for a moment before starting.

Sheldon felt compelled to pay full attention. The feeling, once again, that he never fully knew this woman. He couldn't imagine her sitting down and penning lyrics to a song. While he was aware she had a wide vocabulary and probably sufficient knowledge on meter and symbolism, he never imagined she would sit down and create something out of pure emotion. He tried to focus on the chorus, but never quiet grasping the emotions of others, or the line between symbols and facts he felt at a loss…

Only showed you half of what I could be,

Hiding the softer parts away;

But still, I gave to you every bit of me,

Without giving you reason to stay…

As the evening drew to a close the restaurant patrons of the restaurant, including the crowd from Pasadena, thanked and encouraged the band.

Penny decided to approach Zack, "I, uh, didn't know you played."

"Uh, yeah. I hadn't played in a while 'til Cera invited me to hang out with her fam." Zack smiled happily at Penny.

"You were…pretty good." Penny couldn't figure out why she felt awkward around Zack. It was almost like with Leonard. Only this time it wasn't because Cera was trying to change Zack into someone cooler, she was just giving Zack a way to be himself.

"Thanks. I had to practice a bunch to get good at it again, but they're fun to play with." Zack gestured to the band.

"I never thought I'd hear 'I Can't Make You Love Me' and 'Seven Nation Army' from the same band, in the same sets. They're very different sounds." She quickly added, "You did great on both of them, though."

"Yeah, they like a bunch of different stuff. I had to work real hard to play soft enough to not drown out Cera on piano on 'I Can't Make You Love Me,' though. We had to do it over and over. She was ready to go crazy by the time we got it, but it might be 'cause it's a depressing song."

"Yeah, it is. So, I'll let you go pack up and I'll talk to you later." Penny gave Zack a small smile and went to catch up with her friends.

Cera's friends hadn't been long departed when Braden cornered his sister. "You didn't tell me you were hanging out with Dr. Cooper. This doesn't seem like something he would be into."

"I don't hang out with him. I didn't know he would be here." Cera's heart was in her throat. While she knew she would have to confess all to Braden at some point, she didn't think it would be this soon, or in this manner. Once again, she was astonished at how quickly she had lost control over the whole situation. None of it was going according to plan. Nothing was on her terms. But really…it never had been.

"Seemed like you knew him. You introduced him to me a few weeks ago." Elliott retorted.

"I know, but we're not... we don't hang out." Cera took a deep breath, looking at the two boys who meant the most to her in the world. But they weren't children, none of them had been in a long time. So hiding and pretending wasn't effective and not fun. It was time to handle this. She had to hold herself accountable for her actions and even more, her lack of action. She'll just be sure to corner Sheldon this week. Perhaps Howard could help with that.

"Do you mind sitting with me a minute? Elliott, too." Cera sat down to pull off her boots after excusing them to her sister-in-laws and dismissing Zack. She ordered them all beers, even though the restaurant was clearing out.

"So, what's up?" Braden eyed his sister suspiciously.

"It's him. Sheldon. I've been trying to talk to him...but so far he just avoids me." Cera couldn't make eye contact, she just rubbed her left wrist, since her accident it ached with repetitive motions.

"O...k...that upsets you because you…used to be pen pals?" Braden downed his beer. He was cautious with alcohol, but he didn't fear it like his sister. Then again, he didn't have the issues she did. Mom hadn't groomed _him_ to be a Mini Me.

"No…it upsets me because of Merritt." Cera said softly, but they heard it. It took a moment for it to sink in, then there was a flurry of response.

"Damn, Cera that guy from the store? No wonder he wouldn't look me in the eye." Elliott recalled the tall, skinny guy clearly, but was not impressed.

"What the hell, Ceridwen?!" Braden couldn't believe his ears. He had respected Sheldon, even when the five year age difference was more evident and the guy was little more than a kid.

"I…I ran into him in Houston."

Elliott stood abruptly, leaning over the back of chair, gripping it tight. He took several deep calming breaths.

"You're pissed?" Cera looked up at Elliott.

"You're damn right I'm pissed. How can you be so calm about this?" Elliott's voice was gruff and increasing in volume.

"I know you don't like it, but Merritt belongs to him." Cera nearly whined.

"I don't care. She belongs _to_ _you_. That's why I've never pushed you about her father." The more Elliott talked, the louder he became.

"I can't believe this." Braden muttered.

"But, Braden did. He has always said a girl needs a father and a man should know that he has a child." Cera explained to Elliott.

"Braden didn't have to see you! You looked so…sick and so broken." Shifting his attention to Braden, "You only saw her after I got her home. I had to hold her together for weeks before that. She was underweight, sick, she wouldn't, couldn't even sleep in her own bed. She scared the hell out of me every time she passed out. We drove across the country like that! That's why I'm just fine with this idiot, staying the hell away from her and Merritt."

"Oh, I get that, and I'm not happy about this either. It has _never_ been ok with me, but…Dr. Cooper?" Braden finished his beer, then knocked the bottle over irritably. "Explain this to me." He turned his angry focus on Cera.

For the third time in two weeks Cera found herself explaining her odd relationship with Sheldon. She explained a condensed version, keeping the emotion she has displayed before at bay, knowing her tears over the situation will only make them angrier.

In the end, both guys decided, it was the stupidest thing she had ever agreed to. Her love for Merritt made the heartache worth it, and they could see that. Braden and Elliott settled for merely being supportive; for the time being. Though Braden was aware that Merritt was the same niece, she had always been, he was in awe that one of the greatest minds of his time was her father. And he would hate to have to change that, but he would if necessary.

Cera was feeling Merritt's absence as she prepared for bed that evening. She knew her daughter had a good evening, just as she had. Cera had arranged an indoor campout for Merritt, and her four cousins, in the playroom at her parent's house. Though Connie had long since retired from being a nanny, at the age of thirty-one, she was good about keeping the kids when called. It was a point of pride that she was able to care for a second generation of Tollmans.

Not long after she settled in Cera thoughts on having Howard assist her in confronting Sheldon came to a grinding halt with a phone call. Howard's mother was in the hospital and Sheldon had become quarantined. He truly must be stressed if he had reverted to such hyper mysophobia and impulsivity. Once, Sheldon had no fear in hospitals, and relished in the antiseptic smell and large quantities of medical supplies. He had liked the children's hospital she had worked for, mostly due to the infection prevention kit at the front door with the whimsical masks and gloves with the multiple sanitizer pumps. She considered confronting Sheldon while in isolation, but she wanted him to be in a peaceful location for that. She also didn't want to risk any cross contamination between what he had been exposed to and her own patients. She would have to wait him out.

* * *

Being sequestered had its perks. While Sheldon missed his routines, he was enjoying the unlimited time he had to devote to lady science. His friends had popped in occasionally, to play games, discuss work, and catch up on the inner workings of his social group. He imagined in his absence things were descending into chaos.

His vast intellect was not only working on problems for science, but simultaneously working through his personal interactions as well, albeit against his will. While he had made a scientific breakthrough, it wasn't one he found favorable. It was going to require more research. Putting that away, he shifted his focus. He had always prided himself on personal control. He neatly ordered everything necessary, anything else, he could deny himself. His ability to command himself was evidence of his superiority. Sheldon was certain that by keeping everything to optimum standard he could operate as pure thoughts. After a few days he was looking forward to the interruptions.

"A film isn't going to be entertaining based solely on its budget. Huge budgets do not a good film make. Limitations make a film better. Like Lucas, with Star Wars IV, A New Hope. He was forced to use what he had. He didn't have all these toys and the film turned out great. " Sheldon explained to Raj.

"So this isn't a budget argument, but a practical over CGI argument?" Raj shot back through his protective suit.

"Don't they go hand in hand? Look at Jaws, the shark didn't work and the production was a disaster, but good story, acting and glimpses of the shark occasionally and it is still a film that looks good." Howard questioned.

"But a larger budget can provide for a better experience, immersing you in a scene with a much larger scope." Raj explained.

"Yeah, but, some of the greatest works have come from limitations, not absolute freedom. Coming up with creative solutions to engage the audience on a limited budget is often superior to half-baked screenplays rushed into production to meet release dates while massive budgets get blown trying to gloss over the weak stories with spectacle." Sheldon replied.

"Digital has disconnected people from contemporary movies. Yeah, it gives more creative pictures, but movies like The Thing and Alien are more terrifying, because that monster was real in a sense, and not just copy and pasted in." Leonard's voice was distorted by his mask.

"I suppose you are right. So do you just want to wait and watch X-Men: First Class on DVD, then?"

Raj's question was met with a unanimous, "NO!"

Sheldon gave little credence to the physicality of his body, preferring to be merely ideas and concepts that came together to push him toward his higher goal. The little time spent in the presence of the one woman he had encounters with sent his mind into overload. He wasn't certain if it was her specifically, or just the memory of the act itself, but it was proving most inconvenient and was depressingly normal. His baser urges, however, were reasserting themselves. He had thought, at one time, satisfying his curiosity about his physical need would remove desire, unfortunately, giving in just increased his need.

He didn't know how others did it, handle the presence of compelling women, who were intriguing for totally different reasons. Not that Cera was present in a companionable way, but enough to occupy his mind. Amy was logic and order and the comfort of stability. Both had insinuated a desire for romance from him at different times. The only one he had any interest in romancing was the universe.

One evening when his mind insisted he think about Cera, he thought over their previous interactions, both coital and platonic, and tried to apply the things he had learned since about interpersonal relationships. He thought perhaps he had misinterpreted some instances, but he was still unsure. While he had improved with personal interactions, he still wasn't great. Her presence in his mind was not concrete, just physical awareness and unwanted emotions, but it was pushing its way forward into something else.

He hung up the phone with a concerned Missy and wondered if it was normal for a sister to inform her brother of the idiots she squandered her time on. He supposed he did request her to be mindful of the potential sire of his future niece or nephew, but her current fellow didn't match his requirements to be Sheldon 2.0. Suddenly, he was able to identify his unease with Braden Tollman. He wondered if Cera's brother had the same thoughts on the men in her life. Normally he gave no credence to what others thought of him, but he did want to keep Cera's brother's high regard. Though, from Penny's suggestion and research, he had come to accept he had treated Cera…dishonorably, and no longer deserved his respect. Instead of holding him accountable, Braden greeted him warmly, even going so far as to excitedly introduce him to his wife, as 'the brilliant, universe altering, scientist who had inspired him.' Something his friends no longer even believed.

* * *

Pacing her apartment, as she had for an hour, Penny considered her friend Cera. At least she thought they were friends. But Cera had chosen not to tell her something as important as what she did for a living. Who does that? She had called Cera earlier hoping for some clarity and got more than she wanted. Sadness and resignation had been in Cera's voice when replied that, she didn't tell because no one had bothered to ask. She also pointed out that Penny had missed some things with Zack by not asking. Not that Penny was suddenly going to find him to be a brilliant conversationalist, but he was more interesting than she had assumed.

Penny realized that Cera was a grown up, and that she…wasn't. She wasn't used to mature acting friends. Up until she met the guys all of Penny's friends partied. Sure, all her old friends had part time jobs and they struggled, but they enjoyed their evenings and weekends. They weren't cutting things short to cook dinner, fold laundry, or clean house. But hating those responsibilities and wanting nothing but a good time, now sounded like the desires of a teenager. The social group that she had become part of through her neighbors, acted like they wanted the thriving social life, despite having the degrees and jobs. Well, most of them did, Sheldon didn't seem to care. Because of their actions, she thought hanging out all the time was OK.

And now there was Cera, who also didn't care about socializing or impressing others. Her parents had the fame Penny sought, all the possessions she could imagine, and the talent to go with it. But instead Cera had chosen to work. Hard work that required years of education. Cera never behaved like she was better though. Not because of her education, not because of her talent, not because of her parents.

After talking things through with Cera and learning even her talented, famous parents had been to college. Her dad had even worked as a junior high English teacher for a few years before their big break. So she wondered what was she doing waiting tables and waiting around.

Penny knew what she had been doing. She had told herself, she had a life. She was having fun, partying, and hanging out. She wasn't responsible for anything. Which should be a refreshing thought, but it's not. Now the lack of responsibility is because she has nothing. The friend she thought was too tied down and needed to get out and live a little, actually had more of a life than her. Cera's career was her life, her hobby was her life, and her daughter was her everything.

* * *

Cera was snapping the case closed on her guitar at the end of a practice in Braden's rec room. Most of her family had wandered off for drinks and to handle the kids leaving her behind with Zack. Her family had been a little different since Saturday's revelation. Tara, Cera's best friend since childhood, was able to get a lot more information from her than the oversimplified version she gave the guys. Being Elliott's wife, Tara shared some of those things with him, just making him angrier with the whole situation. Braden couldn't understand why she had access to Sheldon, and had yet to tell him about Merritt. He looked at her expectantly several times through the evening as though she should run off to handle it at that very moment.

Knowing Zack had probably picked up on the family weirdness she thought she ought to say something.

"They're distressed…with me." Cera explained.

"Well…that sucks." Was Zack's only response.

"Sheldon is Merritt's father." She didn't mean to say it, but that piece of information was coming out easier every time. She just didn't want to explain it again.

"Oh…like for real?" Cera nodded. "Ok." Zack went silent for a few minutes. She was glad he was accepting and didn't need reasons or details.

"I'm married to Penny." Zack suddenly blurted.

Cera knew that having run a background check on both. Even though Penny never filed to have her social security information changed, it still showed they filed for matrimony back in November. She just didn't ask because it wasn't her business, just like Merritt wasn't anyone else's. That explained why she never saw Zack date, but why did Penny?

They both sat in silence a while. The few words they had said hung heavily over them, but both felt better for having shared. Finally Zack broke the silence. "We were in Vegas, ya know. And it was awesome. It's always awesome with Penny. So I was like let's get married and do this all the time. And she said, Yeah! We were drinking, but not like, you know, drunk, drunk. So we went and filled out paperwork and showed our IDs and then the fake Elvis came out. The next morning she was talking about how fake it all was. I just went along with her, I didn't want to make her be married if she didn't want to. I mean I know Elvis was fake, but that was kind of a lot of writing for fake. Turns out you can get real married from a fake Elvis…Dad made me check back in March for taxes."

"Oh, hun." Cera just shook her head. It was sad and silly and just made her hurt for both of them.

* * *

Only due to social convention was Sheldon climbing the stairs to one of the largest homes he'd been to. The only one to rival it was Stan Lee. Only this time he wasn't going to see the legendary comic book creator. He was here because it was customary to celebrate landmark events in one's life with friends and Bernadette's doctorate seemed like a good reason for his social group to party. At Cera's childhood home. Unfortunately, Sheldon couldn't come up with a good reason to miss it.

Penny, in her teal bikini, flung the door open greeting Amy and 'Moon Pie.' She led them through the maze of the unfamiliar house before reaching their destination. Sheldon wondered if she made herself at home everywhere she went. He imagined she stole Cera's milk, too.

They stepped out onto a covered patio with lavish outdoor furnishings, for which Sheldon was grateful, so he didn't have to risk exposure to the sun. From the voices and splashing he could tell that Amy and he were the last to arrive. Though he typically didn't like to be late, he was glad he would have to spend less time here. He had no plans on swimming, but Amy did cajole him into shorts through a promise to the comic book store and the advice that it would prevent him from overheating.

Scanning the area in search of the hostess, he finally spotted her abundance of hair beside a lounge chair containing Bernadette in a large hat. Her hair being wet, took on a darker shade, looking nearly brown. Cera swung her hair to the side and exposed her bottom cover in white stars on navy with a gold band around her upper back. When she turned to face him head on he nearly choked. The bathing suit was a one piece, notched out at the sides, exposing her waist. The navy torso covering lead up to a gold band around her ribs and red cups adorned with the Wonder Woman logo. While it was appealing it was incongruous with the blonde hair.

His mouth went dry and he was suddenly aware that he was staring at an unrelated woman in very little clothing and she may have spoken to him. It didn't help matters that his mind wanted to supply the images of what actually was under the Wonder Woman mockery. He groaned and tried to cover it with a convincing argument.

"W, uh, Wonder Woman was in no way blonde."

"Oh, God, Sheldon. Not that again. It's a bathing suit!" Penny exclaimed from behind him and Amy.

"Oh, well, I gave up the dye jobs a decade ago. Besides, Cathy Lee Crosby was blonde." Cera shot back, perturbed, he wouldn't even respond to her hello, but glad he felt like engaging her in conversation.

"There _is_ a blonde Wonder Woman?!" Penny gasped.

"She was…she was merely a television actress depiction of someone bearing the name Wonder Woman in the seventies, and it was terrible. She in no way, be it character, setting, or appearance, resembled the actual Wonder Woman." Sheldon was startled to get the question of her hair color settled in that manner, but was not about to be one-upped about comics. Not by her.

"Cassie Sandsmark?" Cera was actually enjoying this. It was always fun to see the length to which Sheldon would go to be right regarding comic books. Mostly, she suspected, because he didn't want to lose to a girl.

"Wonder Girl? Really? Even she wore a dark wig in order to look like Donna Troy, Wonder Woman's sister, and Cassie's hero. And…and you don't even like comic books!" Sheldon was getting louder as he went on drawing their friends into the conversation.

Cera gasped at him bringing that up, but wasn't going to be deterred. "I _am_ fond of comic books. I just don't need frequent trips to the comic book store. It's a bathing suit, not a cannon representation in a movie." After a beat of silence Cera's voice softened. "I'm…amazed you're even here."

"I…I was told it was social convention." Startled by her admission Sheldon stumbled over his words.

"Social convention?" Cera looked lost.

"Yes... the set of generally accepted standards, norms, social norms, or criteria, often taking the form of a custom." Sheldon's friends looked pleased he knew that and would respond to it. Howard had used it to convince Amy that Bernadette needed him at this party.

"I know what it is. I just think it's dumb. Doing things the way one is supposed to, makes for a very restrained existence. It leaves you being someone else's puppet not your own man. You always have choices. You could choose not to come. Your friends could be understanding, or they could just be upset. But being different, or a jerk, or an outcast is an option."

"Cera! I'm surprised at you." Bernadette squeaked.

"Raised by hippies, remember? We do what feels good as long as it doesn't hurt anybody else…Which means I don't slight others when they have so graciously allowed me into their habitat. But I don't mind a debate on proper hair color. It's blonde." Cera smiled while she vented. Feeling refreshed by the confession Cera sashayed over to help Zack get the food on the grill.

Sheldon was left standing poolside in the sun with all of his friends staring at him. He felt uncomfortable with all that had transpired. From his reaction to Cera to his being left a fool. Having nothing else he could do, he stomped over to the patio and looked for an ideal place to sit.

Feeling she needed to interfere, Amy followed. She couldn't comprehend what had just occurred. She didn't understand adults into comic books, especially a woman who was as educated as Cera. Nor did she understand Sheldon's actions.

"Sheldon, I have noticed that you have remarked on Cera's appearance each time we have been in her company. I'm concerned that she is intentionally presenting herself in a manner that would be appealing to you and trying to draw you into the trap of her feminine wiles. If you recall, and I know you do, she has adorned herself in all matter of brightly colored clothing with movie and comic themes."

"Amy, Amy, Amy. I notice and make note of _everything_ around me."

"You have never made any such assertions about my apparel. Do you like _my_ bathing suit?" Amy indicated the twisted blue fabric that accentuated her figure and ended in a slight flare of a skirt.

"It _is_ a fetching shade of Superman blue. I have never had to comment on your apparel as it has never assaulted my senses. If you find my commentary bothersome, I'll refrain. As to her frame of mind in dressing herself, I couldn't say." Sheldon wondered how he got drawn into another conversation on women's appearances.

"Very well. Though I do think you should be cautious around her. I've heard tale of your adoring grad students. She may perhaps be of the same mind." Sheldon just huffed and shook his head in response to Amy.

Assuming the exchange was over Penny wandered back over to her lounge and lay down for more sun. Howard and Bernadette followed close behind Cera as she crossed over to the stone island that served as an outdoor kitchen. Cera let out a heavy sigh as she gave a half-hearted smile to Zack by the grill.

"You, OK?" Zack pointed the tongs in Sheldon's direction.

"Yeah, are you?" Cera grabbed the tongs, wishing Zack would be more subtle. Though he seemed to be getting along with Penny.

"Wait, you told him? Do you think that's wise?" Howard gestured to Zack.

"Yes. I merely told him what was crucial. He's tight with my family and we are all dealing with it."

"Howie, be nice. I'm sure Cera is handling this just fine." Bernadette had noticed Howard's concern over Cera and Merritt had increased in the last few weeks. While it was noble to care for a friend she wondered if he was making this something more than it was.

Raj had watched his friends back and forth. Something was definitely going on and he was determined to find out what.

"Raj, Hun, I think you're a wee tipsy." Cera stared at the man who didn't know how he had suddenly become the center of attention by his statement.

"Maybe, but I do want to know what's happening. Dude, you guys are keeping secrets. You have been for some time." Raj whined.

Howard looked expectantly at Cera. He hated keeping secrets from his best friend. It was worse than hiding things from Bernadette. Mostly because Raj was a wailer.

"Just…get me time to fix this, this week." Cera nodded in assention.

"Why not now?" suggested Howard.

"We need…privacy." Cera replied.

Howard nodded his understanding and slipped off with Bernadette and Raj.

After several more minutes of food prep, Cera and Zack finished lunch. To call everyone, Cera let out a high pitched whistle.

Amy and Sheldon settled into playing counterfactuals. Amy had come up with several new conditions and he was actually having a pleasant time. Much better than if he had gotten in the cesspool of disease. He was contemplating what would inhabit the Earth if it had two moons when he heard a melodious whistle. The familiar sound made his scalp prickle. He wasn't going to look though. He had been fooled many times before, but not this time. He wasn't going to look…because she no longer whistled for him.

"Amy, Sheldon. Food is ready." Cera broke into their game a few minutes later.

"Oh, is that why you were making that ear splitting noise? Not all of us are so tone deaf as to tolerate such an ill pitched sound and determine that it's someone beckoning us." Sheldon noticed Amy's tirade sounded similar to one he given someone in a store recently, only that individual _was_ off key. She had then chastised him for being rude to strangers. He wasn't certain Cera merited such a response. He was certain, he would feel more comfortable if she were to put something over her wonderfully inaccurate swimwear.

"Oh, uh, well, you know me, always doing silly things." Looking down at her feet feeling uncomfortable and hurt, Cera wasn't sure what caused Amy's reaction. Cera rallied and added on too enthusiastically. "But I do have perfect pitch."

"We were playing counterfactuals. Would you like to play?" Amy offered. While it did make her feel powerful, causing someone to drop their head in submission, it also made her feel bad. Cera had only come to offer food. Food she had provided. Amy felt so confused.

"I use counterfactual thinking to figure causation of conditions and different outcomes from different treatments, but I am not certain how that can be a game." Cera's brow was creased in thought.

"We propose an alternate world that differs from ours in one aspect, and then pose questions to each other." Amy explained.

"Oh, so there are no correct answers?"

"Well, of course there is." Sheldon replied, grinning at his cleverness.

"Not everyone has the intelligence to do it. So far out of all our acquaintances, we are the only two capable of playing." Amy broke in.

"I'm not sure how you get a right or wrong answer for something that's completely subjective, but, uh, good for you. You can't win 'em all." Cera made brief eye contact with Sheldon and stepped away.

When she reached the grill Raj, put his arms around her and patted her. "Are you ok?"

Cera took a deep breath "Yeah, I just need to make a call. I need Merritt." She then headed for the far end of the pool, phone in hand.

Penny looked around confused, "She's upset about something."

"Why do you say that?" Bernadette asked, hoping they could divert Penny. The next person that needed to hear this was Sheldon and Sheldon alone.

"Well, one, Cera looked upset. Two, she always calls Merritt when she's upset. It's calming to her."

It didn't take long for the other two members to turn up at the grill for food.

"Where is Cera?" Her absence was noted by Sheldon.

"She just had to make a call, dude." Raj bit out. He finally understood some of Howard's animosity from the past few weeks.

"Now? Couldn't she have planned a better time?" Sheldon was getting perturbed. He was highly uncomfortable in the home where Cera grew up, where she was wearing very little.

"It's always a good time to talk to your child, Sheldon." Howard growled.

Cera returned calm, ready for food in an odd atmosphere. She prompted them to get food and make toasts to Bernadette.

After dinner they all relaxed back into the pool and the patio. Music was flowing from speaker sets all over the pool area.

Sheldon was feeling much more at ease now. He and the guys were discussing The Comic Center and all Sheldon had missed being in isolation for two weeks. Every once in a while they could hear the woman cackling from the built-in hot tub. Howard had just began lamenting the absence of Leonard due to his obligations with Priya. They had made sure to invite him and thought it would be ok since Priya and Penny had been getting along so well in the hospital. Raj imagined that Leonard was afraid of Penny and Priya getting too close.

Cera had come around to see if anyone needed a drink. She went and collected a few beers and a Diet Coke for Sheldon and returned them to the guys. She was chatting with Zack when an oldies R&amp;B song came on. It causes them both to light up and laugh. She ran into the house and returned with a pair of heeled sandals and a different playlist on the stereo. She then grabbed Zack. "Come on. Come on."

Zack slipped on his sandals and joined Cera on the open space on the patio.

"Cera taught me to shag. You wanna see?" Zack was eager to show off his new footwork. He hoped maybe he could get Penny to join him.

Howard choked on his drink. "Oh my God you guys are-." He was cut off by a glare from Cera.

"Howard! It's a dance from the Carolina Coast." She positioned herself facing Zack. "It's done to old R&amp;B we refer to as Beach Music." They clasped hands and started shuffling their feet. Zack twirled her and his hand immediately found the small of her back. This activity drew the attention of the ladies who were now making their way closer to the action.

While Howard found their dance interesting, because anything called a shag is interesting, he was more interested in Sheldon's reaction. He noticed he had gone still and pale even though he appeared to not be watching.

Sheldon could tell Cera was a better dancer than Zack. She seemed to be holding herself back and occasionally could hear her counting for him. Sheldon felt sick as he watched Zack run his fingers along her body. The worst part was the lack of clothing. Who dances in swimsuits? It was indecent. The worst was when they simultaneously twirled and their naked backs came into contact. Cera seemed so comfortable with Zack, Sheldon wondered if they were engaging in coitus.

Sheldon had spent a decade convincing himself that his interactions with Cera were merely a tactile experiment. But never in all experiments had he hated handing his work over to someone else. He was accustomed to a slight envy and concern. Before, it would soon pass. He always found something new and interesting to work on.

Of course he was aware years ago that she had moved on, but he was not prepared for the sensation coursing through him witnessing it firsthand. For a brief moment he understood the need for public displays of affection. Surely nothing was as deterrent to other potential mates as seeing the female engage in a claiming kiss by a dominant male. Or physically challenging the competition. But he was far too superior for such an animalistic display. Nor did he have any claim on said female. Finally having enough, he stood to leave at the same time the couple finished.

"Oh, Sheldon. Did you want to dance too? We're going to get Cera to show us those moves." Penny said eyeing the couple.

"No, I believe I've had enough dancing and dancing related activities to last me a lifetime."

"Spoilsport." Penny shot back.

Sheldon walked the patio that ran the length of the house. He really didn't want to be there any longer. He would call a cab, but he didn't have the pants for it. He certainly didn't want the exposed skin of his legs to come into contact with anything living in a cab. By the time he arrived back at the group of dancers the girls were repeating the footwork Cera had just shown them. He decided to do a second lap while they danced.

He hadn't gotten very far when a hand on his arm startled him. He jerked away from the personal invasion and the potential germs. He turned to face his assailant.

"Are you bored?" Cera asked softly.

"Yes. These are not activities I prefer." Sheldon muttered, stepping back onto his path.

"I know." Cera fell instep beside him.

"Amy said she would get me a comic book." Sheldon sound more excited by the prospect of a comic book.

"Well there aren't any out here. Our comic books dwell inside." Cera gave him a soft smile.

"Olivia, are you attempting to win my favor by presenting yourself in a manner that you know would be appealing to me?" He stopped short and watched her. Sheldon couldn't help but ask. It had been rolling through his mind since Amy brought it up.

Cera's breath caught and her eyes stung. "There isn't any more favor to be had, is there? I wish, I could say you knew me better than that."

Sheldon didn't know what to say to that. He didn't feel like he knew anything. Not when it came to her.

"I assured Howard, he could see the play room. Will you come as well?" Cera broke into Sheldon's thoughts

"There's a playroom?" Cera just smiled and nodded.

Through the last door on the patio was a long room with bright walls. As the group filed in their eyes adjusted to being indoor, they began to take in all the features. The billiard table, the tabletop Pac-man, the Donkey Kong arcade. There was a corner filled with kid's toys, a riding horse, toy box, a big wheel.

"This is Wonder Woman #70 from 1954! Man that is in great condition." Howard pointed at the fame on the wall.

"Dad's the only one to possess her. Bought it himself when he was eight or nine. He has a tale for each book. I can't keep them all straight, but it's sweet." Cera watched as her friends wondered around.

The ladies surprisingly gravitated to the Ms. Pac-Man table, lost in the nostalgia of it.

"Dude, you've got twelve game consoles down here." Raj called from the end of the room in front of the large screen TV.

"Yeah, Braden just refashioned that last year. He built the case for the consoles. He had to add a couple of converter switches, some cooling fans and run a lot of electricity."

"Do you have many games?" Sheldon studied the different consoles.

"Yes? I don't really know. All I know is what I play. Mortal Kombat II, Spyro the Dragon, and various Lego games."

"You just thought the dragon was cute." Sheldon remembered Cera cooing over the purple dragon, playing his old PlayStation at momma's. It wasn't even his typical type of game.

"Mm-hmm" Cera just smiled softly. He really _did_ know her better, even if her appearance had varied.

She watched him walk away, studying each comic book. He stopped at one in particular and looked around, confused. Cera approached him, surprised he even bothered.

"You know that book has no value." Sheldon stared up at the preserved copy of X-Men vs Sauron. She had sent him a copy and a letter. Cera had identified with Jubilee. While he doubted Cera had ever lived in a mall, being in Hollywood and having wealthy parents was closer to the truth than he could have guessed at the time.

"It does to me…I even bought two." Cera tried hard to blink the tears back.

"I…I think I need to go. Have you seen Amy?" Sheldon looked around frantically. This wasn't...right. One does not 'move on' as they say, but cherish mementos of an event that no longer mattered. Something was not computing, he was missing information. He didn't like being uninformed. He needed to leave. He needed to rectify the situation. His dramatic exit out of the closest door, brought the party to a close.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

There were several equations written across the board, but they weren't coming together for Sheldon. He had been staring at them for hours, days even, considering he had written them on Monday, but to no avail. Raj had been oddly aloof and terse all week as well, which hadn't helped matters much.

Raj had stayed over one evening due to Leonard's misbehavior with Raj's sister. A reminder that men take exception to whom his sister chooses to invite into her bed, even if he considers him a friend. Sheldon was aware of a divide between Raj and Leonard, but Raj's refusal to switch apartments seemed to be directed at him. Having done nothing as disgraceful to Priya as Leonard has, Sheldon didn't understand the hostility.

Yesterday's teasing and innuendo, surrounding Leonard and Priya, passed through the blockade Sheldon typically held in place. The thought of Star Trek cosplay sounded...intriguing and arousing. He hadn't known that…playful was an option.

Sheldon felt disappointed with his thought processes. He was disgusted by how base his mind could be, that he had thought about coitus three times today. As usual when he thought about the physical act, he thought of Cera. He supposed it's because she is all he knows. Instead of her, he wished his mind would supply the answers to the problem before him, on the whiteboard.

He hated this weakness. Coitus always sounded distasteful. Something used to command and control was what he learned from his parents, used equally by both. An act of achievement according to his peers. Perhaps that is why he always needed to separate himself from it. It only became worse after he had finally given into it. Being inside someone sounded so brutal and alien. The reality of it felt much different, but was far more confusing than he could have guessed.

Sheldon knew the sensations and thoughts were the result of the chemical dump in his brain due to sexual activity. Still, he found them fruitless, confusing, and distracting. He had done his best to dismiss what he could and sort out the rest. Control of himself and his environment had been his overriding objective since he was five years old; when events spiraled out of his control, he coped in the only manner he knew, rigorous scheduling and dominance of surroundings.

Sheldon finally flung his marker onto his desk. He wasn't getting anything done like this. It had been a long day and he was ready to call it quits. Fortunately tonight was Cheesecake Factory and then maybe some Wii Bowling.

* * *

Priya was snuggled on the couch beside Leonard when Sheldon breezed through.

"Don't make yourself comfortable Leonard, we are nearing time to leave. Am I to understand Raj and Howard are meeting us there since they are not presently here?"

Leonard looked up, confused, "Raj said you were stuck on something today and cancelled. That's why Priya is here."

"I did no such thing. Don't you think I would have notified you all, en masse, if that were the case? Now, get ready. It's time to go." Sheldon went to his room to grab a jacket. Though it was June, he wanted to be prepared for the chill of the air conditioning in the restaurant.

Wrapping his arm around Priya, Leonard got cozy on the couch. He wasn't going to give into Sheldon, even if he didn't know what was going on. His comfort was brought up short by a knock at the door.

"Hello, Leonard Hofstader." Cera said softly, even though she was surprised.

"Uh, hello uh…Sarah was it?" Leonard eyed the petite woman, in the lavender sundress.

"No, Cera with a 'k' named for Ceridwen, the Welsh enchantress. She's considered to be the Celtic goddess of rebirth and inspiration. But I'm not really a goddess because if I was I think I'd be a bit taller, though I do hope I can inspire wisdom in others, even if it's not through the potion, Awen. May I see Sheldon?" Cera babbled nervously. She had thought Leonard was encouraged to be somewhere else.

"Um, ok." Thinking this evening was getting even stranger, Leonard wasn't sure how to respond to that.

Priya cleared throat from the couch.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you Leonard's Priya?" Cera chirped, peeking around behind Leonard.

"I suppose you could call me that." Priya replied warily to the stranger.

"Priya this is Cera…Tollman? Cera this is Priya Koothrapali." Leonard still wasn't certain if he got her name right.

"Oh, you're Raj's sister. Lovely. He's funny. Well, I guess he's funny. One time I saw him and he was funny through Howard. The other time he was tipsy and a bit silly. But yeah, I liked him." Cera said as if she had just made up her mind to that fact.

"So Cera, how is it you know Leonard." Never one to beat around the bush, Priya needed to know why this blonde was interrupting her evening.

"Oh, I met him briefly when Penny introduced me. We talked physics." Cera offered brightly.

Leonard was flabbergasted by her, they had only exchanged three sentences that one time. Unsure if he needed to be on the defensive, since this was Penny's friend, he offered little in reply. "Uh, sure."

"Though, I'm sorry I never did get to see your work. I'm sure yours was lovely too, even if Sheldon can't see it." Cera whipped around to Priya. "Do you like to watch him work? It can be a like watching art transpire."

"Yes, I suppose it could be." Even having been introduced, Priya was unsure of this intruder and kept Leonard between them.

Leonard studied Cera, unsure of this odd presence or what it had to do with Sheldon. She seemed non-threatening. Even if she was a little weird.

"May I see Sheldon now?" Cera requested politely.

"Uh, sure." Leonard was ready to be done with both this strange woman and Sheldon.

"Olivia! What, why are you here?" Sheldon was carrying his jacket and was unsure of what he had just walked in on. It was bad enough she had plagued his mind all day now she was actually in his home.

"We need to talk…privately." Cera was wide eyed and smiling.

"This isn't a good time. We were just on our way to the Cheesecake Factory." Sheldon gestured to the door, jacket in hand.

"Not…tonight" Cera's words were soft before turning to Leonard. "Leonard, may I borrow your apartment?"

"It's my apartment too, and no you may not." Sheldon answered for him.

"Well, I guess not." Leonard took Sheldon's lead.

Deciding she wasn't going let this evening turn out like the evening with Amy, Cera decide on a different method. She really was tired of playing around with this.

"How about you take your love to get some ice cream?" Cera said sweetly as she produced a hundred dollar bill from her purse. She hated this tactic and those who used it, but it got attention.

"He's lactose intolerant." Sheldon answered for Leonard. He really didn't want to be alone with her right now.

"Greek yogurt with some fruit and honey wouldn't go amiss then."

"Still lactose intolerant." Leonard followed up. He'd had grad students pay him to get time with Sheldon, but they usually didn't start with the big bucks.

"Good, then the yogurt shouldn't bother you. It has low lactose and high incidence of live active cultures that should make it edible for you. Have you considered that your lactose intolerance may be a symptom and not the disease?" Cera heard symptoms and her mind started providing ailments and remedies.

"What?! Sheldon, what is-" Leonard was overwhelmed by the audacity of this chick.

"Wait…" Priya tried to intervene in what seemed like a stressful encounter.

"She's not wrong Leonard. Medicine is the one subject I wouldn't argue with her." Cera rolled her eyes at Sheldon's statement. He might not argue, but he would strongly suggest. Though she was flattered that he would speak positively about her to someone else.

"She can't just come in here and pay me to leave and offer me dairy. Do you want me to leave you alone with her?" Leonard eyed Cera dubiously.

"I've learned one can offer money for a great many things and I've considered using monetary motivation as a mean to get you to leave myself. As for being left with her-" Sheldon started.

"Sheldon. Please. An hour, tops." Cera clasped her hands and pleaded.

"Very well." He was not happy with the situation, but saw no other way to get around this.

"Oh, uh, Priya." Leonard grabbed his keys and led his girlfriend out, but turned back for the outstretched hundred.

"Is this necessary?" Sheldon looked at Cera crossly.

"Absolutely. Please sit." When they were teens in Germany, Cera watched him circle a table with a studios glint before deciding where to sit. His precision in seating choice hadn't changed since, so she knew he would have a spot in his own home.

"I've researched the reasons why a former coital partner would contact you. You want to resume a relationship, are in need of an ego boost, or you want what is referred to as a booty call. Or you are in need of emotional closure." Sheldon spoke to Cera who sat next to him where he sat ramrod straight in his spot.

Cera nearly choked when Sheldon said booty call. "I don't…not…really any of those."

"I'm sorry to come at you like this. I was… This was supposed to go so differently." Cera closed her eyes. "And I…I need to explain…me before, before anything else. I've…had a therapist for years and she's helped me to…be myself.

"At which point are you implying that you were not yourself?" Sheldon wasn't sure why she felt the need to tell him this, or what to do with the information. He gave little thought to the softer sciences and even less to free emotional expression, so had no desire to discuss her 'therapy.'

"Most of my life…My parents are hippies. Mom made a life out of being this…sultry bohemian. Life was 'follow your bliss', 'if it feels good do it' and 'go with the flow.' There was an unhealthy emphasis placed on romantic entanglements and sex. I guess they thought since I resembled momma, it would be cute for me to emulate her.

"So I was encouraged to be impulsive, emotional, and free flowing, too. I just wasn't equipped to deal with life when, things happened. I started to unravel when we lost Galen and you saw what that looked like. It got worse when my mother wanted me to continue in a questionable relationship because, well, 'Love.' Which really isn't an answer, or a good reason for mistreatment. I finally figured out it wasn't realistic or productive to spend my time following my gut and how I felt about everything. That came at the same time I needed to prove I was a grown up. Only on TV would people tolerate an adolescent doctor. So I separated from my family, put away my overindulged emotional state and the expression of it." Cera's hair was loose and she fiddled with it as she spoke.

"So it, you…Olivia is all an elaborate ruse?" Sheldon was trying understand the implications of what she explained. He knew that living life willy-nilly with no regard to structure wasn't good, but he hadn't considered the personal implications. At least Cera had seen the error of such a life and attempted to correct it.

"No, not at all. I _am_ Olivia. I prefer Olivia." Cera took a deep breath. She had never considered herself a liar. Merely that she was maturing and progressing as people are wont to do. "The name change is just because Ceridwen is my first name. I got tired of correcting people. As for my…behavior, it was more suppression than anything. I was running more on logic than emotion at the time. I never told you anything that was a lie. I was just being, what I thought, a conservative adult was. I was hurt worse, by reasoning my way through decisions, I suppose because I thought myself immune to emotional pain. I've had to learn to balance logic and emotion. Both provide vital information and just focusing on one or the other is an incomplete picture." Cera's eyes were already stinging with unshed tears and she hadn't even gotten to the hard part yet. Her eyes were focused on the strands of hair she wove. She took several deep breaths to prevent herself from shaking, but it wasn't working.

Ever perceptive, Sheldon noticed the trembling of Cera's hands. "Are you affected by a neurological disorder?"

"Uh, No."

"Then why are you shaking?"

"Because I'm about to give you the best, most important thing I have."

"I'm not really sure what you could have that could be so important that I would be interested. And you know I don't like gifts."

Sheldon wasn't usually very adept at reading facial cues but he pretty certain that the tears running down her face weren't a good thing.

"Don't, don't say that." Cera's harsh whisper brought Sheldon up short. "You know I have Merritt, right. We talked about her, about getting her IQ tested."

"I remember. And I'm sure you and that other fellow have raised a passable child, even if he wouldn't marry you." Discussing her child again would make Sheldon more uncomfortable than her tears already were, so he really didn't want to.

Cera furrowed her brow. Sheldon didn't even give her the opportunity to get to the point before jumping in. "What other fellow? Who wouldn't marry me?"

"The one you began seeing after you decided your dramatic claim was actually erroneous. When we discussed your progeny's IQ in Penny's apartment, you insinuated he wouldn't marry you."

"That-no." Cera shook her head in confusion. "I meant what I said, so there was no one else. Merritt belongs to you."

"What could you have said that would have any bearing on me being a candidate for your daughter's paternity?" What Cera had just insinuated seemed implausible for many reasons. Not the least of which was, if he was a father would he have known before now?

"I told you...something that eluded to exclusivity that I won't repeat again. There was no one else. Merritt is your daughter." Cera spoke softly, her voice dropping as she went.

"So you're saying, because of your proclamation, Missy's eyes were deceiving her when she saw you with a gentleman at Tracks Bar and Grill?" While Sheldon knew Missy wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, she wasn't a liar.

"I really, have no idea what you're talking about." Cera sobbed out. He thought she was with someone else? What kind of woman did he think she was? She really didn't expect him to be interested in the 'distraction' of a child, but she really didn't expect him to think she was promiscuous. He didn't even seem to be accepting the words she was saying. Cera hung her head defeated. At this point, why argue? "We'll just have the test taken and then you can sign the petition to terminate your parental rights." She said with a tear in her voice.

"Taking a test has no bearing on the event in question. So Missy was fabricating events? She invented this…this man whom you were so intimately attached to." Sheldon recounted everything she had described to a 'T' "He had shaggy, chin length hair. He was wearing a brown and white plaid shirt and blue denims. You were sitting in his lap. You were...were...kissing...His neck. You left not long after that." His voice trailed away. He had never voiced any of this before. Sheldon hated his mind's ability to imagine that event and was disgusted by the way it made him feel. While he thought he would be pleased if this was a misunderstanding, he wasn't sure he could shoulder what it meant.

Cera wracked her brain attempting to remember going to the restaurant with anyone other than Sheldon. She had gone with a pretty sizable group from work. And once with just a few of the ladies. And just before she left. "Elliott?"

"Ah, so now you remember." Sheldon's stomach turned. He wasn't certain if it was disappointment with the other man or relief for not being...he could hardly think it.

"Of course I remember Elliott, he's my surrogate brother."

"Oh...eww." Sheldon wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Not a blood brother...and not…just, no. I was heartbroken and hormonal. I cried _all_ the time. That would be what she saw. I was crying on his shoulder. He came to take me home. You've met him"

"So...you did...not have-." He wasn't sure why, but he felt relieved that she hadn't been involved with another man.

"No." Cera looked him in the eye, hoping he grasped her honesty and what it meant.

"So, um, this daughter is...Um? Ho boy. How?" Unaccustomed to being slow to interpret information, but he didn't want to leave any room for error.

"She is yours. I think three days of food poisoning negated the birth control." Cera watched Sheldon swallow hard, blink rapidly over blown pupils and start breathing rapidly.

"Sheldon, if you can hear me, put your head between your knees." Reaching in her purse Cera pulled out a paper bag. She talked him through what she was doing, touching him very little, to prevent Sheldon from passing out.

Sheldon was still clutching the bag even after he started to look more present.

"I figured I owed you one." Cera said, trying to lighten the moment. Sheldon merely nodded.

Cera broke the silence after a few moments. "Sheldon, How did you know when I left Houston?

He took a deep breath before answering not really knowing what to say. "Olivia, certainly you know that-"

He was going to give one of his long, multi-syllabic, egotistical reasons that answered nothing. She didn't feel like employing methods of getting an actual answer from him-gentle coaxing, challenging him, or her last resort, threaten. "You know it doesn't really matter."

After a few more moments of silence in which Sheldon's eyes never left the bag in his hand, he spoke. "I'm, I'm sorry. I'm not certain I'm having the correct response to this."

"There isn't really a correct response. Well, I guess babies are supposed to be happy things. But I think different circumstances create different responses. Since everything was so unconventional, there is no precedent."

"You think I'm unconventional?"

"No, we were unconventional. Together. I mean we weren't even friends were we?"

Sheldon swallowed hard. "No, not, not formally."

"After years of thinking about it, I decided we were just using each other. I mean you didn't ever really...seem to...anyway. I thought...hoped...I had been using you, but I wasn't. I just genuinely liked being with you."

"Olivia, I don't, I didn't..." For the first time he was absolutely at a loss for what to do or say. It seemed as though he should express his feelings, but having never put stock in such things, he didn't know what he felt, then or now. He certainly didn't know as to how to express them.

"Don't, don't speak right now. You are excellent at thinking fast and providing that information instantly. But I want you to think about this. I don't want a knee jerk reaction. I always wondered if you meant what you said before or if just a reaction to... what I said. But I don't want to wonder about this. I don't want to push you into anything, but know that whatever you decide…to be a dad or not, is permanent. Call me when you are ready. " Cera laid an envelope on his coffee table and left.

After a few minutes of staring at the envelope Sheldon picked it up with shaking hands. Her hand writing across the front was familiar thought different, older.

'Mutantur omnia nos et mutamur in illis.' He recognized the quote. "All things are changed, and we are changed with them." The words were Latin, the quote, in this form, dated back to the Reformation and its origins were…Germanic. He wondered if her choice of the German reference was purposeful.

Inside was a letter folded in thirds. When he pulled it from the envelope there was a yellow sticky note the said Per Your Request.

It wasn't a letter at all, but a list of subjects, the range and corresponding numbers. It was the IQ test of Merritt Lise Tollman. She wasn't a genius, but was above average in nearly everything. There were a few subjects she did spike in to elevated intelligence.

There were also two photos. He wasn't sure what to think of the sleeping, dark haired baby. He didn't think she was very old, but he knew nothing about baby ages. The other photo made his heart stop. It was a dark haired girl from the waist up. She had her hand on her hip and a huge smile. She smiled so much like Cera, her nose was more like his, but her eyes were amazing. Not a dark enough blue to be Cera's or clear enough blue to be his own, they were a shade and shape he knew only on MeeMaw.

He studied the photo for several minutes, picking out the familiar. She had a stance that reminded him of Missy. Whenever Missy got into one of her prissy moods, Meemaw would call her Sassy Miss Missy. Sheldon was pretty sure Cera was too tranquil to be sassy. He ran his finger over the photo; the girl's smile lit her face like Cera's did. While genetics didn't interest him as a science and held little for him until they perfected cloning, it really was an amazing natural occurrence.

He placed the photo back in its envelope with the other contents and leaned his head back in the couch, still clutching the envelope. This far outdid anything he could have guessed or apparently researched. That will teach him to take advice from Yahoo! Answers.

When Leonard entered the apartment later he looked around. "What was that about?"

"We had personal business to attend to." Sheldon held his envelope close.

"With her? Like what?" Leonard's distaste for her coming through in his voice.

Sheldon wasn't going to flinch. Merritt was not a secret, she was a…treasure…to protect. So he stood and pocketed the envelope…her picture. "Don't you think if it had concerned you she would have extended an invitation to stay, instead of paying for your absence?" Sheldon went to the kitchen to gather a snack. He had missed dinner, but that hardly seemed to matter now.

"I just don't want you to get tied up with some fangirl, grad student or whatever she is. It's not normal to pay someone to leave their own apartment. She just seems shifty to me." Leonard watched as Sheldon pulled out water and a pack of peanut butter crackers. This was unusual behavior for Sheldon, something was going on.

"You know nothing about her. Keep you uninformed opinions to yourself." Sheldon pointed sternly at Leonard before he stomped to his room, his treasure still tucked safely away in his pocket.

He pulled Merritt's current photo from the envelope and leaned it against the lamp on his nightstand. He typically detested eating in his room, but he needed to be alone. He had a problem to solve and it wasn't on the white board, it was the girl staring back at him with MeeMaw's eyes.

As distressing as this should seem, it felt…not normal, because Sheldon was far too superior for that. He could never be average and clearly his child was above that as well, but it felt…natural. There was an organic feel to having a physical manifestation of himself. One that was created with a woman who was at onetime was his…preferred…non-family member.

* * *

When Sheldon awoke from a night of quality REM sleep he considered he just dreamed last night, but looking over, Merritt was still smiling at him from the night stand. The events of yesterday were surreal, his reactions, or lack thereof even more so. Cera gave him news that should have put him in the fetal position for hours. Instead, his body actually surged with energy and his mind was clear. He instinctively reached for the high bran cereal, but his hand instead went to the much tastier Fruity Pebbles that were only for appointed days of whimsy. It tasted good.

Sheldon just wished the light feeling he'd had for the last two days would carry over into his personal interactions. Wolowitz had launched the seventh insult of the day at him and it was only lunch time. He had spent minimal time with Wolowitz and thinking back, could consider no time at which they had had any interaction that could be construed as negative.

"Yeah, well, you're not much of a man are you?" Howard snatched up his lunch tray and stormed off. He just couldn't be near Sheldon. He knew Cera told him about Merritt and was waiting for the man to make a move of some sort. Instead Sheldon did nothing, holding Cera and Merritt captive, not letting them move forward in life, with or without him.

"Should I infer from that loud outburst that Wolowitz is angry with me? All I said was I didn't want to involve myself. The turf war is between the Geology Department and the Chemistry Department. I don't care who gets the extra lab space."

Raj merely grunted and went the way of Howard. Leonard looked lost and shrugged.

It came to a head in the hall outside his office. After a few heated words, Howard braced his forearm across Sheldon's chest. Normally Sheldon could have shaken him off based on size, but he was startled.

"She deserves better than this." At first Sheldon was unsure what Howard was referencing, but quickly his mind reminded him of what he was neglecting. It hadn't even occurred to him to question Howard's knowledge.

Not knowing which female Howard was referring to, Sheldon whispered "I know," knowing both of them did.

Sheldon's admission brought Howard up short. Looking Sheldon over, he noticed the unfamiliar look of fear on his face. Sheldon wasn't being callous, he wasn't being a jerk, he was terrified.

Howard noticed Sheldon was fumbling with something, an envelope. It was rugged as though he'd handled it a lot, and possibly carried it around. Then Sheldon did the most fatherly thing; he showed Howard Merritt's pictures. All of Howard's anger suddenly came up short. He considered gloating and telling Sheldon he had spent considerable time with his daughter while he was being a jerk, but instead he took pity on the man.

"I know, Sheldon, she's lovely. And smart too. She would like you a whole lot."

"I don't... Don't know what to do. What if I'm not good enough? All I know of fatherhood, is what I saw from my own father and he was deplorable. And I've already surpassed him in my failings, by becoming what is referred to as a "deadbeat dad.""

"I think you get a pass on the whole deadbeat thing if you don't know. And I'm certain Cera would never refer to you like that. Talk to her. She can help you."

Sheldon thought the engineer might be on to something. When had Sheldon Lee Cooper ever run from a topic simply because he didn't know it? He liked a puzzle. He could always learn to be a good father. He could read about it. Study it. Master it. He smiled at the idea. Yes, if he applied himself, he should be able to learn such a thing. As long as it wasn't like driving. But he may try that again as well.

"Thank you, Howard." Sheldon stepped in his office with confidence, where there was once fear. He felt as if the last gear had shifted into place. He spent the rest of the day with a pleasant clarity. The equation on his board that had taunted him all week were solved. Things hadn't come this easily since the Arctic.

* * *

"I imagine you'll hear from Sheldon soon." Howard explained to Cera while Merritt was preoccupied with Raj and a custom layout of constellations for her room.

Raj had surprised himself in being able to talk to Merritt, even if he still couldn't communicate with her mother.

"Why? What did you do?" Cera eyed Howard warily.

"We may or may not have had a bit of an altercation outside of his office. I believe we are dealing with more of a confidence issue than an absentee father." Howard wouldn't meet her eyes, choosing instead to play with the ring on Bernadette's finger.

"Howard! He just found out about her. He just needs to adjust to…whatever this means for his future. I had seven months to adjust to thoughts of being a parent before she was born. It's a lot to adjust to." Taking a hard look at Howard she confronted him on a suspicion she had about his motivations "He's not _your_ father. He had months of pregnancy and 11 years of being a dad to know what he was walking away from, too…Surely I can give Sheldon little time. I don't like it, it's not…easy, but I can be patient. For a little while anyway." Cera wiped a tear off of her face as she walked out to get air.

"Howie, is that true? You're afraid Sheldon will be like your dad?" At Howard's nod, Bernadette added, "I think its sweet you want to protect them from that, but you've got to let this play out naturally. You and Raj going around pissed at Sheldon isn't helping. Even Cera's not that angry with him. And for what it's worth, I think you're wrong. Anyone who can get that territorial over 'his' spot, or 'his' food is going to take care of 'his' kid."

"I hope so, Bernie." Howard pulled her in for a squeeze.

* * *

Sheldon couldn't remember ever being this overwhelmed or frightened. There had been many things in his life that gave him cause for those feelings, but nothing had been this real and this final all at once. As a child he had been overemotional. Often overwhelmed by things he couldn't process or events he over processed, so he cried and raged. Psychiatrists found ways for him to slow his emotions down and distance himself from that which nearly crippled him. Kolihnar, though fictional, was a concrete enough concept for him to execute. It kept the outside from seeing his emotional frailty, for this it wasn't working.

He wanted to meet Merritt. He wanted to be a father, but he was afraid he couldn't. He had a stack of books and several windows open on his laptop, all with research. Parenting, child development, how to be a father, none of it was returning results that eased his nerves. He was going to have to call for outside help.

"Good evening Sheldon. May I assume from the unscheduled phone call that something is amiss?"

"Greetings Beverly, since neither one of us enjoys banal chit chat I cut right to the so called 'chase.' I find myself curious as to how one might go about parenting a nine year old girl."

"Sheldon that is too specific a request to have no basis. As we both know you have no ability to create a believable falsehood without days of research and a script, please state your need directly."

"Very well. It seems as though, when I was a young man, at a time a when my hormones were able to dominate my better judgment, I gave into my baser urges and inadvertently created progeny."

"Have you done the necessary test to confirm that said offspring, is indeed yours?"

"Not yet, though her mother seems amendable to having the test run. However having seen photographs of her, I feel very confident that she is, in fact, mine. She seems to carry more of my own genetic markers and those of my family than of her mother."

"I still encourage a test. Genetic psychology would have us looking for similarities in offspring and attaching to traits we perceive to be our own. At times erroneously. Do you intend to assist in the raising of said child?"

"I...I'm not certain that I possess that ability. That's the purpose of my contacting you. I need more information on parenting."

"Am I to understand you have yet to meet the child in question?"

"That's correct. Her mother doesn't want me to involve myself if I don't intend to be a permanent fixture within her life."

"That is a thoughtful request. It suggest she is seeking to keep the child in a stable environment. Does she seem like a capable provider? How well aquatinted are you with the child's mother?"

"I knew her much better at the... Uh...time of conception."

"I believe you really think that. What was it about this woman that led you to such a weak and impulsive act?"

"It was not impulsive. It was a researched and planned experiment."

"You didn't think to research and plan contraception?"

"Of course we did. She is a physician and very capable of procuring and taking said contraception, we just became the percentage caught in the uncovered takers."

"I take it you were partaking of oral contraceptives. Those are notoriously less reliable than one would think. I credit them with the conception of Leonard."

"That would imply that you were engaging in coitus for pleasure when Leonard was conceived."

"While my lackadaisical behavior at the time is inexcusable, I was a younger woman and got carried away in a tactile experiment with Richard. I was caught up in the promise of orgasm."

"Yes well, coitus can do that, even to the best of us."

"Indeed, Now about nine year old females…"

While Beverly had been quite logical he found some of her instruction…lacking. She would have him behaving in such a way that was nothing like the soothing, encouraging behavior of his own mom or MeeMaw. Some, while sounding interesting and amusing in consideration to Leonard, proved to be things he didn't think he could follow through with in Merritt's case. Finally, he had an idea about what being a father was and as not to him.

Beverly also asked him a number of questions that left his mind reeling. Was her birth natural or cesarean? Was she breast fed? Was her mother able to finish her education? If so what type of child care did the child have? Sheldon realized he had a lot of questions to ask Cera. He also wondered for the first time, how much had having Merritt affected her. There was only one way to find out.

* * *

"Hello?"

"Hello, Ceridwen Olivia Tollman. This is Doctor Sheldon Cooper."

Cera had to remember to breathe before replying. "Hi Sheldon...You can call me Liv, you know." He never would settle for calling her an abbreviation, so she didn't expect him to now.

"Very well. Olivia, I find myself in need of more information." Sheldon's statement caused Cera to deflate. He still hadn't decided on Merritt. She hoped the fact that he asked was a good sign though.

"Sure, what do you need to know?"

"Well to start, why Merritt Lise?"

"I wanted a strong name for her. Merritt was the first female physician recorded by name. Of course, I changed the spelling from the original Egyptian. Her middle name, Lise, served two purposes. One it was similar to yours. Two it was another strong woman of science and though she was overlooked for the Nobel she made great discoveries and was eventually recognized with a Fermi."

"Meintner? Really?"

"Yes. What else do you need to know?"

"Well…"

* * *

Saturday morning after Dr. Who, Sheldon stared into his closet. After a very informative conversation with Cera, they decided to introduce him to Merritt. He was scared and worried, because he hadn't planned for this intrusion, but it felt right. He wanted to look his best for Merritt. Cera had told him once that blue suited him. He had the odd thought of wondering how she would phrase that now, knowing she has a vocabulary of descriptive, flowery words.

They met at the park. Sheldon took his fighting kite, so he could tell Leonard he was going to practice maneuvers. Leonard asked no questions, which was unlike him.

Cera was sitting barefoot on a bench beside a pretty young girl. She was even more amazing in person. He had never had more of a desire to touch someone than in this moment. He just needed to verify that she was indeed real.

"Oh, Hi Sheldon." Cera hadn't notice Sheldon's approach.

"Hello." He felt unusually awkward and shy.

"Merritt, this is…an acquaintance Sheldon Cooper. Sheldon this is Merritt."

Merritt stuck out her hand as good manners would indicate. Sheldon took her hand and shook it, though it was practice he usually despised. Her hand was small and warm with fingers that just barely curled under the bottom of his palm. She was indeed an actual person. An amazing, real, live person.

"What do you have?" Merritt indicating the multi-colored kite in Sheldon's hand.

"It's a Patang fighting kite." Sheldon held the kite aloft for her to inspect.

"Why would a kite fight?" Merritt studied Sheldon instead of the kite.

"It a competition between two or more individuals to prove superiority in flying. The object is to ground, capture, or cut the string of the competition."

"Oh, if you have a kite shouldn't you fly it? Or do you only do that if you can fight?" Merritt ran her hand on the edge of the kite.

Cera stepped away from father and daughter, pleased they seemed to be taking to each other. She pulled out a camera and started snapping pictures.

"Momma takes pictures of everything. It's a miracle I'm not blind from camera flash." Merritt watched Sheldon get his kite into the sky.

After a beat Sheldon said softly, "She always did." He was watching his daughter covertly out of the corner of his eye, paying no attention to the kite tugging at the handle in his hand.

After a few moments Merritt looked up at him and said softly "I know who you are."

"Oh?" He wasn't certain what the girl, his daughter, meant by this. Did she know he was a physicist? One of the smartest people in the world? His Halo avatar? He said nothing else as he was lost in his thoughts.

If he didn't possess Vulcan hearing he may have missed the soft words she whispered. "You're my daddy." Though the words were soft the feeling they gave him were quite loud. He felt warm and pleasant and proud. This had to be better than the Nobel Prize.

"How... Why do you think that?" He was curious how she came to this conclusion, or did she just assume this of every man Olivia brought around. His stomach turned at that thought. He didn't want her to identify any other man as daddy.

"I recognize you. When I was four, I found a picture in momma's night stand. It was her and you standing outside. She was young and her hair was black, but I knew it was her. You're taller...but you have the same face. The back said me and Sheldon 1996. Under Sheldon it said noble um something that started with an L, but I couldn't sound that part out...When momma saw me with it she pointed at you and said you were my daddy...She took it, I never saw it again." Merritt said matter-of-factly.

"Laureate. It said Nobel Laureate." He paused to take in that Olivia thought that fifteen years ago. His current friends barely believed in him now. "Are you certain you recall correctly what you read at four?" Sheldon was trying to recall the average age for a beginning reader. Of course, he was younger when he began to read, but he thought she was still earlier than average.

"Of course, I remember everything momma ever told me about you."

Cera returned from taking photos. "Hey, how's the...kite?"

It took Sheldon a moment to answer as he was still considering the fact that Cera had told Merritt anything about him. He also wondered if it was anything positive. "Uh, it has remained airborne, so it is doing exactly as it was intended."

"Dad's great with a kite" Merritt casually replied.

Cera's eyes went wide and her hands clenched at her sides as she exclaimed "You told her!? I thought we were easing into this!"

"I did not." Sheldon disliked conflict and this felt like the beginnings of one.

"You did, momma." Merritt explained.

"I did no such thing. I distinctly said we were meeting an old contact of mine." Cera said tightly to Merritt.

Sheldon did not like hearing himself referred to so casually. Surely he merited more thought than that, they had a daughter together for goodness sake. Could she not at least say he was a friend, companion, even a treasured acquaintance sounded better. She had always called him friend before, even when acquaintance had been his preferred way of addressing her...oh. Oh. He grimaced at the thought.

"I know that. But you 'member that picture...the one from your room, when I was little. You said that was daddy, and here he is." Merritt explained.

"Oh...I hadn't...considered that you would remember that." Cera took a deep breath and looked at both Sheldon and Merritt. Stepping toward Sheldon, Cera dropped her voice and asked "Sheldon is this...is this ok with you? Are you ok?" Merritt seemed to be handling this surprisingly well. But that didn't mean Sheldon couldn't be overwhelmed and withdraw from her.

"I am ok...This is...remarkable."

"She...uh...doesn't have to...call you daddy if you're not comfortable or you don't...don't like it." Cera said her voice even lower.

"What else would she call me? I am her daddy. And I do like it. Very much."

"Oh, ok." Cera felt awkward. There just wasn't any precedent for how to handle such a situation.

"You told her about me?" He had a sinking feeling. What information had been passed to Merritt? Would she think less of him to know how...dishonorable he had been to her mother?

"A bit, here and there." At seeing the concern on his face she added "only a few fun facts. Ask her, she'll tell you. And you can fill in the blanks."

Turning back to Merritt he asked "Merritt what do you know about me?"

At the end of their outing Cera drove Sheldon home. The ride was quiet, but not awkwardly so. Everyone just feeling thoughtful. Sheldon thought over all the things Merritt revealed knowing about him. She knew he was from Texas, that he was a genius, a scientist, good at video games, liked trains, his dislike for three-tined forks, amongst other things.

His love for trains had led to an interesting discussion about Merritt's travels to California the previous year. He was certain she could easily be a train lover, too.

"Good-bye daddy." Merritt called from the back seat.

"Good-bye Merritt." Sheldon waved to her through the glass. He then approached the driver's seat to speak to Cera. She stood just outside the door.

"Why did you tell her so much? Why didn't you tell her I was...mean?"

"You weren't mean, Sheldon. You just voiced an honest opinion in a harsh way. And while it was difficult for me, it has nothing to do with her."

"Oh…well….thank you, Olivia. For today."

"Sure." Cera smiled softly and sat back in the Jeep.

* * *

Howard had just blown Sheldon's head off, on screen, but the playful banter let Sheldon know it was not malicious. Nothing had been said about their interactions at work the day before. Because of the ease of interactions between him and Howard, Sheldon assumed Cera had given him a positive report. Raj seemed to have caught Howard's improved mood, as he too had positive exchanges with Sheldon. Sheldon would need to ask Cera about that.

This had turned in to a pleasant evening to end the most surprising of days. The guys were all gathered in his living room eating and playing, just like old times. Amy had mentioned a girl's night, but he had hardly noticed. All he knew was the equilibrium within the group seem to have righted itself and Cera was with their daughter. Their daughter.

The game was interrupted by Sheldon's phone. "Hello, Dr. Sheldon Cooper."

"Sorry to bother you again Sheldon, but Merritt wanted to say goodnight before she went to bed." Cera's voice came through the phone.

"Oh, well that's not a bother at all." Sheldon had a soft smile as he excused himself from the living room.

"Hello? Daddy? It's my bed time."

"Hello. Your mother told me it was your bed time. It's important for you to get adequate REM sleep."

"I will. You get good REM sleep too. Good night."

Sheldon suppressed his urge to correct her grammar, but thought better of it. He decided to ask Cera about parental interactions among other things. He planned to start a list as soon as he got off the phone.

"Thank You Merritt. Good night. May I speak with your mother again?"

"Hello?" Cera was surprised Sheldon wanted to speak with her again.

"Olivia?"

"Yes?"

"May I see Merritt, again?"

"Of course, Sheldon."

"No, I mean tomorrow."

Cera paused for a bit, she was elated that he had taken to Merritt so well, but she wasn't ready for Sheldon to take over her life with his demands and schedules. "Don't you have something planned?"

"While I did play paintball on Sunday's that has become less and less frequent. I did have tentative plans to do 'something' with Leonard that have yet to come to any fruition. So I suppose I don't. When would you be available?"

Cera heaved a sigh, glad he at least asked, though his assumption that the answer was yes was a bit forward. He had been more presumptuous in the past.

"Merritt practices piano twenty minutes in the morning, she'll practice baton in the afternoon, and she needs to get prepared for her week. Other than that we don't have any plans."

"Excellent. You can bring her here. We will have lunch."

Cera wasn't certain if she was involved in these plans or not. Nor was she sure he was taking in the full ramifications of having a nine year old girl in his home. "Sheldon, I'm not certain your apartment is child friendly."

"Of course it's child friendly. What could be more child friendly than DC Comics and video games?"

"Yeah, but can she play with any of them? I don't know if you remember, but nine year olds aren't the most graceful of creatures."

"Oh, well…I can just come over there then."

After confirming plans with Cera and bidding farewell to his friends Sheldon got ready for bed. It had been a surreal day. For all the things he had imagined and prepared for, he had never considered this possibility. He didn't think he would mind though. Of course now he had extra plans to make though. This week he needed to make disaster survival bags for them.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: I dont' own BBT. **

Chapter 22

Sunday had been quite an experience for Sheldon. He had been shown everything in Merritt's room including stars from "Mr. Raj," who surprisingly spoke aloud to her, and a robot she built with "Mr. Howard." Sheldon felt a bit indignant that his friends were aware of his progeny before he was. He understood that it was merely due to their prying. He found it interesting that the engineer discovered, and pursued the information, and even more so that Howard was actually supportive and helpful.

From a place on Cera's sectional that he deemed as his 'spot', Sheldon watched Cera interact with Merritt. She was warm, patient and encouraging. Cera made everything an adventure for Merritt and he was enamored by it. He had even found himself sucked into a few rounds of Just Dance 2, while the girls danced around him.

In the kitchen, Sheldon helped Cera clean-up after dinner. Assistance in cleaning seemed a fair exchange for a home cooked meal. He was surprised the preparation was uneventful, given Cera's habit for dangerous cooking, but glad it was hygienic.

"I wonder why Merritt didn't eat much, usually she loves Hawaiian chicken." Cera scrubbed a pan in the sink.

"Perhaps, it was the salt content of your teriyaki sauce." Sheldon turned back to drying a pot, but not before Cera could see the twitch in his eye.

"No, I don't think it's that. You ate it…Sheldon, what did you do?" Cera studied him up close.

"Me? Why would you assume I would have anything to do with it? Children are notoriously unpredictable in their eating habits." Sheldon tried to keep his face from twitching. He didn't mean to disrupt Merritt's food consumption, he just wanted to share something with his daughter.

"What did you give her?" Cera knew that look too well, he was guilty and trying to talk his way out of it.

"It was just a few Red Vines. She misled me. She told me two would not spoil her appetite."

"Hun, you really can't trust a child to know what's best for themselves when it comes to candy. And you really should know better than to offer unscheduled sweets, it could cause digestive distress." Cera was trying hard to suppress a grin. Knowing Sheldon was just being sweet to Merritt and she hadn't snuck her own snacks, she felt more amused than upset. "What did she think of them?"

"She agreed they were superior to your preferred abomination, Twizzlers."

Cera laughed and returned to washing a plate.

From his spot in the kitchen Sheldon could see Merritt playing Lego Star Wars III. When he had begun to consider progeny last year, his vision of the perfect child had fallen short. This assuredly had to be the ideal child. She was beautiful, smart, caring, confident and fun. The sharp wit and cunning mind she clearly inherited from him, the rest he would attribute to Cera, seeing as he had been absent from Merritt's life. Cera was a good and devoted mother.

"Olivia, do you think it would be beneficial for us to marry?" He had spent some time since the discovery of Merritt considering the proper action. Surely Cera needed support. An arrangement that allowed for him to fulfil his duties as a father seemed to be ideal.

"Beneficial?" Cera felt as though she could barely breathe. How this man always seemed to take tender occasions and twist them until they hurt was beyond her.

"Yes, it would allow for easier joint parenting, financial support, and would ensure Merritt's place in the Cooper family."

"No. I don't think…that would benefit anyone…Are you ready to go? Merritt has a lot to do to get ready for her week." Cera needed to get away from this conversation. She wasn't anybody's obligation and neither was Merritt.

"Oh, uh, I suppose." Sheldon wondered why Cera wouldn't want to take advantage of his magnanimous offer. It was more change than he really wanted to make, but he did have a responsibility to his daughter and her mother.

* * *

The time between Sunday and Thursday had never seemed so long until Sheldon found himself missing Merritt. It didn't help that he knew that she, along with her mother, was with Zack this evening. She was actually at Braden's home 'jamming', but Zack was there. Merritt said she found him funny and Cera enjoyed his easy company. Upon inquiring what that meant and what type of association they had, Cera shrugged and said "Does it really matter?" That the day after the deferred question as to the benefits of them marrying didn't set well with him.

Sheldon was glad his restlessness went unnoticed. He was unsure about informing others of his current situation. Normally, Leonard would have noticed Sheldon's oddness, but Priya kept Leonard occupied nicely without her actual presence, even if Leonard was keeping odd hours. He thought perhaps Penny would've been around more without that harpies influence, but sightings of her had grown infrequent. She said she had "a lot on her mind" and was "working through some stuff."

Sunday evening, Sheldon had noticed he had missed a few calls from Amy while with Merritt. Sheldon had pondered if it was proper to have a companion of opposite sex as a parent. Recalling his parent's interactions the answer was a definite no, but he wasn't married to Cera so he was uncertain of the protocol in this scenario. He considered his resources for information and decided Howard might be helpful; he was aware of their situation and had experience with unmarried parents.

Howard had suggested that due to not dating either woman Sheldon shouldn't worry about associating with both, but he may want to be cautious for Merritt's sake. Apparently Howard had a bad experience with his mother dating when he was young. But his best advice was to ask Cera.

"I'm not going to prevent you from seeing Amy. You can date anyone you want as long as your relationships don't negatively affect Merritt." Cera was bewildered that in a matter of three day Sheldon could go from suggesting marriage to asking if it was "permissible to interact with other females."

"Do you?" He had expected her to dispute his request and felt…dissatisfied that she did not. Sheldon couldn't say that his thoughts concerning her were the same. Though why everyone insisted he was dating Amy, he couldn't fathom.

"Sporadically. I haven't in some time, though."

"Then you associations with Zack are not romantic in nature?"

"I don't know why it interest you, but we are…companionable." Cera wasn't sure if Sheldon was jealous or just looking for validation for his own actions. Either way it was disconcerting.

* * *

While Merritt didn't have that much influence on his schedule, he felt an alteration in the flow of events. Two days with her and a few brief, evening phone calls had upended everything. He found himself frequently thinking about her throughout the day. He wondered if she liked school, did she have friends, did she keep up with her studies? What was she eating for dinner and was it properly prepared? He considered things they could do together and questions he could ask her just to learn more about her.

Though he wasn't prepared to share his acquisition of a scion with Amy, he found his kinship with her deepened as he contacted her more frequently throughout the week. Sheldon had made a concerted effort to have in-depth discussions as he attempted to distract his mind from missing Merritt…and thinking about Cera. He found he was relying on Amy's consistency because he was confused with everything else. Were his minor interactions with Merritt enough to really be considered a daddy? Where did he stand with Cera, were they even friends? He liked things he could classify and his interactions with Cera was something he couldn't. Normally friends and affiliations were not things that concerned him, but when sharing a child it seemed important.

* * *

Cera was glad for the distraction of family and music Thursday. She had felt overwhelmed since Sheldon spoke of marriage. While it was encouraging he would consider settling down with her, it felt hollow knowing there was no emotion involved. He didn't want to marry her, just thought he ought to be around for Merritt. Cera had wanted to cry, but it would serve little purpose. It wasn't fair to force her overwhelming emotions on him, any more than it would be for him to deny the existence of them. She knew they needed to discuss many things, she just didn't know what angle to start from. How the past is impacting them, how they can manage things now, what this means for their future? She didn't know, but it needed to happen soon.

Penny's presence with Zack was interesting, but not quite unexpected. She had learned dance steps easily a few weekends before and then Cera pushed Zack to her. Penny fit in easily with her family acting as if her presence was a natural occurrence. She even gave a warm welcome to Merritt before the girl took off with her cousins, chatting excitedly about her daddy.

"Merritt seems to be dealing with this pretty good." Braden looked at Cera, she merely nodded.

"He's gonna man up and handle this?" Elliott weighed in gruffly.

Having her interest piqued Penny weighed in "You've talked to Merritt's dad?" Zack placed his hand on her shoulder and shook his head to restrain her. He may not be book smart, be he knew when _not_ to get into other's business.

"Yeah, uh, later ok?" Cera diverted. Sheldon should be the one to tell the remainder of his friends. She thought he should actually inform his family first and had told him as much, but wasn't sure where he stood with telling anyone.

The rest of the evening passed quickly goofing around and playing music. Sheldon wasn't brought up again, though Cera knew the guys wanted a little more explanation. Penny gave her curious looks on occasion, but the feeling was mutual. Cera, too, was brimming with curiosity, but knew they would tell her when they were ready, whatever it was.

* * *

The phone rang before Cera had pulled into her garage Friday evening. Sheldon hadn't been able to speak to Merritt the night before, so he was eager to get in touch with her.

"Hello?"

"Good evening, Olivia. I trust you are well."

"It's Friday, so yes, I am."

"I assume that your assertion about the day of the week is in relation its proximity to the weekend. And I concur. I was unable to speak with Merritt last evening so I was hoping to speak with her now. Also I would very much like to spend time with her tomorrow."

"I'm sure she would love to speak to you. I couldn't say whether I have anything planned tomorrow." Cera knew she didn't, but she wasn't going to let him dictate her schedule.

"Hello?" The young girl was eager to speak to her daddy. Now that she had one, she didn't like being apart from him.

"Hello, Merritt. How are you?" Few people were able to answer that question when Sheldon would genuinely listened. Meemaw was one, occasionally his mother, and now Merritt.

"…clear as dihydrogen monoxide." Sheldon explained the chemical reaction between Coke and milk. A reaction that fooled Leonard on numerous occasions. It was amazing the things he could convince his roommate to consume.

After a few beats of consideration Merritt shouted "Water? That would be water. Why say it like that?"

"Very good Merritt. It's just a very literal way of stating the chemicals in water. I'm impressed you can grasp that at your age." He too, was in the fifth grade at her age, before the year he spent in high school, and he clearly recalled them not discussing chemistry. He learned it through self-study as he felt sure Merritt did.

* * *

Sheldon sat the mashed potatoes on the table that he had thoroughly sanitized just moments before. Cera wasn't unclean, merely had a lot of work related clutter as she always had, but better safe than sorry. She was cleaning up a bowl of green beans she had dropped to the floor in the kitchen. He chuckled at her ability create a disaster when cooking. Time spent cooking with Meemaw years ago had actually improved her abilities, so that she wasn't starting every meal with an injury. As he settled at the round table, Sheldon found himself sharing another dinner with his new…family? He knew Merritt was his family, but was uncertain what that would make her mother. He would have to check into that.

Merritt could hardly sit still with the excitement of her dad eating with them. "Does this mean I can get a sister, now?"

Cera's fork clattered to her plate. "W-Why would you ask that?"

"Moms and dads make babies, right?" Merritt asked, wide eyed.

"Yes, but your father and I aren't really in, uh, a position to, uh." Cera looked at Sheldon, who didn't seem to detect the awkwardness.

"You can just put one in her stomach." Merritt gestured to Sheldon with her fork.

"No, no. This is not the-" Cera stumbled trying to diffuse the situation. Watching Sheldon she could see that Merritt's assertion had finally made it through.

"Your mom and I have no plans to engage in co-" Sheldon was brought up short by the taste of fingers on his mouth. He glared at Cera, indignant that she had stretched across the table to silence him. He hadn't expressed anything inaccurate, so he didn't think it warranted the contamination of his person, mid-meal.

Cera was going to have to discuss the knowledge base of a nine year old. Coitus wasn't part of it. It didn't seem as though it was part of his anymore either. This from the man who thought it would be 'beneficial' to get married last week.

* * *

Sheldon and Cera fell into a routine over the next week, quick meetings and bedtime phone calls. Sheldon would have liked to have been able to incorporate Merritt into his schedule, but Cera insisted her own schedule prohibited it. As it was, he had to settle for what he could get, which left him agitated. Apparently this agitation was noticed and relayed to his mother, leaving him to have a panicked phone call with her. He was glad his mommy couldn't see him because he had been reduced to twitch and flailing, but he was pretty certain she could hear his voice cracking and fluctuating.

When Cera answered the phone, she could tell Sheldon was flustered by the pitch of his voice. She managed to calm him with deep breaths and logic applied to make a tentative plan. He needed to tell his family about Merritt. Cera convinced Sheldon news of this magnitude was best done in person. Sheldon agreed and planned to invite his mom up as soon as possible. Maybe he could convince Meemaw to come, too.

* * *

Sheldon threw the door open, glad for the familiar faces, apprehensive about the news he was about to give them. Three weeks ago his life had an alteration of a monumental nature and now he was going to change theirs as well.

"We've been so worried about you, Shelly. Leonard called me on more than one occasion the last few weeks. You hadn't had a fallin' out with Amy again have you?" Mary squeezed him tightly as he gingerly patted her, before he led them to his couch.

"No, ma'am. Meemaw, you may sit in my spot." A slight giggle from a barstool alerted them to the presence of the petite blonde in the patchwork sundress.

"Oh, what pretty, blonde hair. This must be Penny." Meemaw smiled at Cera.

"No, momma, that's not Penny. Are you another one of Shelly's neighbors?" Mary responded to her mother while giving the young lady a once over.

"No, ma'am. I'm not." Cera had agreed to support him when he told his mother and Meemaw. While she had been alone to tell her parents, they had a much more relaxed world view and supported anything she wanted. She also figured the sight of a grandchild would help soften the blow. So Merritt was in Sheldon's room playing on her DS, until the discussion was over.

"Momma, Meemaw, perhaps you remember Dr. Tollman." Sheldon cut through the confusion.

"Oh, you mean to tell me that under all that hair is Liv?" Meemaw walked over to squeeze her tight before reclaiming Sheldon's spot.

"That's me, Olivia is actually my middle and I got tired of correcting people so I'm just going with my first now-Cera."

"That hair's really strikin', is it real?" Mary was still studying Cera, hard.

"Momma!" Sheldon may not be aware of many social niceties, but he _had_ learned you didn't ask a lady's age or if any of her was 'real.'

"She looks so different. I just wanted to know. So, what kind of name is 'Kay-ra'? Sounds like one of Shelly's super comics." Mary pushed for answers.

"Yes, my hair is real. Color, length all of it. Cera is short for Ceridwen. I was named for the Welsh enchantress that gave the gift of wisdom."

"Let's go with Olivia. I prefer that to that heathen name. Who came up with that?" Mary was still studying Cera hard.

"My mother. She's quiet unique." Cera didn't want to explain any further. Mary was the perfect age to be aware of who and what her parents are.

"Ah, so how'd you dig her back up, baby?" Mary turned to Sheldon.

"Actually, Olivia found me." Sheldon adjusted himself in the armchair uncomfortably.

"Did she now? And you finally let yourself be found." Mary grinned at him.

"What do you mean, momma?"

"Well, she called you bunches when y'all first split up. I don't know why you wouldn't answer 'cause you were just as moody as could be. You were impossible to live with. So I figure she only got you because you wanted her to." Mary studied Sheldon trying to determine where his head was in all this.

"That's all well and good Mary, but I need to know what's going on with Moonpie. You've had your momma an' me worried for months." Meemaw turned her attention to Sheldon

"Uh, well, you see...Olivia and I had, uh, was Cera a, uh, carnal relationship." Sheldon had a death grip on the arms of the chair and avoided looking at anyone.

"Oh dear Jesus. Sheldon you were sinning! I knew all that time you were spending with Junior was too good to be true. Did she talk you into this?" Mary was on her feet and pointed to Cera.

"No! It was a decision we both made, for ourselves and…it's hardly the issue." Sheldon mumbled. He knew his mother wouldn't be happy, but hadn't expected her to assume he was incapable of such a decision or turn on Cera.

"That's not the-what else...Sheldon?" Mary's exasperated voice had gone up in pitch.

Finally speaking, albeit softly, Cera explained, "Her name is Merritt Lise, she's nine and a half."

"You had a baby!?" Mary sat heavily, she felt weak. "Sheldon's baby?" she whispered, needing clarification.

Two quiet 'Yes' responded.

"Are you sure? I mean, sure, you need proof, Sheldon." This had to be wrong. Her son couldn't have done such a thing. Not her Shelly.

"I did have a test performed, but it merely proved what was apparent." Sheldon was watching Meemaw, who was observing the drama unfold. He didn't dare look towards his mother, yet.

Mary turned her attention toward Cera. "I asked your intentions towards my son. You said you just wanted to be his friend."

Remembering Sheldon's interaction with this girl, Mary wasn't sure she could have seen this coming. Liv didn't really touch him, she wasn't flirty, just thoroughly engaged him mentally and socially. She was just happy to exist right alongside him. He didn't shy away from her physically like he did others. She saw them hug twice, he was awkward, but not scared, not mad. None of that ever equaled to sex, though.

Mary assumed Sheldon had to have been seduced by Cera because Sheldon wasn't ever interested in such things and seemed sickened by the thought. She never even considered she needed to worry about Sheldon. He had textbooks on evolution hidden where Junior had skin magazines.

"We hadn't yet discussed anything beyond that at that occasion. Once we had, it seemed logical...at the time." Cera had trouble defending her twenty-one year old self, and the logic and words sounded foreign to her own ears. She shrank into herself on the barstool as Mary approached her.

"There is nothing logical about sex outside of marriage. And I don't mean 'cause it's wrong. I mean because it got three people hurt. The Lord don't like to see His children hurt. I'm not sure what kinda logic you used, but it musta been big because Shelly just isn't into…that."

Cera thought once again someone was selling Sheldon short and reducing him to a two dimensional character that suited themselves. Even she had done that in her expectations of reaction to Merritt and knew she needed to stop. She wondered how often that had happened in his life; that he was reduced to being a genius kid and he wasn't pushed or allowed to be anymore.

"I know." Cera chocked out softly. "The holes in my rationale became apparent very quickly. It did hurt a great bit, but the only hurt I'm really worried about is Merritt."

With hard eyes, Mary prodded Cera. "I don't know why you couldn't come and tell me. We could've taken care of you. You and Shelly could've had a pretty little wedding. He would have taken good care of you and…Merritt." That really was an odd name for a child and going to take some getting used to.

"I don't think you understand what I was to Sheldon, or rather what I wasn't."

"Now, I know things weren't easy. Things never are with Shelly, but I'm sure y'all could've worked through your little differences." Mary wasn't getting a satisfactory reason for the girl to have kept her from her grandchild. To keep Sheldon from his child.

"Mary, I wouldn't...marry a man out of...obligation. Nor have I ever needed someone to take care of me. Especially financially. However, the last time I saw Sheldon, things were much more…dire than petty differences, so none of that was ever a possibility."

"Oh, well…" Mary drew up short. There was something she was missing, but she had a pretty good idea the answer lay with her son. She moved over to Sheldon, who still wouldn't meet her eye.

"This is not something I expected from you. Explain this to me."

"I, uh, the thing…"

"Sheldon Lee Cooper!"

"It was an experiment. I wanted…I needed to know. Once….once I knew, it was done…so we stopped. I stopped."

"Why did that girl feel like she couldn't share your child with us?"

"Uh, recently it has come to my attention that I may have been, uh inconsiderate in the phrasing of my conclusion of the…" Sheldon didn't want to admit to his newly discovered feelings on the matter. Especially to his mother.

"English, Shelly."

"I was…mean to her. She went outside the terms of the agreement and I was…intimidated." Able to read her son better than most, she could see something he rarely displayed-regret. She wasn't certain if it was for Liv or the child, but it was a start.

Knowing Sheldon, Mary imagined he was putting it lightly. He never gave much credit to the effect of his words on people's feelings. In light of this, she owed the girl an apology. She imagined Sheldon left little to reconcile with the large words he entangled with his confusion and anger. In not expecting for Sheldon to ever be in this situation, Mary hadn't really given him any instructions on romance and on proper treatment of a lady.

Meemaw had drawn Cera to her, while Mary spoke with Sheldon. She observed the young lady watch Sheldon interact with his momma. Liv hadn't been this expressive when she was younger, but she could easily see the concern on her face now.

"You're fond of him." Meemaw stated.

"I…always have been." Cera didn't take her eyes of Sheldon through the exchange. She could see him tensing and was fretful. While she was glad to finally have this out, Cera was worried that his family would make an already awkward situation worse.

"He's a strong boy, Liv, he'll be fine. Sometime he just need's the not so gentle prodding of others to see sense." Meemaw patted Cera.

Cera nodded and sighed in relief.

"Tell me about my great-grandbaby."

"Oh, she's great. Smart, funny, beautiful. She just moved up a grade about two months ago. You can meet her. She's in Sheldon's room until we're…done." Cera nodded her head down the hall, making Meemaw grin. Her smiles always reminded Cera of Sheldon's genuine smile. Cera wondered if Meemaw ever forced a smile like Sheldon. Would she resemble Sheldon when he did what Howard and Raj referred to as his 'Kill Batman Smile?' Cera burst out laughing at this thought drawing the attention of the other two.

Making eye contact with Cera, Sheldon felt that her smile meant she was comfortable enough to bring Merritt out for introductions. When he stepped away from his mother and towards Cera, she stood, he assumed for the same reason. She always seemed to have an intuition with him, which he was glad for in this moment. Her presence helped him feel stronger. Helped to ease the hurt and awkwardness of this situation.

Every bit of Mary's anger and disappointment dissolved when Sheldon came out with her granddaughter. The familiar feel of the little girl, _Merritt_, brought her up short. She could see her own children in that small face, even though the features were edged with the likeness of her mother. Mary had never thought to have such a thing from Sheldon. She had to restrain herself from grabbing the girl into a bear hug, but she feared Merritt may be skittish, like her son.

"Hello Merritt." Mary said warmly, moving slowly to kneel in front of her. "Let me get a look at you. You are lovely. You favor your daddy."

"Thank you, ma'am." Merritt replied politely.

"None of that ma'am business. You call me Nanna or Nan. That's what your cousins call me."

"Nanna?" Merritt sounded confused.

"Yeah, it's what some people call their grandmothers. You know like you call my momma, Honey." Cera put her hand on Merrit shoulder in reassurance.

"Honey? I hadn't heard that one." Meemaw chipped in.

"Yeah, well, momma is far too cool to be just grandma. Dad didn't fare much better either. He goes by Bumpa." Merritt explained.

"Do I have another Bumpa?" Merritt's voice sounded hopeful.

"Sorry baby, George, your daddy's daddy, passed when your daddy was a teenager."

"Oh, I'm sorry daddy." Merritt reached out and squeezed Sheldon's hand. Mary was stunned at the compassion the girl possessed. Even more astounding was that not only did her son not flinch away, but squeezed back. This little girl wasn't a bad a thing.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

After half an hour of bonding, the Tollman ladies left Sheldon alone with his family. The door hadn't even clicked shut before Sheldon was scrubbing his hands, then scooping up some antibacterial wipes to head to his room.

Mary stepped in behind him and noticed a rumpled sheet draped over his bed. "I was wondering how you were holding up to all this touching and germs."

"I don't mind contact with Merritt, she is my child, and affection is natural and encouraged. Did you know touching, such hugs, or high fives, or pats on the back can lift spirits, lower the possibility of depression and serve as non-verbal communication?"

"You don't say?" Mary smirked at Sheldon for the clinical statement that expressed something that was nearly intuitive to a majority of parents. Clearly, he'd been doing some research.

After a moment Sheldon stated, "Sarcasm…because obviously, I did say." Sheldon carefully folded the sheet in on itself to prevent any contaminants from spreading. "Through repetitive contact, and having systems that are genetically similar, Merritt and I have inoculated ourselves to each other's germs. However, she frequently comes in contact with contaminated children. Lesser parents are far more lax with the cleanliness of their offspring, than Olivia and myself; therefore, it's best to take precautions."

Mary raised an eyebrow at Sheldon's detection of sarcasm and at the mention of Cera and himself as a parental team. An hour ago Mary was certain Sheldon would be heading for a breakdown, but it seemed as though he had this well in hand. Having a living, external focus was probably a good thing for him.

While Mary had hoped gaining friends would help him with his self-involvement, Sheldon always found a way to become dismissive of even those people. Having a child, he couldn't do that to, was going to force him to be mindful of his behavior. Of course, Cera may have also had a say in that. She always tried to nudge him into more empathetic behavior and had been intolerant of him being mean. Mary assumed Cera would react even stronger about Sheldon's negativity when it concerned Merritt.

Sheldon was glad when he was finally alone again. He was even more pleased to hear from someone who wasn't disappointed in him, when Amy called. They shared a laugh over an anecdote from Amy's lab. He decide he should cut the conversation short after confessing that the presence of his mother and Meemaw had been thus far stressful. When Amy suggested she would like to see his family and her presence might offset the unease, Sheldon nearly panicked.

"No, no. Your involvement in family circumstances would not be beneficial." In trying to discourage Amy's presence his voice rose in anxiety.

"I'm sure your mother wouldn't mind. You do realize she was using reverse psychology when saying she 'didn't think we were suited'." Amy pointed out.

"Never the less, this visit will not require your contribution. Amy, as I have to spend tomorrow entertaining a dissatisfied mother, I should retire to bed, now. Good night." Sheldon still hadn't adjusted to his mother's introduction to Merritt, so he wasn't yet ready to inform others. In the mean time he just wanted to sink into the comfort of science.

* * *

Cera breathed a sigh of relief as she sagged across her couch. Having a half day off from work shouldn't be this draining. She'd been tense since she picked Merritt up from school. At least when she arrived at Sheldon's she realized she was in good company since he was just as anxious. Thankfully Merritt didn't seem to be affected by the tense atmosphere and bopped along, happy to see 'daddy's place' for the first time. Meeting two new family members to dote on her, just added to her joyfulness.

* * *

As soon as Sheldon had finished his breakfast Friday morning, there was a knock on his door. Mary and Meemaw had driven over in the rental car as soon as they had finished the breakfast buffet. The questions they hadn't asked before leaving the previous evening, were finally coming out.

Some questions he could answer and did (How long had he known about Merritt? Why weren't we told earlier? Are you ok with having a daughter? Is Cera married? Does she have a boyfriend?) Some he could answer and didn't want to, though he did any way. (How many times did you have sex? Why didn't you use protection? You aren't having sex with Amy, too are you?) Some questions he just didn't know. (Will Cera allow you custody? What kinda male influence has Merritt had so far? Does Cera want a boyfriend or a husband?)

"Well, it behooves you to find out doesn't it?" Mary replied with a hard tone, leaving Sheldon flustered. He could tell this was going to be a long day and couldn't wait until Cera and Merritt were available.

* * *

Merritt was dropped by Cera's office that afternoon, so they could drive straight to Sheldon's to pick him up. Meemaw had requested they dine in the hotel restaurant that evening and wanted Cera and Merritt to join. Sheldon felt apprehensive about eating in a restaurant that he had not been to before, but he would do it for Meemaw. He, of course, called ahead and requested sanitation scores and fork information. The facts they provided were adequate.

Merritt was animated on the ride to the hotel. Sheldon had thought maybe eating in a hotel had delighted her, since it was a rare treat when he was a child to eat in a restaurant, let alone in a hotel. When he asked the reason, he was surprised and pleased that she was excited to meet Nan and Meemaw again. She had completely dismissed the restaurant as something common place, highlighting the difference between his childhood and hers.

Merritt and Meemaw fell into an easy conversation. The little girl was a delightful reminder of her Moonpie, when he was young. A bit softer and more feminine, but her mind jumped all over the place at a quick pace, much like Sheldon's did.

Sheldon, Cera, and Mary sat quietly and watched. There were many questions Mary wanted answered, but she didn't think in front of a child was the place to discuss such things. Instead she decided to discuss the more mundane and observe the young woman to determine what was left of the Liv she once knew.

A few hours of polite awkwardness had left Cera drained once again. She had left Sheldon at the hotel with his family. His negotiations with the wait staff had been minor, he had been a gentleman and a surprisingly attentive father. While she imagined most of his behavior had been due to the presence of Meemaw, it left her head swimming. He hadn't been cold or unnecessarily condescending once since he met Merritt. She could tell Mary and Meemaw were surprised and apprehensive with the situation as well, but the only thing she could do for them was answer questions and wait out the adjustment period.

When the phone rang Cera groaned, she felt too worn for anything else. On the other end of the line was a rapidly speaking Penny.

"…repeating something that wasn't _right_ the first time, but it wasn't _wrong_ either. But if you're doing it a completely different way, it something new and not the same. Right?"

"What…precisely…are we talking about?"

"About a past relationship." Penny stated, as if it had been obvious.

"Is this…is this about Leonard again?"

"Uh, no. This is about Zack." Penny thought maybe Merritt's dad was having an effect on Cera, and she definitely wanted to hear about _that_, but Cera seemed kind of out of it.

"Why didn't you say so?" In the chaos, Cera had forgotten about Penny and Zack.

"I don't wanna jinx it. Amy and Bernadette are pushing me to Leonard, since Priya left but..."

"It's no one's decision, but your own. While I wouldn't normally be one to…revisit the past, sometimes it is necessary. You would have to be careful with it, though. It would be too easy to slip back into old habits and repeating history instead of recreating it. Maybe…plan for it." Cera considered how both the question and answer mirrored her current relationship with Sheldon.

While it wasn't anything romantic, it appeared Sheldon was going to have a definite spot in her future. Cera didn't worry about things being planned with him, she just had to be sure they were plans that didn't leave one or both of them emotionally vulnerable. Going by statements his mom made, he didn't come out their arrangement unscathed either.

"I dunno, I'm not good with plans. How would I plan that anyway?" Penny felt reluctant to make that sort of effort, but she did want things to be different. Not just with Zack, but with…everything.

"Decide ahead of time as a couple, 'We _will_ do this, _talk_ about that, we _won't_ do this.' And avoid things that can…distract you from those goals until you feel settled." Cera herself knew she needed to have these conversation with Sheldon, but that was for later, after Mary and Meemaw left.

"You make that sound like work…What could be distracting in a relationship?"

"Sex and alcohol. While those things can enhance an existing relationship, they can't be a foundation for one that has not yet materialized. "

That summed up every relationship, in which she'd ever been. So far, Zack and she hadn't fallen into that trap, but it was tempting. Right now they were just talking. She had learned so many things about friends recently that she had missed just from not talking and listening enough. She wasn't going to miss anymore, especially about guys she was seeing. Unable to respond to the heavy thoughts, Penny tried to find something else to talk about. "Oh, anyway, Amy seems kinda happy."

"This isn't personal is it?"

"Uh, maybe, kinda...but for a reason. I have a question." Penny knew Cera didn't want to hurt people's feelings, but couldn't understand how that made her disinterested in others.

"Oh, ok."

"So Sheldon has been talking to Amy a lot more. She says she's never felt this close to anyone, but at the same time, she seeing him less. Like now, his family is in, but she hasn't seen him since. I mean his mom went to the trouble of getting them back together last time, so I think she thought she would be getting in good with the in-laws."

"This sounds a bit personal. I'm not exactly…" Once again, Cera felt like she was disrupting Sheldon's life. She told him it was acceptable to see Amy. Mary liking Amy could only be a plus for him. She'd gotten the feeling, in the past, that Mary found her a bit irritating.

"Hang on. I was wondering if you knew what was going on. I mean there something kinda between you and Sheldon. And Leonard said you ran him out the apartment a few weeks ago. Are you...seeing him?"

"I did ask Leonard to give me some time with Sheldon, but no, there is nothing remotely romantic between Sheldon and myself. As for what is between Amy and Sheldon that is for them to work out. Amy should talk to Sheldon."

"But you know what's going on with him?"

"I know some things. But how he feels and what he does with his knowledge, is not something he has shared with me. That is for _them_ to work out. I don't get any input on it."

Knowing she wasn't getting any more information from Cera, Penny relented and planned on having a girl's night in the future. She felt more certain than before that there was more to Cera and Sheldon than either one was saying.

* * *

Deciding it would be best to prevent Meemaw from having to walk up four flights of stairs. Sheldon had Cera drive him and Merritt to the hotel. Merritt clung to his hand the entire ride up the elevator. By the time they reached the fourteenth floor Sheldon's hand had grown clammy and he definitely wanted to wash, but he wouldn't let go until she was ready. He was just thankful that both he and Merritt had sanitizer in their pockets, and of course Cera had heavy duty medical grade wipes.

"Well, hello there cupcake." Meemaw opened her arms.

"Hey, Meemaw." Merritt flung herself at her great grandmother.

"Aww, don't you know how to make an old lady feel good? So what do you have planned for us today?" Meemaw rubbed over Merritt's hair.

"Well, I don't know. Do you like Lego games?"

"Maybe...What is it?" Meemaw asked with a smile.

"It's different video games. Like Harry Potter and Star Wars and, uh, Indiana Jones."

"Your daddy used to try to get me to play video games with him, too. I'm afraid it's just not something this old lady is much good at. And I'm sure I hadn't gotten any better."

"But Meemaw, You're not that old."

"Aww, Cupcake, ain't you sweet. Do you want me to cook you some dinner?" Meemaw loved cooking for her family and couldn't wait to share a meal with her new great-grand daughter.

"Sure. Can you make hamburgers?"

"Well, I was thinkin' fried chicken. It's what your daddy usually wants."

Merritt's face fell. "Oh, I thought we were going to have burgers."

Sheldon was still worried about Meemaw climbing all those stairs again, and taking Cera and Merritt into his apartment with Leonard. A good dinner of fried chicken shouldn't be disrupted by the over inquisitiveness of his nosy roommate. "Meemaw, why don't you let me take you out tonight and tomorrow we can purchase the necessary ingredients for fried chicken and its sides. You can cook in Olivia's apartment. She has far less stairs and more counter space."

Cera whipped around to stare at Sheldon. She didn't mind, but he could have asked first.

"Shelly, you can't go just assuming Liv wants to give up her kitchen without asking." Mary interjected.

Feeling Sheldon had been suitably chastised by his mother Cera acquiesced. "I don't mind. Having Meemaw in my kitchen would honor it in a way I never could."

"Nana and Meemaw are coming to my house, tomorrow?" Merritt looked to her parents with hopeful eyes.

Cera, and Sheldon, chorused out a "Yes." and Merritt let out a joyful squeal, embracing her Nana.

Sheldon decided if Merritt wanted a burger, she would get his favorite. So they loaded up in Cera's Jeep, Merritt sandwiched between Meemaw and Nana, and Sheldon up front with Cera.

"Oh, I love it here. Miss Penny works here!" Merritt tugged on Nana and Meemaw's hands pulling them into the Cheesecake Factory.

Cera and Sheldon made eye contact behind them, neither of them having considered the Penny variable of dinner. Cera smiled softly and nodded to Sheldon. "Penny is a good friend. She'll be ok." Sheldon relaxed with that reminder. Penny would merely be confirming something she had dragged out of him already. She was a friend to both him and Cera and she apparently had a good rapport with Merritt.

It wasn't that he was embarrassed or ashamed, by Merritt, quite the contrary he didn't think he'd ever been prouder of another person before in his life. What he didn't relish was the invasive, personal questions and assumptions that he was certain would come. Surely Cera had dealt with such things from friends and family, possibly even strangers considering her family. Sheldon wondered if that was another reason Cera was so opposed to gossip.

Having the heightened hearing that Sheldon had inherited, Meemaw heard the comforting exchange between Sheldon and Cera. She was pleased the young lady still had a soothing way with her Moonpie. Though, she would have preferred better circumstances, she was glad for Sheldon's little family. Sometimes the boy's head was so full of numbers and theories, he forget himself here on earth. She could already see Merritt had a very grounding effect on him. Something she has seen glimpses of years before from her mother, Cera.

Walking up to her next table Penny was certain she was in one of the guys' parallel universe. She had thought it was possible since Howard got a fiancé, learning that Sheldon had had sex, and that Zack played instruments and danced. But seeing a child she knew, sitting with the Cooper clan looking like she belonged with them felt like confirmation. Penny may not know her way around a Punnett square, but she could tell that Merritt, who sat happily between Sheldon and Meemaw, was a genetic match.

An excited Merritt greeted Penny first. "Hey Miss Penny! I'm glad you're here. This is my daddy, his name is Sheldon. He knows _everything_. And this is Nana and that's Meemaw."

Cera rubbed her temples. How typical of her nine year old to tell everyone she meets, everything she knows, right up front.

Luckily, Penny was quick on her feet and recovered from that rush of information. "Uh, hi, Merritt. I know Sheldon, too. He lives across the hall from me." Penny looked from Sheldon to Cera. "This is surprising."

Merritt gave an explanation, assuming Penny's surprise was the night of the week, which Sheldon had educated Merritt on before their arrival. "Yeah, he prefers to come in on Tuesdays, but he's making an exception for me, just this once."

Penny put on a bright smile, just as surprised at Sheldon making exceptions for Merritt, as she was that he apparently fathered her.

"Nice to finally meet you…Meemaw, I'm Penny, Sheldon's neighbor. Mary, good to see you again." Penny was pulled into hugs when she offered her hand for shaking.

"Daddy said you have the best burgers here, and that's what I want." Merritt announced, oblivious to the introductions going on.

"We sure do, get your mom to pick out what exactly you want, and let me know." Penny flipped to the child's section of the large menu.

Sheldon then fired off his order not waiting on anyone else to decide on their meals.

"Oh, that's what I want, too." Merritt chimed in.

Cera turned, "Merritt, be polite, wait for everybody else. And Sh…daddy's getting an adult meal. You couldn't possibly eat all that."

"But, I want it."

"Merritt-" Cera knew Merritt was pushing, just because they were with company. Ordinarily, she knew better than to argue back.

"She can just eat what she can, and take the rest home." Sheldon offered an easy solution.

"No, honey, she can't," Cera faced Sheldon, "that's too much food, and a waste. She doesn't eat leftovers. You barely do."

"Perhaps...perhaps we could get them to make a child's portion." Sheldon suggested a compromise.

Penny nearly dropped her pad. It was bizarre watching this interaction. And it seemed...normal. Thinking about it, there exchanges had always looked...commonplace, like they were accustomed to negotiating through things. Sheldon wasn't demanding, or proving how right he was. She didn't have to argue or knuckle under. He just gave them a soft perhaps. Penny supposed this shouldn't be surprising after the way he handled Cera after her panic attack. But it did leave her with a whole lot of other questions.

When Penny returned with their food Mary asked, "So, Penny, you know Liv as well?"

"Liv?" Penny's face showed her confusion.

"My middle name." Cera clarified.

Penny recalled a concern about a 'Liv' that had come up recently. It was something Amy had said after Cera's non meeting with Sheldon. What was 'liv'? The better question apparently would have been 'who.' Penny wondered how this was going to affect Amy. She couldn't tell if Amy was really into Sheldon, or just into having any form of company.

"Oh, uh, I got to know her when she started teaching me music and stuff."

"She teaches music?" Mary turned her head to Cera, "Are you not a doctor anymore?"

"I am, and I have hobbies, too."

"You call that a hobby? Don't they know your family?" Penny laughed at Cera's attempt to trivialize her background.

"Noooo." Mary drew out, as though it was an odd question, or perhaps an odd answer. "She's never even mentioned 'em."

"Oh, uh, Ok." Penny stepped away quickly, afraid she'd said too much.

"So, Liv, tell me about your parents."

"Honey and Bumpa are awesome. The live in big house. With a pool and a theater and all the video games." Merritt wasn't bragging, just stating facts as she saw them.

"Baby, it's rude to jump in with others a talking. And you don't talk about people in terms of things they have or have not." Cera corrected Merritt.

"Sorry, momma; sorry, Nan." Merritt said sheepishly.

"Alright...So ya'll have a big house, huh?" Mary asked tightly as Sheldon shook his in head in confirmation.

"I _don't_. Patrick and Cynthia do. I live in a townhouse in Alhambra."

"Patrick and Cynthia? Tollman? You mean like Toll Bridge?" Mary half expected Cera to ask Toll Bridge who. They weren't exactly a current band, a majority of their stuff having long been sent to the oldies channel. The names could just be coincidental.

"Yes, that's them. Of course Julian, Roger, and Becky were in the band as well." She had grown up with them and they were like an aunt and uncles to her.

"Mary didn't you used to like those folks? You said one of those boys was foxy." Meemaw chimed in.

Mary had a silly grin on her face. "Hmm, it was Patrick. He had the prettiest blue eyes. Oh, Liv's got 'em, too." Mary nearly squealed. Cera wished she could say this was the first middle aged woman she'd seen go fangirl over her dad.

"Momma, I thought you said daddy had the prettiest blue eyes, and he gave them to me." Sheldon had never seen his mother act in such an undignified manner.

"Your daddy had the prettiest eyes of anyone I actually knew. Pat was just dreamy...of course Cynthia was lovely, too. _That's_ where all that blond hair came from. Why didn't you ever mention this?" Mary was nearly beside herself.

"Momma, it is disconcerting to hear you describe Merritt's maternal grandfather as 'dreamy.'" Sheldon pushed his fries around in distaste.

"I wasn't exactly a…involved family member at the time…and we like our privacy." Cera finally answered. She was in complete agreement with Sheldon though, the grandmother factor did make Mary's assertion about her dad, weird. "This salad is good, but I'm looking forward to Meemaw's fried chicken tomorrow."

The rest of the dinner passed in lighter conversation. Mary and Meemaw were surprised that Cera didn't once mention preservatives, processed and refined foods, or the benefits of eating organic.

Once Penny dropped off the check Sheldon and Cera disagreed over who would pay.

"You paid last night, Sheldon, and I told you then, you didn't need to pay for me." Cera protested.

"Let her pay Sheldon, I'm sure she's ok." Mary now understood Cera's discomfort when receiving gifts and having things paid for. It wasn't because she felt an obligation like Sheldon, it was because she felt she was taking from those who had less.

"But you're _my_ family." Sheldon complained to his mother. Caring for his family, was his duty, not hers, no matter what family she came from.

"How about you pay, and I'll leave Penny a tip." Cera compromised. She didn't want to offend Sheldon, least of all in front of his family. He had _always_ insisted he pay and she always felt uneasy with it, but wasn't comfortable telling him why. She didn't live off of her parents per se, but they had paid for med school and given her a small gift when she finished.

By the time she was in Houston she had budgeted out the remainder of her endowment (after relocating and a new car) and her meager first year residency paycheck. Now that Sheldon was aware of her financials, she felt that he should be ok with her contributing, but apparently he wasn't.

"Very well." He acquiesced. When he saw her leave a hundred dollar tip on an eighty-three dollar bill he muttered, "Show off," though he was pleased Cera was such a good friend to Penny. Sheldon had been concerned that his neighbor had not been in for food or the wifi password in over a week.

As the group headed out the door, someone caught Sheldon by the sleeve. When he turned to glare at his assailant, he saw Penny with an odd look on her face.

"You…you have to tell Amy." Penny nervously ran her hands over her apron.

"Yes, Liv has told me as such. She suggest I inform her alone."

"That's not a bad idea. Amy likes you, a lot, and I'm not sure how she'll take it. I just don't want her to get hurt."

"It is not my intent to cause her anguish, but I cannot change the circumstances." Sheldon looked over to his family, chatting by the door. "Nor, do I think I would."

"I don't mean that, it's just, that you…" Penny considered the sorrow Cera had when talking about Merritt's father, "suck at passing on information. Amy'll see you different; this will change what kinda relationship you have."

"Amy is a smart woman and I'm certain she can rationally handle truth. It's my understanding that even though I am now a parent, I am still able to maintain a friendship."

"Just as a parent? Where does that leave Cera? She's my friend, too, ya know. Don't think I forgot the truth you told _her_."

"Penny." Sheldon's tight reply let Penny knew the conversation was over. She hoped he at least considered what she said and was mindful of their feelings.

* * *

"I'm surprised your mother and Meemaw are not present. I thought we would have more time to bond." Amy adjusted herself on Sheldon's couch.

"They are currently visiting another family member." Having discussed Merritt's disclosure to Amy with Penny, Cera, and his mother the previous evening, Sheldon decided it was best to go ahead tear off the proverbial Band-Aid. His family was at Cera's, waiting for him to inform Amy.

"I didn't realize you had another family member, in such close proximity."

Leonard was fiddling in kitchen, mostly ignoring Sheldon and Amy, however that piece of information was odd enough to pull more of his attention.

"This, uh, family member is a...new development." Sheldon ran his damp hands over his knees.

"You mean like an infant?" Amy cocked her head. For a man who was usually so precise in his communications, she was finding him terribly confusing.

"Not exactly."

"Sheldon you aren't making sense. How can a new family member not exactly be an infant?"

Amy leaned over to catch Sheldon's eye, wondering why he wasn't answering. He kept his eyes trained on the empty TV screen he spoke.

"It has come to my attention, that I have fathered a child."

At this statement Leonard's head snapped around. "What?"

"How…how could you?" Amy asked caught between hurt and curiosity.

"Sheldon, is this a Bazinga?" Leonard rounded the island.

"No!" Sheldon shook his head. He couldn't even say he wished it was, now. Merritt just meant too much too him for that.

"Did you find another candidate for offspring and undergo the fertility procedure with her?" Amy was concerned he had taken her good idea and replaced her. That always seemed to happen to her.

"No, No!" Sheldon was shocked by Amy's assertion.

"Did you…did you go back to the sperm bank?" Leonard came to stand in front Sheldon.

"No!" Of course Leonard's suggestion was just ludicrous.

"I unknowingly...impregnated a...friend."

"How do you unknowingly, impregnate someone Sheldon?" Amy look truly confused.

"You are aware the only way to could have done that unawares is to...did you have sex?" Leonard was having trouble grasping Sheldon being a father.

"When? Who?" Amy, having finally caught onto the logistics of conception, needed more information.

"Really, this is not that momentous. Yes, I did. It was years ago. Her name was Olivia. Does that answer all of your questions?"

"No." Leonard and Amy shouted in unison.

"Well, too bad. Meemaw is making Merritt her famous fried chicken and I want to be sure I get some."

"Wait? Did you say Merritt? That's...that's Cera Tollman's daughter." Amy's mind, finally catching up with the moment, needed more data. It's not every day your boy/friend becomes a father.

"That's correct."

"You had coitus with the hippy chick?!" Leonard laughed. "That's why she paid me to leave."

"But you said the woman's name was Olivia!" Amy complained at the same time.

"Her preferred appellation is her middle name, Olivia. At the time she was the furthest person from a hippie I could have imagined. Though she still wouldn't wear shoes."

"Is it because she's blonde?" Amy was trying to rationalize what this woman had that she did not. Besides progeny from one of the world's leading physicist.

"Hair color would be a poor reason for coitus, Amy. Besides, at the time she was a brunette."

"But, she said she loved Merritt's father. That's...you...How do you feel about her?" Amy had thought Sheldon was like her, but realized once again _she_ was different. Sheldon wasn't a single man because he was awkward and geeky, though it did contribute. His isolation was voluntary; except when it wasn't.

"How I feel is irrelevant to the state of things. The fact is, we created Merritt, and I have a responsibility to care for my daughter. Now, if you don't mind, I need to call Liv for a ride." Sheldon knew Cera wasn't due to pick him up for a half an hour, but he wanted out of this high pressure situation.

When Cera arrived to pick him up, he wasn't sure if he was grateful for her silence on the matter or not.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

**A/N: I don't own TBBT**

Mary was enamored by Cera's family photos. Cera's hair was a few shades darker than her mothers, but their size and shape made them very similar. Mary paused the longest at a group shot from the early nineties that had both the twins. Mary recalled the loss of a son, though she no longer partook in that type of music, she recalled her love for the band and had prayed for them.

"We spent time in Europe then. That's how I came to meet Sheldon, in Germany, with Braden."

"Hmm, and here I thought I introduced you. He never mentioned that."

"We wrote letters for a while."

"_You_ were the pen pal?" Mary shifted her attention from the photos, to Cera.

"That was me. Sheldon was part of the reason I picked Texas. Not that I thought to see him again, but because despite his grumblings, he made it sound…different, peaceful."

"The Lord works in wondrous ways."

"Yeah, we've talked about that before."

"And you've given me a beautiful granddaughter." Mary patted Cera's shoulder.

"The method and mother, I imagine you are dissatisfied with." Though Cera regretted Mary's feelings and getting herself hurt, she wouldn't change the time spent with Sheldon or that Merritt resulted from it.

"Well now, you were a bit of a know it all then, but I could see you were a patient and kind girl. You just had to grow out of some of that. Y'all sinnin', I definitely don't agree with. But Shelly was always gonna need a knock in the head, to get him to move forward in life. I'm just glad you were able to handle the blow.

"I _am_ surprised Shelly thought far enough outside of a science or comic book to pursue such a thing." Mary caught Cera's surprised expression at her last statement. "Yeah, he told me, with a whole lot of words and beatin' around the bush, that experimentin' was his idea. I would've thought you were too smart for something like that, but your parents did run around 'lovin' on everybody, so maybe you thought it was ok."

Cera cringed at that summation of her family, "I'm gonna go see if Merritt and Meemaw need help. I'm sure Sheldon will be ready soon," excusing herself to the kitchen abruptly.

The family settled around the dining table after Cera returned with Sheldon.

"You should talk to Missy. She's worried, you know. I'll leave it to you to tell her how you're doin', though." Mary sat the green beans on the table, next to the rolls.

Sheldon merely grumbled at the mention of his twin.

"You mean Missy; your sister, my aunt?" Merritt bounced in her seat at the thought. Meemaw had told Merritt she prissed around, like her Aunt Missy, so she desperately wanted to meet her.

"Merritt, don't be nosy." Cera spooned mashed potatoes onto the girl's plate.

"Yes, honey, that's the one. She loves her brother, even if he don't ever bother to call her." Mary passed the fried chicken to Sheldon.

"Then you should talk to her, daddy. Can I talk to her, too?"

"I'm not sure this is-" Sheldon started.

"That's a good idea, Moonpie. Why don't you call her up on that video, computer phone." Meemaw patted his hand in encouragement.

Sheldon wanted to protest, but knew Meemaw wouldn't stand for it and as Merritt's primary male role model, he should set an example. Finally, he looked toward Cera as if she could save him, but all she did was raise her eyebrows and shrug.

"I suppose we could try that." Sheldon acquiesced, but followed up muttering, "Hopefully she's unavailable."

Having heard his murmuring, Merritt cocked her head and gave Sheldon a look that caused him a great deal of unease.

"Missy, I can assure you, I am fine."

"You worryin' momma and Meemaw half to death, and then makin' them travel is _not_ fine. What's going on? Where are you?" Missy could see the unfamiliar background of Cera's home.

Sheldon looked up at the crowd on the other side of his laptop. Cera seemed to be restraining an excited Merritt. He wasn't sure how much of the situation Merritt was aware of, but Cera had told him he was not to allude coitus in front of her, in any way. He wished for the powers of Professor X at that moment, wanting to telepathically tell Cera to shield Merritt from the upcoming conversation.

As if those powers had worked, Cera nodded at him and ushered Merritt upstairs 'Just for a minute.' he heard her promise the girl. With the extra privacy, Mom and Meemaw came to his side.

"Momma, Meemaw, and, I are currently in Olivia Tollman's home."

"Liv Tollman? Little 'don't eat that,' 'I'm a physician,' Liv?"

"Yes."

"In California?"

"She hails from Santa Monica, but she currently lives in the city of Alhambra."

"Really? You hadn't mentioned her in years. And mom's there? Why?" Missy face was screwed up in confusion.

"She…We…have a…daughter." Sheldon was getting better at saying it, but he still couldn't look to the screen.

"Oh, my God, Sheldon!"

"Missy! Careful with The Lord's name." Mary's voice was heard off screen.

"Oh, sorry momma. Is this for real? No, Bazinga?" Missy search the screen for her mother, for confirmation.

"No. Oh, Merritt's a lovely girl. She wants to meet you." Mary came on screen to see her stunned daughter.

"Damnit! I owe Junior fifty bucks."

"Missy! Whatever for?" Mary eased in closer to Sheldon, who was beginning to twitch.

Missy burst out laughing. "He bet me fifty bucks, _that's_ why that girl hung around so much. I told him no way. Not Sheldon…So you and Liv were…"

"You bet on me? But…but Junior knew!" Sheldon cried.

"He always does that to me! Bets me on stuff he already knows. Ya know, _this_ explains why she called so much. She was starting to make _me_ crazy, but I don't blame her…So this girl, Mary? How old is she?"

"_Merritt_," Sheldon corrected, "is nine and a half. I met her three weeks ago. She is currently upstairs, hoping to meet you. Missy, I insist you be nice and polite. And for goodness sake, use proper English."

Mary had called up the stairs for Merritt. She now stood on the other side her father's laptop with a big grin.

"Merritt, come meet your Aunt Missy." Mary gestured for her to approach Sheldon and the front of the laptop. She sat nearly on top of her dad and gave a bashful, "Hi."

Missy was stunned. Not only was there a definite family resemblance, but the proximity Sheldon allowed the small, brunette was amazing. It was a closeness Sheldon wouldn't even tolerate from her, his twin.

Missy was having the most interesting conversation with her niece when she noticed a long strand of dark blonde hair draped behind Sheldon and Merritt. The sandy lock was a bit perplexing until its owner spoke.

"Hello, Missy." Cera flashed a small smile to the laptop.

"Uh, Liv?" Missy got a better view of her when Sheldon re-angled the laptop. This woman was not the girl, posing as a responsible adult that use to hang out with her brother.

"It's still me." Cera smiled softly at Sheldon's sister. They had never been close, merely cordial, and very different.

"What…did you do?"

"Just…went natural. How are you, Missy?" Cera answered. This was the first person to actually have any interest in her this evening. Of course it would be from Sheldon's…whatever she was.

"I'm. I'm good. Surprised, but good." Junior was getting a phone call as soon as she was done Sheldon and his…family. But that's all she was giving him. No way was he getting cash for this.

"I'm glad you're well. Merritt is amazing isn't she?"

"She will be in sixth grade this coming school year." Sheldon couldn't help but brag on his daughter. Even if she wasn't as brilliant as he, she exceeded all the other children of her age.

"Didn't you say she was nine?" Missy questioned.

"I'm nine and a half." Merritt corrected.

Missy couldn't help, but laugh. Definitely Sheldon's kid.

"Alright baby, it's time for bed." Cera gestured to the stairs after Sheldon disconnected with Missy.

"Can daddy tuck me in, tonight?" Merritt squeezed her mom and gave her a kiss before turning to Sheldon.

"Well, it just so happens that I know the optimal bedtime procedures, for an ideal REM sleep." Sheldon smirked as he stood to escort her upstairs. Though Sheldon was allowed to tuck her in, he still had to use Cera's procedure. Brushing teeth, a chapter of A Wrinkle in Time, check the night light, and finally tucked in.

"My boys got a bit of an ego." Mary had witnessed Cera's eye roll at Sheldon's antics.

"He _is_ less modest than others, but he's hardly an egomaniac. Most of his assertions are true, after all."

Mary thought Cera might be delusional and gave her a skeptical look.

"I'm not saying he is without fault, I've merely grown up around people with...extreme confidence. His has more merit than most. Sometimes his knowledge is more theory then practice, and he should consider that before speaking, but he is very knowledgeable."

The difference between theory and practice was what concerned Mary. She thought Sheldon hadn't truly taken in the whole circumstance. Right now it was new and interesting to him. What happened when child-rearing wasn't just a form of entertainment and he actually had to be paternal? When Cera quit catering to his time and whims? When the woman actually wanted a man in her life? How would he handle such things?

"So, Liv, I know, in the past, your folks were kinda…casual when it came to relations. And clearly you didn't think commitment was necessary for sex. So, what I really want to know is what are you exposing my grandbaby to?" Mary was concerned that while Cera's parents' behavior was appealing and cool in the seventies, during her adolescence, it wasn't functional for a family.

"I'm not…like them. I, uh, I don't date much. I do have many male friends, some of them have been my best friends. On rare occasions, I do date. My last boyfriend was ten months ago."

"You're not having sleep overs in front of Merritt are you?" Mary gave Cera a pointed look and touched her shoulder in understanding; she had been a single mother for years, herself.

"Uh," Cera swallowed hard. She felt indignant at this line of question, but appreciated Mary's concern for Merritt. "I like the _idea_ of a mate. But I've never…I've not ever really been with...anyone...else. And definitely wouldn't around Merritt. I really wasn't fond of my parents 'special friends, so I won't repeat that.'"

"Why not?" Slipped out before Sheldon could stop it. He caught the end of the conversation from the stairs and couldn't help but listen. Cera's behavior seemed odd to him, most of the women he knew carried on differently. Penny, Bernadette, even his sister had multiple partners. Even that shrew Leslie Winkle seemed to enjoy entertaining men. Amy had had none, but from what he understood it was due to her mother's influence, then her dedication to science, and now her own pickiness.

"Getting ring side seats to your parents' intimate moments is…confusing. Having those seats when they are paired with others is…damaging. I want to be with others. I'm just terrified, and anytime I get close, it stops me dead in my tracks. I just don't want to be confused…or hurt. The…physicality seems to create an emotional tie, I'm not sure I can handle the dissolution of again." Cera didn't want to answer, but deciding to always be honest and up front with Sheldon had forced it out of her. The answer felt awkward and embarrassing. Though she chose to be the opposite of her parents, she ended up just as damaged.

Sheldon had received a lot of information and most of it emotional. So he merely nodded in response and decided he would process it later.

Mary, sensing his unease, gave him an out. Though, she did think they should discuss this, overwhelming Sheldon would only make him shut down.

"Honey, now that Merritt's in bed we should probably go. We do have a flight in the mornin'." Ordinarily Mary didn't like traveling on Sunday, but when her son insisted she come and that he pay, she felt obligated.

* * *

After his mother and Meemaw's departure, Sheldon was attempting to get back to his status quo. Which was proving difficult when Leonard continued to hound him. Questions, comments, and disparaging remarks abounded.

"I just don't understand you. You have continuously berated every man you know, for their behavior, when _you _have actually knocked a girl up." Leonard smirked.

"Honestly Leonard, this topic is growing tiresome." Sheldon wasn't certain what Leonard hoped to gain from this conversation.

Leonard thought the other two guys would get a kick out Sheldon's hypocrisy and comeuppance.

"No, I get that, Leonard. But come on man, this could've happened to any of us. So just…lay off." Howard bit out instead of laughing.

"But come on, I mean, he's been such a prick about it. I mean the entire duration of my relationship with Priya I had to hear about my weaknesses, like he's too good to have baser urges."

Howard shifted his phone to the other ear. "You know how he is when things confuse him. Maybe his baser urges caused him illogical feelings, so he rejected the whole thing. None of it changes the fact that Sheldon is a dad. Look, Merritt's a good kid and Sheldon is…trying for her. Lighten up, OK?"

"Geeze, Howard, you act like an old family friend."

"I dunno about old, but I hope they consider me a friend. Bernie and Raj, too."

"So…everybody knew this, but me. His best friend and roommate?" Leonard sounded hurt.

"If it makes you feel any better, I've known longer than Sheldon."

"So you got all of this from…Karen? How? Why?"

"_Cara_." Howard corrected, "She was freaking Sheldon out, so I asked her. Surely, you noticed he was acting weird…er."

Leonard had felt bad he actually _hadn't_ noticed. Anything that had been off with Sheldon, he had assumed was Sheldon's dislike for Priya. He certainly hadn't considered that Sheldon's problem was a foray into parenthood. Maybe he should talk to him. This was enough to terrify any man, let alone Dr. Scheduled and Planned.

"Yeah…well. Did you hear they are releasing a new Limited Edition Expansion Pack for Mystic Warlords of Ka'a?" Leonard shifted the conversation from his own shortcomings.

* * *

A neighbor, being far too familiar with Sheldon's front door, interrupted him from his white board not much later.

"So Amy called me last night. I imagine you know what she told me."

"Hello Penny. I could imagine any number of things Amy Farrah Fowler could have told you. I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific." Sheldon continued writing across his board.

"You finally told her about Merritt."

"Well, you should have stated as such. Yes. I did inform her of my newly discovered parenthood. As you were already aware of my association with Merritt, I'm not certain of the object of this conversation."

"Well you didn't tell her much and then you blew her off."

"I gave her as much information as I deemed was necessary. I informed her I had a prior engagement and I did not, as you say 'blow her off.''

"Well, I think she kinda wanted to understand your feelings from all this. _She's_ kinda confused now."

"What's to be confused about? I engaged in coitus, conception occurred, I _am_ Merritt's father…Merritt…I _am_ you father. I like that." Sheldon gave a breathy laugh at his own joke.

"But how do you feel about any of them? All of them?"

"Feelings are fickle, and a poor basis for decisions."

"Feelings can let your head know you need to make a decision, or take action. Do you have feelings for Amy?"

"I admit I enjoy her company. She has a brilliant mind. She can be quiet humorous. Occasionally, I'm confused because I am unable to ascertain what she requires of me. I get the impression I am not providing it and I believe it may be because it is something that lies in the emotional realm."

"Ok, so you like her. Do you have feelings for Merritt? Do you love her?"

"That is two separate things. I do feel warm and happy with Merritt. I also love my daughter, but _that_ was a decision, to commit to being unconditionally supportive of her. "

"Huh," Penny decide she might need to think more on that later. "What about Cera...Liv...whatever you call her?"

"I…have made no such commitment to her."

"But do you have feelings for her?"

"Not the same as they once were. At one time my feelings for her were a…physical sensation. Now it is admiration for raising Merritt. I did…and still do enjoy her presence. We enjoy many similar pastimes, though she is not as exuberant as she once was."

"Of course she's not, you hurt her pretty bad and left her to raise mini Cooper by herself. If you don't mind me asking, how did you end up becoming…not-friends with her?"

"Associating with Cera beat the heck out of staying at home, hanging out with Missy or Junior, or heaven forbid both. Momma was constantly encouraging to me to have acquaintances. She introduced me to many people; a majority were female. Cera was reasonably intelligent, it was convenient to have a physician around, and our previous liaison was beneficial. Over time she went from being a forced or convenient alliance, to someone whose opinion I desired and could share humor with."

Penny received a brief history of the association between Cera and Sheldon. Though she could tell he was with withholding personal facts and feelings, she found him to be surprisingly open. Imagining her whimsical friend, who had prompted her to know her own mind, being caught up in such a chaotic affair broke her heart. So in honor of her friend that prodded her with hard questions, she grilled Sheldon. Even if he didn't answer her, he had to think and make some decisions.

* * *

Between Penny and his mother, Sheldon had been bombarded with questions he didn't know how to answer. He wasn't sure what type of relationship he was going to be able to develop with Merritt. Whether it would be as a weekend father, a babysitter, or a full time dad. Much of that depended on the association he could cultivate with Cera. The only problem was, he didn't know what he wanted, or could even tolerate.

Sheldon would feel better if he had a schedule and a set of guidelines for interacting with Merritt. Perhaps Cera would appreciate him creating a detailed contract assuming some responsibilities for childcare. Not that he could assist with driving, or help her prepare for her school day, or even tuck her in. Sheldon decide a discussion was in order about how he could be involved in their lives.

It seemed as if the only respite from the turmoil in his mind was his scheduled time with Amy. She was surprised when Sheldon called, but not unpleased. He was more forthcoming with information this time. He explained that the arrangement leading to Merritt's conception was not romantic, but an experiment. He confessed to being unsure how he felt about it all, just yet.

It pleased Sheldon that Amy took an interest and wanted to meet Merritt. She had requested to run a scan to compare his cognitive and emotional processes to that of his daughter and to himself before being a father. Sheldon felt it wasn't wise to agree to that without consulting Cera first.

* * *

"Hello?" Sheldon had just arrived home from work and had yet to even close the door.

"Hey Sheldon. I hate to do this last minute, but could you care for Merritt this evening?"

"You should have planned and asked earlier, so that I could have scheduled this. It's Thursday and it's pizza night. The guys and I were going to play Red Dead Redemption." Sheldon wanted to help and have time with Merritt he just hadn't really planned on it _this_ evening.

"I _couldn't_ plan it, I've got to run to the hospital. You know what never mind. My parents are in, I'll just see if they don't mind coming out to get her." Feeling impatient with the situation, Cera came up with a solution and removed Sheldon from the equation.

"Yes, that's best. I don't mind doing you a favor, but next time if you let me know at least 48 hours in advance." Sheldon was confidant Cera would see his kind gesture for what it was. He really would help next time.

"Caring for your own child is a favor? To me?"

"Well...it not exactly part of my regularly scheduled duties. I've never cared for a child before…But I do see your point. I suppose she could be a positive addition to the evening. Though she has yet to meet Leonard, she is friendly with Howard and Raj."

"Ok, great. Can I drop her off in fifteen minutes? I don't know how long I will be. Hopefully only a few hours."

"That would be acceptable. Is she able to play Red Dead Redemption?"

"No, your games are too violent. She can bring a Lego game, though."

Sheldon wondered what he had gotten himself into.

When Cera arrived, in her scrubs, she greeted each of his friends with a hug, except for Leonard whom she patted tenderly and thanked for use of his apartment, again. Leonard chose that opportunity to make a joke about guests and the roommate agreement.

"Leonard, surely you are aware that my progeny would be granted automatic easement, unlike your many coital partners."

"Hey -" Leonard started.

"What is a -" Merritt had her mouth covered by her mother.

"That's enough of that. I will be back as soon as I can. I will call if anything changes. Let me know if you have any problems or questions." Cera ended the coital conversation.

Merritt's appetite was surprising to Sheldon. As was her excitement for the guys playing their game, though she seemed mostly interested in taming the horses. When she started hiding her eyes due to violence, Howard suggested they turn it off in favor of a tamer game. Cera called three hours later, to inform Sheldon it was going to be a late night, the crowd broke up.

Being shooed of the couch confused Leonard. "What are you doing?"

"It's my bedtime and I need to go to bed or in this case, couch."

"What about Merritt?"

"As a child she is in greater need of a sufficient REM sleep. Therefore I gave her my bed."

"Huh?" Leonard was surprised that his own progeny is what it took to get Sheldon to act normal.

Sheldon's front door opened to the familiar sight of an exhausted Cera. She always mustered a slight smile that never reached her eyes after an all-nighter. When they were younger, it seemed as though she always had long hours and late nights.

"Good morning, Olivia. Would you like some coffee?" While Sheldon hadn't achieved the REM sleep he was accustomed to, he didn't feel tired and had enjoyed his morning with Merritt. He was willing to make the laundry adjustments for providing her with a night shirt and sheets.

"Just a little, I only need enough to make it home. Did you have a good time, baby?" Cera shifted her attention to Merritt.

"Yeah! Daddy played this game with cowboys, and they had horses, and he shot _everything_. And I slept in daddy's bed. He let me wear the lantern shirt. But this morning he was having school, but it's summer so I don't wanna do hard math." Merritt blurted out quickly.

"What game was this?" Cera frowned.

"It was Red Dead Redemption, but I didn't let her play." Sheldon's eyes were wide, but cast down at his admission.

"It wasn't purely about playing. She didn't need to _visualize_ that game."

"Howard suggested the same thing, but Merritt is advanced, so I thought she could handle it. I admit that may have been a miscalculation. It would explain the frequent awakenings throughout the night."

"Yes, that would do it…Go get your stuff doll…What type of math were you trying to teach her?"

"Oh, well, I tried to explain my work to her but she wasn't very attentive. She did do better than Penny, though. Are you certain she's advanced?" Sheldon gestured to his whiteboard.

"Of course I'm sure…and you are as well. Don't be so hasty to dismiss her, she may surprise you. Anyway, you need to get to work and I need some rest. Thank you for the coffee."

"You are very welcome…Olivia, if…if you are busy again…I did not find her burdensome. I would not be objectionable to helping in whatever way you need."

"Thank you, Sheldon." Cera nodded and followed Merritt out the door.

* * *

Throughout the day Sheldon considered Cera and his daughter. He had watched the woman more in the last few weeks than all the time they had spent together, before. She always enjoyed time with Merritt and was a wonderful mother. She laughed frequently and touched often around their friends, but when it came to him she was not the same. She was not nearly as friendly, not that she was mean, but it was not the same association they had before.

After speaking with Merritt at bed time that night he decide to pursue his lack of knowledge on Cera's behavior. "I thought perhaps your mannerism had changed, but as I have observed you, I've realized it's just your behavior towards me."

"I don't follow." Cera gripped her phone tight, in fear of where this conversation may be going.

"You are still physically affectionate, and humorous, and express concern with others, but you know longer display those things toward me."

"I'm just being friendly and having fun."

"But not with me?"

"I…really…don't want to discuss this. I don't mind being sociable with you Sheldon, but really we are...just parents of the same child." Cera felt the need to protect and distance herself from Sheldon. Her recollection of his confusion over the duplicity while dating made her explain further.

"I don't _want_ to enjoy interactions with you. I couldn't stand it. You are this…all-consuming entity. You have been since I met you. You don't mean to _consume_ people, but you sure as hell make sure we all bend to your will and whimsy." Cera all but whispered.

Cera voice sounded…thin…delicate? He had no way to tell what she was feeling, and he didn't quite know how to explain his feelings for her. He knew he had them, but not what they were. It was frustrating that his superior mind could not organize the thoughts and emotions that coursed through him, but they were beginning to take a more definite form. It felt similar to the way he kept his things in order for fear they might get damaged. She was now causing the same sensations.

"I, uh, I need to go. I need to talk to Braden before he goes to bed. I'll talk to you…later, ok?"

"That would be acceptable." Sheldon disconnected his phone, feeling disappointed, without being sure why.


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: I don not own or make money from The Big Bang Theory

**Chapter 25**

An absence had never been so upsetting to Sheldon before. Though Sheldon spoke to Merritt daily, he hadn't seen her in over a week. Cera had even given him Merritt's direct number for convenience, but that meant he hadn't spoken to Cera at all. This left Sheldon plenty of time to ruminate on his discomfort with the situation. While he was aware that, he and Cera, as well as Merritt, to an extent, ran on tight schedules, he wondered if there was more to this separation.

He definitely wanted to spend more time with his daughter, but what he found odd, was his desire to engage Cera in conversation. He liked laughing with her, talking about comics with her, and that she listened to his work and tried to postulate applications for what she understood. The thing that he missed most, was unique to only her, he liked watching Merritt with her. While he wasn't good with facial expression, he knew the look of wonder that comes from proving a theory; that was often Cera's expression observing their daughter. After several days with the illusion of having his own family, he was feeling surprisingly bereft.

Sheldon was accustomed to people not wanting to be around him; he just wasn't used to caring. He wondered if Cera could really dislike him this much, but upon recalling their last conversation, it was that she didn't _want_ to enjoy him. Implying that she really did. Through google searches and conversations with Penny it seemed more that this was an action born out of emotional injury or the prospect of such. His query to Penny about what exactly she was hurt over left his head reeling. He wasn't certain what to address or how to fix it.

* * *

"…So are you ok with everything. I mean, with Sheldon and…" It was the first time Penny had been able to reach Cera by phone since finding out about her involvement with Sheldon.

"Not…really, but I'm dealing with it."

"Yeah, I guess you would. I still can't believe…I mean this is, Sheldon. I totally misjudged him."

"Yeah...me, too." Cera sighed, still overwhelmed from the experience from the week prior with Sheldon's family. She felt as though she constantly shifted from familial treatment to being judged, from Mary more than Meemaw. Sheldon, all the while, was more pleasant and helpful than usual. She was unsure if it was for Merritt's sake, because of the new situation, or if he was adopting a new attitude.

"He said he hasn't seen much of Merritt lately. Or you. Surprisingly, he mentioned you, too." Penny had noticed her odd neighbor out of sorts and slightly unkempt, so she pried it out of him.

"Oh, uh, yeah. They talk every night, but the scheduling…" Cera was feeling awful. She'd let her own complicated feelings affect Merritt and Sheldon.

"Oh, _tell_ me about it. Has he always been that way?"

"Yeah…but he's been surprisingly flexible since I've… re… met him. But it's not just him. I mean I'm busy and Merritt's got her own things too." The excuses tasted flat in Cera's mouth.

"Well, if _he's_ being flexible, can't you?" Penny was surprised Cera's selfish behavior, even though she probably had a good reason.

"Well, uh, yes. It's just, I'm needing space, right now."

"Yeah, what's that got to do with Sheldon seeing his daughter?" Penny hated being harsh, but Cera was sounding unusually selfish. Even if this was hard for her, Sheldon needed Merritt. And probably Cera too.

"Well…nothing. It's just me, not wanting to deal with Sheldon."

"I can see how you feel that way, but surely he's not that bad. I mean, you had a baby with him."

"I'm not suggesting I dislike him. I'm simply….avoiding my feelings on the whole matter."

"Oh, well, I totally get that. But can't you work it out so they can see each other." Penny heard Cera's soft, ragged 'Yeah' and decided to change the subject before she made her cry.

"So…Zack told me he told you about…us." Penny was nervous about her admission of marriage. She'd been commitment shy since Kurt, but it was just like her to stumble into one.

"Yeah. I suppose he felt it was only fair to swap personal revelations."

"What do I do with this? I didn't plan it. I'm not sure I want it. It was just a…a stupid thing." Penny ran her hands through her hair.

"I could say that Merritt came about the same way, but I wouldn't change it.

"Do you think splitting up would be a good choice?" Surely she couldn't build something real with Zack on a drunken joke. Penny expected Cera to tell her so.

"You know I'm not going to answer that. I can't, because it's not my decision. If you are going to make a choice, whether it's something you regret or enjoy-make sure it's yours, _not_ someone else's."

"Did other people do that with Merritt? Told you their choices?" Penny hadn't considered the effects of Cera's pregnancy.

"I'm not even going to dignify those conversations by talking about them."

"Oh, that's…I'm sorry. But what can you tell me or, ya know, ask me?" The advice she always got from Cera was invaluable. Mostly because it wasn't advice; it was forcing her to know herself and make her own decisions. She supposed it was because Cera didn't force her opinions into situations. Probably because she didn't want to get wrapped up in other people's lives or have them wrapped up in hers.

"Well, I've never been in your place before, but my suggestion would be to take what you have, then construct something better with good decisions."

"So you think we should stay together and make it work." Although she didn't ever say so, Penny was certain Cera like Zack better than Leonard.

"I didn't say that…take what you have, make something better with good decisions."

"You think we _should_…You know what, I'm gonna talk to Zack about this." It annoyed Penny when Cera was cryptic, but knew it was just her way of minding her own business.

"Still _not_ saying that, but talking about it, sounds like the best decision."

"Thanks…You really should follow your own advice though." Penny wanted her friends to be happier, better. What they seemed to be together.

"I'd already planned on it." Cera smiled at the thought.

"Good. So are we on for Saturday?"

"Uh, you know what, yeah. Let me check and see if Sheldon would mind being with Merritt for the evening."

* * *

Sheldon was perusing the new releases on the wall when he felt a pair of petite, slim arms slip around his waist. He was alarmed until a head hit the middle of his back and was accompanied by a squeal of "Surprise!"

"Merritt!" Sheldon whirled around to gather his daughter in his arms, just to pull to arm's length with a calculating look. "You have recently used hand sanitizer, right?"

"Yeah, it's in my pocket." She was crushed into another hug, before even finishing her sentence.

"I'm pleased to see you. It's been too long." Sheldon didn't normally like surprises, but for this he didn't even mind the interruption to new comic book night. Sheldon stood to see Cera, who gave him a small smile. He smiled back, grateful that he wouldn't have to wait until Saturday to see his daughter.

Merritt greeted the other guys and floated around the store enjoying new comic book night. Sheldon watched as she looked through the dollar bin and felt the tightness in his chest ease. Over the weekend he had noticed it tightened a bit more each day he didn't get to see her. He was still observing her when a voice broke through his thoughts.

"Hello, Sheldon."

"Wheaton." Sheldon looked up to the smirk he always knew meant trouble.

"You know my daddy?" Merritt, sneaking up behind Sheldon, was surprised by Wil's greeting.

"Oh, hey Bit!" Wil tussled Merritt's hair. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, this is my daddy." Merritt gestured to Sheldon, speaking to Wil as though he were silly.

"Sheldon, this may be the most interesting Bazinga you have come up with yet."

"I assure you, Merritt is no joke." Sheldon's hand went to the girl's shoulder and gave a squeeze.

"Cera, tell me this a joke." Wil called over his shoulder to where Stuart was helping her and Howard.

"_I'm_ not laughing, Wil." Cera called back. Stuart dropped the comics he had been collecting for her, at that surprising information.

"Damnit! Braden said…and it was…you?! All this time?" Wil's typical smirk was gone and been replaced with a stoniness Sheldon never seen before. Wil remembered visiting Cera after the birth of Merritt, having not seen her for a few years. The vibrancy that she had carried since childhood had all but disappeared. She hadn't even seemed that dejected after losing Galen. Though she never talked about it, he knew it was Sheldon's fault. And now Cera was hanging out with him.

"All this time, what?" Sheldon thought Wil really ought to be more specific, because he really wasn't making much sense. He noticed Howard steer Merritt toward the other end of the small store.

"You didn't…you…" There was nothing Wil could say that wouldn't be highly offensive and inappropriate in the vicinity of a nine year old. "We're not done talking about this. I hope you're planning on growing the Hell up and do something right for a change. Or you're going to be on _my_ list."

"I…I am a grown up. You-" Sheldon flustered.

"Yeah, you seemed like grown up when you couldn't let anybody else watch Indiana Jones just because you couldn't get in line early enough." Wil was back to smirking again.

"I was there _prior_ to your arrival! But you-"

Cera cut in front of Sheldon, placing her hand on his chest, creating a sensation he wasn't sure if he should flinch away from, or into. "Sheldon, he just likes messing with you. That's his thing."

"But he…" Sheldon whined.

"This is not about him. This is about Merritt. You. Me. This is _our_ life." Cera held Sheldon's gaze.

"Meesa thinks yousa notsa-" Wil always found Sheldon's rants amusing. It was a plus that Cera could see how ridiculous the high strung nerd was.

"Wil! Stop antagonizing him!" Cera's hand and eyes never left Sheldon, not even to chastise Wil. She was irritated that she had once laughed about the 'nutjob' that called Wil, Jar-Jar, and stole a movie. It made perfect sense now. Sheldon had always been audacious when he was upset. And Wil loved to provoke…everybody.

"Alright, alright. Cera, call me later." Watching Sheldon soften under Cera had been a bit disconcerting, but he realized she was handling it. Whatever it was. For now, he was going to talk to Braden and find out what exactly was happening here. "See you, Bit." Wil raised his voice so Merritt could hear him at the back of the store.

"Okay. Bye Mr. Wil!" Merritt responded from behind a rack of collectables.

"Don't call me Mr.!" Wil yelled back. "Why do you do that? You know I hate it when she call me that. It sounds creepy." Wil turned to Merritt.

"She's just being polite." Cera had an evil grin and then laughed. Wil just shook his head. At least she was no longer touching Sheldon, even if she was still standing too close.

* * *

After the fourth phone call, in two days from Wil, Cera was ready to scream. Each phone call he took a different tone, but she assumed that was because Wil was getting explanations from Braden and Elliott. She finally had to thank him for his concern and tell him to back off. And for God's sake, leave Sheldon alone.

"Well, I would, but-" Wil's voice had a mischievous lilt to it.

"No buts Wil. Anyway, I'm walking out the door."

"Where ya going? You're not hanging out with Sheldon, are you?"

"No, I'm going to Penny's. But Merritt is going to stay with him."

"Are you sure you want to do that? He could teach her to curse in Klingon or something."

"Wil, _you_ try to teach her to curse in Klingon. I'm just glad she gets her grasps for languages from him." Cera had heard Sheldon brutalize the Mandarin language and Merritt's attempt would be the same.

Wil laughed "See ya, Cera!"

* * *

Opening the door to a brightly colored Cera, Sheldon could help but smile. This was better than the pastels and neutrals she had worn when his family was in town. Long ago he had observed that the brighter colors Cera wore, the better mood she was in. Today her multicolor skirt was topped with a tank top emblazoned with a parrot in a pirate hat that said 'Yes, I am a Pirate.'

He had thought of her frequently in the last two days. She had defended him from an enemy, from someone who was her lifelong friend. She had said this was _their_ life. That had left Sheldon confused after her implication that the only thing they shared, was offspring. The way she expressed herself to Wheaton had never made him feel so included before. There were things in his life he had even started that he had been ejected from-like the Artic trip. So being considered a part of her and Merritt made him warm inside.

"Hey daddy." Merritt threw her arms around him.

"Hello Merritt." Sheldon was almost becoming comfortable with the sudden and constant touch from his daughter. The joy of her presence almost over took the panic of what germs she was carrying and if she had recently sanitized herself. Almost.

She waved a hello to the guys in the living room before noticing the stiff, panicked look on her father.

"Don't worry. I have sanitizer." Merritt held up a small bottle from Bath and Body Works.

"It has glitter in it." Sheldon pointed to the offensive item. The guys chuckled from in front of the TV.

"It still works. It has sixty-two percent alcohol in it." Merritt defended her sparkly sanitizer.

"That may be so, and I am grateful you use it, but handwashing is still more effective for germ removal." Sheldon just hoped his home wasn't covered in the shiny flecks later.

"OK, well, I'll be across the hall. Be mindful of junk food and video games." Cera gave Sheldon a pointed look followed by a soft smile.

"Olivia, I am perfectly capable of caring for our daughter. While I am new to this, I can assure you the previous missteps won't be repeated."

"Thanks again, Sheldon."

* * *

"…is why I am currently sleeping on the couch, while Ricky is occupying my boudoir." Amy was explaining when Penny opened the door to Cera with a soft 'hey'.

"So you're sleeping on the couch because the monkey has a cough?" Bernadette waved to Cera as she questioned Amy's living arrangements.

"Ricky would not object to sharing with me, but he snores, so I refuse to slumber alongside him."

"That sounds…practical." Bernadette responded.

"Certainly. Greetings, Cera Olivia." Amy shifted on the couch uncomfortably.

"Hi Amy, just Cera is fine." Cera accepted a bottle of water from Penny.

"You are late and missed my compelling anecdote about Ricky."

"My apologies. I was leaving Merritt with Sheldon and the guys."

"Do you really trust them with a kid?" Penny laughed.

"Certainly. She's joined them before." Cera giggled, "She disrupted Sheldon's sleep that evening, but that's the prize, for playing violent games in front of her."

"You don't think he'd do that again, do you?" Bernadette was concerned.

"Of course not. Sheldon's brilliant and knows how to learn from a mistake. Especially one that costs him his REM sleep." Cera gingerly sipped water from the plastic bottle she abhorred. She was grateful Penny gave her an alternative to wine, so she drank it.

"I would've liked to seen that. Does he tell her 'No one is allowed in my room'?" Penny mimicked Sheldon.

"No, he's allowed her in a few times. She slept in his room and he took the couch, last time."

"So, Sheldon is rearranging himself for the child. That seems detrimental to them both. It would be unfortunate for Sheldon to become another statistic of a parent losing his identity to his child. Also, she would not get the benefit from learning to self-comfort." Amy pointed out.

"Merritt's not a toddler, so I think she has accomplished self-comfort as much as any of us ever do. As for Sheldon, I don't think him becoming an attentive parent is a bad thing." Cera looked at Amy sternly.

"Of course, and I'm certain he's a brilliant father. In fact, if you were amendable, I would very much like to observe both Sheldon and Merritt and see the impact their interactions have on one another. Did Sheldon not ask you?"

"Uh, no, he did not. I'm not…sure. Sheldon and I would have to talk it over."

"Though I have no real world experience with children, I am well read on the subject." Amy gave Cera a hopeful look.

"I…believe you do, but I really should discuss that with Sheldon. Should I assume you have conducted such testing on him before?"

"Oh yes, Sheldon is quite fond of having his brain scanned." Amy was nearly giddy. "What type of education is Merritt receiving? Please tell me it is not mediocre public school education." Amy was dismayed at the thought of a product of Sheldon's brilliance being mishandled.

"She is not!" Penny chipped in. "She's at Waverly. She even went up a grade 'cuz she's got a high IQ."

Amy looked thoughtful. "Oh, well, that's better, I suppose. Do you feel she's being challenged academically? Is she getting a sufficient scientific background?"

"Yes. Merritt always has at least one extracurricular project going, and she has ample help. I am a physician, my brother is a physicist, and she spends a lot of time with Howard and Raj. Oh, and of course now, she has Sheldon. So, yes, she is being thoroughly and properly educated." Cera defended her daughter's tutelage.

"Perhaps, but I mean medicine _is_ just a practice, Raj can't speak to you, Howard only has a Master's, and your brother couldn't compare in knowledge to Sheldon." Amy was certain the girl couldn't possibly be properly educated with such a motley crew. It was fortunate that Sheldon was now available to her.

"Uh…wow. We all do have our specialties anyway. And Braden is very aware how he stacks up to Sheldon. Which is precisely why he drug me to a symposium in Heidelberg when we were teens."

"You met Sheldon as a teenager?" Amy gave a stunned whisper. Sheldon had failed to mention that information. She had referred to him as a sort of boyfriend last week, yet she continued to find she knew less and less about him. Perhaps this is why he didn't seem to mind her taking another man to a wedding.

"Yes."

"You were always going to come along and impel your offspring onto Sheldon? I'm concerned for him and for Merritt. For years you've concealed his progeny from him and now you've turned him into an au pair." Hurt or anger, Amy couldn't tell the difference right now. Nor did she know if it was for Sheldon or herself, but she knew she _didn't_ feel OK about it.

Bernadette and Penny gasped.

"I..." Cera pulled a deep breath to calm herself. She hadn't done anything to Amy to cause her anger other than coincidental association. "Thank you for your concern. It was always my desire that Merritt have a relationship with her father. I was never going to force her on him, though…That is _all_ the information you need on my family."

"So, Howie wants kids." Bernadette changed the subject. "I mean I didn't really want them, but they're interesting and Howie is so good with Merritt. It's amazing-I've watched him help her build a hand. It's an articulated hand out of straws and yarn. Howard is so patient and clear with her.

"Sometimes he's still juvenile, and that's fun and cute, but it's not the same, or as often now. He's doing more _for_ his mom and letting her do less for him, and he realizes he doesn't have to. Even she's a little different. I still don't want to live with her, though."

"That's just Howard learning how to be…him. He's been a real rock for me throughout…" Cera avoided the touchy subject of Sheldon and Merritt.

"Yeah, he's...different...more." Bernadette said reflectively.

"So, Wine?" Penny filled the lull.

* * *

Sheldon was connecting his old SNES, thinking an older system's games may be easier for Merritt to tolerate.

"So, uh, daddy, did you apply the other differential equation?"

"What?" Sheldon straightened up and gave Merritt a calculated look.

"You said that function and derivatives weren't working out so you needed to-"

"I recall what I said, I just didn't think had been listening. Yes I did, it worked out well." Sheldon gave a genuine smile, stunning the guys. "Good girl." Sheldon felt a sudden sense of ease with her that he hadn't experienced before. He had been concerned that like him and his father, he and Merritt would be too different and never understand each other.

"Did you understand it?" Sheldon felt a fluttering in his chest at the prospect.

"Umm, not a lot of it. I've never really seen anything like that before." Merritt noticed Sheldon's face fall. "But you could, maybe, tell me."

"She could probably pick up the core of it. From the things we've done together I can tell she's got the comprehension level of a young high schooler. On things she likes anyway." Howard winked at Merritt, settling any hard feelings from pointing out there were things she didn't pay attention to.

"It's true." Raj backed up Howard's claim.

"You would want to do that? Learn some basic physics from me?"

"Well, not _now_. I wanted to play Donkey Kong Country. Later though." Merritt picked up the grey controller.

"Good idea Merritt, Donkey Kong sounds great." Leonard added quickly before they all got sucked into a physics lesson.

* * *

"So…me and Zack are, uh, together." Penny still sipped at her first glass of wine.

"Are you sure about this Penny? Cats are notoriously hard to return to the bag." Cera warned. "They are temperamental, get into everything, leaving evidence of their presences as they shed as they go. I'm still dealing with my own cat"

"Do you dislike cats, Cera?" Amy scrutinized Cera, thinking the conversation was taking an odd turn.

"What? No, though they do irritate Merritt's asthma. I was speaking in metaphor, though." Though Cera answered Amy, she was watching Penny.

"I...It's ok. Me and Zack will be alright...I hope" Penny understood Cera's meaning and hoped they could handle whatever came from it.

"It was unfortunate that his lack of intellect was such a turn off. The thoughts of his hiney still make me…Hoooo." Amy eye's rolled up as gave a dopey smile.

"No…it wasn't unfortunate. Me and him are kinda…permanent?" Penny's voice expressed the uncertainty she felt.

"What do you mean, kind of permanent?" Bernadette leaned forward on the couch in confusion and expectation.

Penny glanced at Cera to gather her courage. "Me and Zack have been married since Thanksgiving."

"What?" "How?" Amy and Bernadette chorused.

"Remember when we went out to Vegas?"

"Yeah, he took you because you were homesick for the holidays. He thought getting you half way was good enough."

"Las Vegas isn't even close to halfway to Omaha, Nebraska. Perhaps if you had made it to Colorado…"

"But, you had a good time and came back happy." Bernadette interrupted Amy's geographical correction.

"Yeah, we gambled, had a festive dinner in a strip club and went to a cheesy wedding chapel."

"How could you do that? I didn't even get to be a bride's maid?" Amy looked bereft.

"Well, it turns out Elvis is your bride's maid when you go with the Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love package." Penny was shocked by Amy's distress; she'd barely known her a year. If she picked, it might be Cheryl, who started at The Cheesecake Factory about the same time. Or possibly Whitney, she was an even older friend who she used to go to auditions with, but Whitney had been in the same group of friends with Kurt, so that would have been kind of weird. Picking her older sister would be best.

"If Elvis was your bride's maid, who officiated?" Bernadette wrinkled her nose at the thought.

"Oh, he did that too. Only a different Elvis." Penny finished her wine, but held off on getting a refill. She was trying to follow Cera's advice, but making good decisions was hard and not really fun.

"Well, I suppose there is always Bernadette." Amy comforted herself.

"I'm not even sure if we want attendants. Howie and I haven't really planned anything yet."

"Don't look at me. I pass." Cera shifted uncomfortably as attention shifted to her.

"You don't want a wedding?" Bernadette asked.

"If I want anything, it's just a happy marriage...that's different from my parents. A commotion is not necessary for that." Cera, sitting at the bar, finally accepted a glass of wine from Penny.

"So you don't think you would ever? I mean you and Sheldon have Merritt."

"What does that have to do with marrying Sheldon? It was just to sate curiosity, if anything. If _he_ were to marry anyone, wouldn't it be Amy?"

Penny opened her mouth to mention that Sheldon spoke of Cera a lot, but the pleased look on Amy's face silenced her.

"While I do enjoy a relationship with Sheldon, which my mother believes is physical, I _have_ had a date with _another_ man, so it's early yet to be settling. Just last weekend I attended a wedding with Leonard." Amy turned her attention to Penny. "I do hope you don't mind how cozy Leonard and I have become."

"Uh, no, it doesn't bother me; you would need to ask Priya. But I hear the international charges are a bit high. Good for you for getting out, though." Penny finally gave in and poured a second glass of wine. So far so good for revealing her nuptials. Now, she just had to tell her family.

"Why, thank you. It was a pleasure having an evening in which I did not have to discuss comics…or trains." Amy confessed.

"Not your cup of tea Amy?" Cera noted that Amy didn't seem to actually like Sheldon.

"I'm not certain how any adult can waste their time on something so juvenile."

"Juvenile? Which one? Merritt and I took a train across country last year. It was very efficient. The views were marvelous and the sound and motion made for some of the best sleep. And I'm certain if you crack open the right comic book, it is _not_ for children."

"I suppose lollygagging with such things doesn't bother you, but then you don't have to spend your energies on the pursuit on neurological excellence."

"Hmm, guess not." Cera stated obliquely.

* * *

"Sorry to wake you." Cera had crept into Sheldon's apartment to collect a sleeping Merritt.

"I wasn't really sleeping. Merritt had a good evening. She was even able to speak with Meemaw." Sheldon whispered, stepping forward in his Saturday pajamas and robe. He stopped to glance at Merritt sleeping on his couch. "You were right..."

"While I'm sure I was. You need to be more specific and tell me about what."

Sheldon wanted to chastise her for interrupting, but he noticed her big grin and realized she was teasing him.

"You told me not to underestimate her. She _was_ listening last week. We even talked about it after we played. She remembered nearly all of it. Her understanding wasn't exactly comprehensive, but she was definitely above her age level. Of course she would have enhanced abilities, she is my child." Sheldon whispered too close to her ear causing her to shiver. "Are you cold?"

"Uh, no, I just need to go." Cera took two steps back.

"Girls night typically involves imbibing alcohol. Are you certain you can drive?"

"I only had one glass. That was over an hour ago."

"If you're certain that you will be safe." Sheldon's look of concern was not lost on Cera.

"Safe. Safer than in here." Cera said more to herself as she nudged Merritt awake.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: I don't not own or make money from The Big Bang Theory**

Chapter 26

Reluctantly, Sheldon had agreed to keep Merritt the week Cera had late shifts at the hospital. Keeping her overnight, every night, while juggling his own schedule would be taxing and more than he felt comfortable with, but she was his child and therefore his responsibility. He would have felt more at ease with the situation if Cera had agreed to his contract.

Merritt was dropped off shortly after he returned home from work and Cera picked her up and had a cup of coffee each morning. The whole occurrence did little to affect the flow of his schedule. Though some of the game play was not as intense as usual and the movie selections varied a bit, his week, so far, had remained relatively the same.

The first complication arose on Wednesday when Sheldon had to convince Leonard to return home before going to The Comic Center, in order to pick up Merritt. Fortunately, the wait wasn't too long.

When Sheldon opened the door, there stood a man who looked much less pleasant than the last time they met.

"Sheldon." Braden's voice sounded stern, his tone of respect and admiration, gone.

Noticing the shift from him formal designation, Sheldon shifted back on his feet, Merritt darting between them to the couch.

"Uh, hello Braden Tollman." Sheldon thought perhaps the bullying he faced as a youngster was not over, though, he may have earned this. From all of the research he had done, older brothers were not typically forgiving when they perceived their younger sisters being mistreated.

"Look, I know you were unaware of all of this, but your lack of knowledge was your own doing." Braden shook his head. "This is not something I would have expected from you." Braden had a low but hard tone.

"I, uh-" Sheldon couldn't deny his claims, but desperately want to regain some control in the situation.

"It's hurt to watch Cera lose herself. Not that" Braden nodded his head toward Merritt, "has not been wonderful, but...my sister, no longer trusts, she isolates herself and she wraps herself in a child that will be gone in six years…But that's not-" Wanting to vent his frustration, but not alienate the man, Braden made his displeasure known and then held his tongue. "What matters now is how you handle this."

Sheldon nodded his head in understanding. "Are…Do you feel the need to commit violence to my person? Please, not my head."

Braden gave Sheldon a calculating look, then laughed "I'm not going to hit you Dr. Cooper. I'm not really the violent type. You might want to watch out for Elliott, though. He's mentioned 'remindin' you of how it's done in Texas.'"

Sheldon cringed as Braden walked away laughing.

Fortunately, Leonard didn't mention going out of his way or the wait. The guys enjoyed seeing Merritt again when they arrived at the store. She was well behaved and Sheldon even bought her a comic book of her own.

"Can I read your comic book, daddy?" Merritt flopped down on the couch.

"Not right now Merritt. There is a certain procedure for handling them carefully. " Sheldon shooed her out his spot and sat down beside her.

"Oh, well how about one of the other ones in your room?"

"No Merritt, I don't think that's a good idea."

"But I want to."

"No." Sheldon said unconvincingly. While Sheldon was accustomed to people pushing back against his decisions, he wasn't quite sure how to handle Merritt. He didn't want to hurt her feelings, but he didn't want his collectables ruined, and there were other things on his schedule for the evening. "No, Merritt." He managed to sound firmer.

"Ok," Merritt pouted as she went to settle in at the bar.

During a lull in the game Sheldon realized he hadn't seen or heard Merritt in several minutes. Sheldon silenced the guys and called out "Merritt?"

After hearing some scuffling from down the hall, Sheldon approached his room.

"What!? Merritt!" Sheldon could see several of his comics out of their sleeves laid across his bed. "Those aren't playthings. I distinctly remember telling you not to touch my comics."

"But, I did it right. I have your gloves on." Merritt held up her covered hands.

"But you still disobeyed." Sheldon heaved a deep breath. "Remove the gloves and go sit at the bar."

Sheldon spent the rest of his evening trying to overcome the loss of time from straightening his comic book collection, as well as sorting through the complex feelings he had about Merritt's actions.

* * *

"…So the comic was unharmed, but I am concerned for her disregard of the rules." Sheldon explained his evening with Merritt, to Cera.

"Merritt Lise, you know better. Do you want to write a paper for daddy?" Cera held Merritt's chin and made eye contact for a moment.

"A paper?" Sheldon perked up.

"Oh yeah. When we were kids, dad made us write papers as a learning exercise. The topic was our wrong doing, why it was wrong, how we could correct our errors, and how we could prevent such behavior in the future. The older we were the more complex the papers were expected to be. Dad would proof read, mark and make us rewrite the paper until it was perfect. In blue or black ink. Even when he wasn't with us Connie would fax pages to him and he would proof read and send back for us to correct. It was good for learning writing skills and proper penmanship. Passing it on seemed like a good idea."

"That doesn't sound so bad for a punishment. It could even be fun."

"No, analyzing yourself for behavioral short comings and recognizing the need for personal change is never fun." Cera shook her head remembering her many papers.

"When put that way, I don't suppose it would."

"Daddy can come for dinner this weekend." Merritt broke in.

"Huh?" "What?" came from each of Merritt's parents.

Cera shrugged in agreement.

* * *

Thursday Cera called to alert him that Merritt wanted to spend time with her grandparents.

While he was glad for some peace after the previous evening's mishap, her absence left a void. He took solace in Graziano's pizza and a Skype meeting with Amy. He was delighted at the interest Amy took in his progeny and even agreed to a meeting.

* * *

"Hey daddy." Merritt didn't even bother to knock.

Sheldon looked around, "Merritt, how did you get here?"

"Bumpa. He's parking the car."

"Bumpa? You mean, you mean your grandfather?" Sheldon felt a surge of panic. While Braden had been surprisingly passive, he was unsure of Cera's father.

"Yeah, he wants to meet you."

"Drat" Sheldon muttered. He looked around his apartment, his hands flapping in distress. He should do something. Change clothes? Clean? Protect his genitals? Probably the last one, his genitals were at fault after all.

Two minutes later a tall, slim, older man appeared at his door. The dark jeans, half open button up and the sunglasses perched in his dark curly hair, was a casualness that reminded him of Cera.

"So you must be Sheldon Cooper. Pat Tollman." Patrick stuck his hand out and clapped Sheldon on shoulder.

"That's Doctor Cooper." Sheldon impulsively corrected.

"Sure it is. I wouldn't have let my kids ride half way across Germany for just any scientist. Merritt had a good time last night, but she missed you. She's been talkin' up a storm about you." Cera's father drawled.

"I missed her as well."

"Well then. I will leave you two, to it. The girls are coming out next weekend. We're going to grill lunch and catch up. You're welcome to come. Cyn and I would love to get to know you better."

"I, uh, I suppose, I-."Sheldon wanted to turn him down, but didn't think it would be proper etiquette.

"Just think about it and let Ceridwen know." Patrick broke in to save the poor boy from himself.

"Oh-uh, ok." Sheldon really hated how unsure of himself he had become since Cera reentered his life.

"Alrighty then…later baby." Patrick waved to Merritt.

"Bye, Bumpa."

Sheldon was surprised Cera's family seemed less upset with him than his own. Maybe there was something to be said for hippies.

* * *

When Cera picked Merritt up Saturday morning she could feel the tension. Merritt was immediately ready to go and she spoke very little to Sheldon.

Cera pulled Sheldon aside and asked if there was a problem. Sheldon said Merritt withdrew last night, but he didn't know why.

"Well, what did you do last night?"

"Your father dropped her off. I believe, he is expecting me to join your family in a gathering next weekend. Merritt seemed to be in a pleasant mood at that time. We went to dinner with Amy. Then we returned to the apartment. Amy and I played counterfactuals and after that we prepared to sleep. Merritt wouldn't tell me good night, though."

"Hmm, I'll get it figured out." Cera at least knew what questions to start asking from the description given.

"Am, am I still allowed to come for dinner?" Sheldon seemed childlike and confused.

"Yes. She can't hide from you just because she's upset. I'll give her a few hours to recoup and then we'll talk. Y'all will get through this."

"Thank you, Olivia."

As expected Merritt wasn't talkative when she got home. Cera had given her a few hours, which gave her time for a nap on the couch. But now they were going to talk.

"Baby, what happened with your daddy?" Cera was answered with a shrug. "Come on, we can't fix it, if you don't talk about it." Cera received another shrug. "Does this have anything to do with Miss Amy?"

"She doesn't think you're a good mom, she doesn't think I'm smart and, and Sheldon agrees."

Cera took a deep breath before dismantling the actual conversation. Things were dire if Sheldon was losing his daddy title.

"What, exactly, did Miss Amy say?"

"While we were riding out to eat she asked me how much time I spent on school work, and she asked if I was advanced enough to have learned cognitive neuroscience and some other words I can't say. When she asked my hobbies, she said my time would be better spent buckling down and getting a real education. Then she asked if Sheldon felt that you are a sufficient parental unit to his progeny."

"She asked that in front of you?"

"Well she kinda whispered _that_, but you know I hear really good."

"You hear _well_. What did Sh- your daddy say?"

"He said your 'intelligence wasn't as high as he'd prefer to instruct me, but your medical education could at least ensure my health, though you were overly particular about it. You were kind and supportive like Meemaw, but that did cause you to overindulge me." Merritt squeezed her Pillow Pet tighter.

"Well that's…not so…is there anything else?"

Merritt nodded and explained the rest of her evening.

Sheldon was able to catch a ride with Zack, who was just leaving Penny's at the time he was seeking a ride. While he found interesting that Zack and Penny had wed, he wasn't surprised. Penny had always been impulsive and Zack very loyal. He felt certain between Zack's steadfastness and Penny's stubbornness they could actually make this last.

The ride was quiet as Zack knew Sheldon didn't like banal chit chat and Sheldon was nervous about the tension with his daughter.

"The ride is much appreciated, Zack."

"Yeah, No prob. Tell Cera and Merritt, hey."

Sheldon nodded his affirmation and nervously approached the house.

"Hello, Olivia. Is Merritt still upset?" Sheldon looked around for his daughter.

"Yes, and perhaps rightly so."

"Was it something I did?"

"Yes…and no."

"Can't you help me?"

"I don't think I can. I wouldn't be…perceived as impartial. You just need to be careful when exposing children to other people. I hated it when my parents had 'special friends' and I was pushed to be pleasant to them…even if they weren't to me.

"As a child, it's all seems worse in your head. But it seems as though you and Amy gave Merritt much to be worried about."

"I…don't understand."

"Not all of the people you date are going to be into kids and I cannot be an impartial observer in situations involving Merritt and you're…entanglements."

"Oh, did…did you date men who didn't like Merritt?" While Sheldon wanted to express his thoughts on Amy and dating again, he felt getting information on Cera more pressing. His stomach clenched with the idea of Cera being with other men. The discomfort seemed preposterous since there was no relationship between them and he knew she had been with no one but him, physically anyway.

"Not very long." Cera chuckled. She had no time for any man that could love Merritt as if she were his own.

"Did you have any romantic partners that were agreeable to Merritt?"

"She and Jeff got along very well. I often thought they had more fun…He had been a great guy." Cera trailed off, nodding her head in rumination.

"So Merritt was not the reason for the dissolution of your relationship?"

"No. Upon reflection, I think it was inevitable. Though he was very stable and peaceful, which was the appeal, he was also very serious and reserved, which led to a…bland union. But what caused the end, was learning that he was a self-serving ass. Stability and peace apparently only went as far, as it didn't threaten his way of life."

"He harmed you?"

"Not physically. Just my work…" Cera explained Jeff's deflection of responsibility onto her jeopardizing her career. "I was afraid it would follow me forever…I guess, in a way, being deceived by someone you trust, does."

"That is indeed, a dreadful experience."

"Yeah, but even without the permanent damage to my work, I couldn't be as forgiving as you."

Sheldon considered his answer for a moment. "It was in my best interest to put it behind me. Otherwise, I would be without all that I had spent years constructing. Giving up my life here and permanently returning to Texas wasn't really an option."

"No?"

Sheldon merely shook his head. He didn't want to admit to the weakness of needing the relationships he had built here, or the weakness of being affected by the memories that lingered _there_. He felt perhaps it was a good time to halt their current topic and check on Merritt.

As he climbed the stairs, Sheldon contemplated what to say. Typically, the only feelings he concerned himself with, were his own, and even then it was only when he was uncomfortable. But with Merritt it almost seemed as though her feelings were his own; because she was sad, he was, too. When he triple knocked on his daughter's bedroom door, Merritt yelled for him to come in but didn't seem to move. Sheldon entered and stood at the end, awkwardly shifting from one foot to the other. Finally, he decided to sit in order to gain her attention.

"Your mother said you were upset with me."

Merritt remained silent, not acknowledging his presence, before finally throwing herself at him. "Amy is not better than my momma, and, and she's mean. And you like her _better_!" Merrit was wailing by the end.

"There, there." Sheldon patted her considering what she said and how to respond. The problem was, her statement didn't make any sense. "Could you please explain the meaning of your outburst?"

Merritt described their evening together, from her perspective. From Amy's analysis of her (that she felt like she failed) to the discussion of her mom's parenting (that sounded as if she was lacking), and the game of counterfactuals that she was _wrong_ on her first go and therefore ignored for the remainder of the evening.

Stroking Merritt's hair, Sheldon contemplated his response. He knew he was bad with emotional expression, his or anyone else's. If he had been better, perhaps he would have caught this rift, as it was occurring. He still wasn't sure who he supposedly liked Amy better than-Merritt or Cera. He knew he didn't like her better than his daughter and he wasn't certain he liked her better than Cera either.

"I…apologize for Amy's over inquisitiveness. The fact that you are intelligent, healthy, and…happy speaks volumes for your mother and her abilities. I should have been more explicit in my support of you two. As for disregarding you in favor of counterfactuals, I believe you… and others may be right on that front, it really is just conjecture. I didn't have any successful answers last night either, though I'm certain I was right."

"Umm, ok." Merritt sat quietly a moment before planting a kiss on Sheldon's forehead that he wanted to both, rub off and rub in at the same time. He wasn't certain if he was forgiven or not, but things were no longer as stressed.

"Thank you…sweetheart. Will you come down now?" Sheldon wasn't usually one for endearments, but she was a sweetheart. Suddenly, he understood how he came to be Moonpie to Meemaw.

"Maybe, in a minute."

"Very well, your mother and I will see you soon.

_When you were good, baby/Mmm, you were very good_

_I still look up/When you walk in the room_

_I've the same wide eyes/Now they tell a story_

_I try not to reach out/When you turn around_

_You say hello/And we both pretend…_

Sheldon could hear Cera singing in the kitchen as he descended the stair and crossed the living room. It was a pleasant sound, though he didn't know the song.

"I believe I have solved Merritt's problem." He said after perching at the bar.

"Oh? Good." Cera dug a few items from the refrigerator.

Sheldon watched Cera bustle around the kitchen for a few minutes before asking "Do you think Amy is, for lack of a better term, mean?"

"I don't think that she's malicious, maybe sometimes, but I think she should and could be more mindful of the feelings of others. Especially for as sensitive as she is concerning the treatment of herself…She tends to use her intelligence like a battering ram, but seems to have no wisdom to wield it helpfully. Behavior you seemed to have acquired in the last several years as well. What's the saying? 'I object to intellect without discipline, as well as power without constructive purpose'."

Sheldon stared at Cera in awe, "Did you know you paraphrased Spock?"

"Well, I couldn't be around the twins that much and not know that." Cera shrugged, "Or you… I may have heard that one from you."

"Perhaps." Sheldon mumbled. He had a lot to think about. This wasn't first time others had cautioned him about Amy's demeanor…or his own. Typically, he would disregard such, but he wouldn't allow, or be, the cause of pain and distress to his child.

After a moment of silence Sheldon stated, "I don't want to attend your family gathering. I don't think I would enjoy it."

After a beat Cera said "Um, ok." And returned to cooking.

"Is your hesitation displeasure?"

"Well, I'm disappointed... But I'm not angry. I'm not even surprised."

"Oh…very well then." Sheldon found this surprisingly simple.

"Yep." Cera popping her 'p' reminded Sheldon of an irritated Penny.

It was too simple, perhaps he was unwanted, "Did you not want me to go?"

"Yes, I did, as did my family. But it's your prerogative to do as you wish." Cera stayed by the stove, never turning her gaze to Sheldon.

"Oh, am I breaking some social convention by not attending?"

"I wouldn't know. I'm not from a family that's ever given much credence to social convention. And there is no such thing, in our situation...are you... are you wanting me to beg? Because you know I don't do that…

"No, of course not." There was a lull in conversation until Sheldon brought up something he found curious. "Amy said you thought, I should marry her."

Cera ceased stirring, "That's not exactly what I said, but I assumed that was why you were seeing a woman you met on a dating site."

"We aren't dating because she's not my girlfriend."

"Hmm, maybe. What is her mother's perception of that? What does she think you do when you're alone with her daughter?"

"That...that was a ruse orchestrated by Amy. That doesn't mean I want to marry her." Sheldon's voice took the tone of a boy, who thought girls were 'icky'.

"You don't have to. It was just a senseless discussion about bride's maids."

Sheldon paused to consider the two women discussing weddings. "Do you want one?"

"Do I want one, what?" This time Cera did turn around and look at Sheldon.

"Aren't you listening? A bride's maid."

"No, why would I want one? I'm not getting married." Cera slid a pan in the oven.

"But, I did ask you to marry me."

"No, you asked if it was a good idea to get married, for Merritt."

"Is that not what I just stated?"

"No, it's not. I don't think marrying for a third party is a good idea. A marriage out of obligation wouldn't really be happy and long term obligation very easily turn into resentment."

"You think I would resent you?"

"I think you resented committing to sex more than once, and then you resented it not being on your terms, or maintaining anything beyond the physical so, no, I don't think you really want to be married." Cera slammed down a large bowl punctuating the end of the conversation.

Sheldon didn't have a response for that. He didn't know if wanted to be married. But he wasn't sure he _didn't_ want to either. He felt it was unfair that she used an occurrence from years ago to define him, when she wouldn't let him do the same to her.

She was tossing a salad at the bar when Sheldon noticed a burn scar on the back of her middle finger, just above the middle knuckle. He knew she had washed her hands minutes ago. He reached out and took her hand, touched the scar, traced his finger across the back of her hand to the wrist then turned her hand over. He recalled Cera burning herself while frying chicken with Meemaw.

Cera jerked her hand away as if he had burned her. Sheldon wasn't accustomed to people pulling from him. He tried to reason why. His hands were clean, he didn't think he caused her pain, she didn't seem to be occupied with anything. The only thing he could come up with was she just didn't want him to touch her.

There was enough tension for the rest of the evening that even Sheldon could detect it. It didn't help that all tension was directed at him, from both females.

* * *

With a few clicks Sheldon placed an order on, what he recalled to be, Cera's favorite. They should be delivered to her office this afternoon. While she insisted she was not upset, things were…different. He hoped she would cease her aggravation and actually talk to him, instead of merely passing him off to Merritt.

Merritt wasn't nearly as talkative as she once had been either. Sheldon hoped receiving her Groovy Girl activity gift basket this evening would help that. He needed her to know she was important to him. Even when they weren't together.

Speaking with Amy had become complicated. He observed her behavior and weighed her actions. He may not be able to read emotions and motivations, but he could see patterns. Her comportment was a string of blunt statements and adverse observations. While he preferred that method of communication, he was aware others could find it rough. He recalled advice Meemaw had given him years before and applied it to Amy. 'Are the statements positive or negative, if they are negative are they constructive? Can it be said nicely?' While he was never able to slow his mind down enough to be fully successful, perhaps for a while he was less rude, less mean.

Feeling like a cad or bounder, Sheldon was becoming uneasy with his association with Amy. Though he was not in a formalized relationship with either her or Cera, he found himself thinking frequently about the latter. While he felt compelled to be loyal to Cera, he also wanted to interact with her, laugh with her. He attempted to keep his thoughts strictly to her role as Merritt's mother. To think about Cera in her own right, seemed perilous.

* * *

In between patients, the receptionist knocked at Cera's office door. "You have a delivery."

Cera looked up, but her eyes were drawn to large pot of pink, potted Calla Lilies. "Oh, my."

The receptionist left them on her desk. Cera couldn't imagine anybody sending her flowers to her office, let alone anyone who knew her favorite flower and knew she hated getting vases of, soon to be, dead flowers. The most shocking was the card that held no message, merely 'Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper B.S., M.S., M.A., Ph.D., Sc.D.'

If they were from any other man, she would assume this was some sort of romantic gesture, but since it was Sheldon, this was probably nothing more than 'I find your emotional state inconvenient, please desist.' Though being presented with an unexpected gift felt nice, it didn't change anything. She wasn't mad at him, she never was. But his decision did cause a rift that couldn't be repaired by a flowering plant.

Still, they were lovely and it was a gesture of…something. Cera was honestly afraid what it could mean. She feared reading too much into it, but she didn't want to just dismiss it either. So, until she spoke to Sheldon, to gain context, they were nothing more than a potted plant.

"Daddy wants to talk to you." Merritt handed her brightly colored, Just5 phone to Cera.

"Hello, Olivia. After thanking me for her gift basket, Merritt informed me you did indeed receive the flowers I sent to you."

"Oh, yeah. Calla Lilies are my favorite, but you knew that. You didn't have to do that, though."

"I did. It's a social convention to give a peace offering when offending another."

"Sheldon, I told you, I'm not mad."

"Then why does your behavior indicate otherwise?"

"My behavior is…an acknowledgement that you would…not prefer me and my family's company."

"I don't mean it as an offense. I just prefer to spend my time doing something more functional."

"I know, but that preference is a barricade. You mean to keep yourself apart from us. And no it doesn't make me feel good, but I'm not angry either. It's nothing you haven't told me before."

Cera's response carried more emotional implications than he thought himself capable. He merely preferred to have his Saturday to himself. Also, he felt mildly intimidated by the thought of spending a day with Cera's family. Being invited to spend time with the Tollman's, in their home, seemed like a defining and irrevocable action. Being uncomfortable with Cera's insinuation, Sheldon decided to move onto something more important.

"You do know how care for your Zantedeschia aethiopica, do you not?"

"Yes, though they did have to spend an unfortunate hour and a half in my car. I didn't want to aggravate any one's asthma or cause an allergic response. But they are safely on my kitchen table now, until I can plant them on my patio."

"That sounds acceptable."

"Of course it does. Now I need to go tend to Merritt. Later."

Sheldon stared at his phone as if it had offended him. He was still uncertain about Cera's state of mind. Clearly, sending flowers had not fully eased her sensitive feelings. Perhaps he should seek advice somewhere other than Google.

* * *

"I believe she may be angry. I don't like her upset with me." Sheldon inspected his lunch setting, accounted for all napkins, and checked his flatware.

"Of course she's pissed at you. You blew her and her family off, hurt her feelings." Howard popped the top on his soda.

"But she didn't say so." Sheldon was still examining his food.

"Because people don't like to expose when they feel weak. If anything they usually act angry." Raj pointed out.

"Oh. So, I should go, then?" Sheldon questioned.

"I don't think it would make her feel any better if you treat her like an obligation either, dude." Raj said between bites.

"Then what does she want?" Sheldon finally decided his lunch was satisfactory.

"She...probably, wants you, to want to." Howard answered.

"What does that even mean?" Sheldon didn't understand why this was so complicated. He was certain he would solve String Theory, before figuring women out. Especially, Cera.

"Hell if I know, man." Howard shrugged.

"Then why did you say it?" Clearly, his friends had no more clue than he did.

"Because that is what women _want._" Howard said

"They want you to desire their happiness." Raj explained.

"Oh. How do I do that?" Sheldon fiddled with his water bottle. Cera would disapprove of the plastic. Hoo boy, he couldn't even get through lunch without thinking of her.

"Ask Leonard, he's good at groveling." Howard jabbed.

"I am not…But doing what you have to, to keep them happy, is the key." Leonard supplied.

"Not always. But I think, in this instance she wants you to go because your _presence_ would make her happy, even if you don't want to go." Raj said.

Sheldon merely nodded, curious about his presence, making Cera happy.

_**Cera was singing Angel by Fleetwood Mac-I don't own that either **_


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N:** I do not own or make money from the Big Bang Theory

Chapter 27

Penny inspected the strappy shoes Cera had just sat on her counter. "Didn't you just buy these?"

"Oh, no. I bought them two months ago." Cera studied her surroundings, noticing it was tidier than usual.

"Try five weeks-I was there. You have no idea how much money you save me by letting me rotate through your collection. I haven't bought shoes in like three months."

"That's cool. I'm pleased it's helpful."

"You know it really does help…Me and Zack are talking about getting a place that's ours and moving into together, since…you know."

"That sounds cozy. Is he staying with you, now?"

"Yeah, well…we switch back and forth. He lives in the pool house behind his parents, so this is a little more…free. He does make me clean, though. He likes it tidy so 'he can find things'." Penny mimicked Zack.

Cera chuckled "I'm more than familiar with that. Sheldon straightens the patient files and research papers I have on the counter and dining table every time he's over. He organizes them by name _and_ date. And I better not muddle his magazines or Red Vines."

Penny stared at Cera for a long moment. "What's your deal with Sheldon?"

"I don't know what you mean. He's Merritt's dad." Cera sounded too casual.

"He's cleaning your house and keeping stuff there? That sounds serious." Penny was about to add he didn't do serious or relationships, but clearly he did do something.

Cera was bewildered by Penny's assertion. "Well I wouldn't say he was cleaning. Just managing my work clutter. He's always done that. And he doesn't have that much stuff, just little things for when he's over with Merritt."

"Uh-huh, so you only ever talk about Merritt or see him because of Merritt? I remember you said you loved him. That stuff takes a long time to get over. It took, like _forever_ and a lot of _stupid_ mistakes to get over Kurt and he was the biggest asshole there is. And I still…_care_. I can't imagine having a daily reminder of all that."

"Hmm." Cera acknowledged Penny's statement then took a ragged breath. "The stupid thing is, I like him better now than I did then. While he doesn't have the same…gentlemanly sweetness, he's more…aware. At time's I enjoy him very much and watching him with Merritt is...I just melt. He's so devoted and has such affection…" Cera trailed off, her mouth creating words that her mind and emotions hadn't caught up to.

"Oh." Penny absently patted a shoe. She had seen Sheldon's sweet side, both when he was being a gentleman, and with Merritt; if he stayed that way he would be an amazing guy. Of course he was also nuts, but in a way that worked with Cera. It was no wonder the woman was always conflicted.

"I know it's ridiculous. I mean I already know that he…no, I really _don't_ know. It's all been so inconsistent. I don't know what he thinks, or feels, or what he merely feels obligated to…I know why he likes Amy so much, she's very cut and dry, and has far less baggage than I."

Penny desperately wanted to tell her friend something, anything to encourage her, but couldn't think of a thing.

Penny had barely stepped through the door when she was verbally assaulted by Sheldon.

"You're late! You know how valuable punctuality is and yet you constantly push the boundaries of what is acceptable!" Sheldon was frustrated and taking it out on anyone around him.

"Wow, uh, sorry. Cera just dropped by some shoes. Didn't you see her?" Penny was startled.

"Cera was by? But she did not come _here_." Sheldon nearly whispered.

On second thought it occurred to Penny that in Cera's state, she wouldn't have stopped in to see Sheldon. Poor woman.

"I take it you haven't agreed to go with her." Leonard looked up from the stacks of food.

"No. But I have apologized…and I sent flowers. Nothing seems to be working. She's still holding this over my head." Sheldon shook his head.

"I told you, you should just go." Leonard handed food to Penny.

Penny accepted shaking her head, "I don't think that's it. She had to pick up Merritt, so she was probably in a hurry. And I don't really think she's all that mad about her parents. Maybe…_you_ just feel guilty about it."

"I, that's not…no." Sheldon spluttered. Why should he feel guilty, he hadn't done anything wrong. He didn't, however, feel like he had done anything right, either.

* * *

"…taken over the bedroom. I believe, he views it as his right as the alpha male of the apartment. While I don't mind sharing, I am disturbed by the amount of ashes he leaves in the sheets." Amy regaled Sheldon with anecdotes of her monkey, Rickey.

"Amy Farrah Fowler, that sounds positively appalling." Sheldon physically leaned away from the computer as though he could prevent contamination. "That is unsanitary, unsafe and sounds down right squalid."

"I assure you this arrangement is temporary. We are currently working out the details."

"I would hope so." Sheldon was appalled that the woman who shared his distaste for soiled hosiery would bed down with a nicotine riddled primate.

"Sheldon have you given further consideration to testing yourself, along with Merritt?" Amy's changed subjects, sensing Sheldon's discomfort with her current, unfortunate situation.

"No. Merritt was quiet upset after our evening with you. Your line of questioning was invasive, inappropriate and hurt her deeply."

"I had not intended to offend the girl, but what other way would I have of gaining information on her? Perhaps this could be a good lesson on "bucking up" and learning to not be a slave to her emotions?"

"Amy Farrah Fowler, is that how your mother treated you?"

"Of course, and I am at the top of my field, and now, I even have a blooming social life."

"That may be true, but is this not the same woman you complain about and held you back from acclimating with others as a youngster?"

"Well..."

"Then I rest my case. I shall not emulate her, in parenting."

"Very well. It is quiet noble, how much of your precious time you devote to Merritt. I imagined you would be quiet attentive to your offspring. I have decided I would like to assist you as much as possible on your quest into parenthood." Amy feared if she didn't adapt to the current situation she would be replaced by a child…and her mother.

"Thank you for your offer Amy, I shall take it under advisement and inform you should the need for your services arise."

* * *

"Hello, Olivia." Sheldon cooed his smoothest voice into the phone.

Cera looked at her phone to verify she was indeed talking to Sheldon. "Oh, uh, hi...is Merritt's phone off again?" Why did he sound weird?

"Uh, no. I was calling to inform you that, I agree to visit your parents Saturday."

"Oh, you…want to go?" Cera was stunned.

"Well, no, but I don't want you to be angry."

"It's Ok. I told you I'm not mad."

"But I want you...and Merritt, to be happy. If my attendance accomplishes that, then so be it. And I thought it may be interesting to discuss your father's comic book collection. You said he had books in addition to what was displayed?"

Cera was thrown by the idea of him considering her happiness. Then again, comic books sounded a more likely reason.

"Alright. I'll pick you up at 10:30 on Saturday."

"I will be ready...even though you won't actually be there."

Cera laughed. "One day, Sheldon, you will learn to stop talking, before you say too much."

* * *

"So you're going?" Howard already knew the answer, Bernadette had spoken with Cera the night before.

"It would seem so."

"Man I'd love to get back over there. It was like they had their own Dave and Busters. Did you see the Hot Hoops? I used to be so awesome at that game." Howard stared off imaging himself as a Jewish Michael Jordan.

"Yea, but get you on a court and you can't dribble…or shoot…or run. Perhaps the lowered rim and mesh walls keeping the ball in helped." Raj said sardonically.

Leonard hated he missed it. "Probably wasn't that cool."

"No, it was cool. Though unlike Dave and Busters they didn't really seem to encourage eating or drinking." Raj retorted.

"As well they shouldn't. Between the electronics, priceless comic books and memorabilia, they should have a hand washing station before you enter."

"You go ahead and suggest that to them then, buddy. I can see it now. 'Mr. Daddy of the girl I knocked up, you aren't handling your game room properly. I took the liberty of creating a flow chart…'" Leonard chuckled.

"You may scoff now, but Pat Tollman is very 'cool,' as they say. He was very amenable and magnanimous….He didn't smell like I thought he would, either; there wasn't even a hint of patchouli."

The rest of the guys tried to stifle their laughter.

* * *

The brightly colored, tiny blonde threw herself at Sheldon as soon as he stepped into the great room of the expansive house.

"Uh, hello Mrs. …Tollman." Sheldon tried to back away from Cera's mother.

"Mrs. Tollman is Pat's mother, call me Cyn." Cynthia Tollman had on a bright top that flowed down to mid-thigh and ended with her shorts. Upon pulling away from Sheldon, he noticed her shirt was partially sheer and her belly button was visible; something he thought odd for a woman older than his mother.

"Oh, I just knew you would be special, Cera is just so picky. She always went for quality over quantity." Cynthia gushed. With mother and daughter standing side by side he could see that Cera stood a few inches taller than her mother.

"You always thought quantity would help you find quality…Which you know it did." Pat winked at Cyn causing her to giggle. His shirt hung open and he wore a pair of cut off denims and much like Cera and Cyn, he was barefooted. "Hey, man! Nice to see you, again." Pat clapped Sheldon's shoulder as Merritt pulled at her grandfather's other arm.

"The ladies are going to head to the kitchen, so if you want to head on to more interesting lands, you're more than welcome to follow."

Sheldon looked to Cera for direction. If he was here for her, surely he shouldn't leave her. She merely smiled and nodded her head in agreement.

Pat led Sheldon through the great room to the stairwell that Sheldon recalled went down to game room and sunroom that led to pool. When they turned left instead of right Sheldon knew they weren't going to see comic books. Through another great room, kitchen and down two hallways, Pat seemed to talk.

"Cera said you were from the Gulf?"

"Yes, sir. Galveston, Texas."

"I grew up just off the gulf myself. Daphne, Alabama. Forty plus years ago in south Alabama it wasn't unusual to come across illiterate folks and that put a high premium on getting an education and getting out. I was glad to do something else with myself. Your passion was physics, right?" Pat looked over to Sheldon who nodded.

"Mine was the written word, though my family can barely grasp proper English. Of course I do love music, but the ability to communicate and do it well, is just so captivating. That of course did tie in to songwriting, but just the ability to express myself was amazing."

Sheldon began to wonder, if Patrick wasn't taking him to the game room and more comics, where exactly was he leading him? Perhaps to see awards. Sheldon knew he was fond of showing his off, maybe Cera's father was no different.

While usually Sheldon was bored listening to others drone on about themselves, this man was at least…interesting. After another turn and a few statements about Pat's poor childhood, they arrived in a place Sheldon hadn't anticipated-an office. Books lined nearly every wall. Most of it literature, but there were many non-fiction text as well.

"You lost your father when you were young?" Patrick walked over to a white board and cocked his head.

"Yes, I was in Germany when he suffered from an acute myocardial infarction." After a beat Sheldon added "That's a-"

"I paid for Ceridwen's med school. I know it's a heart attack."

"Oh, well, that occurred before I met Olivia." The phrases scrawled on the white board interested Sheldon. He noticed there were groups of rhymes, a list of synonyms, and numbers that looked like timing. Expressing ones thought through song seemed remarkably similar to solving an equation.

"My own father passed when I was in my twenties, before the kids were born. He was up for father of the year twenty-years running." Pat shook his head with a frown.

"You must have had a close relationship." Sheldon picked a neutral response since he was unsure where this conversation was going.

"Oh…right. _That_ was sarcasm. He was a self-absorbed bastard and I'm glad my kids didn't have to deal with him." Pat had been warned about Sheldon's short coming.

"I share a similar sentiment. The times my father tried were far fewer than those he didn't. Though, I do think I would like to gloat, that I did indeed produce progeny. My dad didn't think I'd ever be man enough to get a girl and do so. Mostly because I didn't ever take to the things he considered masculine." Sheldon twanged feeling an odd sense of comraderie with Cera's father.

"Yeah. I wasn't getting up early to hunt, or on any sports teams either. The only thing I learned from my pops, was what not to do. I had to figure everything out on my own." Sheldon nodded in agreement. He watched Patrick erase a phrase from his board only to rewrite it and add a few words. He had done that himself, knowing the act of writing engaged the brain. It was quiet for a few minutes as they milled about in the office before Patrick began talking again.

"…loved providing my children with more than I had, but I didn't want them to lose sight of their roots and being earth bound, even if their heads were in the clouds. Knowing how to handle money, having the right perspective with material things, treating people well are important. God knows I tried to show them reality when I wasn't lost myself. You know, take care of the family. Momma's idea of letting me take care of her was letting me buy her a double wide."

Sheldon imagined his own mother would try to be so humble in the event of a great windfall. She _did_ push away the things he tried to handle and provide for her, but he assumed she was unaccustomed to such care, as his father had not provided properly for the family.

"I knew Ceridwen got it when she went out her own and made it. We didn't get calls for money or hear of any problems. It was hard to let her go though, especially after we lost Galen. She just showed up over in Carolina later-that's where her momma's from…And we got Merritt." Pat drawled out and went silent for a moment.

"Ceridwen, she loves fast…like her momma and she possesses my single mindedness so she loves hard. I can imagine that was overwhelming as a young man. I get it. When I was young, I was easily intimidated by the emotions of the fairer sex, too. It's a lot to handle on your own feelings, let alone someone else's. Throw a family on top of it and it can make you mental.

"I backed away a few times, when the passion for Cyn…the kids, turned into an obsession. I felt like I was exchanging one of my passions for another and I was losing my first love-my education and the craft that came from it."

"Obsession?" Sheldon looked startled by the strong word, though he had heard it many times in reference to his own work.

"I know it sounds bad, but I'm a man old enough to call things as they are, instead of pretending. I went out and found someone who I didn't have to be passionate about, but did have a passion that matched mine...which unfortunately at the time had blurred to just being _me_. Finding women that just wanted to possess me and push me further into myself, even in the name of my profession, wasn't actually good for me…or the kids."

Sheldon was uncomfortable hearing such personal information from this man, who was a stranger. Though the subject of his life's work was different, the narrative sounded familiar. He listened intently hoping it may provide some advantage to the inter-working of Cera and even Merritt. This method had proven useful in his dealings with Leonard, as Beverly had provided a wealth of information on his roommate's behavior.

"…Merritt talks about you all the time. Even now, though she's pissed with you." Pat responded to Sheldon's surprised look, "Yeah, I know about the issue with your girlfriend and pretty much everything else. I'm close to my daughter and she tells me everything. I even know how you are in bed, though I wish I didn't. Actually…I learned that from my Cyn. But good for you." Pat winked at Sheldon, who was turning red and had quit breathing.

"That's my girls, though. They're very passionate and run very hot or really cold. But it keeps you on toes and is always interesting. I mean, how stimulating is tepid water?"

Sheldon wasn't certain if they were talking about Merritt's anger or his experiences in the bedroom, but the mention of tepid water brought to mind his first meeting with Amy. There was much less uncertainty with her, though that seemed to be changing as well. "What if one didn't want to be stimulated?"

"Then I'd say they were living a very uninspired life...inspiration does not exist in a vacuum...metaphorically speaking."

Sheldon considered this statement. As much as he had tried to insulate himself from outside forces his best work came after pushing himself into the outside world. From using a human white board, to bussing tables, to swimming in a ball pit, all experiences led to some interesting breakthroughs. Both professionally and personally.

"You care for Cera though. Crazy passion and all."

"Uh, well, I, that's...not…quantifiable...uh-." Sheldon blushed. He wasn't sure he did feel that way, but he had known for a long time, longer than we wanted to admit, that he didn't feel _nothing_. Kohlinar had long since stopped working where Cera was concerned.

Pat smirked at him "You may protest, but you're here, aren't you?"

"It was logical that I spend a Saturday with my daughter _and_ her mother, even if I had to accept your invitation."

"And her mother, huh?" Pat chuckled. "Let me give you some advice. Find happy together. To do so you must be in constant communication. Not your happy, not hers. Both. Sometimes your needs and wants will come first, sometimes hers, but always in balance. Your brilliant-learn her likes and dislikes. If you don't know, it never hurts to ask. Any woman worth having would do the same for you. But always together." Patrick left Sheldon to follow him back the through the maze of the spacious house.

Sheldon began to ask who Pat was referencing and to retort he didn't have time to waste studying a woman, but he came up short. The actions Pat suggested didn't seem _specifically_ romantic, but could work in many relational situations. It seemed natural with Merritt. The interactions he had with _Cera_ she wouldn't really let get out of balance. Perhaps that was why even Leonard always threw the word _fair_ around.

When Sheldon arrived in the kitchen with Patrick, he noticed all the women at work on the food. It pleased him that they all had on food gloves.

"We wore gloves for you, daddy." Merritt threw her hands in the air to show Sheldon. He was intrigued, even his own family resisted indulging his need for cleanliness and security.

"It really is a superb way of preventing contamination." Cynthia added. Cera rolled her eyes, just one more high maintenance behavior for her mother.

"Yeah, superb. We'll be sure and get you several boxes, hun." Patrick popped a cherry tomato in his mouth.

Sheldon leaned closer and murmured "Sarcasm?"

"_Oh, yeah_. But if it makes her happy and doesn't hurt me, it's not a big deal." Pat lifted a tray of food.

Sheldon considered that as he followed Pat to the pool with a cooler.

Pat was flipping meat on the grill as Sheldon was rubbing sunscreen on Merritt's face. He was glad his daughter was wearing a swimsuit with shorts and a top that had SPF built in. One couldn't be too careful when it came to sun protection.

"I asked Braden to come over, but he had plans with his buddy Wil, today. Elliott, too." Pat called from the grill.

"Wil Wheaton?" Sheldon was attempting to get the sunscreen off of his hands with a handy wipe.

"Yeah. Good kid. He's really held up under the lights. Kept his head on. Balanced his public image with having a life that was his. He was great for the kids. They all grew up in this surreal atmosphere, but managed to stay kind of grounded, together." Pat lowered the lid on the grill.

"You should have invited him over, too." Cera carried a fruit and veggie tray and set it on the table. Putting her hands on her hips, she studied the spread.

Sheldon was prepared to retort they shouldn't have, but was brought up short by the sight Cera in a swimsuit. Her black one piece made the image of a prism with light and its refraction stand out. He had of course seen more of her, but seeing this much, in the presence of her family seemed incredibly intimate.

"Are you displaying your appreciation for Huygens–Fresnel Principle or for the rock and roll band, Pink Floyd?"

"Pink Floyd, of course, though I do enjoy bending light." Cera winked at Sheldon. He blushed at her attention, but enjoyed it none the less. He appreciated that she displayed the things she loved on her clothing. Most of his friends acted as though they were beyond being a fans anymore.

"Ceridwen, I still don't know why you won't wear a bikini. You still have the body for it; Merritt didn't do that much damage." Cynthia brought up the rear with large sunglasses and an even bigger hat, but carrying nothing.

"Hmm, maybe, but I prefer to keep my stretch marks to myself." Cera glanced up at her mother and shook her head.

Sheldon wondered at what point she would have had a rapid weight gain or loss that would cause striae distensae, "Why would you…oh." Until her pregnancy occurred to him. He blushed at the thought of having a hand in such an alteration on her body. He shook his head to clear it.

He hadn't really considered the physical implications of a pregnancy prior to that statement. It was over and passed so it had seemed unnecessary to think on it. Apparently the effects lingered, aside from the obvious-Merritt. The thought plagued him for the rest of the evening.

He was surprised how pleasant the whole experience was. Sheldon could tell from his extensive internet education, that Merritt was clearly an exceptional swimmer. He was also able finally see her in action on the family's baby grand; where he also proved his abilities, causing Merritt to squeal in delight. Before the night closed Sheldon was at last shown Pat's priceless comic book collection; that made Sheldon squeal in delight.

* * *

The following week was busy and their schedules didn't coincide, so Sheldon saw very little of Merritt. Cera agreed to cook dinner Friday evening for the three of them so they could catch up.

The dinner had been amiable until, in a fit of excitement Merritt knocked over her glass of chocolate milk. Unfortunately, most of it landed in Sheldon's lap.

"I'm so sorry daddy!" Merritt clasped her hands across her mouth, with tears in her eyes.

Sheldon flailed his hand in disgust and took a deep breath, "It's merely milk. I'm sure it will wash out, but it'd be best to do it soon."

Merritt was nearly in tears shifting from one foot to the other.

"Honey, why don't you go up and shower and get ready for bed. Daddy and I can clean this up."

"I'm so sorry." Merritt sobbed again before heading to the stairs.

"It's just milk, I will be alright." Sheldon said more to comfort himself as he was covered in milk from his abdomen down, one hand dripping.

"Olivia, _I_ need a shower. _I'm_ the one covered in milk." Sheldon was already scrubbing his hands at the kitchen sink, his voice going up in exasperation.

"I guess you can use my shower." Cera sopped the milk off the table with a paper towel, while Sheldon scrubbed his hands and arms.

"Oh, thank the Lord." Sheldon took a few quick steps towards the stairs then stopped dead. "Where is your shower?"

"Oh, yeah." Cera washed her hands then showed Sheldon to her room in the hall opposite the stairs.

"What will I wear? You don't expected me to put soiled clothing on after I'm clean."

"I... I have some things." Cera swallowed hard.

Sheldon cautiously entered Cera's room looking around. She had pictures of Merritt from varying stages of life, everywhere. Cera opened the bottom drawer and rummaged around me for a moment before pulling out a black pair of sweat pants.

"They'll be a little loose in the waist, but they should be long enough."

Sheldon felt offended, she wanted him to wear another man's pants?!

"Well, it's all I have. They're Braden's. They actually ended up here the same way, except I think it was grape juice at that time."

Sheldon felt slightly embarrassed for having voiced that out loud. Of course anything Cera would have would be sanitary and _not_ from a previous suitor.

"I suppose they will do. I still don't have a shirt to wear." He hoped she would hurry up. His skin was crawling and he starting to smell the warming milk.

"Yeah." She said slowly twisting her mouth. She walked over to what Sheldon assumed was her closet and disappeared inside. After a moment she popped her head out "I, uh, I can't reach. Would you help me, please?"

Sheldon gave a weary sigh "I suppose it's my lot in life to constantly assist the vertically challenged."

Cera was concerned she'd asked too much of him. Their interactions had been awkward at best and she was surprised that he had held up to this mess as well as he had. She turned, worried he was exasperated with her and worse the whole situation only to see he was smiling at her. She laughed in relief.

"Oh, the burdens of being tall." Cera giggled as she pointed to a plastic bin on the top shelf above her clothes. Sheldon pulled the bin down and carried it over to her bed.

"Thank you."

"It really wasn't difficult, though I am concerned for the amount of footwear you own while you choose to go barefoot."

"You know I'm keeping filth out of my house by not walking around in shoes that have been all over the place. But that's not what I meant. I was thanking you, for keeping cool after the spill. Merritt is always upset when she makes a mistake, and she really doesn't want to upset you. She's, uh, afraid you're going to...disappear." Cera explained as she popped the lid off the bin.

Sheldon considered what she had said. He had kept 'cool'? He hadn't even realized. It was more instinctual than purposeful. He just knew Merritt didn't mean to make a mess, she was a child. He was an awkward clumsy child, too, and he would never treat her in the manner that he was. What he was concerned with, was that she thought he wasn't going to stay around for her. He would have to find some way to reassure her.

Cera pulled a vacuum bag from the bin. "They went in fresh, but well, it's been a while. We'll find something else, if they aren't acceptable. Take them with you."

Out of the vacuum bag Cera pulled three rolls, red, blue and green. She handed them over. "They almost went into storage, I didn't bring everything with me. In case, you, uh, didn't want us, uh, around. I don't know why I brought them. Heck, I, uh, I don't…don't know why I kept them. I was going to give them to Merritt, I guess."

Sheldon unrolled them and looked them over. They were his shirts. The backups he bought to be left at Cera's. They looked clean, he sniffed, still smelled of detergent. "This is suitable" he croaked.

"Good I'll get you a towel and wash cloth. You can use my shower; it was scrubbed three days ago."

"This is, um, acceptable." Sheldon was feeling out of his depth and unable to look over at Cera.

"Ok, I'm going to go check on Merritt. If you lay your clothes outside the door I'll collect them and wash them for you."

"Olivia! They need to be sorted, you can't wash them together!" Sheldon exclaimed.

And there it is, Cera thought. Taking a deep breath she started "I don't have anything to sort them with Sheldon. We could put them in a grocery bag and you can them home and clean them yourself. That leaves you the problem of taking home clothes that are curdling. And that would also leave you going home in those clothes. At one point you refused to go home in clothes different from what you left in.

"Or you can go home in the other and leave those with me to wash properly. As I have no laundry schedule and Merritt and I make laundry much quicker than you, they would be washed much sooner, _or_ you can just let me wash them now and you can wait in those clothes for bit."

"Uh, you may wash them." Cera raised her eyebrows at Sheldon. "Thank you, Olivia." He added.

"You're Welcome." Cera chirped then bounced away.

He gathered the change of clothes and hovered over the different shirts. He wouldn't wear the blue Star Wars shirt. He had left in that. He grabbed red instead and headed for the shower.

The last time Sheldon was in Cera's shower he thinking of ways to rid himself of her. Now, he was trying to think of ways to ensure Merritt and by extension Cera, that he had no plans of leaving. Actually Cera wasn't an extension of Merritt. She was a woman in her own right and always had been. Independent of Merritt, they did have enjoyable interactions and aligned in ways he didn't with any other woman.

He wasn't certain what to make of all this. Normally he would dismiss such thoughts, but they could have an impact on his daughter. Sheldon required more information and some outside input to process these interpersonal revelations.

After tucking in Merrit, both Sheldon and Cera settled into the living room, flipping through channels.

"It would be best that I call Penny for a ride, so we don't have to disturb Merritt's REM sleep."

"Oh, yeah." Cera was glad Sheldon had thought of a solution to problem she had overlooked. Sheldon sitting there in one of _those_ shirts, had really deflated her. She was reminded that this was all obligation and pride in progeny-she was just a means to an end.

"…Well, I'm waiting for Zack, but if you give me a minute I could call and see if he can swing by a get you." Penny really didn't want deal with Sheldon, but this at least sounded like a legitimate issue.

"That would be much appreciated...thank you, Penny." Sheldon added as an afterthought, pleasing Penny.

As they waited for Zack, Sheldon attempted to find level ground.

"What do you suppose would be-"

"Sorry? I didn't catch that?" Cera clicked off the TV.

"Oh, I…Maybe we should…could we, may we have dinner one evening?"

"Oh, sure let me know when I'll make sure we're available." Cera shrugged and pointed the remote at the TV once more.

"No, I mean you. Just you." Sheldon blurted out before she could turn the TV on.

"Oh, Uh…Ok." Cera studied Sheldon trying to determine his reasoning.

"Tomorrow would be ideal. If that is not enough time to plan, next weekend could be optimal, so as to not disrupt our work week schedules."

"Uh…Yeah, sure. I'll see if I can get someone to watch Merritt." Cera agreed hesitantly and was thankful when Zack's knock came.

Zack caught Cera up in a bear hug when he came in. Sheldon rolled his eyes. He really did detest public displays of affection. Even though they weren't really in public, he was sure that this embrace had exceeded decency in length. She never hugged him like that in greeting. Well she had previously, but he always admonished her for such contact.

"Hey! You seemed stressed Wednesday, you're better now, right?" Zack patted her much shorter head, as had become his custom in dealing with Cera.

"Oh, yeah, I just had a patient return quicker than I like. I think we got her sorted, though." Sheldon felt better knowing there was a reason for the embrace, but felt unsettled that he hadn't been aware anything was amiss for which she could need comfort.

"Good. Too bad, Merritt's in bed, she owes me a knuckle sandwich." Zack chuckled. "Nice pants. You been working out?" He directed at Sheldon.

"She's violent to you?" Sheldon ignored the pants remark and went wide eyed. What was this man teaching his daughter?

"They're just playing, Sheldon…Your clothes should be done, though." Cera dashed down the stairs, to the garage.

"Oh. You remembered low heat, right?" Sheldon called after her "High heat compromises-"

"I'm aware of your laundry procedure Sheldon!" Cera yelled up the stairs.

"Wow, so you guys are like, washing clothes together. That's cool. I wash Penny's clothes, too, or else she has everything shoved into the washer. Got tired of ink from her work pens getting on my jeans." Zack pointed to an ink blot above his knee and Sheldon cringed.

Sheldon went to change in Cera's half bath, as soon as she returned with his clothes. He attempted to hand the blue, Star Wars shirt back to her.

"I told you to take them home."

"But I've worn it. It's unclean."

"Then just, uh, throw it out. I'm not washing it, again." Cera mumbled, backing away from the offending article.

"But-" Sheldon couldn't tell what emotion Cera's face expressed, but he was pretty certain it wasn't positive so he dropped the conversation and stuffed the shirt in the bag with the others. He would wash them all again later, anyhow.

"Are you ready neighbor?" Zack grinned at Sheldon.

Sheldon raised his eyebrow at being referred to as neighbor, but merely stepped to the door.

"I'll call you in the morning, about tomorrow." Cera grasped the door handle as the guys walked out.

"I will look forward to your call then." Shedon nodded and got into Zack's car.

"Big plans tomorrow?" Zack asked.

"No. Cera and I are merely having dinner together, without Merritt." Sheldon checked that the tension on the seat belt was sufficient.

"Way to go man!"

"Is dinner cause for celebration?" Sheldon looked bewildered.

"Well, you got a date with her didn't you?"

"I…no. It's merely a dinner between-"

"People that do each other's laundry and have a kid." It was Zack's turn to look bewildered.

Sheldon opened his mouth but found, he had no retort. Those facts were true, and he didn't specify this _wasn't_ a date, so perhaps she _did_ agree to a date. Things were so much less complicated in front of his whiteboard.

The car was silent for the rest of the ride. Sheldon was trying to calculate at which point he had passed through an Einstein-Rosen Bridge, because life had become increasingly surreal. He was carrying coitus clothes home in a bag, riding home with his 'neighbor', who was Penny's husband, and possibly going on a date.


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N:** **I do not own or make money from TBBT.**

**Chapter 28**

"Hey, Babe." Zack walked in and embraced Penny as he eyed Amy sitting on the couch. "I, uh, thought you guys were done."

"Yeah, Bernadette left a little while ago, but Amy here is still chatting away." Penny smiled tightly. She liked hanging out with Amy, but it was time for her to focus on her husband.

"Hello, it is a pleasure to see you again, Zack Johnson. I have far superior stamina to Bernadette, therefore I am better equipped to hang in for the serious girl time." Amy was nearly bouncing with excitement as she shook Zack's hand.

"Did Sheldon get in ok?" Penny handed Zack a beer.

"Oh, yeah, he's good. He-"

"You were with Sheldon?" Amy cut Zack off.

"No, I just picked him up from Cera's." Zack grinned, proud of his buddy. "He actually got a date with her."

"Seriously!?" Penny wasn't sure if she was excited or worried for her friends.

"But Sheldon doesn't wish to be in a romantic relationship with anyone. If he did, certainly he would prefer the company of someone more intelligent, structured and engaging." Amy was certain she could formulate a relationship that was somewhat romantic in nature with Sheldon. She had been dropping hints.

"Amy, they have a history. And Cera's not exactly dumb." Penny had leaned over on to Zack, where he sat perched on a barstool.

"So, he is obligated to this, because of the child? I understand that he does have responsibility for his progeny, but is letting her and her mother to take up so much of his time necessary? Isn't…Isn't this taking it a little far?"

"I don't _know_ if he feels…obligated to date her, but time together is a given since they have Merritt. God, I hope it's not obligation; that could be bad for everybody." Penny shook her head, thinking of the mess Sheldon could make. Penny looked sideways to Amy, she wasn't really sure what to make of her sometimes. She could jump from superior to pitiful in a heartbeat and she wasn't sure what she was supposed to do about it. Penny wanted to do nothing. Preferred not getting into others drama. But she felt she had to.

"They _are_ a family. And you should leave 'em alone." Zack pointedly looked at Amy. "They're both smart people and they both love Merritt, they'll figure it out." He felt totally confident that his two friends cared about each other enough to come out on top together. Just as long as they could keep Sheldon from saying something dumb.

"You're right. I just…Should I talk to Sheldon? I mean, this is not something he needs to… experiment with." Penny was touched that Zack had confidence in her friends, but she didn't. This was Sheldon after all, and Cera didn't seem all that stable, romantically speaking, either

Amy visibly relaxed back into the couch at that statement. Experimentation sounded more plausible than actual courtship. The last month as Sheldon had spent increasing amounts of time with this supposed family, had nearly killed her. Amy's life had changed drastically since Sheldon had come into her life. She couldn't bear to lose him…or the group that had come with him. She needed him. Surely she could convince him that she was vital to the rearing of his child. "Perhaps I should speak with Sheldon as well. He will need my expertise in conducting an experiment."

"Amy, have you thought about going out?" Zack pulled Penny closer and nuzzled behind her ear.

"In what capacity?"

"On a date!" Penny was getting frustrated with Amy's lingering. She had other things she wanted to deal with now. Like the fact Zack's lips were now moving down the back of her neck.

"I hadn't considered. My mother is still under the impression that Sheldon is my beau, though she is concerned that his track record means he will impregnate me."

"Amy! You still haven't...uh, told your mom that it's...uh, fake." Penny was losing coherency as Zack's thumb slid right up under the hem of her shirt. He wasn't usually an exhibitionist, but Penny assumed he was attempting to make Amy leave.

"I don't see the need, until one or the other has a change of status."

"Amy, you gotta let him go." Zack chimed in, his nose in Penny's blonde tresses.

"I'm not certain I follow." Amy stared at the couple, who clearly would rather be alone.

"Well, uh, Sheldon's moving forward with his, mmm, life, socially, you should too. You can still be, ahhh, friends." Zack was whispering in Penny's ear things that made her knees week.

"Oh, I suppose I could make an attempt. Could you assist me with that endeavor, Penny?"

"Of course. Just, uh, not now."

"Ok, glad that's handled. Can I have some alone time with wifey."

"Oh, of course." Amy slipped out the door unnoticed by the newlyweds.

* * *

Sheldon was going to dump the whole bag of shirts into his hamper, but he found himself just holding them instead. It seemed improbable that she had kept these for so many years. It hardly seemed to be the behavior of the woman he assumed her to be. He had spent so many years, assuming she had quickly moved on to another that he never considered she would keep a memento of their time together.

It had been a revelatory time for him, when he'd had the arrangement with Cera. He had found the plan to be successful, until Cera drew to close. The investment of time, once a week, for a brain boosting relaxant. He'd learned more about his own body and his tolerance for others, or lack thereof, in those three months than he had before in his life, or much since.

Sheldon wasn't certain what had bothered him more about coitus. The contamination, the inconvenience or the fact during the process he _couldn't_ worry about the mess, or…anything else for that matter.

Coitus had been the ultimate expression of selfishness. He had never felt the need to consume another person before, but that sensation was there and became stronger each time. Sheldon wasn't certain if it was Cera explicitly, or just the sensation. Some days he had been sure it was one and some days it had been the other.

The thought of wanting to find out had scared him. What if it _had_ been merely the firing of chemicals and it didn't matter who? Would he become like some many men before him, like his father, and chase sensation? Or would he have found himself in a relationship that would have compromised all of his pursuits up to that point? Neither of those situations was acceptable to him, so it was one piece of information he was happy not to have.

Sheldon tossed the shirts, along with his ruminations, in the hamper. He was a highly gifted researcher in the field of particle physics, not a philanderer. He had no need to dwell on such sentiments or physical pursuits. Though, he had always been resistant to the melodramatic posturing of the masses, the turmoil always seemed to find him.

He had been blindsided by Cera. Sheldon had no idea she had feelings for him or how deep they had run. If she had been hinting at it, he had missed it. Even after making her declaration Sheldon still didn't completely understand what it meant. When it came to women feeling affection towards him, Sheldon was clueless and was ok with it. It had started when he was in Germany and carried on to Cera. Ramona was professional, but it could have been personal. Now even Amy, a woman he thought was above such inanities, was becoming glaringly obvious as well.

Sheldon hadn't intended to invite Cera out on what could be perceived as a date, but he supposed it was a good thing. He could finally get some answers to the quandary that was the structure of their interactions. They had long since become a confusing amalgam of varying relationship types. He wasn't sure if they ought to resume the relationship they once had, or pull back into a more formal arrangement of co-parents. Surprisingly, he felt he would be more comfortable with the former than being relegated into the latter. He definitely needed examine all the angles before tomorrow's dinner.

On his mental white board, Sheldon made a list. Cera's negatives- she was always late; her cooking was dangerous, though adequate; she had a relaxed attitude from her hippy parents; her lack of footwear was appalling; she played a percussive instrument, occasionally...and not very well.

Cera's positives-She was intelligent; though he was unsure how much because she was humble. Which was another benefit; she wasn't in a constant power struggle with him. She was confident. Her rearing of their child to date was more than adequate.

Information to note-Her medical expertise would prove to be beneficial, she was aesthetically pleasing, she was bright and active like the comics and video games he cherished. And she didn't mind those hobbies, either.

Cera had never pushed him to dumb down his genius for the masses, never pushed social awareness. Though he was lacking in empathy, he was aware she possessed it and was even able to see her use it effectively with Merritt. Sheldon had always been fond of that aspect of Cera, as it was behavior that wasn't pity or appeasement, like others displayed towards him.

These attributes added up to… what? Nothing new…but something he didn't have the data to decipher ten years ago. Through his new relationships, he had learned to see people as a whole and not just for what they could do for him or what they wanted from him. While he had always been aware of what makes him unhappy and uncomfortable until these new people pointed out, he never took time to consider that in others.

If Sheldon was honest with himself, and he always endeavored to be, he was very fond of Cera. It was an all-encompassing…affection that was unique to her. Sheldon felt a bit faint at this revelation. This feeling, this sensation of…falling in love was not an event to be celebrated; rather, it was a catastrophe of cataclysmic proportions. It was not dissimilar to an earthquake – the actual foundation upon which his life had been built had ruptured. His once stable and explicable life had degenerated into a scene of constant emotional upheaval and unruly impulses to take actions which were at best, irresponsible, and at worst, demented.

Sheldon needed to get more information. Since this was an area that eluded him he needed it to be simple and from someone who had somewhat successfully navigated a relationship. Leonard was out, he was as effectual as a dish rag. Penny, though married, was still new to navigating that level of commitment. Koothrappali was pitifully romantic, but unable to speak to women. To Sheldon's disappointment, Wolowitz was the only solution he could come up with. He was a good friend to Cera and was engaged to be married. While that in no way made him an expert, it did give him the upper hand over Sheldon. Sheldon made a note to call him first thing in the morning.

* * *

"If this goes well, tell Cera, your most treasured acquaintance helped and you can name your next kid after me." Howard stood in the living room of 4A giving Sheldon a tutorial.

Sheldon's eye bugged at the thought. Leonard snickered from the kitchen.

"Kidding, kidding. Actually, if this doesn't work, you never saw me. That is one Momma, I don't want mad at me."

Sheldon pinned him with a glare. "Are you finished yet?"

Carrying on as though he didn't hear Sheldon, Howard tugged at his shirt. "Now, I find when I go out I like to wear something that flatters my manly physique."

"Wolowitz, I have no plans of _ever_ purchasing a dickie."

"Suit yourself. But really, you may want to rethink those plaid pants."

"I will take that under advisement." Sheldon didn't think his wardrobe had ever bothered Cera, but then again, they hadn't ever been out on a date before. While agreeing Howard may be on to something, he decided he would not be taking his clothing advice from him.

"Good, now you want to pay her compliments, but Cera isn't gonna take anything that isn't sincere."

"Agreed, do you have any advice on things of which I am not already aware?"

"Oh, we're just getting started." Howard grinned mischievously.

"Do you really think all this is necessary?" Sheldon questioned Penny as she dug through his closet.

"Well, yeah. I mean, you want this to be special don't you?"

"Do I?" Sheldon was wondering when he lost control of this occurrence. He was pretty certain he had just wanted to consume food in close proximity to Cera, as they discussed a variety of topics.

"Well, you're the one who said you need to dress up for Cera. That's what people normally do for dates…Isn't this a date?" Penny pulled out his black blazer.

"It has begun to seem that way." Sheldon accepted it, but huffed at the mess Penny was creating.

"What do you mean seem? Don't you want it to be?" Penny handed Sheldon a pair of jeans she had never seen him in.

"I…I suppose I wouldn't find it objectionable." He gave the denim a dubious look, but took them anyway.

"I suggest you figure that out before you see Cera. She doesn't need to be screwed with. Not by you. Let me know when you are ready to go." Penny left him in the quiet to dress and consider exactly what he was doing.

Upon opening the door Cera could tell two things. One, Sheldon didn't dress himself, and two, this was more than just eating together. Her Def Leppard T and blue skirt felt more casual than she had anticipated, the heeled Converse doing little to add to the effect.

"What are you wearing?" Cera was stunned by how good Sheldon looked. She had always been aware, but he never put this type of effort into his appearance. Cera let out nervous laughter. "The last time I saw you in jeans you were cutting Meemaw's grass." This, however, wasn't a young man in gloves, goggles and mask grudgingly mowing the lawn. The blazer over a button up and tie just further confused her.

"This isn't you. Hun the first time I met you, you were pulling this off as fast as you could." Cera tugged at the bottom of his tie. "You, of course, can wear it if you wish, and that's fine, but it's not for me."

"Perhaps you are far more pragmatic than I have given you credit for." Sheldon pulled his coat off, followed by the tie. Not only was the removal a relief from an apparel stand point, it relieved him that Cera didn't require him to be the kind of man that dressed as such. It pleased him that to her, unlike so many friends and coworkers, he had always been the man he was meant to be.

"Actually, that's not true, you were once aware that I was exceedingly practical…for a female." Cera smiled and winked. She felt far more comfortable now that Sheldon wasn't so overdressed.

After quick consideration, Sheldon gave her a small smile. "Yes, I did, didn't I?"

"May I ask, why?"

"Why I found you practical?" Sheldon looked her as though she had lost her mind.

"No. Why the change in wardrobe?"

"Is this not customary on a date?" Sheldon looked down at himself in contemplation.

"Oh well, this is…not a date? And you've watched too many romcoms if you think there _is_ a _customary_ for such a thing…and that a tie is it."

Sheldon felt slightly let down. His companions had lead him to believe it could be a date. After Penny had told him to 'figure it out' he had made accommodations, both physical and mental, for this _to_ be a date.

"So…if you had to wear a coat where's all the colors?" It had been rare for Cera to see Sheldon in any less than four different colors at one time.

"Penny thought the black coat would be more visually appealing to you."

"You're visually appealing without anything." Cera blushed at her statement, but knew Sheldon wouldn't read anything into anyway. She walked to the garage door. "Shall we?"

After getting situated in Cera's Jeep in silence, she finally broke the silence. "So you wanted this to be a date? But you…don't date."

"I _have_ been on a date, Olivia. This would be my third, as I previously went on a date as a favor to Raj, in exchange for signed Hulk hands, and with Amy Farrah Fowler. Penny accompanied us. I asked her to accompany me tonight but, she said we needed time alone together."

"Why would we need Penny?" Cera glanced over at Sheldon.

"I have never been on a date…alone before." Sheldon stared out the window for that admission. Though he knew it was nonsense, he felt self-conscious, Cera had much more dating experience than himself.

"Hun, we've eaten together _alone_ a hundred times." Cera thought she heard trepidation in his voice, but it seemed so unlike him. Sheldon's only acknowledgement was a slight nod. The remainder of the ride was silent. Sheldon had agreed to go to a new restaurant for the occasion, but Cera didn't want him to be distracted by the unknown so she talked him into The Cheesecake Factory.

After being seated, Sheldon concentrating on the place setting in front of him spoke, "In 1957 Bubble Wrap was accidentally invented due to the air pockets left after sealing to two shower curtains together. It was originally pushed as three-dimensional wallpaper, but it was unsuccessful. It wasn't until four years later that it was discovered to be an exceptional packing material. Their first client was IBM. It was used to the pack the IBM 1401."

"I, uh, no I did not know that." While that was interesting, it wasn't what Cera thought they ought to discuss. She would be patient though, Sheldon would get there eventually.

"May I ride with you when you retrieve Merritt from your parents tomorrow?" Sheldon glanced up at Cera quickly. He wasn't sure what else to discuss since this, wasn't a date. The question and conversations that he had prepared, were more romantic in nature than he felt comfortable with now.

"Of course…Daddy probably wouldn't mind seeing you again, anyway. I think he enjoyed talking to you. You're more grounded and…practical than Branden and me, your upbringing being more similar to his own."

"Oh…Momma finds you tolerable as well. Even if she is now far too fascinated with your family for all our own good. She asks about you occasionally…after she speaks to Merritt of course." Sheldon gave a slight smile.

After placing their order Cera responded, "I find that surprising."

"You are surprised that momma is happy to have a grandchild by the person she has seen be the most reliable to me. Who also happens to be the progeny of two of her non-religious idols?"

"I didn't realize….Your mom…she said you were troubled when we stopped, uh seeing each other. Why were you upset?" Cera rearranged her flatware for the seventh time.

"Your…absence was not always…convenient." This romance related question had been expected, though they weren't on the date Sheldon had anticipated.

"Not convenient? Then why trouble yourself? Don't…don't misunderstand, I'm glad you didn't beguile me any longer, but I don't understand."

"I was what some may consider selfish when we began, when I encouraged further contact, and I was selfish when I ended it. I did _want_ to continue. I just didn't _need_ to. It seemed frivolous therefore I chose to do without so I wouldn't be distracted. To allow myself to become a besotted fool was unbecoming to a scientist of my caliber."

"So you _did_ like…sex?" Cera felt her stomach flip, but didn't dare assume he meant he had any feelings for her.

"For the first time…the only time really, I identified with my own physicality. With everything else I have attempted to keep my physical state pleasingly neutral and non-confining, so that it doesn't take up time and effort. Coitus altered that. I had always known that intercourse, in addition to being physically pleasurable, was supposed to be an emotionally evocative experience, that is part of the reason that I chose to abstain, but I didn't expect it to leave me as exposed as it did."

"_You_ were…exposed?" Cera was stunned, Sheldon was talking emotions?

"Yes, there were many times that I exposed something to you that under normal circumstances I would have concealed." Howard had instructed him to be forthcoming with his feelings, and while Sheldon normally resisted such hippie like-behavior, he agreed it was right with Cera.

"I…uh, like what?"

"Olivia, I shared my comic collection, my family, and bestowed my wisdom on you. You think that wasn't exposed?"

"I didn't realize that was…outstanding behavior for you. I'm sorry I didn't see." Cera wasn't sure if she was understanding him correctly or not, but she didn't want to read into anything.

"Well, that's not exactly surprising."

"That right there," Cera pointed at Sheldon. "Is why I couldn't ever see anything sweet or soft from you. Everything was gilded with disdain. I couldn't even ever be sure if you liked me. By the end I wasn't even sure I liked myself." Cera stated matter of factly.

"You had a negative reaction to our liaison?"

"Of course I did!" Cera surprised herself with her elevated voice. Sheldon was merely seeking information, not being callous. "But I had unhealthy ideas about relationships long before you. _That_ was the appeal of the arrangement. There was intimacy while simultaneously keeping you at arm's length." Cera stopped as their food was delivered, thankfully to Sheldon's specifications.

"That was the same reason I had for constructing our association as I did. Are you insinuating _I_ have unhealthy ideas about relationships? "

"No, I wouldn't suggest such. I'm only speaking for me. I-" Cera felt since Sheldon had laid himself out, she should do the same. Putting the past to rest and keeping communication open would be the best way to raise a child. "I connected with you like no one before and I don't mean just sex. That's the reason I felt the way I did. Why I said what I did."

"Is that your objection to this being a date, our previous association?" Sheldon questioned.

"That's _a_ reason, but mostly dating is a temporary state and that isn't something I want for Merritt."

"Oh, having never really considered dating, I wasn't mindful of it being a temporary state, but I suppose I see your point. As a trial period for further commitment it could go either of two ways, matrimony or separation. Are you opposed to the two?" Sheldon finally got his burger assembled to his liking and took a bite.

"No I'm not opposed, in a general sense, but for Merritt, I really wouldn't want us to do anything that would affect her."

"But you do agree it would be best if we were united as parents?"

"I do, I just don't want to do anything to cause stress or divide us, as parents."

"Wouldn't the two of us spending time alone together, improve our rapport and therefore our capacity for parenting?" Sheldon needed Cera to see his way. While he could have gone through life alone, he couldn't turn away, now having knowledge of parenthood and the sense of pride and devotion it brought. He liked being Merritt's father, but Merritt without her mother was incomplete.

"Spending time alone together doesn't necessarily make a date or a couple. If that were the case, we were together long ago, which we both know, we weren't. And compelling romance because a child is still a bad idea."

"I am aware that a romantic component is required to make an outing a date. It's not as if _all_ of our outings were without such flights of fancy. I did tell you that you were attractive." Sheldon rearranged his plate again as he was too nervous to actually eat much.

"I, uh, once. And it wasn't delivered as a compliment." Cera tugged at her hair in exasperation.

"As a non-couple, that accolade should have been more than sufficient."

"Huh, how often are papers published, research done, experiments run just to repeat and remind of the same thing? And I'm supposed to cherish an offhand comment in an odd conversation?"

"Positive sentiments need to be repeated to be proven true?" Sheldon found this to be an odd behavior, but could understand the need to be validated more than once.

"Well, yeah. Kinda."

"'Kinda' isn't exactly a ringing endorsement for standard romantic behavior."

Cera choked on her drink. This conversation was going very differently than she expected. She just wasn't sure if he was speaking of romance in terms of what was or what is. "I don't think romance is a rote thing that can be standardized. It's just one person expressing how special they think someone else is, in their own unique way, because they want to."

"As a highly gifted researcher in the field of particle physics, I understand everything, but I fear the nuances of courting are evading me. I've gotten a lot of conflicting information on how to proceed with a romantic liaison." Sheldon looked distressed by his lack of knowledge.

"You've thought about all this?" Cera stopped eating and focused solely on Sheldon.

"Of course I have. You know I like to be fully prepared for any and all decisions. I had even begun to consider such a move eleven years ago, but I was loathe to have you alter or distract me. Science is, of course, my first love." Sheldon offered a tentative smile at his confession.

"You misunderstood me, then. I never wanted to detract from anything that was…_you_. I just wanted to be a support and enhancement to you. Like you were to me."

"I didn't...I don't think I'm capable of supporting anyone in that manner, or that I'd want to. I suppose the care for one's progeny is different as it just feels like a given with Merritt, but with you…" Sheldon trailed off certain he wasn't articulating himself adequately.

"But you did! I know you didn't know it, but you were a salve on one the most emotional years of my life to that point. Just letters from you, helped lessen the hole that was left from Galen. And then you single handedly propped me up during the most difficult year of my career."

"Oh...I hadn't considered that's what was occurring. I just knew at the rate you were going you weren't going to be a very effective physician." Sheldon winced, Howard had warned him not to disparage her career or family.

"And you were right, I wouldn't have been." Cera laughed at Sheldon's blunt honesty.

Sheldon was taken aback by her jovial reaction. He had violated a guideline and still she laughed, though he supposed it was rare when she was truly upset with him. Only when it came to their sexual interactions did she seem to become incensed. He felt he may have deserved her previous exasperation with his handling of his disregard in the machinations of a relationship. He wasn't sure he could handle one now. "I'm not particularly social or romantic. I've never cared to be, but I could try."

Cera laughed out loud at him again. "You act like we haven't known each other half our lives. You _are_ much less introverted than you once were. And you don't realize it, but you have moments. Don't be anything else."

Sheldon assumed since it wasn't possible for him _to_ be anything else, she was just paying him a compliment for who he was. He wasn't really certain how to respond to the sentiment that so rarely came from others, so he decided to shift the evening. Sheldon was trying to come up with a grand gesture to move things along, as Howard had suggested. "Oh…could this be a date if I serenaded you? While I imagine I could successfully write a song for you, I don't believe it could effectively express my thought and….feelings for you."

This admission of feelings was much clearer to Cera, though, still not enough to convince her to risk her heart, sanity and the stability of Merritt. Still the thought made her chuckle. "I don't know that's more like my dad's thing. It works and is sweet because he is using one of his assets to express himself on an intimate matter. It would be like if you wrote an equation about me. You would be using your assets as a personal expression."

"Oh…well I've done that. I once created two charts, an equation and a new theorem to prove that you were a distraction and I should discontinue our alliance."

"Oh." Cera's mouth fell open and stared at him wide eyed. Maybe she _had_ misread this entire evening.

"They all failed. The work proved incalculable, and as a practical it hasn't worked out at all. So I suppose you could say that I proved that, if we were willing, this could work out to both our benefit." Sheldon shifted self-consciously in his chair. Since Cera had decided they would not date, it altered his timeline, but did not alter his goal.

"I, uh, but you don't want to be tied down, don't _need_ to be tied down. You're tearing the mask off of nature and staring at the face of God." Cera threw his own arguments, from long ago, at him. While she wanted this, she wanted to be especially sure this wasn't going to end badly.

"Do you think me unable to schedule in both?" Sheldon looked at Cera quizzically. For someone who just claimed to know him so well, she acted as though they were strangers sometimes.

"Well, I think you could. _You_ can do anything, I just didn't think you would want to."

"I believe I ought to. It would be doable. Merritt would take up roughly the same amount of time, if there was a formalized relationship between ourselves. And you would take up far less. I would no longer have concerns about you. I would know that you are content and safe." Sheldon had a smug look of finality, as though he had just resolved and implemented the solution to the world's problems.

At a loss for words Cera merely stared at Sheldon. She hadn't considered Sheldon might think of her at all, let alone enough to find her time consuming. The fact that it was concern for her well-being was astonishing. "What…exactly is doable?"

"Our union, of course. We can discuss the parameters later. Unless of course you need them now."

"Now when you say union, you mean-."

"Oh, marriage. You have pointed out that dating would be temporary and breaking apart is not acceptable. So the alternative is matrimony."

"I already told you that I don't want to marry for Merritt's sake."

"Merritt is a key component in any relationship you have so she cannot be completely removed from your reasoning. As I pointed out, my relationship Merritt would be changed very little, my relationship with you is what would undergo the most alteration. It would also prevent any interference from any other suitors."

"Suitors? So, you just don't want me to involve myself with another?"

"Of course I don't. I need you to be mindful of who Merritt is exposed to…and I don't think I could bear it." Sheldon was studying his plate. While he felt confident this was the best move for them as a family, he felt unsure about the vulnerability he was showing.

"Why?" Cera croaked. "Why couldn't you bear it?" It seemed as though Sheldon kept insinuating feelings for her, but she needed to be sure.

"I'm afraid you taking up with a lesser man would incite a long suppressed reaction in myself. I had believed myself to be above such primitive emotions as jealousy, you however have caused me to realize otherwise. And while it is true, I have put aside my interest in the opposite sex and concentrated on science, I find that your presence erodes my resolve on that front as well. Quite simply I desire you and want to keep you in my protection." Sheldon heaved a deep breathe before continuing. "Why waste time to proving what we already know? We have similar interest, the pursuits we don't share are easy enough to acclimate to. Our combination would not detract from a work day and would be a compliment to home life. We are already aware that we possess what is commonly referred to as 'chemistry'."

"So, Merritt aside, you _want_ to be with me?" Cera braced her hands on the table. Sheldon's admission made her feel lightheaded.

"That is what I stated."

"Oh." For so long Cera hadn't even entertained the idea of Sheldon being part of their family, being part of her, but in a matter of months they had gone from strangers to possibly…engaged? It was baffling.

"Since you stated you wouldn't marry me for Merritt, I assume you _would_ marry for other reasons. Are those reasons not sufficient, Olivia?" Sheldon began to fidget as he waited for her to respond. The longer she delayed the worse he felt. No wonder Leonard was so jumpy around women, he was constantly laying himself out bear for women to reject. Sheldon had only been this transparent to one woman, and he certainly wouldn't ever want to repeat it.

"Those are definitely commitment worthy reasons, but are you sure about this? I mean you had protested-"

"Olivia, I am well aware of what I have previously stated. I believe my protestations were part denial and part frustration. I have had time in the years past and since learning about Merritt to discover the true depth of my thoughts and feelings about you and I choose to make this commitment."

Unable to contain her happiness and relief, Cera was out her chair and encircling Sheldon before he was able to process what was happening. Sheldon patted her back awkwardly as she leaned over him and sobbed into his neck. He supposed he shouldn't be surprised, she always was an impulsive and affectionate woman. He would just have to bring up guidelines for public displays of affection later. For now he just had to determine the meaning of this embrace.

"Is this consent to my proposal?" Sheldon was starting to squirm with discomfort, but tried to breathe through the panic. He knew this contact was important to her and if he was honest, germs aside, he didn't mind her proximity.

"I…Yeah." Cera pulled back just long enough to make eye contact with Sheldon as she answered, then resumed her place around his neck.

"You may state your feelings for me again. In fact, I encourage it, because they are reciprocated."

"Genuinely?" Cera pulled back and placed her hand on Sheldon's cheek to see his face as he answered.

"Yes. I appreciate and have a tremendous affection for you." Sheldon didn't twitch, until Cera leaned forward for a kiss. He was relieved when the kiss landed on his cheek…at least until she had thoroughly brushed.

"Excellent. I love you, too…Which is why I'll be back for a real kiss…after I've brushed." Cera winked and returned to her seat.


	29. Epilouge

**Epilogue**

Sheldon was just getting his things sorted away in his office. He was being forced into taking time off and going on a trip to an undisclosed location. Normally he would balk at such a thing, but Merritt and the boys went to a lot of trouble to create a pleasant anniversary experience for Cera and him. While Sheldon did make a point to express his continuing fondness for his wife of ten years, the couple rarely did anything so elaborate.

A commotion downstairs brought Sheldon out of his thoughts. The boys weren't usually so loud, but it could be because Merritt had returned, though he didn't know where she had gone.

"Olivia!" Sheldon called out to his wife. She was probably repacking her toiletries…again.

"You're still in here? We're supposed to leave in an hour and a half!" Cera stuck her head into Sheldon's Sanctuary at the end of the hall.

"I'm sufficiently prepared. You know I've had us fully packed for the past eight days…My concern was the hubbub coming from Nikola and Blaise. Has Merritt come back in?"

"I don't know, I hadn't heard." Cera didn't hear half the things Sheldon did, so she wasn't surprised when he made noise complaints about things she knew nothing about, but it did curb a lot of the hi-jinks the kids could get into.

The couple filed down the stairs of their home of eight years. The family had moved to Thousand Oaks after Sheldon had taken a job with Dimensional Designs. While he had been nervous about leaving Pasadena, Sheldon found leaving academia behind to be a good thing. He had been able to do much broader research, while actually creating solutions to existing quandaries. Both of which had provided work that was being considered for awards in the scientific community. Being closer to Cera's parents had also proven beneficial since, at the time, they were expecting Blaise, and Nikola was only one.

Upon reaching the bottom flight he noticed that Merritt was indeed home and she had brought someone with her. "Momma, what are you doing here?" Sheldon rushed for his mother.

"Well, Meri here called to get a little help sortin' out a anniversary present for you. Y'all work hard and take care the kids, so, I wanted y'all to do something you'd love. For our 10th anniversary, your daddy, bless his soul, got me a box of washing powders." Mary stroked her granddaughter lovingly. Merritt had grown into a lovely woman of nineteen, several inches taller than her mother and stood equal to her grandmother. "I figured I could help out while y'all are gone, and I could come wish Nik a happy ninth birthday, properly."

"See, I told you she didn't forget me." Nikola nudged his younger brother, Blaise, before Mary pulled him into her embrace, again. Nikola looked much like Sheldon except that his dark hair was curly like his Bumpa.

"Yeah, but she's three weeks late!" Blaise, the only blond child, retorted as he pulled at Mary's other side.

"Gentleman do you feel this is the best use of your time?" Sheldon broke in with a stern look before the brothers could make their disagreement physical.

"No, sir." The boys answered back in stereo. Being only seventeen months apart led them to being not only very close, but also very competitive.

"Well, this is quite the surprise. All the information Merritt has been willing to impart was we needed to take two weeks off, pack for warm weather and riding, and a departure time." While he still struggled with surprises, he had learned to make allowances for his wife and children. Sheldon looked over to his daughter and smiled. "We've told you grandiose displays weren't necessary."

"Yes, they are daddy. I know you do little things for each other and keep your celebrations low key, but it's a big deal to me. And this year I was actually able to do something for you." Merritt walked to the mantle where an envelope had been leaned against her favorite photo. Framed in silver was Sheldon and Cera, in the Tollman garden, aware of only each other.

The wedding had been a mere weeks after Cera and Sheldon had sat Merritt down and explained to her their plans for marriage and being a family. Those few weeks were busy, mostly getting Sheldon adjusted to a conjoined lifestyle with different housemates. After slowly moving his things in and spending more and more time in their apartment, he did confess it was far easier adjusting to them than it had been to Leonard, due to his fondness for them.

Less than thirty people were in attendance at the small ceremony. All of their closest friends and family. Cera and Merritt both stood in blue. Cera's knee length dress had an asymmetrical hem and a red sash that coordinated with the Superman shirt peeking out of Sheldon's dress shirt. Penny had stood with Sheldon, a fact that irritated Leonard. He just couldn't understand what Penny meant to the couple. Braden had stood with Cera and Merritt, after Pat walked them across the garden. On a Saturday afternoon in mid-August Cera and Merritt both changed their last name to Cooper.

Smiling at the memory, Merritt picked up the envelope and flanked by her younger brothers, handed the envelope to her parents.

Sheldon leaned in close so that Cera could see the tickets and read too. "It's an Amtrak itinerary, America Coast to Coast." For ten days they would travel east by rail, alternating between sleeper cars and hotels at key stops.

"How did you do all this?" Cera looked to her grinning children.

"It was Nanna's idea!" Blaise proudly called out.

"And then Meri called Honey!" Nik added.

"Yeah, Nanna came up with the idea, then we all chipped in a bit of our allowances, and Honey helped and made a few calls to book it all." Merritt wrapped up the explanation.

"Thank you guys!" Cera pulled the three into an embrace.

The kids moved on to Sheldon. Over the years he had learned that not all contact was equal and hugs from his children, as long as they were clean, were unparalleled.

"While this has been a pleasant greeting, Olivia and I do have some place to be." Abruptly Sheldon detached himself from the kids and kicked into high gear, rattling of procedures and rules to his mother.

"You're welcome to take the kids to my folks so they can swim. They're in Cabo right now, but Merritt has all the codes to get in."

"Can Becca come, too? She can even bring Chase if she has too!" Nik pleaded with Cera looking a lot like his father. Becca was Nik's best friend, even though she was four months older than him and very bossy.

"If Becca and Chase's attendance is acceptable to Nanna." Sheldon responded before turning to his mother with more instructions. "Momma, if you don't mind, you can have Merritt call Penny and they can meet you at the Tollman's."

Sheldon had been surprised by Penny's pregnancy announcement when he and Cera had returned from their three week honeymoon. Almost as much as he had been by Cera's several weeks after that. The Johnson's and Cooper's spent a lot of time together, especially when Cera and Zack were playing in the band, leaving Sheldon and Penny ample time to talk. Years ago Sheldon had asked her how she had managed to remain with Zack.

"Because we work together…not against each other. And even then it's peaceful, I'm not anxious around him; not about him cheating, not about my intelligence, not about fixing someone else's broken." Penny had said it so easily with such a big smile, even Sheldon could see she was right, and happy.

Not long after Penny had Becca, she had gotten a commercial for a national car rental company. Her bouncy, bubbly image in the 'Leaps and Bounds' campaign did so well they called her in for a second commercial and before long The Leaps and Bounds Girl was its own persona. For six years Penny helped support her family by hopping and jumping and other strenuous feats across America with a rental car. Being a commercial, the shooting was flexible and easily worked around her second pregnancy, with Chase.

Despite having Penny and Zack for parents the Johnson children were very sharp and perceptive. Becca, who was nine and a half, was Penny in attitude and shape, save the dark hair and eyes. Chase carried Penny's green eyes and fair hair, and kept his nose in a book, despite being only six.

"I don't suppose Penny's kids would be, too much trouble. That fellow she ended up isn't terribly sharp, but he's good with kids and very loyal. Kinda reminds me of Ralph, you remember? That old dog we had when y'all were little? He kept a good eye on you kids."

"Of course I remember him, Momma." Snatching up Mary's bag, Sheldon hurried upstairs to the guest room. He had learned over the years that help expedited the completion of tedious task, so that he could move on to better things. Sheldon impatience was growing along with his excitement. Boarding the train and receiving Cera's obligatory gift was now his primary focus. He, of course, had a present for her as well. Over the years she had given him tips on gifting her and she always seemed very pleased and affectionately grateful. Of course it would all pale in comparison to the train.

"Are we ready?" Sheldon was bouncing with excitement as he stood at the foot of the stairs, by the front door.

"Hang on. I've gotta text Penny and Bernadette." Cera stayed in touch with the Wolowitzs in addition to the Johnsons.

Howard and Bernadette had married at a local garden a month before Howard's departure. The ceremony was larger than the Cooper's due to the size of Bernadette's family, but still very intimate. Deciding on no attendants the ceremony was quick and focused solely on the couple.

The Rostenkowski-Wolowitz wedding was the final gathering of the group that had congregated in 4A. Amy, who the ladies saw little of and Sheldon saw even less, attended with a different date than attended the Cooper wedding. Having found a different social group, she wasn't heard from again. Leonard brought his fiancé, a lab tech, whom he started dating soon after his break up with Priya. He was seen only at lectures and the rare game night. Not long after Howard returned, Raj made a temporary move back home that ended up not being so temporary. Being at home helped him address his woman issues, finally allowing him to find a meaningful relationship. He and his wife had three daughters.

Howard was still working for the JPL, frequently collaborating with Braden Tollman. He and Bernadette decided to put off having children until she felt her career was in a good place for her to take the proper time with them. Their daughter, Deborah, was six and did not like boys, even if they were Ms. Cera's and Ms. Penny's son.

"Well, do it quickly, we need to leave in seventeen minutes and counting." Sheldon urged Cera on.

"I know, I know." Cera mumbled, trying to text, while Blaise sat in her lap.

"To prevent tardiness, let's make round to fifteen." As Sheldon called over his shoulder, Nikola approached him for a hug. It was rare when they were separated from their children for anything more than a long weekend.

"Come on. Help me load the rest of our baggage into the car." Sheldon clapped him on the shoulder.

After getting the car fully loaded and pulling his wife away and saying goodbye to his mother and the boys, they were finally on their way. Though Sheldon drove occasionally, it seemed more prudent to let Merritt drop them off. He was still a nervous driver, there were just too many possibilities. But having the ability just seemed safer once he had children.

"Olivia, were you aware of their plans?" Sheldon, turned to Cera, who sitting in the back with them.

"I had no idea. Your kids are quite crafty when they want to be." Cera gave Sheldon a small smile. While she was more straightforward with getting the things she wanted, the three kids took planning and directing a situation to the next level, much like their father.

"We just wanted you to get away and relax." Merritt spoke up from the front seat. "You're both so busy, with momma's hours, and daddy's project he's been on. And it seems like half the time our vacations are centered on daddy being a guest speaker somewhere. This seemed like a good getaway for you. And it's on a TRAIN!" Merritt squealed out the last, much like her dad.

"We're going on a train." Sheldon grinned as he splayed his hand on the seat and slid it closer to Cera. He still wasn't fond of excessive physical exchanges, especially in front of others, but he still occasionally initiated affection. Cera's hand met his in the middle letting her finger tips caress his. Feeling pleased, Sheldon engulfed her hand in his. The path his life had taken since Cera had come into his life still looked similar to the one he had planned for himself, only more….whimsical. And they were going by train.


End file.
